1
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:23,983
[♪♪♪]

2
00:00:39,124 --> 00:00:41,126
[INSECT BUZZING]

3
00:02:58,847 --> 00:03:01,432
Goddamn bugs.

4
00:03:20,869 --> 00:03:22,954
Oh, shit.

5
00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:24,163
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

6
00:03:27,584 --> 00:03:28,835
DRIVER:
Oh, crap.

7
00:03:41,139 --> 00:03:43,516
Well, Nick the Dick.
What a surprise.

8
00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,727
Where you coming from, Nick?

9
00:03:45,894 --> 00:03:49,147
Fishing in Cuernavaca.
Mm-hm. Sure you were.

10
00:03:49,314 --> 00:03:51,566
What do you say we take
a look at your catch, huh?

11
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,192
Come on.

12
00:04:00,617 --> 00:04:02,160
Me, I would've thrown them back.

13
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:05,663
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

14
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,667
So, Nick, what do you get?

15
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,711
Like a hundred bucks
a head here? Two hundred?

16
00:04:11,878 --> 00:04:15,465
Hope you saved it all
for your lawyer, my friend,
because you are gonna need it.

17
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,847
We'll take it from here.
Who the hell are you?

18
00:04:23,014 --> 00:04:24,349
INS, Division 6.

19
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:27,018
JANUS: Division 6?
I never heard of Division 6.

20
00:04:27,185 --> 00:04:28,686
Really?

21
00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:32,523
Who you got your money on, Dee?
Tough call, Kay.

22
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,193
[IN SPANISH]

23
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,094
[CHUCKLING]

24
00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:11,980
We've got a winner here, Dee.
Oh, I know.

25
00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:14,107
[IN SPANISH]

26
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,359
JANUS [IN SPANISH]:

27
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:17,860
KAY [IN SPANISH]:

28
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:19,946
Sir. Sir, you can't just--

29
00:05:20,113 --> 00:05:21,572
Don't "sir" me,
young man.

30
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:25,076
You have no idea
who you're dealing with.

31
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:29,330
[IN SPANISH]

32
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,333
We're gonna have a little
chat with our friend here.

33
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,627
You fellas can
hit the road.

34
00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:38,589
Keep on protecting us
from the dangerous aliens.

35
00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:41,092
[♪♪♪]

36
00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:44,595
You ever hear of Division 6?

37
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,849
There is no Division 6.
This is bullshit.

38
00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:49,809
Hell, yeah.

39
00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:54,022
Looks like you fell off the bus
in the wrong part of town, amigo.

40
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,983
In fact, I'm gonna bet
dollars to pesos you're not
from anywhere near here.

41
00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:02,530
Mikey?

42
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,200
[SPEAKING IN ALIEN
LANGUAGE]

43
00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:12,248
Mikey, when did they
let you out of jail?

44
00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:14,333
Political refugee, right.

45
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,628
You know how many
treaties you just violated?

46
00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:19,964
One?
Try seven.

47
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:25,762
That's enough, Mikey.
You hand me that head.

48
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,810
Put up your arms
and all your flippers.

49
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:36,814
[♪♪♪]

50
00:06:39,192 --> 00:06:40,234
[GASPS]

51
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:43,863
[MIKEY GROWLING]

52
00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:45,823
Aw, shit.

53
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,825
[ROARING]

54
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,536
KAY:
Dee, shoot him.

55
00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:56,334
[JANUS SCREAMING]

56
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,002
KAY:
Dee!

57
00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:18,356
Th-- Th--

58
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:21,150
Th-- Th--

59
00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:22,902
"That."
JANUS: That...

60
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,113
Wa-- Wa-- Wa--

61
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,823
Was not human. I know.

62
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:30,034
Looks like you got some
entrails on you there, pal.

63
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:32,912
AGENT: What the hell?
KAY: The situation's under control.

64
00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:35,790
Calm down, please. Give me
your attention for a moment.

65
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:37,542
I'll be glad to tell you
what happened.

66
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,877
[♪♪♪]

67
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,883
[ALIEN CHATTER OVER RADIO]

68
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:50,972
This is called a neuralyzer.
It's a gift from some friends
from out of town.

69
00:07:51,139 --> 00:07:54,600
This red eye here will
isolate the electronic
impulses in your brains.

70
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:56,310
And more specifically,
the ones for memory.

71
00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:59,105
That's good, fellas.
Give me a splay burn
around the perimeter

72
00:07:59,272 --> 00:08:02,483
with holes at 40, 60 and 80
meters from right here.

73
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,193
Thank you.

74
00:08:09,824 --> 00:08:12,451
That's good. Thank you.
What in the hell is going on?

75
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,245
KAY:
Excellent question.

76
00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:17,081
And the answer you're
looking for lies right here.

77
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,004
Who are you, really?
KAY: Really?

78
00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,425
I am just a figment
of your imagination.

79
00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:34,140
Damn, what a gullible breed.

80
00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:38,269
I'm serious, fellas.
You're lucky to be alive
after a blast like that.

81
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:39,437
What blast?

82
00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,147
The underground gas main,
genius.

83
00:08:41,314 --> 00:08:43,608
You fellas need to exercise
a lot more caution before
discharging your firearms,

84
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:46,944
I'll tell you that right now.
Especially you.

85
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:49,113
Have yourself checked out
with EMS

86
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,782
on the other side of the hill
before you leave.

87
00:08:57,872 --> 00:09:00,875
[♪♪♪]

88
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,171
I'm sorry about back there.

89
00:09:05,338 --> 00:09:08,883
It happens.
Didn't used to.

90
00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:13,137
The spirit's willing, Kay...

91
00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:16,265
but the rest of me...

92
00:09:17,308 --> 00:09:18,684
[SIGHS]

93
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:21,479
They're beautiful, aren't they?
What?

94
00:09:21,646 --> 00:09:23,648
The stars.

95
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:29,070
We never just look anymore.
KAY: No.

96
00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,033
I'll tell you, Kay,

97
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,495
I will miss the chase.

98
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:45,169
No, Dee, you won't.

99
00:09:46,963 --> 00:09:50,174
Freeze! N.Y.P.D. Freeze!

100
00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:52,260
[♪♪♪]

101
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:53,678
All yours, Edwards.

102
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,223
JAY:
"Freeze" means stop.

103
00:09:58,391 --> 00:09:59,934
Yo! Whoa!

104
00:10:03,813 --> 00:10:05,731
What the hell?

105
00:10:07,525 --> 00:10:10,236
All right. Come on.

106
00:10:10,403 --> 00:10:11,862
[YELLS]

107
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,739
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

108
00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:17,034
It just be raining black people
in New York.

109
00:10:38,097 --> 00:10:39,765
[JAY YELLS]

110
00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:43,561
Do you see this? Huh?

111
00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:45,646
"N-Y-P-D."

112
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:48,441
Means I will knock
your punk ass down.

113
00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,067
He's coming. He's coming.

114
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,611
Yeah, and when he gets here,
I'll arrest his ass too.

115
00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:53,904
[WEAPON POWERING UP]

116
00:10:56,991 --> 00:10:59,452
Oh, you trying to catch
a beat-down, huh?

117
00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,620
[♪♪♪]

118
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:07,460
[HORN HONKS]

119
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:08,961
[TIRES SCREECHING]

120
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,256
[HORNS HONKING]

121
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,929
[GROWLS]

122
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,517
[GRUNTING]

123
00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:36,030
[GROANS]

124
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,187
What's up?

125
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,940
He's coming.

126
00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,984
He's coming because I failed,
and now he'll kill me too.

127
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:17,571
Yeah? Well, you're just
pissing everybody off today, huh?

128
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:22,827
You don't understand.
Your world's gonna end.

129
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:26,664
What the hell are you?

130
00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:34,505
Hey, watch that ledge.
Watch the ledge.

131
00:12:34,672 --> 00:12:36,173
Wait. Look, look,
come on down.

132
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,843
We'll get those eyes fixed.
Don't even worry about it.

133
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:41,387
Look, all right, wait a minute.
Let me talk to you. Hey! Hey!

134
00:12:41,554 --> 00:12:42,680
[ALIEN SCREECHES]

135
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,390
[THUDS]

136
00:12:48,561 --> 00:12:50,688
MAN: I go out, I work
my butt off to make a living.

137
00:12:50,855 --> 00:12:52,940
All I want is to come home
to a nice, clean house

138
00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:55,734
with a nice, fat steak on the table,
but instead I get this.

139
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:56,944
It looks like poison.

140
00:12:57,111 --> 00:12:59,572
Don't you take that away.
I'm eating that, damn it.

141
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,073
It is poison, isn't it?

142
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,701
I swear to God, I would
not be surprised if it was,

143
00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:06,745
the way you skulk around here
like a dog who been hit too much

144
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,373
or ain't been hit enough,
I can't make up my mind.

145
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,250
You're useless, Beatrice.

146
00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:15,796
The only thing that pulls its weight
around here is my goddamn truck.

147
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,600
Figures.

148
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,394
[♪♪♪]

149
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,776
What the heck is it, Edgar?

150
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:42,740
Get your big butt
back in the house.

151
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,254
ALIEN:
Place projectile weapon
on the ground.

152
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,131
You can have my gun

153
00:13:59,298 --> 00:14:01,634
when you pry it from
my cold, dead fingers.

154
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,094
Your proposal
is acceptable.

155
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:05,721
[ALIEN SCREECHES]

156
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:08,891
[EDGAR SCREAMING]

157
00:14:10,226 --> 00:14:12,228
[FLESH TEARING]

158
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,194
[ALIEN SNARLING]

159
00:14:30,371 --> 00:14:31,747
[NECK CRACKS]

160
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,878
[FOOTSTEPS]

161
00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:42,591
[GRUNTS]

162
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:49,807
Edgar, what on Earth was that?
Sugar.

163
00:14:49,974 --> 00:14:52,351
I've never seen
sugar do that.

164
00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:55,688
Give me sugar.

165
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,652
In water.

166
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,660
More.

167
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,373
More.

168
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:16,125
[GRUNTING]

169
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,720
[SIGHS]

170
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,681
Edgar, your skin
is hanging off your bones.

171
00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,023
Oh, yeah.

172
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,444
There. Is that better?

173
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:50,284
[♪♪♪]

174
00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:00,210
[EDGAR GRUNTING]

175
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,597
[COW MOOS]

176
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,559
"The perpetrator
then blinked two
sets of eyelids."

177
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:17,269
You mean blinked
with both eyes?

178
00:16:17,436 --> 00:16:20,856
No, sir, he blinked one set,
then he blinked a completely
different set.

179
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:24,068
You know,
like high beams
and low beams.

180
00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:27,321
Was that before or after
he drew the weapon

181
00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:30,741
that you claim evaporated
into a million pieces?

182
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:33,452
After, sir.

183
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:37,414
And why is it that none
of the other officers saw
either of these two events?

184
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:40,292
Well, sir, some of the other
officers are a little soggy
around the midsection.

185
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:42,252
I guess that's why
they weren't able to keep up.

186
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,296
Hey, Edwards, if you were
half the man I am--

187
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:47,091
What the hell are you talking about?
I am half the man that you are.

188
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,300
What is your problem?

189
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,427
My problem is you being
all up in my damn face.

190
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:53,097
I think he threw him off the roof.
Really? Maybe you next.

191
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,348
I wanna talk to you.

192
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:57,476
Ten minutes, you take
your best shot, tough guy.

193
00:16:58,102 --> 00:17:02,022
Take 10 minutes on a StairMaster,
you pudgy bastard.

194
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:07,945
I believe you.

195
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:09,905
Laurel Weaver,
deputy medical examiner.

196
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,199
Find me at the morgue
on 26th. I'll show you.

197
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,284
Wait a minute.
Hey, wait a minute.

198
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,037
KAY: Excuse me,
you're Dr. Weaver

199
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,832
with the coroner's office
working on the John Doe,
right?

200
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,543
Yes, that's right.
Will you look at this, please?

201
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:26,839
Phew.

202
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,135
Some night, huh?

203
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,763
Yeah, some night.
They were gills, not eyelids.

204
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,016
Gills.
He was out of breath.

205
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,645
Who are you?
Did he say anything to you?

206
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:44,648
Yeah, he said the world
was coming to an end.

207
00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,650
Did he say when?

208
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,117
Would you recognize
that weapon of his
if you saw it again?

209
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:56,660
Absolutely.

210
00:17:58,370 --> 00:17:59,997
Come on, let's take a ride.

211
00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:03,167
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Look, I got tons of paperwork and--

212
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,335
Right, it's all done.
Good work, Edwards.

213
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:08,464
You really ran this
dude down on foot?
That's tough, kid.

214
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,549
That's double tough.

215
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,262
[♪♪♪]

216
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:24,688
JAY:
So who exactly are
you with? FBI? NSA?

217
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,982
KAY:
I'm part of a bureau
that licenses, monitors

218
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:29,610
and polices alien activity
on the planet Earth.

