1 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,111 God. 2 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,382 Okay. Okay. 3 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,949 "I'd rather be a hammer than a nail." 4 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,829 No. 5 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,109 No. 6 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,820 Fuck you, bitch! 7 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,144 - Good luck. - Thanks. 8 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:07,940 Hi. 9 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,020 I need a room for the night. 10 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,665 $18. 11 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,260 Unless, uh... you have a companion joining you later. 12 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,860 If you have a companion, it's more. 13 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,585 I don't have a companion. 14 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,710 So it's $18. 15 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:22,701 For now. 16 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,066 It'll stay $18. 17 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,745 Unless someone comes later. 18 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,546 Which he won't. 19 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:31,820 He may. 20 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:35,662 To throw out certain evidence obtained at O.J. Simpson's house. 21 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,830 Um, I'm hiking the PCT. 22 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:43,431 And, um, I don't have a license plate number or an address. 23 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,230 Just put down your folks' address. 24 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,940 - Hello. - Hey. 25 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,260 Oh, hey. 26 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,586 Hi. 27 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,140 Hey. 28 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,705 Y-You in Mojave? 29 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,540 Yeah. Um, I used your address 30 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,141 as my address on the registration form 'cause I... 31 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,261 I couldn't think of anything else. 32 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,788 No, that's cool. Anytime. 33 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,100 Hey, if you see my little brother, will you let him know where I am? 34 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,340 Not that he would give a shit, but I just want him to know. 35 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,304 No, he does, he will. 36 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,420 Um, listen, I'm making dinner for a friend, and, uh... 37 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,985 Oh. Which friend? 38 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,660 Does it make any difference? 39 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,462 You know, I only called because I was looking for Leif. 40 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,780 No, I want you to call. I want you to call. 41 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,470 We're friends, remember? 42 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,705 Sorry. 43 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,590 No, I'm sorry. 44 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:57,821 For what? 45 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,025 I-I don't know. 46 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,711 I'm-I'm sorry, uh... 47 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,103 that you have to walk a thousand miles just to... 48 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,749 Finish that sentence. 49 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,627 Why do I have to walk a thousand miles? 50 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,990 Uh, do you have the list of addresses to write to? 51 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:27,740 Yeah. Yeah. 52 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,780 Do you want me to send anything else? 53 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,300 Uh, no, thanks. 54 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,502 Aimee's in charge of all the boxes. 55 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,909 Okay. Okay. 56 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,865 Um... 57 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,391 I got to go. 58 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,300 Happy trails, Cheryl. 59 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,511 Remember, you can quit anytime. 60 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,185 Shit. 61 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,622 Oh, my God. 62 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,266 Shit! 63 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,826 Okay. 64 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,500 So where are you going? 65 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,580 I'm hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. 66 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,147 It goes from the Mexican border up to Canada. 67 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,149 I'll be walking for the next three months. 68 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,260 Wow. 69 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,541 Up to Ashland. 70 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,381 You do a lot of hiking? 71 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:28,660 Well, I mean, 72 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,307 I'm not obsessive, but this is quite a stretch, even for me. 73 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,144 I guess we're gonna be the last human contact you have for a while, huh? 74 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,991 That's true. 75 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,224 You can never. 76 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:58,389 Go home anymore. 77 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,426 Listen. 78 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,942 Does this sound familiar? 79 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,660 You wake up every morning. 80 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,703 Go to school every day. 81 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,060 Spend your nights on the corner. 82 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,149 Just passing time away. 83 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,060 Your life is so lonely. 84 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,422 Like a child without a toy. 85 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,820 Then a miracle. 86 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,590 A boy. 87 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,468 And that's called "glad". 88 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,229 Never. 89 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:35,505 Go home anymore. 90 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,190 Now... 91 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,222 Love you, too, son. 92 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,830 "If your Nerve, deny you, Go above your Nerve." 93 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,271 Emily Dickinson. And Cheryl Strayed. 94 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,825 Oh, my God. 95 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,229 What the fuck have I done? 96 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,470 What... The fuck? 97 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,780 What... 98 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,425 The fuck? 99 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,503 What the fuck? 100 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,064 You can quit anytime. 101 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,025 You can quit... 102 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,386 anytime. 103 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,020 You can quit... 104 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:44,346 anytime. 105 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,391 Yes! 106 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,224 Shit. 107 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,231 Jesus fucking Christ. 108 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,951 Yes, I would 109 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,986 If I could 110 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,900 I surely would 111 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,746 I thought of you today. 112 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,502 I felt a burst of energy, 113 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,350 remembering why I thought I could hike this trail. 114 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,342 I hope you won't be mad at me if I quit. 115 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:52,180 "Today a backhoe divulged out of a crumbling flank of earth," 116 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,700 "one bottle amber, perfect," 117 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,380 "a hundred-year-old cure for fever or melancholy..." 118 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,186 "A tonic for living on this earth." 119 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,340 "Today I was reading about Marie Curie." 120 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,590 "She died a famous woman, denying her wounds..." 121 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,951 "Denying her wounds came from the same source" 122 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,944 "as her power." 123 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,540 So, what did he say? 124 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,860 He said he was going to call you. 125 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,900 - Are you serious? - Yeah, I know. 126 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,545 Does he think we're in junior high? 127 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,220 Exactly! 128 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,502 I think he's going to ask for your number! 129 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,060 Bobbi? 130 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,625 - Hey. - Hey. 131 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,589 - How's it going? - Good. 132 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,187 Hard but fun. 133 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,100 All right. See you. 134 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,506 Yeah, cool. 135 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,188 I'm just gonna grab this for a second. 136 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,264 I'm sorry I ignored you at school today. 137 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,024 That's okay, hon. 138 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,900 We agreed, right? 139 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,467 It's pretty strange going to school with your mom. 140 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,183 It's not because I'm not proud of you. 141 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,183 I'm really proud of you. 142 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,745 You know what? I'm pretty proud of me, too. 143 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,940 God, there's so much to know. 144 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,460 I mean, I knew there was a lot, but... 145 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,580 not this much. 146 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,700 - You've read Erica Jong, right? - Mm-hmm. 147 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,631 Okay, so tell me about the zipless fuck. 148 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,780 Mom, I am not gonna discuss zipless fucks with you. 149 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,140 Uh, you have to, 'cause I have to write a paper about it. 150 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:31,780 I mean, you know, is it... 151 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,580 - This is so awkward. - That much easier for women now 152 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,180 - than it was before? - I don't know. 153 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,820 Can we not discuss this? 154 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,620 Well, for me, it felt like it was always covered in zips. 155 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,420 Zips, strings, everywhere I went. 156 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,540 Hey. 157 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,860 What's for dinner, Mom? I'm starving. 