1 00:02:58,847 --> 00:03:01,432 Goddamn bugs. 2 00:03:20,869 --> 00:03:23,454 Oh, shit. 3 00:03:27,584 --> 00:03:28,835 Oh, crap. 4 00:03:41,139 --> 00:03:43,516 Well, Nick the Dick. What a surprise. 5 00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,727 Where you coming from, Nick? 6 00:03:45,894 --> 00:03:49,147 - Fishing in Cuernavaca. - Sure you were. 7 00:03:49,314 --> 00:03:51,566 What do you say we take a look at your catch, huh? 8 00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,192 Come on. 9 00:04:00,617 --> 00:04:02,160 Me, I would've thrown them back. 10 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,667 So, Nick, what do you get? 11 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,711 A hundred bucks a head here? Two hundred? 12 00:04:11,878 --> 00:04:15,465 Hope you saved it all for your lawyer because you are gonna need it. 13 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,847 - We'll take it from here. - Who the hell are you? 14 00:04:23,014 --> 00:04:24,349 INS, Division 6. 15 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:27,018 Division 6? I never heard of Division 6. 16 00:04:27,185 --> 00:04:28,686 Really? 17 00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:32,523 - Who you got your money on, Dee? - Tough call, Kay. 18 00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:11,980 - We've got a winner here, Dee. - Oh, I know. 19 00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:21,572 - Sir. Sir, you can't just-- - Don't "sir" me, young man. 20 00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:25,076 You have no idea who you're dealing with. 21 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,333 We're gonna have a chat with our friend. 22 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,627 You fellas can hit the road. 23 00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:38,589 Keep on protecting us from the dangerous aliens. 24 00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:44,595 You ever hear of Division 6? 25 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,849 There is no Division 6. This is bullshit. 26 00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:49,809 Hell, yeah. 27 00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:54,022 Looks like you fell off the bus in the wrong part of town, amigo. 28 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:58,026 In fact, I'm gonna bet dollars to pesos you're not from anywhere near here. 29 00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:02,530 Mikey? 30 00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:12,248 Mikey, when did they let you out of jail? 31 00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:14,333 Political refugee, right. 32 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,628 You know how many treaties you just violated? 33 00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:19,964 - One? - Try seven. 34 00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:25,762 That's enough, Mikey. You hand me that head. 35 00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,810 Put up your arms and all your flippers. 36 00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:45,823 Shit. 37 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,536 Dee, shoot him. 38 00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,002 Dee! 39 00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:22,902 - "That." - That.... 40 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,823 Was not human. I know. 41 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:30,034 Looks like you got some entrails on you there, pal. 42 00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:32,912 - What the hell? - The situation's under control. 43 00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:35,790 Calm down, please. Give me your attention for a moment. 44 00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:38,501 I'll be glad to tell you what happened. 45 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:50,972 This is called a neuralyzer. It's a gift from friends from out of town. 46 00:07:51,139 --> 00:07:54,600 This red eye here will isolate the electronic impulses in your brains. 47 00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,395 Specifically, the ones for memory. That's good, fellas. 48 00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,564 Give me a splay burn around the perimeter... 49 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:02,483 ...with holes at 40, 60 and 80 meters from right here. 50 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,193 Thank you. 51 00:08:09,824 --> 00:08:12,451 - That's good. Thank you. - What in the hell is going on? 52 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,245 Excellent question. 53 00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:17,081 And the answer you're looking for lies right here. 54 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,004 - Who are you, really? - Really? 55 00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,425 I am just a figment of your imagination. 56 00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:34,140 Damn, what a gullible breed. 57 00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:35,892 I'm serious, fellas. 58 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:38,311 You're lucky to be alive after a blast like that. 59 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:41,147 - What blast? - The underground gas main, genius. 60 00:08:41,314 --> 00:08:43,024 You need to exercise more caution... 61 00:08:43,191 --> 00:08:46,944 ...before discharging your firearms, I'll tell you that now. Especially you. 62 00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:49,113 Have yourself checked out with EMS... 63 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,782 ...on the other side of the hill before you leave. 64 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,171 I'm sorry about back there. 65 00:09:05,338 --> 00:09:08,883 - It happens. - Didn't used to. 66 00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:13,137 The spirit's willing, Kay... 67 00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:16,265 ...but the rest of me.... 68 00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:21,479 - They're beautiful, aren't they? - What? 69 00:09:21,646 --> 00:09:23,648 The stars. 70 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:29,070 - We never just look anymore. - No. 71 00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:34,033 I'll tell you, Kay... 72 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,495 ...I will miss the chase. 73 00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:45,169 No, Dee, you won't. 74 00:09:46,963 --> 00:09:51,342 Freeze! N.Y.P.D. Freeze! 75 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:53,678 All yours, Edwards. 76 00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,223 "Freeze" means stop. 77 00:10:03,813 --> 00:10:05,731 What the hell? 78 00:10:07,525 --> 00:10:09,151 All right. 79 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,195 Come on. 80 00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:17,034 It just be raining black people in New York. 81 00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:43,561 Do you see this? 82 00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:45,646 "N-Y-P-D." 83 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:48,441 Means I will knock your punk ass down. 84 00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,067 He's coming. He's coming. 