219
00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:32,571
JAY: Yeah, whatever.
KAY: We're here.

220
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,825
This is where we going?
Yeah.

221
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:39,953
This is Jack Jeebs' spot.
He buys from chain-snatchers.

222
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,581
He doesn't even sell guns.
Really?

223
00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:45,834
All right, look, I'm gonna
slide up in here and I'm
gonna put my thing down,

224
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,253
but when I come back out,
I want some real answers.

225
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,506
Okay, go put
your thing down.

226
00:18:55,928 --> 00:18:58,555
Officer Eduardo.
Hey, how did these get here?

227
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,849
I thought I turned these in
to the proper authorities.

228
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:04,478
The way I hear it, Jeebsie,
you into something a little
hotter than some stolen Rolexes.

229
00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:07,689
Yeah, well, I'm a huge crack
dealer now, but I still work here
because I love the hours.

230
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:11,026
I'm talking about guns,
smart-ass. Weird ones.

231
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:13,654
Come on, Edwards.
What you see is what I got.

232
00:19:13,821 --> 00:19:15,239
[DOOR OPENS]

233
00:19:16,365 --> 00:19:18,826
Why don't you show him
the imports, Jeebs?

234
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,744
Hey, Kay. How are you?

235
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,079
Show him the imports
right now.

236
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,122
I got out of that business
a long time ago.

237
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,749
Why do you lie to me?
I hate it.

238
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,417
Now, just hold on a second.

239
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,919
I'm gonna count to three.

240
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,254
He'll do it, Jeebs.
KAY: One.

241
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,172
That man does not look stable.
Two.

242
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:35,008
You know what? Talk to me.
He's crazy when he's like this.

243
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,094
He's always crazy.
Why don't you get
a massage?

244
00:19:37,261 --> 00:19:38,262
Take a cruise--

245
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,513
Three.
Drop the weapon.

246
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,348
Put your hands on your head.
I warned him.

247
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,058
Drop the weapon.
You warned him.

248
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,351
Don't make me kill you.

249
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:47,855
JEEBS:
You insensitive prick.

250
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,274
[♪♪♪]

251
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,443
Do you have any idea
how much that stings?

252
00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:56,196
Show us the merchandise
or you're gonna lose
another head, Jeebs.

253
00:20:00,284 --> 00:20:01,785
[BUZZES]

254
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,836
Mr. Edwards.

255
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,301
Right there,
the one in the middle.

256
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,724
You sold a reverberating
carbonizer with mutate capacity

257
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,685
to an unlicensed cephalopoid,
Jeebs, you piece of--

258
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,562
He looked all right to me.

259
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:30,063
Must have been
for an assassination.

260
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,690
Who's the target?
You know, I don't know.

261
00:20:31,857 --> 00:20:33,859
Goddamn it, Jeebs.
I don't know.

262
00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:38,530
That's confiscated, all of it,
and I want you on the next
transport off this rock

263
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,991
or I'm gonna shoot you
where it don't grow back.

264
00:20:41,158 --> 00:20:42,576
[WEAPON POWERS DOWN]

265
00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:44,870
Yeah, and...

266
00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:48,498
And I'm gonna be back
to talk about them Rolexes.

267
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,135
[♪♪♪]

268
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:10,354
[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]

269
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,357
Searching for a handle
on the moment?

270
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,526
I can't help you.

271
00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:19,363
The only comfort
I can offer is my promise

272
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:22,699
that tomorrow morning
you won't remember a thing.

273
00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,535
Yeah, well, that's not exactly
some shit you just forget.

274
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,037
KAY:
You ever seen one of these, son?

275
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:30,666
[KAY LAUGHING]

276
00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:35,253
She looks over at her
husband, then she sets it
back down in her lap

277
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,505
and she says,

278
00:21:36,672 --> 00:21:40,258
"Honey, this one's
eating my popcorn."

279
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:46,056
Did you get it?
"This one's eating my..."

280
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:50,394
Whoa. I gotta go.
Thanks for the egg rolls, kid.

281
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,939
Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
You see what I mean about tequila?

282
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:57,859
You're a very bright young man,
James, but you need to lay off
the sauce.

283
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,487
Now, I'll see you
bright and early, 9:00.

284
00:22:00,654 --> 00:22:04,241
Be there or be square.

285
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,845
[♪♪♪]

286
00:22:25,012 --> 00:22:26,596
MAN:
Well, well, well.

287
00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:30,100
Moving right in, are we?
Think we own the place?

288
00:22:30,267 --> 00:22:32,269
I got a little eviction
notice for you boys.

289
00:22:32,436 --> 00:22:35,355
Just what exactly do you
think you're doing here?

290
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:39,109
I'm taking care of your pest problem.
Pest problem?

291
00:22:39,985 --> 00:22:43,405
Pest?
Yeah, you got a hell of an infestation.

292
00:22:43,572 --> 00:22:46,491
You know, I've noticed
an infestation here.

293
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:52,205
Everywhere I look, in fact,
nothing but undeveloped, unevolved,
barely conscious pond scum

294
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:55,125
totally convinced
of their own superiority

295
00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:59,463
as they scurry about their short,
pointless lives.

296
00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:02,340
Well, yeah.

297
00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:06,178
Don't you wanna get rid of them?
Oh, in the worst way.

298
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,559
[MAN GASPING]

299
00:23:18,315 --> 00:23:20,317
[EDGAR GRUNTING]

300
00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:45,675
Help you?
Yeah, this dude gave me this card--

301
00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:47,719
Elevator.

302
00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,871
You're late. Sit down.

303
00:24:21,253 --> 00:24:23,046
My name is Zed.

304
00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:25,882
You're all here because
you're the best of the best.

305
00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:30,804
Marines,
Air Force, Navy SEALs,
Army Rangers, N.Y.P.D.

306
00:24:30,971 --> 00:24:33,890
And we're looking for
one of you, just one.

307
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,726
What will follow
is a series of simple tests

308
00:24:36,893 --> 00:24:41,231
for motor skills,
concentration, stamina.

309
00:24:41,398 --> 00:24:43,066
I see we have a question.

310
00:24:43,233 --> 00:24:45,569
Yeah, I'm sorry, maybe you
already answered this,

311
00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:48,321
but why exactly
are we here?

312
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,366
Son?
Second Lieutenant Jake Jensen.

313
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:53,076
West Point
graduate with honors.

314
00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:57,747
We're here because you're
looking for the best of the best
of the best, sir.

315
00:24:59,875 --> 00:25:01,626
[CHUCKLING]

316
00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:06,756
What's so funny, Edwards?
Your boy Captain America over here.

317
00:25:07,382 --> 00:25:10,177
"The best of the best
of the best, sir."

318
00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:11,803
You know, "With honors."

319
00:25:11,970 --> 00:25:15,932
You know, he's just really excited,
and he has no clue why we're here.

320
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:19,144
That's just--
That's very funny to me.

321
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:21,605
Y'all ain't laughing, though.

322
00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:31,323
Okay, let's get going.

323
00:25:44,836 --> 00:25:46,046
[TEARS]

324
00:26:42,852 --> 00:26:45,522
[METAL SCREECHING]

325
00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:57,200
Wanna get down on this?

326
00:26:59,536 --> 00:27:01,121
[BUZZER SOUNDING]

327
00:27:07,711 --> 00:27:09,713
[ALIENS GROWLING]

328
00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:25,562
ZED: Edwards,
what the hell happened?

329
00:27:25,729 --> 00:27:26,730
Hesitated.

330
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:33,194
May I ask why you felt
little Tiffany deserved to die?

331
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:36,156
JAY: Well, she was the only one
that actually seemed dangerous
at the time, sir.

332
00:27:36,323 --> 00:27:37,490
ZED: How'd you come
to that conclusion?

333
00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:40,452
Well, first I was gonna
pop this guy hanging
from the streetlight.

334
00:27:40,618 --> 00:27:42,329
And then I realized, you know,
he's just working out.

335
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:46,333
How would I feel if somebody
come running in the gym, bust me
in my ass while I'm on the treadmill?

336
00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:49,085
Then I saw this
snarling beast guy.

337
00:27:49,252 --> 00:27:52,672
I noticed he had a tissue
in his hand, and I realized
he's not snarling,

338
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:53,965
he's sneezing.

339
00:27:54,132 --> 00:27:56,760
You know,
ain't no real threat there.
Then I saw little Tiffany.

340
00:27:56,926 --> 00:28:00,096
I'm thinking, you know,
8-year-old white girl,
middle of the ghetto,

341
00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:03,183
bunch of monsters,
this time on night,
with quantum-physics books?

342
00:28:03,350 --> 00:28:05,685
She about to start some shit, Zed.
She's about 8 years old.

343
00:28:05,852 --> 00:28:08,063
Those books
are way too advanced for her.

344
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:10,607
If you ask me,
I say she's up to something.

345
00:28:10,774 --> 00:28:14,903
And to be honest, I'd appreciate it
if you eased up off my back about it.

346
00:28:17,781 --> 00:28:19,783
Or do I owe her an apology?

347
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,793
That was a good shot,
though, right?

348
00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:36,466
He's got a real problem
with authority.

349
00:28:36,633 --> 00:28:38,051
So do I.

350
00:28:38,218 --> 00:28:41,388
But this kid ran down
a cephalopoid on foot, boss.

351
00:28:41,554 --> 00:28:43,807
That's gotta be
tough enough.

352
00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:46,976
Let's hope you know
what you're doing.

353
00:28:55,151 --> 00:28:57,362
Gentlemen, congratulations.

354
00:28:57,529 --> 00:29:01,074
You're everything
we've come to expect from
years of government training.

355
00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:04,953
And now, if you'll just follow me,
we have one more test to administer:

356
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,163
an eye exam.

357
00:29:19,759 --> 00:29:21,511
Where are you going?

358
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:24,305
Yo. Hey, man,
what the hell is all this?

359
00:29:24,472 --> 00:29:27,684
Back in the mid-1950s,
the government started
a little underfunded agency

360
00:29:27,851 --> 00:29:31,521
with the simple and laughable
purpose of establishing contact
with a race not of this planet.

361
00:29:31,688 --> 00:29:35,066
ZED: If you'll look directly
at the end of this device,
we'll administer the eye test.

362
00:29:35,233 --> 00:29:38,027
Everybody thought
the agency was a joke
except the aliens

363
00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:41,781
who made contact
March 2, 1961,
outside New York.

364
00:29:41,948 --> 00:29:46,035
There were nine of us
the first night: seven agents,
one astronomer

365
00:29:46,202 --> 00:29:48,455
and one dumb kid
who got lost on the
wrong back road.

366
00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:51,416
Oh, you brought
that tall man some flowers.

367
00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:54,043
This way.

368
00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:56,671
They were a group
of intergalactic refugees.

369
00:29:56,838 --> 00:30:00,800
Wanted to use the Earth
as an apolitical zone for
creatures without a planet.

370
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:02,552
Did you ever see
the movie <i>Casablanca?</i>

371
00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:03,928
It's the same thing,
except no Nazis.

372
00:30:04,095 --> 00:30:05,555
Oh.
We agreed,

373
00:30:05,722 --> 00:30:07,849
and we concealed all the
evidence of their landing.

374
00:30:08,016 --> 00:30:10,435
JAY:
Uh-huh. So these
are real flying saucers

375
00:30:10,602 --> 00:30:12,604
and the World's Fair
was just a cover-up
for their landing?

376
00:30:12,770 --> 00:30:14,397
Why else would we
hold it in Queens?

377
00:30:14,564 --> 00:30:17,650
More nonhumans arrive
every year, and they live
among us in secret.

378
00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:20,445
Look, I'm sorry, not to change
the subject or anything,

379
00:30:20,612 --> 00:30:22,906
but when was the last time
you had a CAT scan?

380
00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,741
Six months ago.
It's company policy.

381
00:30:24,908 --> 00:30:26,910
Right, you should
make another appointment.

382
00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:29,871
Look, tell your boy Zed
I had an absolutely
wonderful time,

383
00:30:30,038 --> 00:30:33,333
and thank you for
everything, but why don't
you show me the door?

384
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,669
All right. I'm gonna
get some coffee.
You want some coffee?

385
00:30:36,836 --> 00:30:39,756
No, thank you, I'm fine.
Okay.

386
00:30:40,715 --> 00:30:42,550
[ALL CHATTERING IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

387
00:30:42,717 --> 00:30:43,760
[ALL LAUGHING]

388
00:30:43,927 --> 00:30:45,094
How you doing,
fellas?

389
00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:47,514
Hi, Kay.
Hi, Kay.

390
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,141
That's not decaf, is it?
Viennese cinnamon.

391
00:30:50,725 --> 00:30:53,061
KAY:
Don't tell me we only got that
powdered stuff for cream again.

392
00:30:53,228 --> 00:30:54,521
I hate that stuff.

393
00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:56,356
[SPEAKS IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

394
00:30:56,523 --> 00:30:59,359
Oh, that's good. Good, good.