158 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,580 Books and essays. 159 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:48,780 I can fix something. 160 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,900 Are you gonna stay, Wayne? You want something to eat? 161 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,980 - Um, sure. - Mom, they are 18 years old. 162 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,540 They can cook their own dinner. 163 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,780 You've got a paper to write. 164 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,860 Uh-uh. 165 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,980 If I can't be a mom, then I can't be a student, either. 166 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,100 Rule book. 167 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,340 That's ridiculous. 168 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,340 If she wants to make me dinner, then let her. 169 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,100 I wonder, have you learned any of this 170 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,140 - that we're reading? - You know, I have to do everything. 171 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,500 I want to do everything. 172 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,304 I hope you do, too. 173 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,020 Pasta? 174 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,420 "Denying her wounds" 175 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,429 "came from her power." 176 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,586 "Denying her wounds came from the same source as her power." 177 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,070 And you want to travel blind... 178 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,385 I'm not afraid. 179 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,390 I'm not afraid. 180 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,500 "Please ensure that you only use white gas" 181 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,420 "compatible with this stove." 182 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:36,980 "Other fuels may harm the equipment" 183 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,262 "and render it inoperable." 184 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,305 Shit. 185 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,181 Shit! 186 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,544 Cold mush is great. 187 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,622 Cold mush with nuts. 188 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,142 Cold mush with tuna jerky. 189 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,511 Cold mush dreams. 190 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,141 Cold mush shit. 191 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,791 I love cold mush. 192 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,349 "What do you like to do when you're not hiking, Cheryl?" 193 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,301 I like to sit on a real toilet. 194 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,869 And flush. 195 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,990 I like to cook food. 196 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,986 Eat food with other people. 197 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,708 People, that's another thing I like. 198 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,669 I like talking to people, 199 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,949 listening to people. 200 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,062 Funny, that's a hobby, one I hadn't even realized I had. 201 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,987 Until I decided to walk on my own through the fucking desert. 202 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,622 We got to feed you, kid. 203 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,504 Should I stay or should I go? 204 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,380 I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail. 205 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,390 Yes, I would 206 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,311 Hey! 207 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:05,867 Hey! 208 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,741 Hi! 209 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,700 My name is Cheryl. 210 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,029 I'm walking the PCT, and I've run out of food. 211 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,024 I'm just wondering if you could take me someplace I could get a warm meal. 212 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:27,626 I'm working. 213 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,783 Yeah, I understand. Um... 214 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,341 But maybe when you're finished, you could take me somewhere? 215 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,149 Not gonna find anything open this time of day. 216 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,500 Well, maybe you could just drive me 217 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,500 to someplace that'd be open in the morning for breakfast, 218 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,862 and I can camp nearby. 219 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,060 You must be starving. 220 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,900 I brought all these dehydrated meals, and I brought a stove, 221 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,340 but I brought the wrong fuel. 222 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,940 Yeah, I got a little bit more work to do, 223 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,381 but you can wait in my truck. 224 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,305 Thank you. 225 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,660 - Thank you, sir. - Yeah. 226 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,510 All right, I've been thinking. 227 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,980 You can come back to my place 228 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,342 for a hot dinner and a hot shower. 229 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,060 Okay. 230 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,182 So, what kind of woman are you? 231 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:57,980 What kind? 232 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,944 Yeah. Are you like a Jane? 233 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,300 You know, Tarzan's Jane. 234 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,820 Are you a Jane? 235 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,545 A wild woman? 236 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,940 I got a little something for us. 237 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,460 That is, if you partake. 238 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:13,741 Sure. 239 00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:16,585 Ladies first. 240 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,742 - Oh. - It's cheap, but it's good. 241 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:26,220 See? 242 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,100 - Thanks. - Yeah. 243 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,665 I'm gonna call you Jane. 244 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,067 Yeah, my husband's hiking the PCT with me. 245 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,827 He's just a little bit further ahead on the trail. 246 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:40,831 We're gonna meet up really soon. 247 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,860 Probably around Kennedy Meadows. 248 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:47,110 I got a little something else I like to do after a hard day's work. 249 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,869 You like licorice? 250 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,109 Oh, thanks. 251 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:57,660 Come on. 252 00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,220 Come on, Jane! 253 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,660 All right, you got to promise 254 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,140 that you're not gonna tell my wife, 255 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,149 because she hates it when I eat candy. 256 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:08,627 Okay. 257 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,910 What, you just gonna stand there? 258 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,140 Oh, um, hold on, sweetheart. 259 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,990 No offense, but... 260 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,509 Thank you. 261 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,260 Well, you just gonna look at it or... 262 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,462 Thank you. 263 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,310 Good meal. 264 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,741 So, your husband, 265 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,829 the two of you meet in college? 266 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:31,820 - Your husband. - Oh, Paul? 267 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,420 - Yeah. - Yes. 268 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:34,460 Yeah. 269 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,503 Well, he must be crazy. 270 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,860 It's one thing for a man to take off on a hike like that, 271 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,780 but to allow your wife to do it? 272 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,340 Whole other thing entirely. 273 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,340 Not everyone in the world thinks like you do, Frank. 274 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,780 Nope, that's why everything is so messed up. 275 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,860 Paul and I kind of do our own thing. 276 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:57,860 Don't you get any ideas. 277 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,903 How could I possibly? 278 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:02,901 You gonna take off with her? 279 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,220 You have an extra tent? 280 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:08,820 You'd be yelling for me 281 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,180 to come get you before you got to the end of the driveway. 282 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,189 This is really good. 283 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:37,862 Baby, baby, be my friend. 284 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,540 So, what does this tattoo mean to you guys, anyways? 285 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,902 Well, we both just really dig horses. 286 00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,703 We're getting divorced today 287 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,668 and we thought we should do something that bonded us together. 288 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:01,747 Oh. 289 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,905 Okay. 290 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:11,184 It hasn't occurred to you guys that it might be easier just to stay married? 291 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,140 - Cheaper, too. - Mmm. 292 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:14,466 At least we probably won't regret it. 293 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,140 Couples don't necessarily stay married, but they tend to stay divorced. 294 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,580 You get a lot of people asking you about removing tattoos? 295 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:22,740 Well, sometimes. 296 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,590 I cheated on him. 297 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,346 It happens. 298 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,300 She seems sorry. 299 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:32,580 I am sorry. 300 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,020 Cheryl, come on, can we just... 301 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,260 Come on, man, wipe the slate clean. 302 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,588 Uh, it's quite a big slate. 303 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,181 I cheated on him a lot of times. 304 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:48,980 Is that right? "Stryed"? 305 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,625 Uh, no, it's "strayed." 306 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,181 Like a stray dog. 307 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,021 The form asked me what my new last name would be. I... 308 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,861 I looked it up. 309 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,663 It just sounded right. 