85 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:53,904 Yeah, and when he gets here, I'll arrest his ass too. 86 00:10:56,991 --> 00:10:59,452 Oh, you're trying to catch a beat-down, huh? 87 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,187 What's up? 88 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,940 He's coming. 89 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,984 He's coming because I failed, and now he'll kill me too. 90 00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:17,571 Yeah? Well, you're just pissing everybody off today, huh? 91 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:22,827 You don't understand. Your world's gonna end. 92 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:26,664 What the hell are you? 93 00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:34,505 Hey, watch that ledge. Watch the ledge. 94 00:12:34,672 --> 00:12:36,173 Wait. Look, look, come on down. 95 00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,843 We'll get those eyes fixed. Don't even worry about it. 96 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:41,637 Look, all right, wait a minute. Let me talk to you. 97 00:12:48,561 --> 00:12:50,688 I go out, I work my butt off to make a living. 98 00:12:50,855 --> 00:12:52,940 All I want is to come home to a clean house... 99 00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:55,734 ...with a fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. 100 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:56,944 It looks like poison. 101 00:12:57,111 --> 00:12:59,572 Don't you take that away. I'm eating that, damn it. 102 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,073 It is poison, isn't it? 103 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,701 I swear to God, I would not be surprised if it was... 104 00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:06,745 ...the way you skulk around like a dog who been hit too much... 105 00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,373 ...or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. 106 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,250 You're useless, Beatrice. 107 00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:15,796 The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck. 108 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,600 Figures. 109 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,776 What the heck is it, Edgar? 110 00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:42,740 Get your big butt back in the house. 111 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,254 Place projectile weapon on the ground. 112 00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,131 You can have my gun... 113 00:13:59,298 --> 00:14:01,634 ...when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. 114 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,763 Your proposal is acceptable. 115 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:49,807 - Edgar, what on Earth was that? - Sugar. 116 00:14:49,974 --> 00:14:52,351 I've never seen sugar do that. 117 00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:55,688 Give me sugar. 118 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,652 In water. 119 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,660 More. 120 00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,373 More. 121 00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,681 Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones. 122 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,023 Oh, yeah. 123 00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,444 There. Is that better? 124 00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,559 "The perpetrator then blinked two sets of eyelids." 125 00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:17,269 You mean blinked with both eyes? 126 00:16:17,436 --> 00:16:20,856 No, sir, he blinked one set, then he blinked a completely different set. 127 00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:24,068 You know, like high beams and low beams. 128 00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:27,321 Was that before or after he drew the weapon... 129 00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:30,741 ...that you claim evaporated into a million pieces? 130 00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:33,452 After, sir. 131 00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:35,829 And why is it that none of the other officers... 132 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,414 ...saw either of these events? 133 00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:40,292 Some of the other officers are soggy around the midsection. 134 00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:42,252 I guess they weren't able to keep up. 135 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,296 Edwards, if you were half the man I am-- 136 00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:47,091 What are you talking about? I am half the man you are. 137 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,300 What is your problem? 138 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,427 My problem is you being up in my face. 139 00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:53,097 - I think he threw him off the roof. - Maybe you next. 140 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,348 I wanna talk to you. 141 00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:57,476 Ten minutes, you take your best shot, tough guy. 142 00:16:58,102 --> 00:17:02,022 Take 10 minutes on a StairMaster, you pudgy bastard. 143 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:07,945 I believe you. 144 00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:09,905 Laurel Weaver, deputy medical examiner. 145 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,199 Find me at the morgue on 26th. I'll show you. 146 00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,284 Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute. 147 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,080 Excuse me, you're Dr. Weaver with the coroner's office... 148 00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:19,832 ...working on the John Doe, right? 149 00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,543 - Yes, that's right. - Will you look at this, please? 150 00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,135 Some night, huh? 151 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,763 - Yeah, some night. - They were gills, not eyelids. 152 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,016 Gills. He was out of breath. 153 00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,645 - Who are you? - Did he say anything to you? 154 00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:44,648 Yeah, he said the world was coming to an end. 155 00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,650 Did he say when? 156 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,117 Would you recognize that weapon of his if you saw it again? 157 00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:56,660 Absolutely. 158 00:17:58,370 --> 00:17:59,997 Come on, let's take a ride. 159 00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:03,167 Wait a minute, wait a minute. Look, I got tons of paperwork and-- 160 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,335 - Right, it's all done. - Good work, Edwards. 161 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:08,464 You really ran this dude down on foot? That's tough, kid. 162 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,549 That's double tough. 