395
00:30:59,526 --> 00:31:00,610
You guys getting
along all right?

396
00:31:00,777 --> 00:31:02,612
[ALL SPEAKING IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

397
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:04,364
KAY:
Well, don't work too hard.

398
00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,282
ALL:
Okay. Bye.

399
00:31:06,449 --> 00:31:07,617
So you guys seen...?

400
00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:10,078
Sure you don't
want some coffee?

401
00:31:10,245 --> 00:31:12,580
[ALIENS CHATTERING
IN ALIEN LANGUAGE]

402
00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:18,127
KAY:
All right, kid, here's the deal.

403
00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:21,798
At any given time,
there are around 1500
aliens on the planet,

404
00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:23,883
most of them right here
in Manhattan.

405
00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:25,552
And most of them
are decent enough.

406
00:31:25,718 --> 00:31:27,470
They're just trying
to make a living.

407
00:31:27,637 --> 00:31:29,973
Cabdrivers.
No, not as many as you'd think.

408
00:31:30,139 --> 00:31:31,975
Humans, for the most part,
don't have a clue.

409
00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:34,102
They don't want one
or need one either.
They're happy.

410
00:31:34,269 --> 00:31:38,773
They think they have
a good bead on things.

411
00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:39,983
But why the big secret?

412
00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:42,902
People are smart. They can handle it.
A person is smart.

413
00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:47,198
People are dumb, panicky,
dangerous animals,
and you know it.

414
00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:52,453
Fifteen hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth
was the center of the universe.

415
00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:55,999
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth
was flat.

416
00:31:56,165 --> 00:32:00,795
And 15 minutes ago,
you knew that people
were alone on this planet.

417
00:32:02,380 --> 00:32:06,342
Imagine what
you'll know tomorrow.

418
00:32:08,303 --> 00:32:10,513
What's the catch?
The catch?

419
00:32:11,014 --> 00:32:13,558
The catch is, you will sever
every human contact.

420
00:32:13,725 --> 00:32:17,353
Nobody will ever know
you exist anywhere.

421
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:19,856
Ever.

422
00:32:20,023 --> 00:32:22,191
[♪♪♪]

423
00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:26,029
I'll give you to sunrise
to think it over.

424
00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:32,076
Hey. Is it worth it?

425
00:32:32,243 --> 00:32:34,370
Oh, yeah, it's worth it.

426
00:32:36,372 --> 00:32:38,625
If you're strong enough.

427
00:33:21,376 --> 00:33:23,378
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

428
00:33:38,101 --> 00:33:39,811
What's up, pops?

429
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:51,614
All right,
I'm in because, look,

430
00:33:51,781 --> 00:33:54,534
there's some next-level shit
going on around here,
and I'm with that.

431
00:33:54,701 --> 00:33:58,287
But before y'all get to
beaming me up, there's a couple
things I want you to understand.

432
00:33:58,454 --> 00:34:01,958
First off, you chose me,
so you recognize the skills.

433
00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:05,753
And I don't want nobody
calling me "son" or "kid" or
"sport" or nothing like that.

434
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:07,380
Cool?
Cool. Whatever you say, slick.

435
00:34:07,547 --> 00:34:11,092
But I need to tell you
something about all
your skills.

436
00:34:12,093 --> 00:34:13,553
As of right now,

437
00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:17,348
they mean precisely dick.

438
00:34:18,641 --> 00:34:20,643
[♪♪♪]

439
00:34:21,477 --> 00:34:22,979
[SPEAKS IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

440
00:34:25,565 --> 00:34:27,692
[CHATTERING IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

441
00:34:30,361 --> 00:34:32,864
MAN: Purpose of trip?
ALIEN: Diplomatic mission.

442
00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:35,616
MAN: Duration of stay?
Lunch.

443
00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,994
Any fruits or vegetables?

444
00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:47,628
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
<i>Please meet your party
outside the containment area.</i>

445
00:34:48,171 --> 00:34:49,922
[GROWLS]

446
00:34:50,173 --> 00:34:52,592
You wanna stay away
from that guy. He's, uh...

447
00:34:53,968 --> 00:34:55,344
He's grouchy.

448
00:34:55,511 --> 00:34:58,473
Three-hour delay in customs
after a trip of 17 trillion miles

449
00:34:58,639 --> 00:35:00,516
is gonna make anybody cranky,
you know what I mean?

450
00:35:00,683 --> 00:35:02,810
Hey, what branch
of the government
do we report to?

451
00:35:02,977 --> 00:35:05,521
None. They ask too many questions.
So who pays for all this?

452
00:35:05,688 --> 00:35:07,940
We hold patents
on a few gadgets
we confiscated

453
00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:12,403
from out-of-state visitors:
Velcro, microwave ovens,
liposuction.

454
00:35:12,570 --> 00:35:16,199
That's a fascinating little gadget.
It's gonna replace CDs soon.

455
00:35:16,365 --> 00:35:18,701
I guess I'll have to buy
<i>The White Album</i> again.

456
00:35:18,868 --> 00:35:20,870
Oh. That is a lot of fun.
It's a universal translator.

457
00:35:21,037 --> 00:35:23,289
We're not even supposed
to have it. I'll tell you why.

458
00:35:23,456 --> 00:35:24,707
Human thought
is so primitive,

459
00:35:24,874 --> 00:35:28,711
it's looked upon as an
infectious disease in some
of the better galaxies.

460
00:35:28,878 --> 00:35:30,713
That kind of makes you
proud, doesn't it? Huh?

461
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,048
Hey, what's this thing?

462
00:35:32,215 --> 00:35:33,716
[JAY YELLING]

463
00:35:33,883 --> 00:35:34,926
[ALL GASP]

464
00:35:35,885 --> 00:35:38,387
JAY: Okay, just be calm.
Just be-- Relax.

465
00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:40,765
Okay-- Ooh, watch your head.

466
00:35:40,932 --> 00:35:42,642
Somebody get him some ice.

467
00:35:43,476 --> 00:35:46,604
Look out. Move--
Just move when
it's coming at you.

468
00:35:52,026 --> 00:35:55,905
Oh, damn. I will pay for that.

469
00:35:56,072 --> 00:35:57,114
[WOMAN SCREAMS]

470
00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:58,366
Oh!

471
00:35:58,533 --> 00:35:59,575
[ALIEN SCREAMS]

472
00:36:07,250 --> 00:36:11,087
This thing caused
the 1977 New York blackout.

473
00:36:11,254 --> 00:36:15,424
Practical joke by the Great Attractor.
He thought it was funny as hell.

474
00:36:16,801 --> 00:36:20,805
Sorry, y'all.
It was a accident. Sorry.

475
00:36:21,389 --> 00:36:23,516
KAY:
Observation, the heart
of our little endeavor.

476
00:36:23,683 --> 00:36:25,977
Meet the twins,
Blblup and Bob.

477
00:36:26,143 --> 00:36:29,397
This map shows the location
of every registered alien on Earth
at any give time,

478
00:36:29,564 --> 00:36:31,691
some of them under
constant surveillance.

479
00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:34,110
Everyone on those
screens is an alien.

480
00:36:34,277 --> 00:36:37,321
In public they're as normal
as you are, but in private, well...

481
00:36:37,947 --> 00:36:38,948
You'll get the idea.

482
00:36:40,157 --> 00:36:41,492
Oh, man.

483
00:36:41,659 --> 00:36:43,619
Doesn't make any sense, does it?

484
00:36:44,954 --> 00:36:47,790
Well, no, it makes
perfect sense.

485
00:36:47,957 --> 00:36:50,376
When I was in third grade,
everybody told me I was crazy,

486
00:36:50,543 --> 00:36:53,462
but I knew our teacher
had to be from, like, Venus
or something like that.

487
00:36:53,963 --> 00:36:58,384
Mrs. Edelson. It was Jupiter,
actually. Well, one of the moons.

488
00:36:58,551 --> 00:37:04,181
<i>--revolve. Class, be quiet
and pay attention.</i>

489
00:37:04,348 --> 00:37:08,060
<i>If I have to tell you
one more time...</i>

490
00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:11,522
Edwards. Let's put it on.

491
00:37:12,231 --> 00:37:13,274
Put what on?

492
00:37:14,025 --> 00:37:16,360
The last suit you'll ever wear.

493
00:37:19,196 --> 00:37:21,198
[♪♪♪]

494
00:37:28,915 --> 00:37:31,542
ZED:
<i>You will dress only in attire
specially sanctioned</i>

495
00:37:31,709 --> 00:37:33,753
<i>by MiB Special Services.</i>

496
00:37:34,253 --> 00:37:37,089
<i>You'll conform
to the identity we give you,</i>

497
00:37:37,256 --> 00:37:40,092
<i>eat where we tell you,
live where we tell you.</i>

498
00:37:40,718 --> 00:37:44,513
<i>From now on, you'll have no
identifying marks of any kind.</i>

499
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,558
<i>You will not stand out
in any way.</i>

500
00:37:47,725 --> 00:37:51,520
<i>Your entire image is crafted
to leave no lasting memory
with anyone you encounter.</i>

501
00:37:51,687 --> 00:37:52,855
Ow!

502
00:37:53,022 --> 00:37:56,484
<i>You are a rumor,
recognizable only as déjà vu</i>

503
00:37:56,651 --> 00:37:58,694
<i>and dismissed just as quickly.</i>

504
00:37:58,861 --> 00:38:01,238
<i>You don't exist.
You were never even born.</i>

505
00:38:03,950 --> 00:38:08,079
<i>Anonymity is your name,
silence, your native tongue.</i>

506
00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:11,165
<i>You are no longer
part of the system.</i>

507
00:38:11,332 --> 00:38:16,003
<i>You are above the system,
over it, beyond it.</i>

508
00:38:16,754 --> 00:38:19,173
<i>We're "them." We're "they."</i>

509
00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:22,802
<i>We are the Men in Black.</i>

510
00:38:29,266 --> 00:38:32,561
JAY:
You know what the difference
is between you and me?

511
00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:37,108
I make this look good.

512
00:38:38,943 --> 00:38:41,112
We're gonna go
for a little ride.

513
00:38:41,278 --> 00:38:42,905
I'll put you down here
for just a minute.

514
00:38:43,072 --> 00:38:45,074
Then Daddy
will be right back.

515
00:38:45,574 --> 00:38:47,243
[CAT MEOWING]

516
00:38:49,704 --> 00:38:50,913
[TIRES SCREECH]

517
00:39:00,631 --> 00:39:02,591
[JOINTS CRACKING]

518
00:39:05,594 --> 00:39:06,804
[GRUNTING]

519
00:39:16,272 --> 00:39:19,400
Okay, now we're ready
to go for a little ride.

520
00:39:19,567 --> 00:39:23,154
We're gonna meet
one of Daddy's friends,
and you're gonna like him.

521
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,576
Okay, let's see.

522
00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:32,288
Bee, we've got the deposed
Sir Prefect of Singalee

523
00:39:32,455 --> 00:39:35,374
touching down on the forest
outside Portland tonight.

524
00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:38,294
<i>Humanoid?</i>
ZED: You wish. Bring a sponge.

525
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,048
Here. Red letter
from last night.

526
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:45,217
We had an unauthorized
landing somewhere in
upstate New York.

527
00:39:45,801 --> 00:39:47,511
Kay, keep your ears open
on this one.

528
00:39:47,678 --> 00:39:51,098
We're not hosting
an intergalactic
kegger down here.

529
00:39:51,265 --> 00:39:52,975
[ALARM WAILING]

530
00:39:53,142 --> 00:39:54,935
Well, well, well,
we got a skimmer.

531
00:39:55,102 --> 00:39:58,022
Landed alien out of zone. Who is it?
Redgick.

532
00:39:58,189 --> 00:40:01,317
He's not cleared to leave Manhattan,
but he's way out of town right now,

533
00:40:01,484 --> 00:40:03,569
stuck on the
New Jersey Turnpike.

534
00:40:03,736 --> 00:40:05,571
Why don't you take
junior here with you?

535
00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:08,991
This is a good one
for him to warm up on.

536
00:40:09,158 --> 00:40:10,951
Go get him, tiger.

537
00:40:16,499 --> 00:40:19,919
[IMITATES ZED]
"We're not hosting
an intergalactic kegger."

538
00:40:21,170 --> 00:40:24,924
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Zed. He just...

539
00:40:26,008 --> 00:40:28,260
Unlimited technology
from the whole universe

540
00:40:28,427 --> 00:40:32,348
and we cruise around
in a Ford POS.

541
00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:35,976
Fasten your seat belt.

542
00:40:36,143 --> 00:40:38,270
See, now, we got to work
on your people skills.

543
00:40:38,437 --> 00:40:41,357
You know, you'd get
a much better reaction if
you were a little more polite.

544
00:40:41,524 --> 00:40:42,983
Fasten your seat belt,
please.

545
00:40:43,150 --> 00:40:46,195
Whoa, that was good.
Did you hurt yourself? Oh!