310 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:03,546 You're all set. 311 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:06,790 You're going to have to mail them yourselves. 312 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,540 It's been a wonderful and crazy seven years. 313 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:33,661 Goodbye, 314 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,181 Cheryl Strayed. 315 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:12,780 Got what you needed? 316 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,180 Yes. 317 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:15,620 Now I don't have to eat cold mush anymore. 318 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,946 I can eat hot mush. 319 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,948 There's no husband, is there? 320 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:30,900 No. I mean, there was, 321 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,229 but he's in Minneapolis, not on the PCT. 322 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,427 I said that 'cause I was scared of you. 323 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:40,387 Yeah, I knew that. 324 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:41,900 Can't say I blame you. 325 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:46,700 Do you ever think about quitting? 326 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,585 Oh, only once every two minutes or so. 327 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,900 Everything hurts. All the time. 328 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,301 - You think I should quit? - Yes, I do. 329 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,700 Don't listen to me. Hell, I've quit a bunch of stuff. 330 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,580 Quit jobs, quit marriages. 331 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,782 I'd have quit that hike after the first day. 332 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,300 You regret any of them? 333 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,100 I didn't have a choice. 334 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,587 I just couldn't do them no more. 335 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,429 Never been a time when there was a fork in my road. 336 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:22,747 Yeah. 337 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,308 That's about the size of it. 338 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:28,580 Be careful. 339 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,140 - All right. - Nice meeting you. 340 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,308 Nice meeting you. Thank you, Frank! 341 00:32:58,400 --> 00:32:59,581 Yes! 342 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:08,466 Okay. 343 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,300 Oh, my God. 344 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:19,911 Oh, my God! 345 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,461 You're doing good, Strayed. 346 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,388 Five to seven miles a day. 347 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,180 At this rate, you'll be finished in about 20 years. 348 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:31,105 I'm not hungry. 349 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,831 I don't miss food. 350 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,420 I don't miss tacos, chips and guac. 351 00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:42,627 I don't miss Minneapolis snow, that's for sure. 352 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,430 I don't miss margaritas. 353 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,340 I'd kill a snake for a sip. 354 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,703 It's not like I'm some junkie. I'm in control. 355 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:53,430 Yeah, like everyone is with drugs? 356 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,140 - I'm an experimentalist. - Mmm. 357 00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:57,741 I'm the girl who says yes instead of no. 358 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:27,701 Uh, hi! 359 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:29,667 Cheryl Strayed? 360 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,620 Oh, yeah, hi! 361 00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:33,140 I... Do I know you? 362 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:35,263 I... I saw your name in the trail register. 363 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,340 You're the only woman in there. 364 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:38,587 Right. 365 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,981 I'm Greg! 366 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,586 Nice to meet you! 367 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:43,701 I'm coming down. 368 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:45,667 Oh, great! 369 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,705 Sorry. I wasn't expecting any visitors. 370 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,860 So how many miles a day are you doing? 371 00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,267 I'm averaging 22 at the moment. 372 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,390 You'll be in Kennedy Meadows by tomorrow? 373 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:06,907 Hope so. 374 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,180 I'm only managing about... 375 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,146 11 or 12. 376 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,580 Uh, well, the first couple of weeks are always hard. 377 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,300 And you do all that preparation and training, 378 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,106 and nothing prepares you for the pain and the heat. 379 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,700 Yeah, we picked the wrong year, though. 380 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,789 You, uh... bypassing the Sierra? 381 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:30,900 Sure. 382 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,784 I'll bypass anything. Should I? 383 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,544 Oh, it's completely socked in. 384 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,260 Biggest snowfall in a decade or so. 385 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,906 Yeah, nobody's getting through that. 386 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:45,787 Say, uh... 387 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,100 how 'bout we make a plan up in Kennedy Meadows? 388 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,144 I'm... I'm staying there for a few days to rest up. 389 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:53,580 Yeah. 390 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:54,861 Thanks. 391 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,540 Let's make a plan. I... 392 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:57,787 Think that'd be good for me. 393 00:37:58,400 --> 00:37:59,661 Great. 394 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:17,747 I think I'm pregnant. 395 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:20,747 What? 396 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,700 Who's the father? 397 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,981 I don't know. 398 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:27,867 I mean... 399 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,180 I think I have an idea. 400 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:31,984 You have an idea? 401 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,662 Are you fucking kidding me? 402 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,941 What are you doing to yourself? 403 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,021 Can we have the check, please? 404 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,031 Shit. Pregnancy test and a shovel. 405 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,540 You're going to do this in front of me, and if you're pregnant, 406 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,108 we're gonna pay visit to your "idea" and make a plan. 407 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,909 Next please! 408 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:07,264 Give me a reason to love you. 409 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,180 This is the beginning. 410 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:17,351 Of forever and ever 411 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,186 It's time to move over. 412 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:33,302 It's all I want to be. 413 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:38,624 Give me a reason to love you. 414 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:47,910 Give me a reason to be. 415 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,382 A woman 416 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,700 I just wanna be a woman. 417 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,580 There's no plan to make. 418 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,187 I'm not gonna have this baby. 419 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,263 I don't know when I became such a piece of shit. 420 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,226 I was strong... 421 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,109 Responsible. 422 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,708 I wanted things in life. 423 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,429 I was good, you know? 424 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:22,460 I ruined my marriage, 425 00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,662 and now I'm ruining the rest of my life. 426 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:28,943 I gotta go back to that store. 427 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,940 I'm gonna walk myself back to the woman 428 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:34,585 my mother thought I was. 429 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:39,629 I'm gonna put myself in the way of beauty. 430 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,270 What the hell are you talking about? 431 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,183 In the way of another fucking giant rock. 432 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,951 Maybe your other girlfriends. 433 00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,180 Couldn't pass the test. 434 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,387 Come on, Bruce. Sing with me. 435 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,501 Well, if you're rough and ready for love. 436 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,980 Honey, I'm tougher than... 437 00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,386 The rest 438 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:49,387 Hey, there. 439 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:56,140 There she is! 440 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,421 Hey! 441 00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,869 - You made it! - I made it! 442 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:01,627 Okay, guys? 443 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:03,187 This is Cheryl. 444 00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:04,821 And Monster. 445 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:06,781 "Monster"? 446 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:08,467 My pack? 447 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,180 Oh, man. 448 00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:13,580 Okay, 449 00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:14,827 what can I get you? 450 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,350 Snapple. I've been dreaming of Snapple Lemonade. 451 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,300 And potato chips. Any kind of potato chips. 452 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:23,380 - Any kind? - Thank you. 453 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,580 - I have cash. - No, no, no! My treat. 454 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:26,781 Ah, thank you. 455 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,940 Seriously, you have no Snapple in that pack? 456 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,710 I wish! 457 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:37,340 Stay. 458 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:38,780 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 459 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,140 I wish I'd gotten applause like that when I walked in. 460 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,260 Okay! I know they said don't feed the animals, 461 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,620 but I figured this would be a special occasion. 462 00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,948 One Snapple and chips. 