163 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:24,688 So who exactly are you with? FBI? NSA? 164 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,982 I'm part of a bureau that licenses, monitors... 165 00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:29,610 ...and polices alien activity on the planet Earth. 166 00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:32,571 - Yeah, whatever. - We're here. 167 00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,825 - This is where we're going? - Yeah. 168 00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:39,953 This is Jack Jeebs' spot. He buys from chain-snatchers. 169 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,581 - He doesn't even sell guns. - Really? 170 00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:45,834 All right, look, I'm gonna slide in here and put my thing down... 171 00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,253 ...but when I come out, I want some real answers. 172 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,506 Okay, go put your thing down. 173 00:18:55,928 --> 00:18:58,555 Officer Eduardo. Hey, how did these get here? 174 00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,849 I thought I turned these in to the authorities. 175 00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,059 The way I hear it... 176 00:19:02,226 --> 00:19:04,478 ...you into something hotter than stolen Rolexes. 177 00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:07,689 I'm a crack dealer now, but I still work here. I love the hours. 178 00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:11,026 I'm talking about guns, smart-ass. Weird ones. 179 00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:15,239 Come on, Edwards. What you see is what I got. 180 00:19:16,365 --> 00:19:18,826 Why don't you show him the imports, Jeebs? 181 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:22,079 - Hey, Kay. How are you? - Show him the imports right now. 182 00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:24,206 I got out of that business a long time ago. 183 00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:27,417 - Why do you lie to me? I hate it. - Now, just hold on a second. 184 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,919 I'm gonna count to three. 185 00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,254 - He'll do it, Jeebs. - One. 186 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,172 - That man does not look stable. - Two. 187 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:35,008 You know what? Talk to me. He's crazy when he's like this. 188 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:38,262 He's always crazy. Get a massage. Take a cruise-- 189 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,513 - Three. - Drop the weapon. 190 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,348 - Hands on your head. - I warned him. 191 00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,058 - Drop the weapon. - You warned him. 192 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:47,855 - Don't make me kill you. - You insensitive prick. 193 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,443 Do you have any idea how much that stings? 194 00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:57,030 Show us the merchandise or you're gonna lose another head. 195 00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,836 Mr. Edwards. 196 00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:18,176 Right there, the one in the middle. 197 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,724 You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity... 198 00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:26,894 ...to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of-- 199 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:30,063 - He looked all right to me. - Must have been for an assassination. 200 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,690 - Who's the target? - I don't know. 201 00:20:31,857 --> 00:20:33,859 - Goddamn it, Jeebs. - I don't know. 202 00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:38,530 That's confiscated, and I want you on the next transport off this rock... 203 00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,199 ...or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back. 204 00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:44,870 Yeah, and.... 205 00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:48,498 And I'm gonna be back to talk about them Rolexes. 206 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,357 Searching for a handle on the moment? 207 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,526 I can't help you. 208 00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:19,363 The only comfort I can offer is my promise... 209 00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:22,699 ...that tomorrow morning you won't remember a thing. 210 00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,535 Yeah, well, that's not exactly some shit you just forget. 211 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,037 You ever seen one of these? 212 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:35,253 She looks over at her husband, then she sets it back down in her lap... 213 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,505 ...and she says: 214 00:21:36,672 --> 00:21:40,258 "Honey, this one's eating my popcorn." 215 00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:46,056 Did you get it? This one's eating my.... 216 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,394 I gotta go. Thanks for the egg rolls, kid. 217 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,939 - Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? - You see what I mean about tequila? 218 00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:57,859 You're a very bright young man, but you need to lay off the sauce. 219 00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,487 Now, I'll see you bright and early, 9:00. 220 00:22:00,654 --> 00:22:04,241 Be there or be square. 221 00:22:25,012 --> 00:22:26,596 Well, well, well. 222 00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:30,100 Moving right in, are we? Think we own the place? 223 00:22:30,267 --> 00:22:32,269 I got a little eviction notice for you boys. 224 00:22:32,436 --> 00:22:35,355 Just what exactly do you think you're doing here? 225 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:39,109 - I'm taking care of your pest problem. - Pest problem? 226 00:22:39,985 --> 00:22:43,405 - Pest? - Yeah, you got a hell of an infestation. 227 00:22:43,572 --> 00:22:46,491 You know, I've noticed an infestation here. 228 00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:49,661 Everywhere I look, in fact, nothing but undeveloped, unevolved... 229 00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:52,205 ...barely conscious pond scum... 230 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:55,125 ...totally convinced of their own superiority... 231 00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:59,463 ...as they scurry about their short, pointless lives. 232 00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:02,340 Well, yeah. 233 00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:06,178 - Don't you wanna get rid of them? - In the worst way. 234 00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:45,675 - Help you? - Yeah, this dude gave me this card-- 235 00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:47,719 Elevator. 