546
00:40:46,362 --> 00:40:48,280
[TIRES SCREECHING]

547
00:40:48,447 --> 00:40:52,493
Oh, the red button there, kid.
Don't ever, ever touch the red button.

548
00:41:02,336 --> 00:41:05,464
All right, bub,
that'll be $72, then.

549
00:41:05,631 --> 00:41:09,218
Okay, sweetie, let me
pay the impolite driver.

550
00:41:13,389 --> 00:41:15,224
[GRUNTING]

551
00:41:29,238 --> 00:41:30,948
[MEOWING]

552
00:41:38,664 --> 00:41:41,876
[IN ALIEN LANGUAGE]

553
00:42:11,989 --> 00:42:13,908
Six is up.

554
00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:15,826
Where is Ivan?

555
00:42:15,993 --> 00:42:17,995
EDGAR:
Gave him a break.

556
00:42:19,455 --> 00:42:21,457
[♪♪♪]

557
00:42:40,809 --> 00:42:43,854
You can kill us both,
but you will not find the Galaxy.

558
00:42:44,813 --> 00:42:47,566
You're right about one thing.

559
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:58,202
[MEOWING AND HISSING]

560
00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:03,457
You're not going anywhere, pal.

561
00:43:06,543 --> 00:43:08,087
MAN 1:
What's going on?

562
00:43:10,381 --> 00:43:12,841
MAN 2:
Hey, hey, hey, easy.

563
00:43:13,342 --> 00:43:15,261
[GRUNTING]

564
00:43:16,887 --> 00:43:18,389
[GROWLS]

565
00:43:19,974 --> 00:43:22,184
I'd like to see your license
and registration, please.

566
00:43:25,771 --> 00:43:29,483
Like to see your other license
and registration, please.

567
00:43:35,781 --> 00:43:38,909
All right, your resident-alien
card has you restricted to
the island of Manhattan.

568
00:43:39,076 --> 00:43:42,246
Where are you going, Redgie?
Well, it's my wife. She's...

569
00:43:42,413 --> 00:43:44,164
Well, look.

570
00:43:44,331 --> 00:43:46,250
[GRUNTING]

571
00:43:46,417 --> 00:43:49,169
Oh. All right.
Okay, no big deal.

572
00:43:49,336 --> 00:43:52,047
Okay, you come with me, Redge.

573
00:43:53,757 --> 00:43:56,927
And you handle this.
What? Me?

574
00:43:57,511 --> 00:43:58,887
Yeah, it's easy.
You just catch.

575
00:43:59,054 --> 00:44:00,306
Are you sure he knows
what he's doing?

576
00:44:00,472 --> 00:44:02,683
He does it all the time.
Let the man work.

577
00:44:02,850 --> 00:44:04,143
[MRS. REDGICK PANTING]

578
00:44:04,310 --> 00:44:06,145
Okay. Yeah.

579
00:44:07,062 --> 00:44:09,231
[MRS. REDGICK GRUNTING]

580
00:44:09,398 --> 00:44:14,278
Ooh! Kay. Oh--
Damn, man. Kay?
Something's peeking.

581
00:44:14,445 --> 00:44:16,405
Croagg the midwife
is at 54th and Madison.

582
00:44:16,572 --> 00:44:18,532
You're headed out of town,
Redgie. What's going on?

583
00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:21,201
Well, we're meeting someone.
Who you meeting?

584
00:44:21,368 --> 00:44:22,619
Well, it's a ship.
A ship?

585
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:24,413
I didn't see a departure
clearance for today.

586
00:44:24,580 --> 00:44:25,622
You didn't?
No.

587
00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:28,417
Well, it's-- Well, it's an emergency.
JAY: Kay! Kay!

588
00:44:28,584 --> 00:44:31,086
You're doing fine, ace.
What kind of emergency?

589
00:44:31,253 --> 00:44:34,298
What's the rush to get off
the planet all of a sudden?

590
00:44:34,465 --> 00:44:36,467
We just don't like
the neighborhood
anymore.

591
00:44:36,633 --> 00:44:39,595
Some of the new arrivals.
What new arrivals?

592
00:44:39,762 --> 00:44:42,556
Does it have anything
to do with the crasher
from last night?

593
00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:43,974
JAY:
Excuse me, miss.

594
00:44:44,141 --> 00:44:45,184
[JAY YELLS]

595
00:44:45,351 --> 00:44:47,561
[♪♪♪]

596
00:44:47,728 --> 00:44:51,440
Oh, man. Oh, man.

597
00:44:53,442 --> 00:44:56,445
Kay, look. Oh, man.

598
00:44:56,612 --> 00:44:57,780
[CHUCKLES]

599
00:44:57,946 --> 00:45:00,616
Congratulations, Redge, it's a...

600
00:45:00,949 --> 00:45:01,992
squid.

601
00:45:02,159 --> 00:45:04,036
JAY:
Kay, man.

602
00:45:05,788 --> 00:45:09,541
You know, it's actually kind of--

603
00:45:10,417 --> 00:45:12,086
[ALIEN GIGGLING]

604
00:45:16,048 --> 00:45:17,508
--cute.

605
00:45:18,967 --> 00:45:20,344
[CAR DOOR OPENS]

606
00:45:21,303 --> 00:45:22,429
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

607
00:45:22,596 --> 00:45:23,639
[KAY SIGHS]

608
00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:27,142
Anything about that
seem unusual to you?

609
00:45:29,728 --> 00:45:31,355
What would scare
Redgick so badly

610
00:45:31,522 --> 00:45:34,358
that he'd risk a warp jump
with a newborn?

611
00:45:34,525 --> 00:45:36,735
We'll check
the hot sheets.

612
00:45:41,990 --> 00:45:43,283
JAY:
These are the hot sheets?

613
00:45:43,450 --> 00:45:45,494
Best investigative reporting
on the planet.

614
00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:47,496
Go ahead, read <i>The New
York Times</i> if you want to.

615
00:45:47,663 --> 00:45:49,039
They get lucky sometimes.
Thanks, Manny.

616
00:45:49,206 --> 00:45:53,460
Cannot believe you're
looking for tips in the
supermarket tabloids.

617
00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:56,380
Not "looking for."

618
00:45:57,923 --> 00:45:59,425
Found.

619
00:46:01,343 --> 00:46:03,345
[♪♪♪]

620
00:46:12,271 --> 00:46:14,648
Wait a minute, slow down.
Why?

621
00:46:14,815 --> 00:46:16,233
Give her time to get
the wrong impression.

622
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,277
Makes things go
a lot smoother.

623
00:46:19,278 --> 00:46:20,696
Can I help you gentlemen?

624
00:46:20,863 --> 00:46:22,614
Yes, ma'am,
I'm Special Agent
Manheim.

625
00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:26,201
This is Special Agent Black
of the FBI. We'd like to talk
to you about your visitor.

626
00:46:26,368 --> 00:46:27,953
BEATRICE:
You here to make fun
of me too?

627
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,789
No, ma'am. We at the FBI
do not have a sense of humor
we're aware of.

628
00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:32,082
May we come in?

629
00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:35,752
Sure.
Thank you.

630
00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:38,505
Lemonade?
Oh, yes, please.

631
00:46:42,801 --> 00:46:47,639
The chief of police himself came
up to the house and did a full-out
professional investigation.

632
00:46:47,806 --> 00:46:50,350
Took a police report
and writ down everything I said,

633
00:46:50,517 --> 00:46:53,103
from A to Z,
not believing one thing I said.

634
00:46:53,270 --> 00:46:55,856
Sort of poking fun at me.
And they asked me,

635
00:46:56,023 --> 00:46:59,943
"If he was murdered,
how was he able to walk
back in the house?"

636
00:47:00,110 --> 00:47:03,322
I gotta admit to you,
that one got me sort of stumped.

637
00:47:03,489 --> 00:47:07,159
But I'll tell you something right now.
I know Edgar, and that wasn't Edgar.

638
00:47:07,576 --> 00:47:12,372
It was like something
was wearing Edgar like a...

639
00:47:12,539 --> 00:47:14,291
Like a suit...

640
00:47:14,458 --> 00:47:17,211
an Edgar suit.

641
00:47:19,379 --> 00:47:21,256
[LAUGHING]

642
00:47:23,425 --> 00:47:26,720
Dude was that ugly
before he was a alien.

643
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,809
I'm sorry.
Go on.

644
00:47:33,352 --> 00:47:37,314
Anyway, I come to
and he's gone.

645
00:47:37,773 --> 00:47:42,361
Did he say anything?
Yes. He asked me for some water.

646
00:47:42,528 --> 00:47:45,864
Some, uh, sugar water.
Sugar water?

647
00:47:46,031 --> 00:47:49,117
Yeah, I remember that right,
because I thought that that was odd

648
00:47:49,284 --> 00:47:53,830
that he asked me for sugar water
and not lemonade or ice water

649
00:47:53,997 --> 00:47:57,042
or regular water
or tap water.

650
00:47:57,876 --> 00:48:00,420
All right, Beatrice.
There was no alien.

651
00:48:00,587 --> 00:48:02,965
The flash of light you saw
in the sky was not a UFO.

652
00:48:03,131 --> 00:48:05,968
Swamp gas from a weather balloon
was trapped in a thermal pocket

653
00:48:06,134 --> 00:48:07,886
and refracted the light
from Venus.

654
00:48:08,053 --> 00:48:09,263
Wait-- Wait a minute.

655
00:48:09,429 --> 00:48:12,849
You just flash that thing,
it erases her memory,
and you just make up a new one?

656
00:48:13,016 --> 00:48:14,643
A standard-issue
neuralyzer.

657
00:48:14,810 --> 00:48:17,688
And that weak-ass story
is the best you can come up with?

658
00:48:17,854 --> 00:48:18,897
All right.

659
00:48:19,064 --> 00:48:22,401
On a more personal note,
Beatrice, Edgar ran off
with an old girlfriend.

660
00:48:22,568 --> 00:48:24,319
You're gonna go stay with
your mom a couple of nights,

661
00:48:24,486 --> 00:48:26,488
you're gonna get over it,
and decide you're better off.

662
00:48:26,655 --> 00:48:30,742
Well, yeah, you know, because
he never appreciated you anyway.

663
00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:34,746
In fact, you know what?
You kicked him out.

664
00:48:34,913 --> 00:48:37,499
And now that he's gone,
you're gonna go into town,
you go to Bloomingdale's,

665
00:48:37,666 --> 00:48:40,460
find yourself some nice dresses,
get yourself some shoes.

666
00:48:40,627 --> 00:48:43,505
You know, find somewhere
that maybe you could get a facial.

667
00:48:43,672 --> 00:48:48,343
And, oh, hire a decorator
to come in here quick
because, damn.

668
00:48:55,017 --> 00:48:56,310
JAY: Yo, Kay, look,
check it out, man.

669
00:48:56,476 --> 00:48:59,896
When do I get my own flashy little
memory-messer-upper thingy?

670
00:49:00,063 --> 00:49:03,358
When you grow up.
Mm. Okay.

671
00:49:05,193 --> 00:49:06,194
Please, not green.

672
00:49:07,696 --> 00:49:08,697
Oh, damn.

673
00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,409
I don't suppose you know
what kind of alien life form

674
00:49:12,576 --> 00:49:14,870
leaves a green spectral trail
and craves sugar water, do you?

675
00:49:15,829 --> 00:49:18,457
Oh, wait, that was on
Final Jeopardy! last night.

676
00:49:18,624 --> 00:49:22,044
Damn, Alex said it was...
Zed, we have a bug.

677
00:49:22,544 --> 00:49:25,380
So, what?
We don't like bugs?

678
00:49:25,547 --> 00:49:28,008
Bugs thrive on
carnage, tiger.

679
00:49:28,175 --> 00:49:32,471
They consume, infest, destroy,
live off the death and destruction
of other species.

680
00:49:32,638 --> 00:49:34,723
You were stung as a child,
weren't you?

681
00:49:34,890 --> 00:49:39,061
No, listen, kid, imagine
a giant cockroach with
unlimited strength,

682
00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:42,814
a massive inferiority complex,
and a real short temper

683
00:49:42,981 --> 00:49:46,401
is tear-assing around
Manhattan Island in a
brand-new Edgar suit.

684
00:49:47,486 --> 00:49:48,654
Does that sound like fun?

685
00:49:51,073 --> 00:49:52,157
What's the move?

686
00:49:53,283 --> 00:49:55,661
With the bug in town,
we'll watch the morgues.

687
00:49:55,827 --> 00:49:58,121
[♪♪♪]

688
00:49:58,288 --> 00:49:59,873
[MEOWS]

689
00:50:08,090 --> 00:50:10,008
Where do you want
Contestant Number 3?

690
00:50:10,175 --> 00:50:11,760
Just leave it there.

691
00:50:11,927 --> 00:50:13,762
What's with the cat?
Oh, the cat.