463 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,391 Ah! That's perfect. 464 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:55,740 When you're done here, Ed over there 465 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,181 will cook you dinner down at the campsite. 466 00:43:58,680 --> 00:43:59,820 That would be amazing. 467 00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:01,021 Thank you. 468 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,700 Ed is amazing. We call him Amazing Ed. 469 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,427 Sweetheart. 470 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:25,420 If you're reading this, then you've walked 100 miles 471 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,540 through the Mojave Desert. 472 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:28,980 Whatever else has happened between us, 473 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,500 however angry we are, or were, at each other, 474 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:35,625 I am so proud of you and in awe of you. 475 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,421 Or, I will be, once you've done it. 476 00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:40,500 As I write, you've only just left, 477 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,020 so actually, you've done almost nothing at all. 478 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:44,380 Like me! 479 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,180 So we can still be friends. 480 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:47,791 Minneapolis misses you. 481 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:01,061 Hey, Cheryl! 482 00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:03,631 - Come and get it! - Okay, great! 483 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:05,980 So you're not a hiker? 484 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:07,341 Not like you. 485 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,740 I just come up here every summer to hang out with the real hikers. 486 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,590 You fascinate me. 487 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,740 I'm not a real hiker. 488 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,180 You just hiked 100 miles through the desert heat. 489 00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,223 And it nearly killed me. 490 00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:22,741 You want some help? 491 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,422 Do I look like somebody who needs help? 492 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,380 Your boots. They're too small. 493 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,503 That's why you're losing toenails. 494 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,424 Yeah. You're right. 495 00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,340 I only just realized it the second you said that. 496 00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,540 I thought they were supposed to hurt that bad. 497 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:43,660 What am I supposed to do? 498 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,300 I don't have any money to buy new boots. 499 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,582 - Did you get them at REI? - Yeah. 500 00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,060 Well, you call 'em, you tell 'em, and they'll have new boots 501 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,300 sent to your next stop. 502 00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:52,945 - Seriously? - Mmm. 503 00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:55,824 And your pack, it's insane. 504 00:45:56,240 --> 00:45:58,183 We need to do a little pruning. 505 00:45:58,680 --> 00:45:59,980 Okay, so I'm gonna pick out 506 00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,860 the stuff that's useless to you. 507 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,580 And you can leave it in the free box unless you can give me a good reason 508 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:05,861 why you need it with you. 509 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,181 - Okay? - Okay. 510 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:11,106 Ah, how's this working for you? 511 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,020 I stink. 512 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:16,781 I stink all the time. And my armpits are the least of it. 513 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,780 Are you having much fun with these? 514 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,028 I've never used them once. 515 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,184 I don't know what I was thinking with the saw. 516 00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,060 You burning what you read? 517 00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:37,180 You want me to burn books? 518 00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:39,620 I know you're not gonna become a Nazi, I promise you. 519 00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:42,140 But you are gonna make your pack a lot lighter. 520 00:46:42,240 --> 00:46:45,105 Okay? So... Everything before Kennedy Meadows... 521 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:50,707 Wait. Not those. 522 00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:53,860 These will never be burned. 523 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,710 It's your weight. 524 00:46:57,720 --> 00:47:00,107 I don't take pictures at night. 525 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:02,621 Never. 526 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,820 You... You need the whole roll? 527 00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:13,940 What woman goes on a hike and brings 12 condoms. 528 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:15,744 Hey, Ed! 529 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:17,107 Wait just a minute. 530 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:26,340 But you'll just send the boots there? 531 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,668 I don't have to do anything? 532 00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,540 Thank you so much. 533 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,869 You will be my favorite company forever and ever. 534 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:36,027 Okay. 535 00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:37,861 Great. 536 00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:54,940 So what's wrong with James Michener? 537 00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:57,222 He's crap is what's wrong. 538 00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,380 And which of his books have you read that are so... 539 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:00,820 I haven't read any of his books. 540 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,620 I read things like Adrienne Rich 541 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,060 and Flannery O'Connor. 542 00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,020 Which you do, too, now, by the way. 543 00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,380 Doesn't it make a difference to you? 544 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,264 Um... I don't know what to say. 545 00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:12,944 I love James Michener! 546 00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,020 And I'm not going to stop loving him! 547 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:19,740 It must be so weird for you. 548 00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,101 What? 549 00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:26,025 That I'm just so much more sophisticated than you were at my age, you know? 550 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,422 Yeah, that was the plan. 551 00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,100 What was the plan? 552 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,702 I always wanted you to be more sophisticated than me. 553 00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,706 I just didn't realize it would hurt sometimes. 554 00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,460 Why do you put up with my crap? 555 00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:52,867 You look so pretty in that dress. 556 00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:56,940 And I'll make you another one soon. 557 00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,621 What'd you decide about the snow? 558 00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:03,942 Well, I'd like to push on, if it's possible. 559 00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,981 Well, Ed told me a lot of the hikers 560 00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,740 went up the PCT another 40 miles to Trail Pass. 561 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:11,260 - Yeah? - And that's where they're getting forced off 562 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:12,871 by the snow. 563 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,780 And they're catching a bus up to Reno and on to Truckee, 564 00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:17,869 just, rejoining the trail at a lower elevation. 565 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,270 I didn't come out here to ride buses. 566 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:22,420 You probably didn't come out here 567 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,460 to slide off the side of a mountain, either. 568 00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,150 True. 569 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,260 If you're worried about cheating yourself, 570 00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,620 just make your hike longer. 571 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:33,060 You know, just, uh... walk to Mount Hood 572 00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:35,342 or the Bridge of the Gods. 573 00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:38,260 The Bridge of the Gods? 574 00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,462 I like the sound of that. 575 00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:44,861 Either way, don't beat yourself up. 576 00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:48,861 You, uh... you strike me as someone who's done plenty of that already. 577 00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:17,580 Can I ride my horse? 578 00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:20,787 Bobbi Grey? 579 00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:24,666 I'm sorry. 580 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,343 - How long? - Can I ride my horse? 581 00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:29,180 We'll be giving you radiation 582 00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,951 to shrink the size of the tumors along your spine. 583 00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,780 The slightest jolt, it could crumble. 584 00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,061 How long? 585 00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:55,781 You all right, honey? 586 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:00,785 Yeah, I'm fine. 587 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,020 Hi, this is Paul. 588 00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,507 Leave a message and I'll call you back whenever I can. 589 00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,303 Hey, sorry to call so late. 590 00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:26,060 Thank you. 591 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:29,340 I'm in Reno. If you were here, we could get divorced again. 592 00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:30,580 Um... 593 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,748 Anyway, I... I'm still alive. 594 00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,386 And that's all my news. 595 00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:40,830 And the sum total of what I've learned on my hike. 596 00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,305 Okay. Bye. 597 00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:04,781 Hi. I'm Cheryl. 598 00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,942 I'm an unaccompanied female hitchhiker. 599 00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,100 Would it be okay if I got into your car. 600 00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,780 so that you can rape and dismember me? 601 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:18,226 Hey, going north? 602 00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:19,780 Yeah, I am, actually. 603 00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:21,580 Okay, I just need a ride about 12 miles up. 604 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:26,980 - Well, that's quite a backpack you got there. - Thanks. 605 00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,023 I can't offer you a ride because I don't have any room. 606 00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,180 What do you mean? 607 00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:33,541 Yeah, I'm packed to the gills. 