236 00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,871 You're late. Sit down. 237 00:24:21,253 --> 00:24:23,046 My name is Zed. 238 00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:25,882 You're all here because you're the best of the best. 239 00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:30,804 Marines, Air Force, Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, N.Y.P.D. 240 00:24:30,971 --> 00:24:33,890 And we're looking for one of you, just one. 241 00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,726 What will follow is a series of simple tests... 242 00:24:36,893 --> 00:24:41,231 ...for motor skills, concentration, stamina. 243 00:24:41,398 --> 00:24:43,066 I see we have a question. 244 00:24:43,233 --> 00:24:45,569 Yeah, I'm sorry, maybe you already answered this... 245 00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:48,321 ...but why exactly are we here? 246 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,366 - Son? - Second Lieutenant Jake Jensen. 247 00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:53,076 West Point graduate with honors. 248 00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:57,747 We're here because you're looking for the best of the best of the best, sir. 249 00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:06,756 - What's so funny, Edwards? - Your boy Captain America over here. 250 00:25:07,382 --> 00:25:10,177 "The best of the best of the best, sir." 251 00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:11,803 You know, "With honors." 252 00:25:11,970 --> 00:25:15,932 You know, he's just really excited, and he has no clue why we're here. 253 00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:19,144 That's just-- That's very funny to me. 254 00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:21,605 Y'all ain't laughing, though. 255 00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:31,323 Okay, let's get going. 256 00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:57,200 Wanna get down on this? 257 00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:26,730 - Edwards, what the hell happened? - Hesitated. 258 00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:33,194 May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die? 259 00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:36,156 Well, she was the only one that seemed dangerous at the time. 260 00:27:36,323 --> 00:27:37,907 How'd you come to that conclusion? 261 00:27:38,074 --> 00:27:40,452 I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the light. 262 00:27:40,618 --> 00:27:42,329 I realized he's just working out. 263 00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:44,748 How would I feel if somebody bust me and my ass... 264 00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:46,333 ...while I'm on the treadmill? 265 00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:49,085 Then I saw this snarling beast guy. 266 00:27:49,252 --> 00:27:52,672 I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I realized he's not snarling... 267 00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:53,965 ...he's sneezing. 268 00:27:54,132 --> 00:27:56,760 You know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw Tiffany. 269 00:27:56,926 --> 00:28:00,096 I'm thinking, 8-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto... 270 00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:03,183 ...bunch of monsters, with quantum-physics books? 271 00:28:03,350 --> 00:28:05,685 She about to start some shit. She's 8 years old. 272 00:28:05,852 --> 00:28:08,063 Those books are way too advanced for her. 273 00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:10,607 If you ask me, I say she's up to something. 274 00:28:10,774 --> 00:28:14,903 And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. 275 00:28:17,781 --> 00:28:19,783 Or do I owe her an apology? 276 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,793 That was a good shot, though, right? 277 00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:38,051 - He's got a real problem with authority. - So do I. 278 00:28:38,218 --> 00:28:41,388 But this kid ran down a cephalopoid on foot, boss. 279 00:28:41,554 --> 00:28:43,807 That's gotta be tough enough. 280 00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:46,976 Let's hope you know what you're doing. 281 00:28:55,151 --> 00:28:57,362 Gentlemen, congratulations. 282 00:28:57,529 --> 00:29:01,074 You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training. 283 00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:04,953 And now, if you'll just follow me, we have one more test to administer: 284 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,163 an eye exam. 285 00:29:19,759 --> 00:29:21,511 Where are you going? 286 00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:24,305 Yo. Hey, man, what the hell is all this? 287 00:29:24,472 --> 00:29:27,684 Back in the 1950s, the government started an underfunded agency... 288 00:29:27,851 --> 00:29:31,521 ...with the purpose of establishing contact with a race not of this planet. 289 00:29:31,688 --> 00:29:35,066 If you'll look at the end of this device, we'll administer the eye test. 290 00:29:35,233 --> 00:29:38,027 Everybody thought the agency was a joke except the aliens... 291 00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:41,781 ...who made contact March 2, 1961, outside New York. 292 00:29:41,948 --> 00:29:46,035 There were nine of us the first night: seven agents, one astronomer... 293 00:29:46,202 --> 00:29:49,289 ...and one dumb kid who got lost on the wrong back road. 294 00:29:49,456 --> 00:29:51,416 You brought that tall man some flowers. 295 00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:54,043 This way. 296 00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:56,671 They were a group of intergalactic refugees. 297 00:29:56,838 --> 00:29:59,048 Wanted to use the Earth as an apolitical zone... 298 00:29:59,215 --> 00:30:00,800 ...for creatures without a planet. 299 00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:04,345 You ever see the movie Casablanca? It's the same thing, except no Nazis. 300 00:30:04,512 --> 00:30:05,555 We agreed... 301 00:30:05,722 --> 00:30:08,349 ...and we concealed all the evidence of their landing. 302 00:30:08,808 --> 00:30:10,435 So these are real flying saucers... 303 00:30:10,602 --> 00:30:12,604 ...and the World's Fair was just a cover-up? 304 00:30:12,770 --> 00:30:14,397 Why else would we hold it in Queens? 305 00:30:14,564 --> 00:30:17,650 More nonhumans arrive every year, and they live among us in secret. 306 00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:20,445 Look, I'm sorry, not to change the subject or anything... 307 00:30:20,612 --> 00:30:22,906 ...but when was the last time you had a CAT scan? 308 00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,741 Six months ago. It's company policy. 309 00:30:24,908 --> 00:30:26,910 Right, you should make another appointment. 310 00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:29,871 Look, tell your boy Zed I had an absolutely wonderful time... 311 00:30:30,038 --> 00:30:33,333 ...and thank you for everything, but why don't you show me the door? 312 00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,669 All right. I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some coffee? 313 00:30:36,836 --> 00:30:39,130 No, thank you, I'm fine. 314 00:30:43,927 --> 00:30:45,094 How you doing, fellas? 315 00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:47,514 - Hi, Kay. - Hi, Kay. 316 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,141 - That's not decaf, is it? - Viennese cinnamon. 317 00:30:50,725 --> 00:30:53,061 Don't tell me we only got powdered stuff for cream. 318 00:30:53,228 --> 00:30:54,521 I hate that stuff. 