692
00:50:13,929 --> 00:50:16,223
Yeah, well, there's a problem
with the cat. Sign here.

693
00:50:16,390 --> 00:50:20,394
What's the problem with the cat?
It's your problem. Heh-heh.

694
00:50:22,604 --> 00:50:24,606
I hate the living.

695
00:50:26,233 --> 00:50:27,901
Shall we?

696
00:50:28,276 --> 00:50:30,946
[♪♪♪]

697
00:50:57,305 --> 00:50:59,683
Oh, my God.

698
00:51:03,145 --> 00:51:05,480
Whoa, buddy, what are you?

699
00:51:13,572 --> 00:51:16,658
Subject was approximately
112 degrees at time of autopsy,

700
00:51:16,825 --> 00:51:19,035
indicating an increase
in body temperature.

701
00:51:19,202 --> 00:51:21,079
Examiner tried to
verify this rectally

702
00:51:21,246 --> 00:51:23,582
only to find the subject
was without a rectum,

703
00:51:23,749 --> 00:51:25,500
which is, needless to say,
really--

704
00:51:25,667 --> 00:51:27,127
KAY:
Weird.

705
00:51:27,294 --> 00:51:29,546
I'm Dr. Leo Manville,
Department of Public Health.

706
00:51:29,713 --> 00:51:31,548
This is Dr. White.

707
00:51:32,340 --> 00:51:34,593
You boys must not
have much of a home life.

708
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,011
We watch the morgues
very carefully, ma'am.

709
00:51:36,178 --> 00:51:38,305
Tell me, do you have something
unusual around here?

710
00:51:38,472 --> 00:51:40,682
I'd say so. Triple homicide.
Mm-hm.

711
00:51:40,849 --> 00:51:44,060
The first body I opened up
was pretty normal,
except he was broken in half.

712
00:51:44,227 --> 00:51:46,813
But when I opened up
the other two, well...

713
00:51:46,980 --> 00:51:48,023
Let me show you.

714
00:51:54,863 --> 00:51:57,991
There's a skeletal structure
at work here unlike anything
I've ever seen before.

715
00:51:58,158 --> 00:51:59,743
KAY: All right,
I'll have a look at this one.

716
00:51:59,910 --> 00:52:02,329
Dr. White, why don't you
and Dr. Weaver check out
the other body, please?

717
00:52:02,496 --> 00:52:06,583
This way, doctor.
This one's even stranger.

718
00:52:07,209 --> 00:52:08,293
I did a full laparotomy.

719
00:52:08,460 --> 00:52:10,712
I started with the lesser
curvature of the stomach,
but we could start

720
00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,007
with the gastroesophageal junction,
whichever you prefer.

721
00:52:15,091 --> 00:52:18,011
Let's start wherever
you started at.

722
00:52:18,178 --> 00:52:19,888
Okey-dokey.

723
00:52:21,348 --> 00:52:22,766
Oh.

724
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:26,937
[CAT MEOWS]

725
00:52:28,146 --> 00:52:29,773
JAY: Is this your cat?
LAUREL: Guess it is now.

726
00:52:29,940 --> 00:52:32,400
It came in with the body.
Okay, dive right in.

727
00:52:32,567 --> 00:52:33,735
I'm sure he won't mind.

728
00:52:33,902 --> 00:52:34,903
[GROANS]

729
00:52:37,155 --> 00:52:40,116
Hm. You have really
pretty eyes.

730
00:52:40,742 --> 00:52:41,785
Thank you.

731
00:52:45,580 --> 00:52:48,250
Okay, you feel that?
Where the pyloric
junction would be?

732
00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:50,085
Push it aside.

733
00:52:50,252 --> 00:52:53,463
Notice anything strange?
Stomach, liver, lungs...

734
00:52:53,630 --> 00:52:57,259
Nope, all fine.
Doctor, they're all missing.

735
00:52:58,093 --> 00:52:59,261
Of course.

736
00:52:59,427 --> 00:53:02,180
Oh, you know, that's obviously
the first thing I noticed.

737
00:53:02,681 --> 00:53:04,140
Well, what I was pointing out

738
00:53:04,307 --> 00:53:10,105
is the fact that there are
no pieces of them left.

739
00:53:10,272 --> 00:53:13,733
Yeah, you know,
so they're intact,

740
00:53:13,900 --> 00:53:15,777
wherever they are,
whole somewhere.

741
00:53:15,944 --> 00:53:18,446
That we can be sure of.
Have we met before?

742
00:53:19,364 --> 00:53:21,449
I'm having the strangest
feeling of déjà vu.

743
00:53:22,951 --> 00:53:25,328
Yeah, me too.
Really?

744
00:53:25,912 --> 00:53:28,456
Okay, do you wanna
know what I really think?
But don't tell that guy.

745
00:53:28,623 --> 00:53:30,166
He looks like he's
under enough stress.

746
00:53:30,333 --> 00:53:32,210
See, I don't think
this body's really a body.

747
00:53:32,377 --> 00:53:35,672
I think it's some
kind of transport unit for
something else altogether.

748
00:53:35,839 --> 00:53:38,466
The question is, what?
Mm-hm.

749
00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:40,552
Is this freaking you out?

750
00:53:41,469 --> 00:53:44,389
No. Pssh! No, girl.

751
00:53:45,974 --> 00:53:49,144
You know what I like to do
sometimes when it's really late?

752
00:53:51,354 --> 00:53:52,397
No.

753
00:53:53,273 --> 00:53:54,983
KAY:
Dr. White.

754
00:53:55,525 --> 00:53:57,819
Um, excuse me.

755
00:54:02,324 --> 00:54:04,784
What do you think?
Very interesting.

756
00:54:04,951 --> 00:54:07,412
She got a real
queen-of-the-undead
thing going on--

757
00:54:07,579 --> 00:54:09,831
Of the body.
Great body.

758
00:54:09,998 --> 00:54:12,375
The dead body.
Oh.

759
00:54:12,542 --> 00:54:14,169
Man, you gonna have to
go look at that thing.

760
00:54:14,336 --> 00:54:16,338
LAUREL: Dr. White?
You recognize him?

761
00:54:17,005 --> 00:54:19,132
Yeah, he looks like the big guy
I saw down at headquarters,

762
00:54:19,299 --> 00:54:20,508
only a little deader.
LAUREL: Dr. White.

763
00:54:20,675 --> 00:54:22,469
What do you think
killed him?

764
00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:25,096
A bug?
Dr. White.

765
00:54:25,263 --> 00:54:27,515
You're up, slugger.
Oh.

766
00:54:30,602 --> 00:54:32,020
Look at this.

767
00:54:33,521 --> 00:54:35,023
JAY:
What the hell is that?

768
00:54:35,190 --> 00:54:37,108
[♪♪♪]

769
00:54:39,694 --> 00:54:40,820
[GASPS]

770
00:54:51,581 --> 00:54:53,166
[ALIEN GASPING]

771
00:54:53,625 --> 00:54:55,710
Must...

772
00:54:56,461 --> 00:54:58,797
To prevent...

773
00:55:01,091 --> 00:55:03,885
contest.

774
00:55:04,052 --> 00:55:05,595
JAY:
Okay, what are you trying to say?

775
00:55:05,762 --> 00:55:07,097
To prevent...

776
00:55:07,263 --> 00:55:10,225
To prevent struggle?

777
00:55:11,101 --> 00:55:13,728
No. To prevent--

778
00:55:14,104 --> 00:55:15,146
War?

779
00:55:15,313 --> 00:55:16,731
--war...

780
00:55:19,275 --> 00:55:21,945
the Galaxy...

781
00:55:22,112 --> 00:55:26,908
is on Orion's...

782
00:55:28,743 --> 00:55:31,913
be-- Be--

783
00:55:32,622 --> 00:55:36,167
What is word?
JAY: Bed?

784
00:55:36,334 --> 00:55:40,171
Belt? Orion's belt?

785
00:55:53,601 --> 00:55:54,644
[MEOWS]

786
00:55:58,773 --> 00:56:02,235
"To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."

787
00:56:02,402 --> 00:56:04,571
What the hell does that mean?

788
00:56:07,824 --> 00:56:10,827
Doctor, uh...
Whatever, come here.

789
00:56:10,994 --> 00:56:12,037
Dr. Whatever?

790
00:56:12,203 --> 00:56:15,290
Hey, you guys aren't really from
the Department of Health, are you?

791
00:56:15,457 --> 00:56:17,292
Rosenberg. Aw, damn.

792
00:56:17,459 --> 00:56:19,294
The Arquillians are
not gonna like this.

793
00:56:19,461 --> 00:56:21,838
This guy was one
of the royal family.

794
00:56:22,005 --> 00:56:23,298
I knew it. This is an alien.

795
00:56:23,465 --> 00:56:26,843
And you guys are from some
government agency trying to
keep it under wraps.

796
00:56:27,010 --> 00:56:30,305
Look, he said, "To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."

797
00:56:30,472 --> 00:56:32,807
This makes total sense.
How else do you explain
New York?

798
00:56:32,974 --> 00:56:36,144
The other day, I was in
this cab, and this guy was--

799
00:56:37,187 --> 00:56:39,397
"Galaxy on Orion's belt"
doesn't make any sense.

800
00:56:39,564 --> 00:56:42,650
Look, that's what the little
dude inside the big dude's
head said, right?

801
00:56:42,817 --> 00:56:46,780
Right after-- Damn, man.
You did the flashy thing already.

802
00:56:46,946 --> 00:56:49,991
Hey, whoever you guys are,
you're gonna have to show me ID
if you're gonna be in the morgue.

803
00:56:50,158 --> 00:56:53,161
Oh, yes, of course, young lady.
Have a look at this for me, please.

804
00:56:53,328 --> 00:56:54,996
Would you stop that?
What?

805
00:56:55,163 --> 00:56:57,332
That thing is gonna give her
brain cancer or something.

806
00:56:57,499 --> 00:57:00,335
Never hurt her before.
Look, we gotta get all
the doors closed off.

807
00:57:00,502 --> 00:57:02,337
Special Services
will be here any minute.

808
00:57:02,504 --> 00:57:05,006
"Never hurt her before"?
How many times have you
flashy-thinged that woman?

809
00:57:05,173 --> 00:57:06,174
A couple.

810
00:57:06,341 --> 00:57:08,343
So, what, you not worried
about long-term damage?

811
00:57:08,510 --> 00:57:09,677
A little.

812
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:11,679
Kay, have you flashy-thinged me?
No.

813
00:57:11,846 --> 00:57:13,807
I ain't playing with you, Kay.
Have you ever flashy-thinged me?

814
00:57:13,973 --> 00:57:15,141
KAY:
No.

815
00:57:15,350 --> 00:57:17,352
[♪♪♪]

816
00:57:19,687 --> 00:57:21,064
[BRAKES SQUEAL]

817
00:57:24,067 --> 00:57:27,195
Look, Kay, I think
I should be in charge of the
flashy-memory-thing department.

818
00:57:27,362 --> 00:57:28,655
Not while I'm around, ace.

819
00:57:28,822 --> 00:57:31,366
You ain't gonna be happy
till you fricassee somebody's
brain out, man.

820
00:57:31,533 --> 00:57:32,867
All right, we got
two dead aliens.

821
00:57:33,034 --> 00:57:35,078
And a deputy medical examiner
needs a new memory.

822
00:57:35,245 --> 00:57:36,704
Yes, sir.

823
00:57:38,081 --> 00:57:41,209
Make it a happy
memory.

824
00:57:42,877 --> 00:57:45,088
[EDGAR GRUNTING]

825
00:58:00,061 --> 00:58:01,229
[METAL CRUNCHES]

826
00:58:01,729 --> 00:58:04,941
Oh... Oh...

827
00:58:13,491 --> 00:58:15,952
EDGAR:
Where is it?

828
00:58:16,119 --> 00:58:18,121
[♪♪♪]

829
00:58:28,798 --> 00:58:30,216
[SIGHS]

830
00:58:30,425 --> 00:58:33,553
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
<i>Will the owner of a blue
warp-speed cruiser</i>

831
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:36,806
<i>please report to the front desk?</i>

832
00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,372
JAY:
Hey, Zed.

833
00:59:01,539 --> 00:59:04,375
Doesn't anybody ever get
any sleep around here?

834
00:59:04,542 --> 00:59:08,338
The twins keep us
on Centaurian time.
It's a 37-hour day.

835
00:59:08,504 --> 00:59:10,506
Give it a few months.
You'll get used to it.

836
00:59:10,673 --> 00:59:14,469
Or you'll have a psychotic
episode. Here's Orion.

837
00:59:14,636 --> 00:59:17,639
It's a grouping of
the brightest stars
in the northern sky.

838
00:59:17,805 --> 00:59:20,475
And here's Orion's belt.
Right. That's what the little guy said:

839
00:59:20,642 --> 00:59:24,145
"To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on
Orion's belt."

840
00:59:24,312 --> 00:59:26,689
Junior, there are no
galaxies on Orion's belt.