608 00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:35,186 Jimmy Carter. 609 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:37,467 No relation. 610 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:41,706 I interview hobos for the Hobo Times. Drive all over the USA. 611 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:45,023 And I have to tell you. Lady hobos? Hard to find. 612 00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,781 I think you're mistaken. I'm not a hobo. 613 00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:51,140 Second of all, that's a real thing, the Hobo Times? 614 00:52:51,240 --> 00:52:54,100 Yeah, it's real enough to pay for my rent and gas. 615 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:56,620 So, how long have you been out on the road? 616 00:52:56,720 --> 00:53:00,340 I'm not "on the road." I'm hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. 617 00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,020 I just had to bypass a chunk of it 618 00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,348 because there was a snowfall this year. 619 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,140 Okay, so if you're not a hobo, where do you live? 620 00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:08,740 I'm between places right now. 621 00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:10,980 I'm probably going to live in Portland when I get off the PCT. 622 00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:12,830 This is so fucking cool. I mean... 623 00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:16,660 I've only spoken to maybe one other female hobo in two years. 624 00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:19,140 Let me reiterate to you, I am not a hobo. 625 00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:21,420 And that's probably because women cannot walk out of their lives. 626 00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,060 They've got kids to take care of, 627 00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:25,060 they've got parents to look after. 628 00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,900 You sound like a feminist. 629 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,020 I am. 630 00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,951 That's excellent. That's fantastic. I love feminists. 631 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,020 So you're trying to tell me you're not a hobo, 632 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:36,900 so that means you have a job then, right? 633 00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,620 I've had a whole lot of different jobs. 634 00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:42,391 Up until a couple of years ago, I was studying. 635 00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:47,140 I hope you don't think this is too personal, 636 00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:50,140 but I've noticed it's often personal trauma 637 00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:52,340 that forces people out of their life 638 00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:56,220 and into the hobo life. Would you say that's been the case for you? 639 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:59,629 This is my life. I'm just taking a little time out. 640 00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:01,226 This is not a hobo life. 641 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,467 I don't know what else to tell you. 642 00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,060 - Can I get a shot? - No! That... 643 00:54:08,720 --> 00:54:10,780 Yeah, this should be in the fall issue. 644 00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,580 A couple of my pieces have been in some other magazines. 645 00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:15,220 Harper's has expressed interest. 646 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,260 Harper's? 647 00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:17,620 It's a New York magazine. 648 00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:18,740 Pretty swanky, kind of a big deal... 649 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,140 Yeah, I know what Harper's is. I want to write for Harper's one day. 650 00:54:21,240 --> 00:54:24,940 I don't really feel like being their centerfold Bum of the Month. 651 00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:26,020 What's this? 652 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:28,587 Hobo care package. Thanks a lot! 653 00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:48,621 Hmm. 654 00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:51,826 What's your dog's name? 655 00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:55,508 Stevie Ray. Got him the day he died. 656 00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,664 The other Stevie Ray, I mean. 657 00:54:58,240 --> 00:55:00,024 I love Stevie Ray. 658 00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:07,424 Hey, put on Love Struck. 659 00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:10,700 Just came to me the second you got in this car. 660 00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,460 Oh, shut up, Spider! Jesus! 661 00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:16,789 Ignore him. He's nothing but a horny old bastard. 662 00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:22,303 You must be pretty tough, hiking this fucking trail. 663 00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,660 I'm in a car with you, taking a ride. 664 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:28,943 That's not very tough. 665 00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,343 That's a cute little boy. How old is he? 666 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,305 He was eight. 667 00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:42,020 I'm so sorry. 668 00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,346 He got hit by a truck when he was riding his bike. 669 00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:47,221 Five years ago. 670 00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:51,548 He was a tough motherfucker, too. Just like his mom. 671 00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,271 I'm really sorry. 672 00:55:57,440 --> 00:55:59,429 I know you are, sweetheart. 673 00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:02,820 I was never me. 674 00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:05,740 Don't. Okay? Don't. It's not over. 675 00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,860 We're gonna find somebody who can help you and we are gonna fight this! 676 00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:10,585 I was always... 677 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,748 A mother or a wife. 678 00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:23,028 I was never even in the driver's seat of my own life. 679 00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:27,786 I thought there was so much time, you know? 680 00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:33,310 And just when... 681 00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,382 So many things were beginning. 682 00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:43,107 Oh, well! 683 00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,309 You've got to be kidding me. 684 00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:07,781 Hang on. 685 00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,225 All right. 686 00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:35,860 I surely would... 687 00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:37,980 Can you stop humming that song? 688 00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:40,380 Happy people sing! 689 00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,184 Shut up. 690 00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:55,380 I'm sitting in the railway station. 691 00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,789 Got a ticket for my destination. 692 00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,020 The sun is right behind my back. 693 00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:08,621 So true north should be over there 694 00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,300 I will not lose this fucking track. 695 00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:14,151 Or I'll end up in Delaware 696 00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,902 Portland bound 697 00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,980 I hope I am Portland bound 698 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:24,901 Hey! 699 00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:27,421 Hey! 700 00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,185 Where am I? 701 00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,025 California! 702 00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:37,020 Fucking hilarious. 703 00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:38,824 Plumas County! 704 00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:40,984 Are you lost? 705 00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:43,821 No! 706 00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:47,745 Just screwed. 707 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:04,745 Hey, beauty. 708 00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:07,390 Hey, my Lady. 709 00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:09,106 She saved my life. 710 00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:11,140 You know, after I left your dad. 711 00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:12,341 I know. 712 00:59:13,520 --> 00:59:16,464 I'm not going to make you promise anything. 713 00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,060 This is hard enough on you as it is. 714 00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,061 Just please try and do the kindest thing. 715 01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:28,431 Come back! 716 01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,026 Come back. 717 01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,106 Come back! 718 01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:45,745 Here you go. This should keep you warm. 719 01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,142 I'll be back in the morning with Leif. 720 01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:01,111 I love you. 721 01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:05,824 You're the center of me. 722 01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:08,704 Everything I am. 723 01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:12,711 Love. 724 01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:16,185 Love. 725 01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:24,981 How's she doing? 726 01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:27,947 The doctor said it would be a year. 727 01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:31,304 It's been a month. One fucking month! 728 01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:34,671 I'm sorry. 729 01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:39,224 I'll pray for her. 730 01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:57,311 Fucking Saint Patrick. 731 01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,463 Go to hell, all you saints. 732 01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,747 Thank you, God, for showing me the way. 733 01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:10,669 As if He gives a shit. 734 01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,384 I'm sorry, but God is a ruthless bitch. 735 01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,060 Yeah, well, I really need him. 736 01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,581 It's urgent. Tell him to get the fuck home. 737 01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:45,503 Where the fuck have you been? 738 01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:48,420 I've been at the hospital all day! She's dying. 739 01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:50,304 - Don't say that! - You understand that? 740 01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:53,100 - She can't die. - She can. She is dying. 741 01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:54,301 Stop it! 742 01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:57,429 She can't die. 743 01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:08,064 There was Killer, and Doobie. 744 01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,224 Doo-bie! 745 01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:13,949 And Motorcycle Dan. 746 01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:16,981 Motorcycle Dan... wow! 747 01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:20,142 I wanted to be like that guy. 748 01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,870 And Nipper. 749 01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:31,620 "If you press your face against the glass..." 750 01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:34,187 "you can see a little slice of Lake Superior." 