319 00:30:56,523 --> 00:30:59,359 Oh, that's good. Good, good. 320 00:30:59,526 --> 00:31:01,945 You guys getting along all right? 321 00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:07,283 - Well, don't work too hard. - Okay. Bye. 322 00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:10,370 Sure you don't want some coffee? 323 00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:18,127 All right, kid, here's the deal. 324 00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:19,337 At any given time... 325 00:31:19,504 --> 00:31:21,798 ...there are around 1500 aliens on the planet... 326 00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:23,883 ...most of them right here in Manhattan. 327 00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:27,470 And most of them are decent enough. They're just trying to make a living. 328 00:31:27,637 --> 00:31:29,973 - Cabdrivers. - No, not as many as you'd think. 329 00:31:30,139 --> 00:31:32,183 Humans, for the most part, don't have a clue. 330 00:31:32,350 --> 00:31:34,102 Don't want or need one. They're happy. 331 00:31:34,269 --> 00:31:38,773 They think they have a good bead on things. 332 00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:39,983 But why the big secret? 333 00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:42,902 - People are smart. They can handle it. - A person is smart. 334 00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:47,198 People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it. 335 00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:48,658 Fifteen hundred years ago... 336 00:31:48,825 --> 00:31:52,453 ...everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. 337 00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:55,999 Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat. 338 00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,208 And 15 minutes ago... 339 00:31:57,375 --> 00:32:00,795 ...you knew that people were alone on this planet. 340 00:32:02,380 --> 00:32:06,342 Imagine what you'll know tomorrow. 341 00:32:08,303 --> 00:32:10,513 - What's the catch? - The catch? 342 00:32:11,014 --> 00:32:13,558 The catch is, you will sever every human contact. 343 00:32:13,725 --> 00:32:17,353 Nobody will ever know you exist anywhere. 344 00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:19,856 Ever. 345 00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:26,029 I'll give you to sunrise to think it over. 346 00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:32,076 Hey. Is it worth it? 347 00:32:32,243 --> 00:32:34,370 Oh, yeah, it's worth it. 348 00:32:36,372 --> 00:32:38,625 If you're strong enough. 349 00:33:38,101 --> 00:33:39,811 What's up, pops? 350 00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:51,614 All right, I'm in because, look... 351 00:33:51,781 --> 00:33:54,534 ...there's some next-level shit going on, and I'm with that. 352 00:33:54,701 --> 00:33:58,287 But before y'all get to beaming me up, there's a couple things to understand. 353 00:33:58,454 --> 00:34:01,958 First off, you chose me, so you recognize the skills. 354 00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:05,753 I don't want nobody calling me "son" or "kid" or "sport" or nothing like that. 355 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:07,380 - Cool? - Whatever you say, slick. 356 00:34:07,547 --> 00:34:11,092 But I need to tell you something about all your skills. 357 00:34:12,093 --> 00:34:13,553 As of right now... 358 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:17,348 ...they mean precisely dick. 359 00:34:30,361 --> 00:34:32,864 - Purpose of trip? - Diplomatic mission. 360 00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:35,616 - Duration of stay? - Lunch. 361 00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,994 Any fruits or vegetables? 362 00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:47,628 Please meet your party outside the containment area. 363 00:34:50,173 --> 00:34:52,592 You wanna stay away from that guy. He's.... 364 00:34:53,968 --> 00:34:55,344 He's grouchy. 365 00:34:55,511 --> 00:34:58,473 Three-hour delay in customs after a trip of 17 trillion miles... 366 00:34:58,639 --> 00:35:00,516 ...is gonna make anybody cranky, you know? 367 00:35:00,683 --> 00:35:02,810 What branch of the government do we report to? 368 00:35:02,977 --> 00:35:05,521 - None. They ask too many questions. - Who pays for this? 369 00:35:05,688 --> 00:35:07,940 We hold patents on a few gadgets we confiscated... 370 00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:12,403 ...from out-of-state visitors: Velcro, microwave ovens, liposuction. 371 00:35:12,570 --> 00:35:16,199 That's a fascinating little gadget. It's gonna replace CDs soon. 372 00:35:16,365 --> 00:35:18,701 I guess I'll have to buy The White Album again. 373 00:35:18,868 --> 00:35:20,870 That's a lot of fun. A universal translator. 374 00:35:21,037 --> 00:35:23,289 We're not supposed to have it. I'll tell you why. 375 00:35:23,456 --> 00:35:26,542 Human thought is so primitive, it's looked upon as a disease... 376 00:35:26,709 --> 00:35:28,711 ...in some of the better galaxies. 377 00:35:28,878 --> 00:35:30,713 That kind of makes you proud, doesn't it? 378 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,048 Hey, what's this thing? 379 00:35:35,885 --> 00:35:38,387 Okay, just keep calm. Just be-- Relax. 380 00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:40,765 Okay-- Watch your head. 381 00:35:40,932 --> 00:35:42,642 Somebody get him some ice. 382 00:35:43,476 --> 00:35:46,604 Look out. Move-- Just move when it's coming at you. 383 00:35:53,069 --> 00:35:55,988 Damn. I will pay for that. 384 00:36:07,250 --> 00:36:11,087 This thing caused the 1977 New York blackout. 385 00:36:11,254 --> 00:36:15,424 Practical joke by the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell. 386 00:36:16,801 --> 00:36:20,805 Sorry, y'all. It was a accident. Sorry. 387 00:36:21,389 --> 00:36:23,516 Observation, the heart of our little endeavor. 388 00:36:23,683 --> 00:36:25,977 Meet the twins, Blblup and Bob. 389 00:36:26,143 --> 00:36:29,397 This map shows the location of every registered alien on Earth... 390 00:36:29,564 --> 00:36:31,691 ...some of them under constant surveillance. 391 00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:34,110 Everyone on those screens is an alien. 392 00:36:34,277 --> 00:36:37,321 In public they're as normal as you are, but in private, well.... 393 00:36:37,947 --> 00:36:38,948 You'll get the idea. 394 00:36:40,157 --> 00:36:43,619 - Oh, man. - Doesn't make any sense, does it? 395 00:36:44,954 --> 00:36:47,790 Well, no, it makes perfect sense. 396 00:36:47,957 --> 00:36:50,376 In third grade, everybody told me I was crazy... 397 00:36:50,543 --> 00:36:53,880 ...but I knew our teacher had to be from Venus or something like that. 398 00:36:54,046 --> 00:36:58,384 Mrs. Edelson. It was Jupiter, actually. Well, one of the moons. 399 00:36:58,551 --> 00:37:04,181 --revolve. Class, be quiet and pay attention. 400 00:37:04,348 --> 00:37:08,060 If I have to tell you one more time.... 401 00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:11,522 Edwards. Let's put it on. 402 00:37:12,523 --> 00:37:16,360 - Put what on? - The last suit you'll ever wear. 403 00:37:28,915 --> 00:37:31,542 You will dress only in attire specially sanctioned... 404 00:37:31,709 --> 00:37:33,753 ...by MiB Special Services. 405 00:37:34,253 --> 00:37:37,089 You'll conform to the identity we give you... 406 00:37:37,256 --> 00:37:40,092 ...eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. 407 00:37:40,718 --> 00:37:41,761 From now on... 408 00:37:41,928 --> 00:37:44,513 ...you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. 