841
00:59:26,856 --> 00:59:30,568
The belt is just these three stars.
Galaxies are huge.

842
00:59:30,985 --> 00:59:35,323
They're made up of billions
of stars. You heard wrong.

843
00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:38,576
Look, whatever, man.
I know what I heard.

844
00:59:40,620 --> 00:59:42,622
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

845
00:59:43,331 --> 00:59:45,333
[♪♪♪]

846
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:11,526
[KEYBOARD CLACKS]

847
01:00:15,363 --> 01:00:16,698
Pretty lady.

848
01:00:20,702 --> 01:00:23,037
Uh-huh. Okay.

849
01:00:23,204 --> 01:00:28,209
The grumpy guy's story
is starting to come into
focus a little bit here.

850
01:00:28,376 --> 01:00:31,004
So you were the guy in
that picture you showed
me with the flowers.

851
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,380
Yeah.

852
01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:36,509
And I take it she never
got those flowers.

853
01:00:36,676 --> 01:00:38,678
So, what, she ever get
married or anything?

854
01:00:38,845 --> 01:00:40,263
No.

855
01:00:40,722 --> 01:00:42,015
Ah, well, you know
what they say:

856
01:00:42,181 --> 01:00:46,060
It's better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.

857
01:00:46,227 --> 01:00:48,021
Try it.

858
01:00:48,187 --> 01:00:49,689
ZED:
Kay.

859
01:00:52,984 --> 01:00:55,820
Take a look at this.
My God, they're all leaving.

860
01:00:55,987 --> 01:00:57,989
We've had 12 jump
in the last hour.

861
01:00:58,156 --> 01:01:00,116
Redgick was just the first.

862
01:01:00,867 --> 01:01:02,744
What the hell do they
know that we don't?

863
01:01:02,910 --> 01:01:04,495
Why does a rat
desert a ship?

864
01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:08,750
Give me Lem Sat 4,
please, with a proton
induction thermoscan.

865
01:01:10,376 --> 01:01:13,171
Thank you.
Okay, Lem Sat 18.

866
01:01:14,756 --> 01:01:15,965
All right, 4000.

867
01:01:20,345 --> 01:01:22,055
That's an Arquillian
battle cruiser.

868
01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:24,140
And we've got
a dead Arquillian prince.

869
01:01:24,307 --> 01:01:26,559
[ALIEN CHATTER OVER RADIO]

870
01:01:26,726 --> 01:01:28,811
KAY:
And speak of the devil.

871
01:01:28,978 --> 01:01:31,647
They sound pissed.
Boys, translate that. Step on it.

872
01:01:31,856 --> 01:01:36,277
Why don't you get down
to Rosenberg's jewelry store
and see what you can turn up?

873
01:01:38,446 --> 01:01:39,989
Kay.

874
01:01:41,699 --> 01:01:43,785
Give the kid a weapon.

875
01:01:52,627 --> 01:01:55,922
Series 4 De-atomizer.
Now, that's what I'm talking about.

876
01:01:56,089 --> 01:01:58,007
Noisy Cricket.

877
01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:01,969
Hey, Kay, no, no.
Come on, man.

878
01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:05,640
You get a Series 4 De-atomizer,
I get a little midget Cricket?

879
01:02:05,807 --> 01:02:07,475
Whoa, kid!

880
01:02:10,686 --> 01:02:12,647
Feel like I'm gonna
break this damn thing.

881
01:02:12,814 --> 01:02:14,816
[♪♪♪]

882
01:02:16,609 --> 01:02:18,694
[GRUNTING]

883
01:02:48,349 --> 01:02:50,351
[TOW TRUCK WHIRRING]

884
01:02:57,108 --> 01:02:59,444
Hey, this is my truck.

885
01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:03,906
Yeah, and make sure you tell
them that down at the impound.

886
01:03:11,038 --> 01:03:13,416
Please.

887
01:03:22,300 --> 01:03:24,969
Who breaks into a jewelry store
and leaves all the jewels?

888
01:03:25,136 --> 01:03:27,472
Somebody not
looking for jewelry.

889
01:03:29,474 --> 01:03:31,893
This guy had
a serious crush on his cat.

890
01:03:32,059 --> 01:03:33,561
[GUNSHOT]

891
01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:36,606
Kay, get down.

892
01:03:36,772 --> 01:03:37,815
[YELLS]

893
01:03:38,024 --> 01:03:39,734
[WEAPON CHIRPING]

894
01:03:40,735 --> 01:03:41,777
Man.

895
01:03:43,613 --> 01:03:47,158
That's him. That's the bug
in the Edgar suit.

896
01:03:49,994 --> 01:03:51,245
[WEAPON FIRES]

897
01:03:51,412 --> 01:03:52,580
[JAY SCREAMS]

898
01:04:01,756 --> 01:04:03,090
[WEAPON FIRES]

899
01:04:03,257 --> 01:04:04,342
[SCREAMS]

900
01:04:08,930 --> 01:04:11,599
We do not discharge our
weapons in view of the public.

901
01:04:11,766 --> 01:04:13,935
Man, we ain't got time
for this cover-up bullshit.

902
01:04:14,101 --> 01:04:16,562
I don't know if you've forgotten,
but there's a alien battle cruiser
about to--

903
01:04:16,729 --> 01:04:19,607
There's always an alien battle
cruiser or a death ray

904
01:04:19,774 --> 01:04:22,902
or an intergalactic plague
that's about to wipe out life
on this miserable little planet.

905
01:04:23,069 --> 01:04:25,821
The only way these people
get on with their happy lives

906
01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:29,325
is they do not
know about it.

907
01:04:33,496 --> 01:04:35,581
And don't worry
about the bug.

908
01:04:35,748 --> 01:04:38,668
He's not leaving town.
We got his ship.

909
01:04:43,422 --> 01:04:45,758
JAY:
Excuse me. Excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen.

910
01:04:45,925 --> 01:04:47,969
Zed, we need a containment crew
on Macdougal Street

911
01:04:48,135 --> 01:04:50,471
<i>south of Houston.</i>

912
01:04:50,638 --> 01:04:52,723
Containment may be
a moot point, old friend.

913
01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:54,183
The exodus continues.

914
01:04:54,350 --> 01:04:58,479
It's like the party's over
and the last one to leave
gets stuck with the check.

915
01:04:58,646 --> 01:05:01,774
You sorry little ingrates.

916
01:05:01,941 --> 01:05:04,610
[ALL SPEAKING IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

917
01:05:05,319 --> 01:05:06,779
[ALL LAUGHING]

918
01:05:06,946 --> 01:05:08,823
[ALL SINGING IN
ALIEN LANGUAGE]

919
01:05:08,990 --> 01:05:10,992
KAY:
<i>What about the Arquillians?</i>

920
01:05:11,158 --> 01:05:13,452
We've only translated
part of the message so far:

921
01:05:13,619 --> 01:05:14,662
"Deliver the Galaxy."

922
01:05:14,829 --> 01:05:16,038
<i>They don't want much,
do they?</i>

923
01:05:16,205 --> 01:05:18,040
Oh, it gets better.

924
01:05:18,207 --> 01:05:19,667
They're holding us
responsible.

925
01:05:25,006 --> 01:05:27,550
[SNARLING AND GRUNTING]

926
01:05:28,676 --> 01:05:33,055
Where do you keep your dead?
I don't have any dead.

927
01:05:33,222 --> 01:05:36,350
Where?
I don't know.

928
01:05:36,517 --> 01:05:38,894
The city morgue?

929
01:05:48,404 --> 01:05:51,198
That's three for a dollar, sir.

930
01:05:51,365 --> 01:05:54,285
It was some light, some light
that refracted off of Venus

931
01:05:54,452 --> 01:05:57,913
into some swamp gas,
and that's what made the...

932
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,584
KAY: All right, kid.
Excuse me. What's up?

933
01:06:01,751 --> 01:06:04,629
KAY:
The Arquillians want the Galaxy,
whatever the hell that means.

934
01:06:04,795 --> 01:06:06,297
We need help, a professional,

935
01:06:06,464 --> 01:06:10,009
somebody with years of experience
in intergalactic politics.

936
01:06:10,176 --> 01:06:12,136
I just hope the little prick
hasn't skipped town.

937
01:06:12,303 --> 01:06:15,222
MAN [OVER MEGAPHONE]:
Can I have your attention, please?
Thank you.

938
01:06:15,389 --> 01:06:17,224
If you will gather over here...

939
01:06:17,391 --> 01:06:20,895
That's right, move in closer.
That's good. Thanks.

940
01:06:21,062 --> 01:06:23,397
If you'll look right here,
I'd appreciate it.

941
01:06:23,564 --> 01:06:24,565
Thank you.

942
01:06:37,578 --> 01:06:40,706
Now, that's the worst disguise ever.
That guy's definitely an alien.

943
01:06:40,873 --> 01:06:43,417
You don't like it,
you can kiss my furry little butt.

944
01:06:44,460 --> 01:06:46,545
You busy, Frank?
Sorry, Kay, can't talk right now.

945
01:06:46,712 --> 01:06:47,797
My flight's leaving in-- Whoa!

946
01:06:47,963 --> 01:06:50,758
Get your paws off me.
Call the pound. We got a stray.

947
01:06:50,925 --> 01:06:52,301
The dog owes
my friend money.

948
01:06:52,468 --> 01:06:54,261
KAY:
Arquillians and bugs, Frank,
what do you know?

949
01:06:54,428 --> 01:06:57,098
I know nothing.
Not a thing, huh? Okay.

950
01:06:57,264 --> 01:06:58,766
[FRANK BARKING]

951
01:06:58,933 --> 01:07:01,394
Stop, stop, stop it.
Okay, okay.

952
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,771
Rosenberg wasn't
some two-bit Arquillian.

953
01:07:03,938 --> 01:07:05,773
He was the guardian
of a whole Galaxy.

954
01:07:05,940 --> 01:07:07,233
They thought he'd be
safe here on Earth.

955
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:08,693
And the bug had other plans.

956
01:07:08,859 --> 01:07:11,946
The Galaxy is the best source
for subatomic energy in the universe.

957
01:07:12,113 --> 01:07:15,616
If the bugs get their slimy claws
on it, kiss the Arquillians goodbye.

958
01:07:15,783 --> 01:07:16,826
Ask him about the belt.

959
01:07:16,992 --> 01:07:19,787
Rosenberg said something
about a galaxy on Orion's belt.
What's he talking about, Frank?

960
01:07:19,954 --> 01:07:21,622
Beats me.
Beats you.

961
01:07:21,789 --> 01:07:23,791
No, no, no, not around.

962
01:07:23,958 --> 01:07:26,168
[BARKING]

963
01:07:26,919 --> 01:07:28,754
They're rehearsing
a ventriloquist act.

964
01:07:28,921 --> 01:07:31,298
FRANK:
The Galaxy is here.

965
01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:32,508
What do you mean, here?

966
01:07:32,675 --> 01:07:34,635
Galaxy's hundreds of millions
of stars and planets.

967
01:07:34,802 --> 01:07:36,053
How's it here?
You humans.

968
01:07:36,220 --> 01:07:38,472
When are you gonna learn
that size doesn't matter?

969
01:07:38,639 --> 01:07:41,976
Just because something's
important, doesn't mean
it's not very, very small.

970
01:07:42,143 --> 01:07:45,187
How small?
Tiny. The size of a marble or a jewel.

971
01:07:45,730 --> 01:07:48,816
Now if you'll excuse me,
I gotta be walked before
my flight.

972
01:07:48,983 --> 01:07:50,901
All right, get out of here.

973
01:07:52,069 --> 01:07:55,823
If the Galaxy's here,
it's not on Orion's belt.

974
01:07:58,325 --> 01:07:59,493
[BARKING]

975
01:08:00,745 --> 01:08:01,954
[MEOWS]

976
01:08:03,664 --> 01:08:05,666
[♪♪♪]

977
01:08:07,877 --> 01:08:09,420
Kay.

978
01:08:14,341 --> 01:08:15,551
[MEOWS]

979
01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:18,179
Boy, when you want attention...

980
01:08:19,388 --> 01:08:22,475
Orion. That's a pretty name.

981
01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:24,518
What's this?

982
01:08:35,029 --> 01:08:36,614
Wow.

983
01:09:12,608 --> 01:09:13,859
[BELL DINGING]

984
01:09:14,026 --> 01:09:15,903
[HISSES AND GROWLS]

985
01:09:16,779 --> 01:09:20,741
Okay. Yes, good, thank you.

986
01:09:20,908 --> 01:09:24,578
Thank you for making sure
the bell works.

987
01:09:26,747 --> 01:09:28,374
What's up, Farmer John?

988
01:09:28,541 --> 01:09:29,917
[GROANS]

989
01:09:30,084 --> 01:09:34,004
A man came in here earlier.
A dead man.

990
01:09:34,171 --> 01:09:36,173
And that means what to me?