751 01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:35,946 A room with a view. 752 01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:37,740 She said. 753 01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:40,625 All my life, I've always wanted a room with a view. 754 01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:44,186 Jesus, she just never stops. 755 01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:50,987 The past few years, I've acted like she was nothing to me. 756 01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:53,826 But... 757 01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:57,502 really, she was everything. 758 01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:10,465 What are you doing? 759 01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:12,620 Praying. 760 01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:16,585 Shut up. 761 01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:20,631 I'm praying to the whole fucking universe... 762 01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,182 hoping there's a God. 763 01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:29,630 Because I want a miracle. I want a fucking miracle! 764 01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:33,310 Our mother isn't going to die at 45. 765 01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:41,751 Are you burning and yearning? 766 01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:46,705 Do you ever feel blue? 767 01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:50,427 And do you think of returning? 768 01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:53,942 How's the world treating you? 769 01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:57,021 I can't wait to see her face. 770 01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:00,902 She'll be so happy to see you. 771 01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,143 So happy to see you... 772 01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:17,261 How much do I love you? 773 01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:19,300 No. 774 01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:20,501 This much? 775 01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:22,750 This much? 776 01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:24,181 This much? 777 01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:25,581 This much? 778 01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:27,820 I'm stuck! I can't go wider. 779 01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:29,351 I can't go wider! 780 01:05:32,120 --> 01:05:34,621 How's the world treating you? 781 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:41,789 We put ice on her eyes. 782 01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,426 What? 783 01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:46,262 She wanted to donate her corneas, so... 784 01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:48,031 Oh, my God. 785 01:05:57,360 --> 01:05:59,224 Fuck you, bitch! 786 01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:14,269 What the fuck do you want? 787 01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:49,700 Fuck you, let's go. 788 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,346 I'd rather be a sparrow 789 01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:54,310 than a snail. 790 01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:57,182 Yes, I would. 791 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,621 If I could 792 01:08:01,040 --> 01:08:03,507 I surely would 793 01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:12,745 I'd rather be a hammer than a nail. 794 01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:15,582 Yes, I would 795 01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:22,981 Ow. 796 01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:06,029 I'd rather be a forest than a street. 797 01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:09,502 If I could. 798 01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:13,344 If I only could 799 01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:15,350 I surely would 800 01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:18,151 I surely would 801 01:09:35,440 --> 01:09:36,380 Fuck it. 802 01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:19,385 Can you stop humming that song? 803 01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:24,020 What is wrong with you? 804 01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:26,260 I don't know. What's wrong with you? 805 01:10:26,360 --> 01:10:28,100 I'm happy. Happy people sing! 806 01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:32,430 Why are you happy? We have nothing, Mom. Nothing. 807 01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:34,580 We're rich in love. 808 01:10:34,680 --> 01:10:35,980 Oh, my God, please. 809 01:10:36,080 --> 01:10:37,944 Don't even start with that. 810 01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:40,060 We're both waitressing full-time. 811 01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:41,380 We're students. 812 01:10:41,480 --> 01:10:43,540 We'll have loans the rest of our lives. This house... 813 01:10:43,640 --> 01:10:46,340 is falling apart. You're all by yourself 814 01:10:46,440 --> 01:10:49,862 because you married some abusive alcoholic asshole. 815 01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:52,180 And I come home and you're singing? 816 01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:53,950 What part of it do you not get? 817 01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:56,951 There's nothing I don't get, believe me. 818 01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:00,785 But then what? 819 01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:04,580 Cheryl, if there's one thing I could teach you... 820 01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:06,740 It's how to find your best self. 821 01:11:06,840 --> 01:11:09,740 And when you do, how to hold onto it for dear life. 822 01:11:09,840 --> 01:11:12,068 And this is your best self. 823 01:11:12,480 --> 01:11:13,786 I'm trying. 824 01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:20,023 Do I regret marrying an abusive alcoholic asshole? 825 01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:24,461 No. 826 01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:27,826 Not for a second. Because I got you. 827 01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:30,070 And your brother. 828 01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:31,621 See how it works? 829 01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:33,744 It isn't easy... 830 01:11:34,440 --> 01:11:35,780 But it's worth it. 831 01:11:36,160 --> 01:11:38,627 There's going to be a lot worse days than this. 832 01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:41,541 And you can let them kill you... 833 01:11:42,040 --> 01:11:45,747 But, I don't know... I want to live. 834 01:11:47,480 --> 01:11:48,820 "I want to live." 835 01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:52,901 You couldn't even stick around and enjoy your miserable happy life. 836 01:11:57,880 --> 01:12:01,427 I think you have packages for me? My name is Cheryl Strayed. 837 01:12:02,080 --> 01:12:03,380 New boots from REI? 838 01:12:03,480 --> 01:12:04,580 Yes. 839 01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,191 How far did you walk in those? 840 01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:10,507 About 50 miles. You sure there's not another package? 841 01:12:10,920 --> 01:12:13,540 I'm sure. And, lady, if you walked 50 miles 842 01:12:13,640 --> 01:12:16,186 in duct tape, you got the right package. 843 01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:18,824 It's two bucks for the Snapple. 844 01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:21,020 I'll pass. 845 01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:23,351 Thanks. 846 01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:35,271 You like my shoes? 847 01:12:38,160 --> 01:12:40,660 Dearest Cheryl, you made it halfway. 848 01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:43,147 Six-hundred miles. Damn! 849 01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:47,380 I ran into Aimee. She said you were making your hike longer. 850 01:12:47,480 --> 01:12:49,500 Did you decide where you'll finish? 851 01:12:49,600 --> 01:12:52,544 Let me know, I'll send a tube of foot cream. 852 01:12:52,920 --> 01:12:56,260 I'm sorry if I cut you short on the phone before you left. 853 01:12:56,360 --> 01:12:58,588 I still resent you, I guess. 854 01:12:59,160 --> 01:13:00,980 The funny thing is... 855 01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:02,670 hell, I'll admit it... 856 01:13:03,720 --> 01:13:05,020 I miss you. 857 01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:08,220 Be sure to take plenty of water with you for the trail. 858 01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:10,380 There's a water tank 20 miles up, right? 859 01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:13,584 Yep. But it's way over 100 degrees out there. 860 01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:15,345 That's a lot of sweat. 861 01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:17,270 Okay. Thanks. 862 01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:20,580 Howdy. 863 01:13:20,680 --> 01:13:23,511 You should have something for Stacey Johnson. 864 01:13:24,160 --> 01:13:25,625 I'll go check. 865 01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:28,788 Hey, are you hiking the PCT? 866 01:13:29,320 --> 01:13:30,546 Yeah. 867 01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:31,781 Are you? 868 01:13:32,920 --> 01:13:34,351 You're a woman! 869 01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:41,301 You come across a guy named Greg? 870 01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:45,220 Yeah. A while ago, at Kennedy Meadows... 871 01:13:45,320 --> 01:13:47,787 when I knew even less than I do now. 872 01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:49,500 Well, he quit. 873 01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:51,589 What? Greg? 874 01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:55,070 He couldn't deal with the snow. He's coming back next year. 875 01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:56,461 Wow. 876 01:13:57,160 --> 01:13:58,860 Greg quit and I'm still here? 877 01:14:02,560 --> 01:14:04,185 Cheers to that. 878 01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:12,190 You get lonely? 879 01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:19,306 Honestly, I think I'm lonelier in my real life than out here. 880 01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:23,549 Yes, I miss my friends, of course, but... 881 01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:28,029 it's not like anybody's waiting for me at home. 882 01:14:28,320 --> 01:14:30,741 How about you? Why are you here? 883 01:14:35,960 --> 01:14:40,304 I don't know. I just need to find something in myself, you know? 884 01:14:40,680 --> 01:14:43,306 I think the trail is good for that. 885 01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:45,021 I mean, look. 886 01:14:46,240 --> 01:14:49,742 This has the power to fill you up again if you let it. 887 01:14:51,160 --> 01:14:54,020 My mother used to say something that drove me nuts. 888 01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:57,180 "There's a sunrise and a sunset every day..." 889 01:14:57,280 --> 01:15:00,190 "and you can choose to be there for it." 890 01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:03,307 "You can put yourself in the way of beauty." 891 01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:07,031 My kind of woman. 892 01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:18,020 She was the love of my life. There's nothing else... 893 01:15:18,120 --> 01:15:19,426 to say. 894 01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:24,665 I thought there'd be couches and Kleenex and shit. 895 01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:26,704 That's 50-bucks-an-hour therapy. 896 01:15:27,440 --> 01:15:29,747 This is 10-bucks-an-hour therapy. 897 01:15:30,960 --> 01:15:33,340 Why were you destroyed by your mother's death? 898 01:15:33,440 --> 01:15:37,540 Is that your job? To tell the bereaved they're grieving too much? 899 01:15:37,640 --> 01:15:42,020 People grieve in all sorts of different ways. I'm asking about yours. 900 01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:43,380 Is mine so bad? 901 01:15:43,480 --> 01:15:47,020 You're using heroin and having sex with anyone who asks. 902 01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:50,303 I'm not sure these things are making you happy. 903 01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:51,500 That's where you're wrong. 904 01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:54,590 When I'm doing them, I feel good and happy. 905 01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:57,020 When I'm not, I feel like I want to die. 906 01:15:57,120 --> 01:15:59,340 You sleep with your husband, too? 907 01:15:59,440 --> 01:16:03,340 No, I'm sort of like a guy about sex. I prefer to be detached. 908 01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:06,506 You think that's what guys are like? 909 01:16:10,360 --> 01:16:12,110 "You are here"? 910 01:16:12,560 --> 01:16:15,982 I see that poster everywhere, and I fucking hate it. 911 01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:18,991 Why would you ever teach a child they don't matter? 