409 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,558 You will not stand out in any way. 410 00:37:48,935 --> 00:37:52,855 Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone. 411 00:37:53,022 --> 00:37:56,484 You are a rumor, recognizable only as déjà vu... 412 00:37:56,651 --> 00:37:58,694 ...and dismissed just as quickly. 413 00:37:58,861 --> 00:38:01,238 You don't exist. You were never even born. 414 00:38:03,950 --> 00:38:08,079 Anonymity is your name, silence, your native tongue. 415 00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:11,165 You are no longer part of the system. 416 00:38:11,332 --> 00:38:16,003 You are above the system, over it, beyond it. 417 00:38:16,754 --> 00:38:19,173 We're "them." We're "they." 418 00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:22,802 We are the Men in Black. 419 00:38:29,266 --> 00:38:32,561 You know what the difference is between you and me? 420 00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:37,108 I make this look good. 421 00:38:38,943 --> 00:38:41,112 We're gonna go for a little ride. 422 00:38:41,278 --> 00:38:45,074 I'll put you down here for just a minute. Then Daddy will be right back. 423 00:39:16,272 --> 00:39:19,400 Okay, now we're ready to go for a little ride. 424 00:39:19,567 --> 00:39:23,154 We're gonna meet one of Daddy's friends, and you're gonna like him. 425 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,576 Okay, let's see. 426 00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:32,288 Bee, we've got the deposed Sir Prefect of Singalee... 427 00:39:32,455 --> 00:39:35,374 ...touching down on the forest outside Portland tonight. 428 00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:38,294 - Humanoid? - You wish. Bring a sponge. 429 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,048 Here. Red letter from last night. 430 00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:45,217 We had an unauthorized landing somewhere in upstate New York. 431 00:39:45,801 --> 00:39:47,511 Kay, keep your ears open on this one. 432 00:39:47,678 --> 00:39:51,557 We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here. 433 00:39:53,142 --> 00:39:54,935 Well, well, well, we got a skimmer. 434 00:39:55,102 --> 00:39:58,022 - Landed alien out of zone. Who is it? - Redgick. 435 00:39:58,189 --> 00:40:01,317 He's not cleared to leave Manhattan, but he's way out of town now... 436 00:40:01,484 --> 00:40:03,569 ...stuck on the New Jersey Turnpike. 437 00:40:03,736 --> 00:40:05,571 Why don't you take junior here with you? 438 00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:08,991 This is a good one for him to warm up on. 439 00:40:09,158 --> 00:40:10,951 Go get him, tiger. 440 00:40:16,499 --> 00:40:19,919 "We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger." 441 00:40:21,170 --> 00:40:24,924 Zed. He just.... 442 00:40:26,008 --> 00:40:28,260 Unlimited technology from the whole universe... 443 00:40:28,427 --> 00:40:32,348 ...and we cruise around in a Ford POS. 444 00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:35,976 Fasten your seat belt. 445 00:40:36,143 --> 00:40:38,270 See, now, we got to work on your people skills. 446 00:40:38,437 --> 00:40:41,357 You know, you'd get a better reaction if you were more polite. 447 00:40:41,524 --> 00:40:42,983 Fasten your seat belt, please. 448 00:40:43,150 --> 00:40:46,195 Whoa, that was good. Did you hurt yourself? 449 00:40:48,447 --> 00:40:52,493 Oh, the red button there, kid. Don't ever, ever touch the red button. 450 00:41:02,336 --> 00:41:05,464 All right, bub, that'll be $72, then. 451 00:41:05,631 --> 00:41:09,218 Okay, sweetie, let me pay the impolite driver. 452 00:42:11,989 --> 00:42:13,908 Six is up. 453 00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:17,995 - Where is Ivan? - Gave him a break. 454 00:42:40,809 --> 00:42:43,854 You can kill us both, but you will not find the Galaxy. 455 00:42:44,813 --> 00:42:47,566 You're right about one thing. 456 00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:03,457 You're not going anywhere, pal. 457 00:43:06,543 --> 00:43:08,087 What's going on? 458 00:43:10,381 --> 00:43:12,841 Hey, hey, hey, easy. 459 00:43:19,974 --> 00:43:23,060 I'd like to see your license and registration, please. 460 00:43:25,771 --> 00:43:29,483 Like to see your other license and registration, please. 461 00:43:35,781 --> 00:43:38,909 All right, your resident-alien card has you restricted to Manhattan. 462 00:43:39,076 --> 00:43:42,246 - Where are you going, Redgie? - Well, it's my wife. She's.... 463 00:43:42,413 --> 00:43:44,164 Well, look. 464 00:43:47,209 --> 00:43:49,169 All right. Okay, no big deal. 465 00:43:49,336 --> 00:43:52,047 Okay, you come with me, Redge. 466 00:43:53,757 --> 00:43:57,386 - And you handle this. - What? Me? 467 00:43:57,553 --> 00:44:00,055 - It's easy. You just catch. - He knows what he's doing? 468 00:44:00,222 --> 00:44:02,725 He does it all the time. Let the man work. 469 00:44:04,268 --> 00:44:06,145 Okay. Yeah. 470 00:44:10,232 --> 00:44:13,485 Kay. Damn, man. Kay? 471 00:44:13,652 --> 00:44:16,405 - Something's peeking. - 54th and Madison. 472 00:44:16,572 --> 00:44:18,532 You're headed out of town. What's going on? 473 00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:21,201 - Well, we're meeting someone. - Who you meeting? 474 00:44:21,368 --> 00:44:22,619 - Well, it's a ship. - A ship? 475 00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:24,413 I didn't see a departure clearance. 476 00:44:24,580 --> 00:44:25,622 - You didn't? - No. 477 00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:28,417 - Well, it's.... Well, it's an emergency. - Kay! Kay! 478 00:44:28,584 --> 00:44:31,086 You're doing fine, ace. What kind of emergency? 479 00:44:31,253 --> 00:44:34,298 What's the rush to get off the planet all of a sudden? 480 00:44:34,465 --> 00:44:36,467 We just don't like the neighborhood anymore. 481 00:44:36,633 --> 00:44:39,595 - Some of the new arrivals. - What new arrivals? 482 00:44:39,762 --> 00:44:42,556 Does it have anything to do with the crasher from last night? 483 00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:43,974 Excuse me, miss. 484 00:44:47,728 --> 00:44:51,440 Oh, man. Oh, man. 485 00:44:53,442 --> 00:44:56,445 Kay, look. Oh, man. 486 00:44:57,946 --> 00:45:00,616 Congratulations, Redge, it's a... 487 00:45:00,949 --> 00:45:01,992 ...squid. 488 00:45:02,159 --> 00:45:04,036 Kay, man. 489 00:45:05,788 --> 00:45:09,541 You know, it's actually kind of-- 490 00:45:16,048 --> 00:45:17,508 --cute. 491 00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:27,142 Anything about that seem unusual to you? 492 00:45:29,728 --> 00:45:31,355 What would scare Redgick so badly... 493 00:45:31,522 --> 00:45:34,358 ...that he'd risk a warp jump with a newborn? 494 00:45:34,525 --> 00:45:36,735 We'll check the hot sheets. 495 00:45:41,990 --> 00:45:43,283 These are the hot sheets? 496 00:45:43,450 --> 00:45:45,494 Best investigative reporting on the planet. 497 00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:49,039 Go ahead, read The New York Times. They get lucky sometimes. Thanks. 498 00:45:49,206 --> 00:45:53,460 Cannot believe you're looking for tips in the supermarket tabloids. 499 00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:56,380 Not "looking for." 500 00:45:57,923 --> 00:45:59,425 Found. 501 00:46:12,271 --> 00:46:14,648 - Wait a minute, slow down. - Why? 502 00:46:14,815 --> 00:46:18,277 Give her time to get the wrong impression. Makes things smoother. 503 00:46:19,278 --> 00:46:20,696 Can I help you gentlemen? 504 00:46:20,863 --> 00:46:22,614 Yes, ma'am, I'm Special Agent Manheim. 