991
01:09:38,300 --> 01:09:41,679
It was a very dear
friend of mine.

992
01:09:41,846 --> 01:09:44,056
I believe he had
an animal with him.

993
01:09:44,223 --> 01:09:46,600
It was a gift I gave him,
a pet cat.

994
01:09:46,767 --> 01:09:50,688
It means worlds to me.
I'd like to have it back.

995
01:09:50,855 --> 01:09:54,358
Okay, I'm gonna need a picture ID,
written proof of ownership of the cat,

996
01:09:54,525 --> 01:09:58,946
notarized proof of kinship
with the deceased.

997
01:09:59,113 --> 01:10:00,447
Don't do that.

998
01:10:02,241 --> 01:10:03,284
Do what?

999
01:10:04,451 --> 01:10:05,953
Don't do it.

1000
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:07,788
[♪♪♪]

1001
01:10:08,581 --> 01:10:10,207
ATTENDANT:
Oh, man.

1002
01:10:17,464 --> 01:10:19,675
[GROWLING]

1003
01:10:25,514 --> 01:10:27,308
Look, Kay, why don't you
let me handle this one?

1004
01:10:27,474 --> 01:10:29,685
What?
All we gotta do is go in and get a cat.

1005
01:10:29,852 --> 01:10:32,271
It's not really that hard,
but if you go in there,

1006
01:10:32,438 --> 01:10:35,316
you're gonna lay your
Jack Webb on her, start flashing
your brain ray all in her face.

1007
01:10:35,482 --> 01:10:37,985
She gonna wind up
with leukemia or some shit.
The woman's a doctor.

1008
01:10:38,152 --> 01:10:40,821
She don't need you flashing away
half her med-school classes.

1009
01:10:40,988 --> 01:10:42,573
Five minutes.
Two minutes.

1010
01:10:42,740 --> 01:10:44,825
[♪♪♪]

1011
01:10:45,367 --> 01:10:48,203
EDGAR: Where's the animal?
I told you, I don't know.

1012
01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:50,664
Well, let's see
if we can find it.

1013
01:10:53,584 --> 01:10:55,586
[LAUREL GRUNTING]

1014
01:10:56,045 --> 01:10:57,171
JAY:
Hello?

1015
01:10:57,338 --> 01:10:59,089
[BELL DINGING]

1016
01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,591
JAY:
Hello?

1017
01:11:06,513 --> 01:11:08,349
Hello?

1018
01:11:12,061 --> 01:11:13,687
How you doing?
Hello.

1019
01:11:13,854 --> 01:11:16,649
I'm Sergeant Friday
from the 26th Precinct.

1020
01:11:16,815 --> 01:11:19,568
A cat came in with
a corpse the other day.

1021
01:11:19,735 --> 01:11:21,528
"Orion" on the nametag?
Yes, that's right.

1022
01:11:21,695 --> 01:11:26,367
Right. Uh, well, this cat is a...
A witness in a murder case.

1023
01:11:26,533 --> 01:11:28,452
I need to take him with me,
ask him a few questions.

1024
01:11:28,619 --> 01:11:30,204
Well, I don't know where
the cat is right now.

1025
01:11:30,371 --> 01:11:31,747
Oh, you don't?

1026
01:11:32,373 --> 01:11:35,042
No, but maybe you could
take me with you instead.

1027
01:11:37,086 --> 01:11:39,338
Damn, you do start fast,
don't you?

1028
01:11:39,505 --> 01:11:43,092
I'd really like
to go with you. Now.

1029
01:11:43,258 --> 01:11:46,720
Uh-huh.
And exactly why is that?

1030
01:11:46,887 --> 01:11:48,889
[♪♪♪]

1031
01:11:53,978 --> 01:11:56,855
There's something
I need to show you.

1032
01:11:57,022 --> 01:11:59,900
Slow down, girl, you ain't
gotta hit the gas like that.

1033
01:12:00,067 --> 01:12:03,570
No, you don't understand.
You really need to see this.

1034
01:12:03,737 --> 01:12:05,406
Oh, I will, I will.

1035
01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:08,993
Oh, one thing: I gotta drive.
You know, it's not some macho trip.

1036
01:12:09,159 --> 01:12:11,662
I'm saying, that's just
the way I get down.

1037
01:12:22,131 --> 01:12:24,091
Look, stud, you're really
not getting this.

1038
01:12:24,258 --> 01:12:28,387
There's something
I need you to help me with.

1039
01:12:33,100 --> 01:12:34,101
[GROWLS]

1040
01:12:35,102 --> 01:12:36,353
[ALIEN ROARS]

1041
01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:37,813
[LAUREL SCREAMS]

1042
01:12:39,106 --> 01:12:41,442
Freeze it, bug.
Christ, you are thick.

1043
01:12:41,608 --> 01:12:42,818
Look, how was I
supposed to know?

1044
01:12:42,985 --> 01:12:44,278
Do I have to sing it for you?

1045
01:12:44,445 --> 01:12:46,030
If you weren't coming on like
some drunken prom date--

1046
01:12:46,196 --> 01:12:47,740
Oh, God. That is so typical.

1047
01:12:47,906 --> 01:12:50,284
Any time a woman
shows the slightest hint
of sexual independence--

1048
01:12:50,451 --> 01:12:52,286
How about we shut up?
Let her go, shit-eater.

1049
01:12:52,453 --> 01:12:54,997
Listen, monkey boy,
compared to you humans,

1050
01:12:55,164 --> 01:12:57,708
I'm on the top rung
of the evolutionary ladder.

1051
01:12:57,875 --> 01:12:59,043
So can it, all right?

1052
01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:01,962
You're breaking my heart.
Show me your face,
and I'll cure all your ills.

1053
01:13:02,129 --> 01:13:05,507
You ever pull wings off a fly?
You care to see the fly get even?

1054
01:13:05,674 --> 01:13:07,468
How far do you think you're
gonna get without your ship,

1055
01:13:07,634 --> 01:13:10,304
if that's what you call
that piece of space trash
we got locked in the office?

1056
01:13:10,471 --> 01:13:13,182
EDGAR: Put your weapons down.
KAY: Never gonna happen, insect.

1057
01:13:13,348 --> 01:13:15,851
JAY: It's okay, Laurel.
How is it okay?

1058
01:13:16,018 --> 01:13:20,355
I'm saying it's gonna be okay.
Don't bet on it, meat sack.

1059
01:13:20,939 --> 01:13:21,982
[LAUREL SCREAMS]

1060
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,194
[EDGAR GRUNTS]
[LAUREL SCREAMS]

1061
01:13:27,321 --> 01:13:29,531
[LAUREL SCREAMING]

1062
01:13:30,157 --> 01:13:31,784
Let me go.

1063
01:13:31,950 --> 01:13:33,368
[HORN HONKING
AND TIRES SCREECHING]

1064
01:13:39,666 --> 01:13:41,585
God, what the--?

1065
01:13:42,544 --> 01:13:43,837
EDGAR:
Come on.

1066
01:13:48,258 --> 01:13:50,177
Take me here.
No way.

1067
01:13:50,344 --> 01:13:51,595
[GROWLING]

1068
01:13:52,054 --> 01:13:53,097
Take me.

1069
01:13:53,263 --> 01:13:54,681
[TIRES SCREECHING]

1070
01:13:56,683 --> 01:13:58,352
Hey. Come back!

1071
01:14:03,982 --> 01:14:06,026
[HORNS HONKING
AND TIRES SCREECHING]

1072
01:14:10,572 --> 01:14:12,116
JAY:
He's in a cab.

1073
01:14:33,887 --> 01:14:36,640
Don't move, don't move.
don't move.

1074
01:14:36,807 --> 01:14:39,893
Hey, man, what? Whoa, whoa.

1075
01:14:49,653 --> 01:14:52,948
He's not leaving the planet
in a cab. Let's go.

1076
01:14:57,202 --> 01:14:59,913
Come with me.
Put up a bio-net all the
way around Manhattan.

1077
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:01,999
If it's not human,
I don't want it to
leave this island.

1078
01:15:02,166 --> 01:15:03,458
Yes, sir.

1079
01:15:04,001 --> 01:15:05,544
What do we hear from
our friends upstairs?

1080
01:15:05,711 --> 01:15:07,921
Same thing: "Deliver the Galaxy."
The bug's got the Galaxy.

1081
01:15:08,088 --> 01:15:10,174
But we got his ship.
He's gotta be looking
for a way out.

1082
01:15:10,340 --> 01:15:12,134
[ALARM WAILING]

1083
01:15:13,343 --> 01:15:16,638
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
<i>Warning: Plutonic fusion detection.</i>

1084
01:15:16,805 --> 01:15:19,766
<i>Warning:
Plutonic fusion detection.</i>

1085
01:15:23,812 --> 01:15:25,564
What the hell are they
shooting at us for?

1086
01:15:25,731 --> 01:15:26,940
KAY:
Arquillian battle rules, kid.

1087
01:15:27,107 --> 01:15:29,067
First, we get an ultimatum,
then a warning shot,

1088
01:15:29,234 --> 01:15:31,403
and then we have a galactic
standard week to respond.

1089
01:15:31,570 --> 01:15:34,114
A galactic standard week?
How the hell long is that?

1090
01:15:34,281 --> 01:15:35,741
One hour.

1091
01:15:35,908 --> 01:15:39,161
One hour? Then what?

1092
01:15:40,287 --> 01:15:42,122
[ALARM WAILING]

1093
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,000
JAY:
Aw, that's bullshit.

1094
01:15:45,167 --> 01:15:47,294
KAY: Look, kid, to keep
the bugs from getting it,

1095
01:15:47,461 --> 01:15:49,463
the Arquillians
will destroy that Galaxy.

1096
01:15:49,630 --> 01:15:52,382
And whatever planet
it's on.

1097
01:15:53,133 --> 01:15:56,887
You're talking about us.
Heh-heh. Sucks, huh?

1098
01:15:58,931 --> 01:16:01,642
KAY: I'm pulling up
the location of every interstellar
vehicle within a hundred miles.

1099
01:16:01,808 --> 01:16:03,936
ZED: Already did it.
Frank the Pug took
the last ship.

1100
01:16:04,102 --> 01:16:06,146
We got Sneden's Landing
and Throg's Neck.

1101
01:16:06,313 --> 01:16:07,522
They're gone.
We have Atlantic City.

1102
01:16:07,689 --> 01:16:08,732
Gone.

1103
01:16:08,899 --> 01:16:10,192
All right, Bayonne?
Gone.

1104
01:16:10,359 --> 01:16:12,527
All right, there's Three Mile Island.
Gone.

1105
01:16:12,694 --> 01:16:13,904
Yo.
KAY: Staten Island.

1106
01:16:14,071 --> 01:16:15,155
ZED:
Gone, thank God.

1107
01:16:15,322 --> 01:16:16,949
Fellas.
KAY: We're running out of time.

1108
01:16:17,115 --> 01:16:19,326
If that bug gets off the
planet with that Galaxy,
we're all bug food.

1109
01:16:19,493 --> 01:16:20,911
Hey, old guys.

1110
01:16:25,999 --> 01:16:28,168
Do those still work?

1111
01:16:28,835 --> 01:16:31,838
[♪♪♪]

1112
01:16:43,141 --> 01:16:45,185
EDGAR: You're coming with me.
LAUREL: What?

1113
01:16:45,769 --> 01:16:48,689
It's a long trip.
I'll need a snack.

1114
01:16:48,855 --> 01:16:52,901
Whoa! Ah! Ah!

1115
01:16:54,361 --> 01:16:55,529
Wait a minute,
you're taking the tunnel?

1116
01:16:55,696 --> 01:16:58,699
You know a better way to Queens?
Man, that thing's gonna be packed.

1117
01:17:02,869 --> 01:17:05,038
[TIRES SCREECHING]

1118
01:17:11,962 --> 01:17:14,089
You remember the little red button?
Yeah.

1119
01:17:14,256 --> 01:17:15,716
Push the little
red button.

1120
01:17:16,967 --> 01:17:18,385
And you might wanna
put on a seat belt.

1121
01:17:18,552 --> 01:17:21,638
Kay. Kay!

1122
01:17:24,141 --> 01:17:25,559
[SCREAMING]

1123
01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:30,063
[GRUNTING]

1124
01:17:30,230 --> 01:17:32,357
You know,
you're much too tense.
You're a young man.

1125
01:17:32,524 --> 01:17:35,068
You need to relax.
Learn to take some joy
in your work.

1126
01:17:35,235 --> 01:17:36,486
Do you like music?

1127
01:17:37,112 --> 01:17:40,407
[ELVIS PRESLEY'S
"THE PROMISED LAND" PLAYING]

1128
01:17:40,574 --> 01:17:42,617
That's better.

1129
01:17:42,784 --> 01:17:45,078
[KAY SINGING
"THE PROMISED LAND"]

1130
01:17:59,926 --> 01:18:01,178
All right, now.