912 01:16:20,240 --> 01:16:21,900 Did you feel you mattered? 913 01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:23,750 I know I mattered. 914 01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:28,380 So who detached from you? 915 01:16:30,960 --> 01:16:32,869 Right. You know what? 916 01:16:33,920 --> 01:16:37,024 This is not going to work. This is not about talking. 917 01:16:53,080 --> 01:16:54,989 "You want a knuckle sandwich?" 918 01:16:58,680 --> 01:17:00,623 You want a knuckle sandwich? 919 01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:02,825 You want a knuckle sandwich? 920 01:17:04,720 --> 01:17:07,141 Go, go, go! Go get in the car. 921 01:17:08,080 --> 01:17:09,060 Get in the car. 922 01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:10,750 Get the fuck out of here! 923 01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,301 Fucking whore! 924 01:17:12,560 --> 01:17:14,662 I'm going to kill you! 925 01:17:16,480 --> 01:17:19,740 I'll kick your ass with my new boots, you fucking asshole. 926 01:17:19,840 --> 01:17:21,351 Thank you, baby. 927 01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:44,020 "Eggs and bacon." 928 01:17:44,120 --> 01:17:46,348 You want some eggs and bacon? 929 01:17:48,440 --> 01:17:49,541 Baby? 930 01:18:01,080 --> 01:18:03,660 No more rain, no more pain. 931 01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,140 "Even a child with normal feet was in love with the world..." 932 01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:13,230 "after he had got a new pair of shoes." 933 01:18:13,840 --> 01:18:15,669 Flannery O'Connor. 934 01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:19,070 And Cheryl Strayed. 935 01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:48,746 The ashes of a body aren't really like ashes from a fire. 936 01:18:49,040 --> 01:18:51,586 Soft and silky, they're more like... 937 01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:55,946 pale pebbles mixed with a gritty gray gravel. 938 01:18:58,800 --> 01:19:01,585 I spread most of them around her grave. 939 01:19:03,320 --> 01:19:05,104 But some of the larger chunks... 940 01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:07,505 I put in my mouth... 941 01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:09,785 and I swallowed whole. 942 01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,020 Then I moved to Portland... 943 01:19:15,680 --> 01:19:17,350 with crazy Joe. 944 01:19:18,720 --> 01:19:20,948 The first time I smoked heroin... 945 01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:22,671 I laughed like a child... 946 01:19:23,560 --> 01:19:26,504 and twirled around in my mother's jewelry box. 947 01:19:29,760 --> 01:19:31,540 Then we snorted it. 948 01:19:31,640 --> 01:19:33,788 But we were never going to shoot it. 949 01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:35,581 Never. 950 01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:41,100 The first time I shot up, I begged. 951 01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:43,220 More, more, more! 952 01:19:43,320 --> 01:19:46,071 How do you like it, how do you like it? 953 01:19:53,880 --> 01:19:56,142 The day after my birthday... 954 01:19:56,720 --> 01:19:58,780 a man asked me for money. 955 01:19:58,880 --> 01:20:01,631 That's what I want. 956 01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:20,183 A week after that... 957 01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:24,384 somebody finally wished me happy birthday. 958 01:20:30,080 --> 01:20:32,980 Heroin? Of all the stupid, selfish things! 959 01:20:33,080 --> 01:20:35,342 Why are you doing this to yourself? 960 01:20:35,760 --> 01:20:36,980 Don't you fucking touch me! 961 01:20:37,080 --> 01:20:38,420 Don't play this game! 962 01:20:38,520 --> 01:20:41,180 Why did you even come? I didn't ask you to! 963 01:20:41,280 --> 01:20:42,660 You just want to be the hero! 964 01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:44,191 Yeah, maybe! 965 01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:49,340 Why did you come here? 966 01:20:49,440 --> 01:20:50,871 Because! 967 01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:55,431 Just because. 968 01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:13,311 Fuck it. 969 01:21:25,480 --> 01:21:27,389 Where is this fucking tank? 970 01:21:45,280 --> 01:21:46,427 No. 971 01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:48,741 No! 972 01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:03,781 Shit. 973 01:23:20,680 --> 01:23:22,703 Don't fucking die here. 974 01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:07,511 Thirty minutes. 975 01:24:07,680 --> 01:24:09,782 Fucking iodine pills. 976 01:24:49,240 --> 01:24:50,705 You got any water? 977 01:24:53,680 --> 01:24:56,784 I'd give you some of mine, but it's not ready. 978 01:24:57,040 --> 01:25:00,064 It takes about half an hour... with an iodine pill. 979 01:25:00,600 --> 01:25:02,702 But you have to filter it first. 980 01:25:03,240 --> 01:25:04,865 We don't have a filter. 981 01:25:06,360 --> 01:25:07,905 You can use mine. 982 01:25:08,560 --> 01:25:10,025 Do you have a bottle? 983 01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:12,543 Got an empty beer can. 984 01:25:12,960 --> 01:25:14,186 Okay. 985 01:25:23,840 --> 01:25:25,749 What are you doing out here? 986 01:25:26,080 --> 01:25:27,750 Hiking the PCT. 987 01:25:33,040 --> 01:25:36,110 So how can we kill the time? 988 01:25:37,600 --> 01:25:39,031 I can think of some ways. 989 01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:42,661 She's got a real nice figure, doesn't she? 990 01:25:45,000 --> 01:25:46,860 I have to get going. 991 01:25:46,960 --> 01:25:49,825 Sit down. We're just messing with your head. 992 01:25:58,560 --> 01:26:00,424 We need to get going, too. 993 01:26:06,280 --> 01:26:07,460 Thank you much. 994 01:26:07,560 --> 01:26:08,707 Yeah. 995 01:27:14,360 --> 01:27:15,666 Thought you were heading out. 996 01:27:18,360 --> 01:27:20,144 I changed my mind. 997 01:27:21,200 --> 01:27:23,029 Tried to trick us? 998 01:27:24,280 --> 01:27:26,508 No, I changed my mind. 999 01:27:28,040 --> 01:27:29,824 Changed your clothes, too. 1000 01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:32,265 I like your pants. 1001 01:27:33,160 --> 01:27:34,785 They look good on you. 1002 01:27:35,520 --> 01:27:38,942 Show off your hips and legs and tight little ass. 1003 01:27:40,320 --> 01:27:42,180 Please don't say that. 1004 01:27:42,280 --> 01:27:45,190 Can't a guy give a girl a compliment anymore? 1005 01:27:48,280 --> 01:27:49,711 Thank you. 1006 01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:57,780 What the hell are you doing? 1007 01:27:57,880 --> 01:28:01,746 I thought you were lost. Get your ass over here, let's go! 1008 01:28:05,520 --> 01:28:08,305 Here's to a young girl alone in the woods. 1009 01:29:14,360 --> 01:29:16,110 Hello, Oregon cow. 1010 01:29:31,480 --> 01:29:34,584 Look out of any window. 1011 01:29:35,080 --> 01:29:38,980 Any morning, any evening. 1012 01:29:39,080 --> 01:29:41,387 Any day. 1013 01:29:43,160 --> 01:29:46,582 Maybe the sun is shining. 1014 01:29:46,800 --> 01:29:48,743 Birds are winging. 1015 01:29:48,880 --> 01:29:52,462 Rain is falling from a heavy sky. 1016 01:29:55,160 --> 01:29:57,911 What do you want me to do. 1017 01:29:58,520 --> 01:30:02,705 To do for you to see you through... 1018 01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:38,460 That shade looks nice on you. 1019 01:30:38,560 --> 01:30:39,946 Oh, you think? 1020 01:30:40,520 --> 01:30:41,860 Oh, my. 1021 01:30:43,880 --> 01:30:45,940 Do you mind if I say something? 1022 01:30:46,040 --> 01:30:47,187 Sure. 1023 01:30:47,640 --> 01:30:50,100 The nicest lipstick in the world can't help a girl 1024 01:30:50,200 --> 01:30:53,304 if she doesn't take care of her personal hygiene. 1025 01:30:55,560 --> 01:30:57,469 I've every intention of taking care of that. 1026 01:30:58,520 --> 01:31:01,305 It really needs to be a priority, sweetie. 1027 01:31:18,920 --> 01:31:20,146 Hey. 1028 01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:23,301 Hey. 1029 01:31:25,160 --> 01:31:28,343 I, uh... I work at a music club down the street. 1030 01:31:28,920 --> 01:31:30,863 We're honoring Jerry Garcia tonight. 1031 01:31:31,600 --> 01:31:33,828 - You should come along. - Oh. Cool. 1032 01:31:35,520 --> 01:31:36,746 What's your name? 1033 01:31:37,040 --> 01:31:38,346 Cheryl. 1034 01:31:40,760 --> 01:31:42,620 Don't worry, I don't bite. 1035 01:31:42,720 --> 01:31:44,549 I don't mind biting. 1036 01:31:46,240 --> 01:31:48,580 Oh, my God. I can't believe I just said that. 1037 01:31:48,680 --> 01:31:51,780 I'm so sorry. I've been on my own for a little while. 1038 01:31:51,880 --> 01:31:54,420 Not that I'm "on my own." I've been in a lot of relationships before. 1039 01:31:54,520 --> 01:31:57,146 I've just been hiking on my own for a while. 1040 01:31:58,400 --> 01:32:01,549 Look, I'm gonna put your name on the guest list. 1041 01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:04,223 Hope to see you later. 1042 01:32:10,080 --> 01:32:11,511 Hi, honey. 1043 01:32:12,120 --> 01:32:14,222 Here is your Ashland box. 1044 01:32:15,280 --> 01:32:19,704 Enjoy some well-deserved rest, but don't overdo it, okay? 1045 01:32:20,600 --> 01:32:22,668 Still a lot to hike, no? 1046 01:32:24,320 --> 01:32:26,263 I had said you can quit anytime. 1047 01:32:27,760 --> 01:32:29,580 But I take it back. 1048 01:32:29,680 --> 01:32:32,545 Call me when you get to the finish line. 1049 01:32:33,280 --> 01:32:35,100 Love and kisses, Aimee. 1050 01:32:36,360 --> 01:32:37,540 As it were your own. 1051 01:32:37,640 --> 01:32:39,947 It's a hand-me-down. 1052 01:32:41,960 --> 01:32:44,540 The thoughts are broken. 1053 01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:49,423 Perhaps they're better. 1054 01:32:50,720 --> 01:32:53,551 Left unsung 1055 01:33:01,400 --> 01:33:03,104 I don't know 1056 01:33:05,280 --> 01:33:06,660 I don't really care. 1057 01:33:06,760 --> 01:33:08,100 Do I know you? 1058 01:33:08,880 --> 01:33:10,060 Thanks. 1059 01:33:10,160 --> 01:33:13,230 Let there be song. 1060 01:33:14,400 --> 01:33:16,582 To fill the air. 1061 01:33:18,000 --> 01:33:23,231 Ripple in still water. 1062 01:33:24,840 --> 01:33:28,626 When there is no pebble tossed. 1063 01:33:29,040 --> 01:33:32,303 Nor wind to blow 1064 01:35:02,800 --> 01:35:04,186 Dear Paul, 1065 01:35:04,920 --> 01:35:08,183 I woke up this morning and wrote your name in the sand. 1066 01:35:08,920 --> 01:35:12,786 I've done that on every beach I've been on ever since I met you. 1067 01:35:13,360 --> 01:35:15,701 But I'm not going to do it again. 1068 01:35:16,400 --> 01:35:18,309 I'm ready to move on. 1069 01:35:19,760 --> 01:35:22,022 Baby, baby, be my friend 1070 01:35:23,680 --> 01:35:26,511 I have only another 300 miles left to walk. 1071 01:35:28,320 --> 01:35:30,343 I'm desperate for it to be over. 1072 01:35:33,240 --> 01:35:35,263 But I'm terrified, too. 1073 01:35:36,800 --> 01:35:38,504 When I'm done... 1074 01:35:38,640 --> 01:35:41,141 I'll only have two dimes to my name. 1075 01:35:42,320 --> 01:35:44,661 But I'll have to start living. 1076 01:35:47,440 --> 01:35:49,588 And I'm nowhere near ready. 1077 01:36:07,000 --> 01:36:08,784 Please! Sir, wait! 1078 01:36:09,520 --> 01:36:11,270 I just closed. 1079 01:36:18,840 --> 01:36:21,100 I think you have a package for me in there? 1080 01:36:21,200 --> 01:36:22,940 Could it wait until tomorrow? 1081 01:36:23,040 --> 01:36:26,383 It has fresh clothes and food, and batteries I need. 1082 01:36:29,520 --> 01:36:30,860 Okay. 1083 01:36:31,840 --> 01:36:33,863 If you'll have a drink with me later. 1084 01:36:36,000 --> 01:36:37,101 Sure. 1085 01:36:42,840 --> 01:36:44,465 There you go, good-looking. 1086 01:36:45,400 --> 01:36:46,626 Thanks. 1087 01:36:47,600 --> 01:36:49,140 - You like punch? - Hmm? 1088 01:36:49,240 --> 01:36:52,460 I make a good one. I throw every liquor I can find into a bucket 1089 01:36:52,560 --> 01:36:54,947 and I pour a couple of cans of juice on top. 1090 01:36:55,240 --> 01:36:56,751 Sounds good. 1091 01:37:02,400 --> 01:37:03,540 - Cheryl? - Yeah. 1092 01:37:03,640 --> 01:37:04,980 - Oh, my God. - We're closed, guys. 1093 01:37:05,080 --> 01:37:06,980 - "If your nerve deny you... - "...go above your nerve." 1094 01:37:07,080 --> 01:37:08,980 - Emily Dickinson. - Yes. 1095 01:37:09,080 --> 01:37:12,460 "I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep." 1096 01:37:12,560 --> 01:37:13,620 Walt Whitman? 1097 01:37:13,720 --> 01:37:15,300 No, that was Robert Frost. 1098 01:37:15,400 --> 01:37:17,300 The Whitman was, "Be curious, not judgmental." 1099 01:37:17,400 --> 01:37:18,620 Yes. 1100 01:37:18,720 --> 01:37:21,140 "God is a ruthless bitch." You left the name off. 1101 01:37:21,240 --> 01:37:23,060 - That one was me. - You're our hero. 1102 01:37:23,160 --> 01:37:25,100 Okay, fellas, I'm shutting up now. 1103 01:37:25,200 --> 01:37:26,980 We just wanted to pick up our post? 1104 01:37:27,080 --> 01:37:29,380 No. I'm sorry. I already reopened for the young lady here. 1105 01:37:29,480 --> 01:37:30,580 And I'm not gonna reopen again. 1106 01:37:30,680 --> 01:37:33,186 But you wouldn't really have to reopen because you haven't closed yet. 1107 01:37:33,400 --> 01:37:35,140 And their packages are right there. 1108 01:37:35,240 --> 01:37:36,580 It's such a miserable night. 1109 01:37:36,680 --> 01:37:39,300 Whatever's in them is gonna make the night just that much better. 1110 01:37:39,400 --> 01:37:40,831 Do you mind? 1111 01:37:46,800 --> 01:37:48,340 That your horse? 