505 00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:26,201 This is Special Agent Black, FBI. We'd like to talk about your visitor. 506 00:46:26,368 --> 00:46:27,953 You're here to make fun of me too? 507 00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,789 We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of. 508 00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:32,082 May we come in? 509 00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:35,752 - Sure. - Thank you. 510 00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:38,505 - Lemonade? - Oh, yes, please. 511 00:46:42,801 --> 00:46:47,639 The chief of police came to the house and did a professional investigation. 512 00:46:47,806 --> 00:46:50,350 Took a police report and writ down everything I said... 513 00:46:50,517 --> 00:46:53,103 ...from A to Z, not believing one thing I said. 514 00:46:53,270 --> 00:46:55,856 Sort of poking fun at me. And they asked me: 515 00:46:56,023 --> 00:46:59,943 "If he was murdered, how was he able to walk back in the house?" 516 00:47:00,110 --> 00:47:03,322 I gotta admit to you, that one got me sort of stumped. 517 00:47:03,489 --> 00:47:07,159 But I'll tell you something right now. I know Edgar, and that wasn't Edgar. 518 00:47:07,576 --> 00:47:12,372 It was like something was wearing Edgar like a.... 519 00:47:12,539 --> 00:47:14,291 Like a suit... 520 00:47:14,458 --> 00:47:17,211 ...an Edgar suit. 521 00:47:23,425 --> 00:47:26,720 Dude was that ugly before he was an alien. 522 00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,809 - I'm sorry. - Go on. 523 00:47:33,352 --> 00:47:37,314 Anyway, I come to and he's gone. 524 00:47:37,773 --> 00:47:42,361 - Did he say anything? - Yes. He asked me for some water. 525 00:47:42,528 --> 00:47:45,864 - Some sugar water. - Sugar water? 526 00:47:46,031 --> 00:47:49,117 Yeah, I remember that right, because I thought that that was odd... 527 00:47:49,284 --> 00:47:53,830 ...that he asked me for sugar water and not lemonade or ice water... 528 00:47:53,997 --> 00:47:57,042 ...or regular water or tap water. 529 00:47:57,876 --> 00:48:00,420 All right, Beatrice. There was no alien. 530 00:48:00,587 --> 00:48:02,965 The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. 531 00:48:03,131 --> 00:48:05,968 Gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket... 532 00:48:06,134 --> 00:48:07,886 ...and refracted the light from Venus. 533 00:48:08,053 --> 00:48:09,263 Wait-- Wait a minute. 534 00:48:09,429 --> 00:48:12,849 You flash that, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one? 535 00:48:13,016 --> 00:48:14,643 A standard-issue neuralyzer. 536 00:48:14,810 --> 00:48:17,688 And that weak-ass story is the best you can come up with? 537 00:48:17,854 --> 00:48:18,897 All right. 538 00:48:19,064 --> 00:48:22,401 On a more personal note, Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. 539 00:48:22,568 --> 00:48:24,278 You're gonna go stay with your mom... 540 00:48:24,444 --> 00:48:26,488 ...get over it, and decide you're better off. 541 00:48:26,655 --> 00:48:30,742 Well, yeah, you know, because he never appreciated you anyway. 542 00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:34,746 In fact, you know what? You kicked him out. 543 00:48:34,913 --> 00:48:37,499 And now that he's gone, you're gonna go into town... 544 00:48:37,666 --> 00:48:40,460 ...find yourself some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes. 545 00:48:40,627 --> 00:48:43,505 You know, find somewhere that maybe you could get a facial. 546 00:48:43,672 --> 00:48:46,633 And, oh, hire a decorator to come in here quick... 547 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,343 ...because, damn. 548 00:48:55,017 --> 00:48:56,310 Yo, Kay, check it out, man. 549 00:48:56,476 --> 00:48:59,896 When do I get my own flashy little memory-messer-upper thingy? 550 00:49:00,063 --> 00:49:03,358 - When you grow up. - Okay. 551 00:49:05,193 --> 00:49:06,194 Please, not green. 552 00:49:07,696 --> 00:49:08,697 Oh, damn. 553 00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,409 I don't suppose you know what alien life form... 554 00:49:12,576 --> 00:49:15,662 ...leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you? 555 00:49:15,829 --> 00:49:18,457 Oh, wait, that was on Jeopardy! last night. 556 00:49:18,624 --> 00:49:22,044 - Damn, Alex said it was.... - Zed, we have a bug. 557 00:49:22,544 --> 00:49:25,380 So, what? We don't like bugs? 558 00:49:25,547 --> 00:49:28,008 Bugs thrive on carnage, tiger. 559 00:49:28,175 --> 00:49:29,760 They consume, infest, destroy... 560 00:49:29,926 --> 00:49:32,471 ...live off the death and destruction of other species. 561 00:49:32,638 --> 00:49:34,723 You were stung as a child, weren't you? 562 00:49:34,890 --> 00:49:39,061 Listen, kid, imagine a giant cockroach with unlimited strength... 563 00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:42,814 ...a massive inferiority complex, and a real short temper... 564 00:49:42,981 --> 00:49:46,401 ...is terrorizing Manhattan Island in a brand-new Edgar suit. 565 00:49:47,486 --> 00:49:48,654 Does that sound like fun? 566 00:49:51,073 --> 00:49:52,157 What's the move? 567 00:49:53,283 --> 00:49:56,119 With the bug in town, we'll watch the morgues. 568 00:50:08,090 --> 00:50:10,008 Where do you want Contestant Number 3? 569 00:50:10,175 --> 00:50:11,760 Just leave it there. 570 00:50:11,927 --> 00:50:13,762 - What's with the cat? - Oh, the cat. 571 00:50:13,929 --> 00:50:16,223 Well, there's a problem with the cat. Sign here. 572 00:50:16,390 --> 00:50:19,518 - What's the problem with the cat? - It's your problem. 573 00:50:22,604 --> 00:50:24,606 I hate the living. 574 00:50:26,233 --> 00:50:27,901 Shall we? 575 00:50:57,305 --> 00:50:59,683 Oh, my God. 576 00:51:03,562 --> 00:51:05,480 Buddy, what are you? 577 00:51:13,572 --> 00:51:16,658 Subject was approximately 112 degrees at time of autopsy... 578 00:51:16,825 --> 00:51:19,035 ...indicating an increase in body temperature. 579 00:51:19,202 --> 00:51:21,079 Examiner tried to verify this rectally... 580 00:51:21,246 --> 00:51:23,582 ...only to find the subject was without a rectum... 581 00:51:23,749 --> 00:51:25,500 ...which is, needless to say, really-- 582 00:51:25,667 --> 00:51:27,127 Weird. 583 00:51:27,294 --> 00:51:29,546 I'm Dr. Leo Manville, Department of Public Health. 584 00:51:29,713 --> 00:51:31,548 This is Dr. White. 585 00:51:32,340 --> 00:51:34,593 You boys must not have much of a home life. 586 00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,219 We watch the morgues carefully. 587 00:51:36,386 --> 00:51:38,305 Do you have something unusual around here? 588 00:51:38,472 --> 00:51:40,682 I'd say so. Triple homicide. 589 00:51:40,849 --> 00:51:44,060 The first body I opened was normal, except he was broken in half. 590 00:51:44,227 --> 00:51:46,813 But when I opened up the other two, well.... 591 00:51:46,980 --> 00:51:48,023 Let me show you. 592 00:51:54,863 --> 00:51:58,074 There's a skeletal structure at work unlike anything I've ever seen. 593 00:51:58,241 --> 00:51:59,743 I'll have a look at this one. 594 00:51:59,910 --> 00:52:02,329 You and Dr. Weaver check out the other body, please. 595 00:52:02,496 --> 00:52:06,583 This way, doctor. This one's even stranger. 596 00:52:07,209 --> 00:52:08,293 I did a full laparotomy. 597 00:52:08,460 --> 00:52:10,712 I started with the stomach, but we could start... 598 00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,007 ...with the gastroesophageal junction, whichever you prefer. 599 00:52:15,091 --> 00:52:19,888 - Let's start wherever you started at. - Okeydokey. 