1131
01:18:01,345 --> 01:18:02,846
Ah, shit.
Ah, man.

1132
01:18:03,013 --> 01:18:05,015
[IMITATING GUITAR]

1133
01:18:06,600 --> 01:18:08,143
Kay. Kay!

1134
01:18:08,310 --> 01:18:09,895
[HORNS HONKING]

1135
01:18:13,315 --> 01:18:14,983
You do know
Elvis is dead, right?

1136
01:18:15,150 --> 01:18:17,944
No, Elvis is not dead.
He just went home.

1137
01:18:28,121 --> 01:18:29,748
[BELL DINGS]

1138
01:18:31,124 --> 01:18:32,959
[LAUREL GRUNTING]

1139
01:18:33,126 --> 01:18:36,171
You don't wanna eat me.
I'm a very important person
on my planet.

1140
01:18:36,338 --> 01:18:37,631
Like a queen.

1141
01:18:37,798 --> 01:18:40,759
A goddess, even.
There are those
who worship me.

1142
01:18:40,926 --> 01:18:42,803
I'm not telling you
to try to impress you.

1143
01:18:42,969 --> 01:18:45,138
I'm just letting you know
it could start a war.

1144
01:18:45,305 --> 01:18:47,849
EDGAR:
Good, war. That means
more food for my family.

1145
01:18:48,016 --> 01:18:51,311
All 78 million of them.
That's a lot of mouths to feed,
Your Highness.

1146
01:18:51,478 --> 01:18:54,147
LAUREL:
You're a wonderful dad,
but I'm staying here.

1147
01:18:56,483 --> 01:18:57,818
[GROANS]

1148
01:19:11,706 --> 01:19:13,333
[♪♪♪]

1149
01:19:15,877 --> 01:19:18,463
Now, that's what I'm talking about.

1150
01:19:19,297 --> 01:19:21,716
Roaches check in.

1151
01:19:23,176 --> 01:19:24,344
They don't check out.

1152
01:19:29,224 --> 01:19:33,228
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
<i>Warning: Eight minutes
to the destruction of Earth.</i>

1153
01:19:34,896 --> 01:19:38,358
<i>Eight minutes to destruction.</i>

1154
01:19:47,951 --> 01:19:49,870
[ENGINES WHIRRING]

1155
01:20:16,146 --> 01:20:17,689
[CROWD CHEERING]

1156
01:20:22,986 --> 01:20:25,906
All right, we'll use pulsar level five
with a subsonic implosion factor.

1157
01:20:26,072 --> 01:20:27,449
What?

1158
01:20:27,616 --> 01:20:32,287
Just shoot the damn thing
on the count of three.
One, two, three.

1159
01:21:15,455 --> 01:21:16,998
[ENGINES HISS]

1160
01:21:17,457 --> 01:21:19,459
[METAL CREAKING]

1161
01:21:31,721 --> 01:21:35,183
Oh, you idiots!

1162
01:21:35,350 --> 01:21:38,311
You don't get it.
I've won.

1163
01:21:39,145 --> 01:21:41,189
It's over.

1164
01:21:41,356 --> 01:21:45,735
You're milk-suckers.
You don't matter.

1165
01:21:45,902 --> 01:21:48,405
In fact, in a few seconds,
you won't even be matter.

1166
01:21:48,572 --> 01:21:51,658
You're under arrest for violating
Section 4153 of the Tycho Treaty.

1167
01:21:51,825 --> 01:21:54,369
JAY:
So hand over whatever galaxy
you might be carrying,

1168
01:21:54,536 --> 01:21:57,330
and step away from your
busted-ass vehicle, and put
your hands on your head.

1169
01:21:57,622 --> 01:22:01,001
Okay. Oh, I-- I see.

1170
01:22:02,210 --> 01:22:06,172
I'll put my hands on...

1171
01:22:06,673 --> 01:22:07,882
On my head.

1172
01:22:10,385 --> 01:22:11,720
[GRUNTS]

1173
01:22:12,304 --> 01:22:13,346
Like this?

1174
01:22:17,517 --> 01:22:19,644
[GROWLING]

1175
01:22:32,866 --> 01:22:34,034
Kay...

1176
01:22:34,826 --> 01:22:36,036
[GROWLING]

1177
01:22:40,498 --> 01:22:42,417
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1178
01:22:42,626 --> 01:22:44,586
That did not go at all
the way I planned.

1179
01:22:44,753 --> 01:22:47,088
Whatever happens,
don't let him get on
the second ship.

1180
01:22:47,255 --> 01:22:49,883
What? What are you talking about?
Keep him on this planet.

1181
01:22:50,050 --> 01:22:52,052
Kay-- Kay, where are you going?

1182
01:22:52,719 --> 01:22:54,804
I'm gonna get my gun back.

1183
01:22:56,556 --> 01:22:59,017
Hey. Hey, bug.
Wait a minute,
I'm talking to you.

1184
01:22:59,184 --> 01:23:01,645
You know how many of your kind
I've swatted with a newspaper?

1185
01:23:01,811 --> 01:23:04,064
You're nothing but a smear
on the sports page to me,

1186
01:23:04,230 --> 01:23:07,233
you slimy, gut-sucking
intestinal parasite.

1187
01:23:07,776 --> 01:23:10,737
Eat me. Eat me!

1188
01:23:12,489 --> 01:23:14,074
[ROARS]

1189
01:23:14,240 --> 01:23:17,285
Kay. Kay!

1190
01:23:19,954 --> 01:23:21,748
[ROARING]

1191
01:23:24,751 --> 01:23:26,753
Hey!

1192
01:23:29,130 --> 01:23:30,423
What's up?

1193
01:23:30,590 --> 01:23:33,802
You're just gonna eat and run, huh?
What about dessert? Ah!

1194
01:23:38,014 --> 01:23:39,516
Wha--?

1195
01:23:39,766 --> 01:23:41,393
That's it?

1196
01:23:41,559 --> 01:23:45,605
Where are you going?
This party's just getting started.

1197
01:23:45,772 --> 01:23:47,941
Where you going?

1198
01:23:48,108 --> 01:23:50,777
Where you going? Ah!

1199
01:23:50,944 --> 01:23:52,112
Let me tell you something.

1200
01:23:52,278 --> 01:23:56,324
There's only one way
off of this planet, baby,
and that's through me.

1201
01:23:57,075 --> 01:23:59,411
[ALIEN GROWLING]

1202
01:24:03,707 --> 01:24:04,999
[ALIEN SCREECHES]

1203
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:15,468
[JAY YELLS]

1204
01:24:21,307 --> 01:24:23,184
[SCREAMS]

1205
01:24:27,522 --> 01:24:28,565
[BRANCH CRACKS]

1206
01:24:36,614 --> 01:24:38,158
Hey.

1207
01:24:39,325 --> 01:24:41,161
Where you going?

1208
01:24:41,536 --> 01:24:45,749
Why you running, huh?
I'm still standing.

1209
01:24:45,915 --> 01:24:47,917
Come on, bring it.
Come on, bring it.

1210
01:25:02,640 --> 01:25:03,683
[CRUNCHES]

1211
01:25:06,561 --> 01:25:10,231
Uh-oh. I'm sorry.
Was that your auntie?

1212
01:25:10,857 --> 01:25:12,358
[GROWLING]

1213
01:25:12,525 --> 01:25:15,487
Then that must mean that
that's your uncle, then, huh?

1214
01:25:17,322 --> 01:25:20,074
You know y'all look alike.

1215
01:25:27,040 --> 01:25:28,875
Well, well.

1216
01:25:29,042 --> 01:25:32,086
Big bad bug
got a bit of a soft spot, huh?

1217
01:25:32,253 --> 01:25:33,713
[CRUNCHING]

1218
01:25:35,590 --> 01:25:38,301
See, what I can't understand

1219
01:25:38,468 --> 01:25:41,387
is why you gotta come down here,
bringing all this ruckus,

1220
01:25:41,554 --> 01:25:43,973
snatching up galaxies
and everything.

1221
01:25:44,140 --> 01:25:47,393
My attitude is,
don't start nothing,

1222
01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:49,896
won't be nothing.

1223
01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:58,071
You need to ease up out of my face
before something bad happen to you.

1224
01:25:58,238 --> 01:26:00,198
[WEAPON POWERING UP]

1225
01:26:00,365 --> 01:26:01,407
Too late.

1226
01:26:03,535 --> 01:26:04,953
[JAY YELLS]

1227
01:26:10,166 --> 01:26:11,751
[GROANS]

1228
01:26:29,269 --> 01:26:33,565
Zed, call the Arquillians.
Tell them we have the Galaxy.

1229
01:26:33,731 --> 01:26:35,775
ZED:
<i>You got it, friend.</i>

1230
01:26:37,277 --> 01:26:41,614
Going to get your gun back, huh?
I like this gun.

1231
01:26:41,781 --> 01:26:44,200
Yeah, well, while you was
in there playing around,

1232
01:26:44,367 --> 01:26:46,160
I was down here
doing all the work.

1233
01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:49,372
You know, first I had to bean him
in the head with this big rock.

1234
01:26:49,539 --> 01:26:51,457
Then I was gonna hit him
with this 2-by-4.

1235
01:26:51,624 --> 01:26:53,293
He kicked me,
and, you know, it hurt.

1236
01:26:53,459 --> 01:26:56,462
But then I got to the fire, you know.
I was like "ah" with the fire.

1237
01:26:56,629 --> 01:26:59,215
Not bad for your
second day of work, is it?

1238
01:26:59,799 --> 01:27:03,136
Well, this definitely rates about
a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter.

1239
01:27:03,553 --> 01:27:07,223
You should've been
here for the Zeronian
migration in 1968.

1240
01:27:07,390 --> 01:27:09,100
Whoa.

1241
01:27:09,934 --> 01:27:11,352
I guess you weren't
even alive in '68.

1242
01:27:11,519 --> 01:27:12,645
[SCREECHES]

1243
01:27:18,192 --> 01:27:20,820
Interesting job you guys have.

1244
01:27:35,376 --> 01:27:38,963
Kay, um, look, I know we got
these rules and everything,

1245
01:27:39,130 --> 01:27:41,549
but I was thinking,
she did help us bust that bug.

1246
01:27:41,716 --> 01:27:44,719
Maybe we didn't
have to flashy-thing her.

1247
01:27:45,887 --> 01:27:47,639
Kay, come on, man.
What, who's she gonna tell?

1248
01:27:47,805 --> 01:27:49,223
She hang out
with all dead people.

1249
01:27:49,390 --> 01:27:52,685
It's not for her. It's for me.

1250
01:27:54,479 --> 01:27:55,605
What?

1251
01:27:57,774 --> 01:27:59,901
They're beautiful, aren't they?

1252
01:28:00,735 --> 01:28:02,153
Stars.

1253
01:28:02,320 --> 01:28:06,157
I mean, I never look at
them anymore, but they
actually are quite, um...

1254
01:28:08,034 --> 01:28:09,953
beautiful.

1255
01:28:10,119 --> 01:28:12,205
[♪♪♪]

1256
01:28:12,622 --> 01:28:16,542
Uh, Kay, you're frightening
your partner.

1257
01:28:16,709 --> 01:28:20,463
I haven't been training a partner.
I've been training a replacement.

1258
01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:25,301
Wait a minute, Kay.
I cannot do this job by myself.

1259
01:28:25,468 --> 01:28:28,221
Hey, guys, my apartment
isn't anywhere near here.

1260
01:28:28,388 --> 01:28:30,348
It's not even
on the same island.

1261
01:28:31,933 --> 01:28:35,979
Days...months...years.

1262
01:28:36,145 --> 01:28:38,272
Always face it forward.

1263
01:28:46,572 --> 01:28:47,615
Kay--

1264
01:28:47,782 --> 01:28:49,909
I've just been down the gullet
of an interstellar cockroach, kid.

1265
01:28:50,076 --> 01:28:53,037
That's one of a hundred
memories that I don't want.

1266
01:29:09,804 --> 01:29:11,764
See you around, Jay.

1267
01:29:17,603 --> 01:29:21,274
No, you won't.

1268
01:29:54,015 --> 01:29:55,850
LAUREL:
Hey, Jay.

1269
01:29:56,642 --> 01:29:58,895
Zed called.
The high consulate
from Solaxium 9

1270
01:29:59,062 --> 01:30:01,064
wants floor seats
for the Knicks-Bulls game.

1271
01:30:01,230 --> 01:30:05,318
All right, let's put in
a call to Dennis Rodman.
He's from that planet.

1272
01:30:06,069 --> 01:30:09,489
Rodman? You're kidding.
Nope.

1273
01:30:09,655 --> 01:30:12,033
Not much of a disguise.

1274
01:30:14,827 --> 01:30:16,829
[♪♪♪]

1275
01:30:55,034 --> 01:30:59,038
[WILL SMITH'S
"MEN IN BLACK" PLAYING]

1276
01:35:27,973 --> 01:35:31,018
[♪♪♪]