1112 01:37:48,440 --> 01:37:50,985 If you want to take her out in the morning, she could do with it. 1113 01:37:51,120 --> 01:37:54,660 Hey, so the campsite, is it left? Left, right? 1114 01:37:54,760 --> 01:37:56,066 Yeah. 1115 01:37:56,960 --> 01:37:58,940 Good night! I'll see you in the morning. 1116 01:37:59,040 --> 01:38:00,187 Oh. 1117 01:38:04,760 --> 01:38:05,860 Number one and number two. 1118 01:38:08,640 --> 01:38:09,820 Just a little. Just a little. 1119 01:38:13,360 --> 01:38:14,461 Wonderful! 1120 01:38:14,800 --> 01:38:18,260 So, Cheryl, how do you deal with being on your own all the time? 1121 01:38:18,360 --> 01:38:21,380 I mean, we're with each other and we're still sick of ourselves. 1122 01:38:21,480 --> 01:38:22,460 Mmm-hmm. 1123 01:38:22,560 --> 01:38:24,901 No. I've been to most of the places in my head that 1124 01:38:26,320 --> 01:38:28,620 I didn't want to go to, but I feel like there's 1125 01:38:28,720 --> 01:38:32,860 one or two that, for whatever reason, I just... 1126 01:38:32,960 --> 01:38:34,425 I hear you. 1127 01:38:34,600 --> 01:38:39,069 There's a few girlfriends that I'm in no hurry to think about again. 1128 01:38:42,120 --> 01:38:44,900 I think I know exactly who you're talking about. Right? 1129 01:38:46,160 --> 01:38:48,540 I don't want to talk about this right now. 1130 01:38:51,160 --> 01:38:54,150 Not again! Good night! 1131 01:39:13,040 --> 01:39:15,108 Just please try to do the kindest thing. 1132 01:39:28,880 --> 01:39:30,982 We don't have to do this. 1133 01:39:36,400 --> 01:39:39,629 She's been really sick for a long time. 1134 01:39:40,960 --> 01:39:43,347 There has to be another way. 1135 01:39:44,400 --> 01:39:46,700 We don't have the money to do it right. 1136 01:39:46,800 --> 01:39:48,504 We can't go to a vet. 1137 01:39:52,920 --> 01:39:55,546 Leif, she's just going to die slowly and painfully. 1138 01:40:00,840 --> 01:40:03,181 Just please do the kindest thing. 1139 01:41:06,200 --> 01:41:08,064 Hey, brother, it's me. 1140 01:41:08,280 --> 01:41:10,781 Look, I know we don't have a home to go back to, but... 1141 01:41:11,080 --> 01:41:14,229 I want you to know I'm pulling you along with me. 1142 01:41:15,000 --> 01:41:17,262 It's been really hard, but 1143 01:41:17,840 --> 01:41:19,704 do me a favor, okay? 1144 01:41:20,360 --> 01:41:21,985 Walk a little? 1145 01:41:26,160 --> 01:41:27,591 I love you. 1146 01:41:28,800 --> 01:41:29,947 Bye. 1147 01:41:32,800 --> 01:41:33,981 Hey, good-looking. 1148 01:41:35,200 --> 01:41:37,580 I brought you coffee and a donut, fresh this morning. 1149 01:41:37,680 --> 01:41:39,191 Thanks. Really. 1150 01:41:40,680 --> 01:41:43,420 Why don't you come by for a refill before you head off? 1151 01:41:43,520 --> 01:41:45,145 I will. Thanks. 1152 01:41:45,960 --> 01:41:47,107 Good morning, fellas. 1153 01:41:48,160 --> 01:41:49,944 - Morning. - Morning. 1154 01:41:55,080 --> 01:41:57,182 So, you got a trail name? 1155 01:41:57,600 --> 01:41:59,180 - Hmm? - You know, like a nickname. 1156 01:41:59,280 --> 01:42:01,189 We've got one for you. 1157 01:42:01,520 --> 01:42:03,543 - Really. - Queen of the PCT. 1158 01:42:04,320 --> 01:42:05,340 Come on. 1159 01:42:05,440 --> 01:42:07,100 You've just got so many stories 1160 01:42:07,200 --> 01:42:09,740 about people doing things for you and wanting to help you out. 1161 01:42:09,840 --> 01:42:12,060 I mean, nobody ever gives us anything. 1162 01:42:12,160 --> 01:42:14,100 No one ever does anything for us, in fact. 1163 01:42:14,200 --> 01:42:17,700 But please, please, come and get your refill, Your Majesty. 1164 01:42:17,800 --> 01:42:20,100 Yeah, Your Majesty doesn't really go for refills. 1165 01:42:20,200 --> 01:42:21,860 Refills typically come to her. 1166 01:42:21,960 --> 01:42:22,940 Exactly. 1167 01:42:30,200 --> 01:42:31,665 Dude, stop. 1168 01:42:32,600 --> 01:42:35,180 Stop. Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head 1169 01:42:35,280 --> 01:42:37,189 for the next hundred fucking miles. 1170 01:42:37,880 --> 01:42:39,789 - Would you prefer I just... - Don't. 1171 01:42:40,880 --> 01:42:42,141 Don't. 1172 01:42:48,640 --> 01:42:50,500 And I said hey, hey, hey... 1173 01:42:50,600 --> 01:42:51,906 Shut up, man. 1174 01:42:53,880 --> 01:42:55,948 Shut up! I'm serious. 1175 01:42:57,960 --> 01:42:59,710 I said, hey! 1176 01:43:00,040 --> 01:43:01,620 What's going on? 1177 01:43:01,720 --> 01:43:02,900 Get him. Get him! 1178 01:43:07,520 --> 01:43:08,620 I'll get you soaked! 1179 01:43:08,720 --> 01:43:11,027 I said hey, what's going on? 1180 01:43:13,200 --> 01:43:16,702 I'd rather be a forest than a street 1181 01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:42,745 It's okay. 1182 01:43:43,160 --> 01:43:44,705 You're safe. 1183 01:43:46,640 --> 01:43:48,071 It's okay. 1184 01:43:56,760 --> 01:43:58,464 You're all right. 1185 01:43:59,000 --> 01:44:00,540 Don't be scared. 1186 01:44:00,640 --> 01:44:03,584 You got him! Thanks! 1187 01:44:11,440 --> 01:44:12,905 Thanks. 1188 01:44:13,800 --> 01:44:14,780 Does he have a name? 1189 01:44:14,880 --> 01:44:16,220 Shooting Star. 1190 01:44:16,320 --> 01:44:17,420 Shooting Star? 1191 01:44:17,520 --> 01:44:19,702 And I'm Vera, and this is Kyle. 1192 01:44:21,120 --> 01:44:24,140 I'm Cheryl. Are you enjoying your hike today? 1193 01:44:24,240 --> 01:44:27,460 I'm having a wonderful time, thank you very much for asking. 1194 01:44:27,560 --> 01:44:29,260 You're so polite. 1195 01:44:29,360 --> 01:44:31,980 We're just out for the weekend, rain or no. 1196 01:44:32,080 --> 01:44:33,100 Yeah. 1197 01:44:33,200 --> 01:44:34,220 Vera's my grandmom. 1198 01:44:34,320 --> 01:44:36,580 She's looking after me because I have some problems 1199 01:44:36,680 --> 01:44:38,942 I'm not supposed to talk about with strangers. 1200 01:44:43,760 --> 01:44:46,591 Well, you don't have to talk about them. 1201 01:44:46,920 --> 01:44:50,661 But, you know, everybody has problems. I have problems, too. 1202 01:44:50,880 --> 01:44:52,789 What kinds of problems? 1203 01:44:53,040 --> 01:44:56,826 Well, I mean, I have problems with my dad. 1204 01:44:57,280 --> 01:44:58,860 I don't see him anymore. 1205 01:44:58,960 --> 01:45:01,825 Me, neither. What about your mommy? 1206 01:45:04,400 --> 01:45:05,786 She died. 1207 01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:12,824 But, you know, problems don't stay problems. 1208 01:45:13,080 --> 01:45:15,023 They turn into something else. 1209 01:45:16,240 --> 01:45:17,830 How did she die? 1210 01:45:18,880 --> 01:45:20,345 Um... 1211 01:45:20,800 --> 01:45:22,629 She got very sick. 1212 01:45:23,400 --> 01:45:26,663 My mother's a singer. She's taught me many songs. 1213 01:45:27,280 --> 01:45:28,380 Oh, really? 1214 01:45:28,480 --> 01:45:30,660 Would you like to hear one? 1215 01:45:30,760 --> 01:45:31,941 Yeah. 1216 01:45:32,320 --> 01:45:36,584 From this valley they say you are leaving. 1217 01:45:37,240 --> 01:45:41,265 We shall miss your bright eyes and sweet smile. 1218 01:45:41,960 --> 01:45:46,349 For you take with you all of the sunshine. 1219 01:45:46,600 --> 01:45:50,830 That has brightened our pathway a while. 1220 01:45:51,280 --> 01:45:55,305 Then come and sit by my side if you love me. 1221 01:45:55,800 --> 01:45:59,382 Do not hasten to bid me adieu. 1222 01:45:59,960 --> 01:46:03,985 Just remember the Red River Valley. 1223 01:46:04,160 --> 01:46:08,231 And the cowboy that loved you so true. 1224 01:46:08,720 --> 01:46:13,064 Just remember the Red River Valley. 1225 01:46:13,360 --> 01:46:17,385 And the cowboy that loved you so true. 1226 01:46:19,480 --> 01:46:20,866 That was really beautiful. 1227 01:46:22,480 --> 01:46:23,911 Thank you. 1228 01:46:58,160 --> 01:46:59,591 I miss you. 1229 01:47:03,840 --> 01:47:05,590 God, I miss you. 1230 01:47:23,680 --> 01:47:27,671 There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. 1231 01:47:29,600 --> 01:47:31,429 What leads to what. 1232 01:47:32,800 --> 01:47:34,629 What destroys what. 1233 01:47:36,240 --> 01:47:38,422 What causes what to flourish. 1234 01:47:39,040 --> 01:47:40,346 Or die. 1235 01:47:41,040 --> 01:47:43,063 Or take another course. 1236 01:47:46,720 --> 01:47:48,822 What if I forgive myself? 1237 01:47:51,040 --> 01:47:52,949 What if I was sorry? 1238 01:47:54,560 --> 01:47:56,940 But if I could go back in time, 1239 01:47:57,040 --> 01:47:59,347 I wouldn't do a single thing differently. 1240 01:48:02,880 --> 01:48:06,029 What if I wanted to sleep with every single one of those men? 1241 01:48:07,840 --> 01:48:09,863 What if heroin taught me something? 1242 01:48:14,880 --> 01:48:18,348 What if all those things I did were the things that got me here? 1243 01:48:21,800 --> 01:48:24,506 What if I was never redeemed? 1244 01:48:27,040 --> 01:48:29,268 What if I already was? 1245 01:48:47,560 --> 01:48:50,743 It took me years to be the woman my mother raised. 1246 01:48:52,600 --> 01:48:56,261 It took me four years, seven months and three days to do it. 1247 01:48:57,360 --> 01:48:59,064 Without her. 1248 01:49:01,440 --> 01:49:04,749 After I lost myself in the wilderness of my grief, 1249 01:49:06,280 --> 01:49:08,382 I found my way out of the woods. 1250 01:49:16,800 --> 01:49:17,940 And I didn't even know where I was going 1251 01:49:18,040 --> 01:49:20,791 until I got there on the last day of my hike. 1252 01:49:22,960 --> 01:49:26,507 Thank you, I thought over and over again, 1253 01:49:26,960 --> 01:49:28,824 for everything the trail had taught me, 1254 01:49:29,080 --> 01:49:31,660 and everything I couldn't yet know. 1255 01:49:36,000 --> 01:49:38,467 How, in four years, I'd cross this very bridge. 1256 01:49:39,320 --> 01:49:43,505 I'd marry a man in a spot almost visible from where I was standing. 1257 01:49:45,000 --> 01:49:46,860 How, in nine years, that man and I 1258 01:49:46,960 --> 01:49:49,060 would have a son named Carver, 1259 01:49:49,160 --> 01:49:53,424 and a year later, a daughter named after my mother, Bobbi. 1260 01:49:56,840 --> 01:49:58,100 I knew only that I didn't need to 1261 01:49:58,200 --> 01:50:00,620 reach with my bare hands anymore. 1262 01:50:00,720 --> 01:50:04,541 That seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water was enough. 1263 01:50:04,800 --> 01:50:07,267 That it was everything. 1264 01:50:08,480 --> 01:50:11,470 My life, like all lives, 1265 01:50:12,880 --> 01:50:16,143 mysterious, irrevocable and sacred. 1266 01:50:17,520 --> 01:50:19,145 So very close. 1267 01:50:21,160 --> 01:50:22,864 So very present. 1268 01:50:25,360 --> 01:50:27,428 So very belonging to me. 1269 01:50:29,560 --> 01:50:32,664 How wild it was... to let it be. 1270 01:50:33,720 --> 01:50:38,667 I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail. 1271 01:50:39,520 --> 01:50:42,021 Yes, I would. 1272 01:50:42,840 --> 01:50:45,341 If I could 1273 01:50:45,640 --> 01:50:48,823 I surely would 1274 01:50:53,200 --> 01:50:58,750 I'd rather be a hammer than a nail. 1275 01:50:59,080 --> 01:51:01,421 Yes, I would. 1276 01:51:01,840 --> 01:51:04,546 If I only could 1277 01:51:05,040 --> 01:51:07,825 I surely would. 1278 01:51:12,600 --> 01:51:17,627 Away, I'd rather sail away. 1279 01:51:18,600 --> 01:51:21,220 Like a swan. 1280 01:51:21,320 --> 01:51:24,822 That's here and gone. 1281 01:51:25,520 --> 01:51:30,501 A man gets tied up to the ground. 1282 01:51:31,120 --> 01:51:34,260 He gives the world. 1283 01:51:34,360 --> 01:51:40,183 Its saddest sound 1284 01:51:48,120 --> 01:51:52,589 I'd rather be a forest than a street. 1285 01:51:54,280 --> 01:51:56,860 Yes, I would. 1286 01:51:57,560 --> 01:52:00,420 If I could 1287 01:52:00,520 --> 01:52:03,351 I surely would 1288 01:52:04,480 --> 01:52:08,790 I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet. 1289 01:52:10,440 --> 01:52:13,260 Yes, I would. 1290 01:52:13,360 --> 01:52:16,580 If I only could 1291 01:52:16,680 --> 01:52:19,704 I surely would 1292 01:53:06,520 --> 01:53:08,500 As the sun comes up. 1293 01:53:08,600 --> 01:53:10,660 As the moon goes down. 1294 01:53:10,760 --> 01:53:15,060 These heavy notions creep around. 1295 01:53:15,160 --> 01:53:18,104 It makes me think. 1296 01:53:19,040 --> 01:53:20,904 Long ago 1297 01:53:23,440 --> 01:53:26,100 I was brought into this life. 1298 01:53:26,200 --> 01:53:31,306 A little lamb, a little lamb. 1299 01:53:31,560 --> 01:53:34,903 Courageous, stumbling. 1300 01:53:35,440 --> 01:53:39,306 Fearless was my middle name. 1301 01:53:39,520 --> 01:53:44,340 But somewhere there I lost my way. 1302 01:53:44,440 --> 01:53:48,460 Everyone walks the same. 1303 01:53:48,560 --> 01:53:52,824 Expecting me to step. 1304 01:53:52,960 --> 01:53:57,300 The narrow path they've laid. 1305 01:53:57,400 --> 01:54:02,100 They claim to walk unafraid 1306 01:54:02,200 --> 01:54:06,420 I'll be clumsy instead. 1307 01:54:06,520 --> 01:54:12,024 Hold me, love me or leave me. 1308 01:54:12,440 --> 01:54:15,669 High. 1309 01:54:16,280 --> 01:54:20,590 Say keep within the boundaries. 1310 01:54:21,200 --> 01:54:24,270 If you want to play. 1311 01:54:25,120 --> 01:54:31,227 Say contradiction only makes it harder. 1312 01:54:33,640 --> 01:54:36,584 How can I be. 1313 01:54:38,680 --> 01:54:41,829 What I want to be? 1314 01:54:43,520 --> 01:54:48,980 When all I want to do is strip away. 1315 01:54:49,080 --> 01:54:51,220 These stilled constraints. 1316 01:54:51,320 --> 01:54:54,740 And crush this charade. 1317 01:54:54,840 --> 01:54:59,100 Shred this sad masquerade 1318 01:54:59,200 --> 01:55:04,260 I don't need no persuading 1319 01:55:04,360 --> 01:55:08,900 I'll trip, fall, pick myself up and. 1320 01:55:09,000 --> 01:55:12,220 Walk unafraid 1321 01:55:12,320 --> 01:55:16,106 I'll be clumsy instead. 1322 01:55:16,360 --> 01:55:21,990 Hold me, love me or leave me. 1323 01:55:22,200 --> 01:55:25,668 High