600 00:52:28,146 --> 00:52:29,773 - Is this your cat? - Guess it is now. 601 00:52:29,940 --> 00:52:32,400 It came in with the body. Okay, dive right in. 602 00:52:32,567 --> 00:52:34,402 I'm sure he won't mind. 603 00:52:37,906 --> 00:52:40,116 You have really pretty eyes. 604 00:52:40,742 --> 00:52:41,785 Thank you. 605 00:52:45,580 --> 00:52:48,250 Okay, you feel that? Where the pyloric junction would be? 606 00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:50,085 Push it aside. 607 00:52:50,252 --> 00:52:53,463 Notice anything strange? Stomach, liver, lungs.... 608 00:52:53,630 --> 00:52:57,259 - Nope, all fine. - Doctor, they're all missing. 609 00:52:58,093 --> 00:52:59,261 Of course. 610 00:52:59,427 --> 00:53:02,180 Oh, you know, that's obviously the first thing I noticed. 611 00:53:02,681 --> 00:53:04,140 Well, what I was pointing out... 612 00:53:04,307 --> 00:53:10,105 ...is the fact that there are no pieces of them left. 613 00:53:10,272 --> 00:53:13,733 Yeah, you know, so they're intact... 614 00:53:13,900 --> 00:53:15,777 ...wherever they are, whole somewhere. 615 00:53:15,944 --> 00:53:18,446 - That we can be sure of. - Have we met before? 616 00:53:19,364 --> 00:53:21,449 I'm having the strangest feeling of déjà vu. 617 00:53:22,951 --> 00:53:25,328 - Yeah, me too. - Really? 618 00:53:25,912 --> 00:53:28,456 Wanna know what I really think? But don't tell that guy. 619 00:53:28,623 --> 00:53:32,210 Looks like he's under enough stress. I don't think this body's really a body. 620 00:53:32,377 --> 00:53:35,672 I think it's some kind of transport unit for something else altogether. 621 00:53:35,839 --> 00:53:38,466 The question is, what? 622 00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:40,552 Is this freaking you out? 623 00:53:41,469 --> 00:53:44,389 No. No, girl. 624 00:53:45,974 --> 00:53:49,144 You know what I like to do sometimes when it's really late? 625 00:53:51,354 --> 00:53:52,397 No. 626 00:53:53,273 --> 00:53:54,983 Dr. White. 627 00:53:56,359 --> 00:53:57,819 Excuse me. 628 00:54:02,324 --> 00:54:04,784 - What do you think? - Very interesting. 629 00:54:04,951 --> 00:54:07,412 She got a real queen-of-the-undead thing going on-- 630 00:54:07,579 --> 00:54:09,164 Of the body. 631 00:54:09,331 --> 00:54:12,375 - Great body. - The dead body. 632 00:54:12,542 --> 00:54:14,669 - You have to go look at that thing. - Dr. White? 633 00:54:14,836 --> 00:54:16,338 You recognize him? 634 00:54:17,005 --> 00:54:20,508 Yeah, he looks like the big guy I saw at headquarters, only deader. 635 00:54:20,675 --> 00:54:22,469 What do you think killed him? 636 00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:25,096 - A bug? - Dr. White. 637 00:54:25,263 --> 00:54:27,015 You're up, slugger. 638 00:54:30,602 --> 00:54:32,020 Look at this. 639 00:54:33,521 --> 00:54:35,023 What the hell is that? 640 00:54:53,625 --> 00:54:55,710 Must.... 641 00:54:56,461 --> 00:54:58,797 To prevent... 642 00:55:01,091 --> 00:55:03,885 ...contest. 643 00:55:04,052 --> 00:55:05,595 Okay, what are you trying to say? 644 00:55:05,762 --> 00:55:10,225 - To prevent.... - To prevent struggle? 645 00:55:11,101 --> 00:55:15,146 - No. To prevent-- - War? 646 00:55:15,313 --> 00:55:16,731 --war... 647 00:55:19,275 --> 00:55:21,945 ...The Galaxy... 648 00:55:22,112 --> 00:55:26,908 ...is on Orion's... 649 00:55:28,743 --> 00:55:30,245 ...be-- 650 00:55:32,622 --> 00:55:36,167 - What is word? - The bed? 651 00:55:36,334 --> 00:55:40,171 Belt? Orion's belt? 652 00:55:58,773 --> 00:56:02,235 "To prevent war, the Galaxy is on Orion's belt." 653 00:56:02,402 --> 00:56:04,571 What the hell does that mean? 654 00:56:07,824 --> 00:56:10,827 Doctor.... Whatever, come here. 655 00:56:10,994 --> 00:56:12,037 Dr. Whatever? 656 00:56:12,203 --> 00:56:15,290 Hey, you guys aren't really from the Department of Health, are you? 657 00:56:15,457 --> 00:56:17,292 Rosenberg. Damn. 658 00:56:17,459 --> 00:56:21,838 The Arquillians are not gonna like this. This guy was one of the royal family. 659 00:56:22,005 --> 00:56:23,298 I knew it. This is an alien. 660 00:56:23,465 --> 00:56:26,843 You're from some government agency trying to keep it under wraps. 661 00:56:27,010 --> 00:56:30,305 He said, "To prevent war, the Galaxy is on Orion's belt." 662 00:56:30,472 --> 00:56:32,807 This makes sense. How else do you explain New York? 663 00:56:32,974 --> 00:56:36,144 The other day, I was in this cab, and this guy was-- 664 00:56:37,187 --> 00:56:39,397 "Galaxy on Orion's belt" doesn't make any sense. 665 00:56:39,564 --> 00:56:42,650 That's what the little dude inside the big dude's head said, right? 666 00:56:42,817 --> 00:56:46,780 Right after-- Damn, man. You did the flashy thing already. 667 00:56:46,946 --> 00:56:47,989 Hey, whoever you are... 668 00:56:48,156 --> 00:56:50,450 ...you have to show me ID if you're in the morgue. 669 00:56:50,617 --> 00:56:53,161 Of course, young lady. Look at this for me, please. 670 00:56:53,328 --> 00:56:54,996 - Would you stop that? - What? 671 00:56:55,163 --> 00:56:57,332 That thing is gonna give her brain cancer. 672 00:56:57,499 --> 00:57:00,335 Never hurt her before. We gotta get all the doors closed off. 673 00:57:00,502 --> 00:57:02,337 Special Services will be here any minute. 674 00:57:02,504 --> 00:57:05,006 How many times have you flashy-thinged that woman? 675 00:57:05,173 --> 00:57:06,174 Couple. 676 00:57:06,341 --> 00:57:08,343 So you not worried about long-term damage? 677 00:57:08,510 --> 00:57:09,677 A little. 678 00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:11,679 - Kay, have you flashy-thinged me? - No. 679 00:57:11,846 --> 00:57:15,183 I ain't playing with you, Kay. Have you ever flashy-thinged me? 680 00:57:24,067 --> 00:57:27,195 Look, Kay, I think I should be in charge of the flashy thing. 681 00:57:27,362 --> 00:57:28,655 Not while I'm around, ace. 682 00:57:28,822 --> 00:57:31,616 You ain't gonna be happy till you fricassee somebody's brain. 683 00:57:31,783 --> 00:57:32,867 We got two dead aliens. 684 00:57:33,034 --> 00:57:35,078 A deputy medical examiner needs a new memory. 685 00:57:35,245 --> 00:57:36,704 Yes, sir. 686 00:57:38,081 --> 00:57:41,209 Make it a happy memory. 687 00:58:13,491 --> 00:58:15,952 Where is it? 688 00:58:30,425 --> 00:58:33,553 Will the owner of a blue warp-speed cruiser... 689 00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:36,806 ...please report to the front desk? 690 00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,372 Hey, Zed. 691 00:59:01,539 --> 00:59:04,375 Doesn't anybody ever get any sleep around here? 692 00:59:04,542 --> 00:59:08,338 The twins keep us on Centaurian time. It's a 37-hour day. 693 00:59:08,504 --> 00:59:10,506 Give it a few months. You'll get used to it. 694 00:59:10,673 --> 00:59:14,469 Or you'll have a psychotic episode. Here's Orion. 695 00:59:14,636 --> 00:59:17,639 It's a grouping of the brightest stars in the northern sky. 696 00:59:17,805 --> 00:59:20,475 - And here's Orion's belt. - That's what the little guy said: 697 00:59:20,642 --> 00:59:24,145 "To prevent war, the Galaxy is on Orion's belt." 698 00:59:24,312 --> 00:59:26,689 Junior, there are no galaxies on Orion's belt. 699 00:59:26,856 --> 00:59:30,568 The belt is just these three stars. Galaxies are huge. 700 00:59:30,985 --> 00:59:35,323 They're made up of billions of stars. You heard wrong. 701 00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:38,576 Look, whatever, man. I know what I heard. 702 01:00:15,363 --> 01:00:16,698 Pretty lady. 703 01:00:21,577 --> 01:00:24,414 Okay, the grumpy guy's story... 704 01:00:24,580 --> 01:00:28,209 ...is starting to come into focus a little bit here. 705 01:00:28,376 --> 01:00:31,004 So you were the guy in that picture with the flowers. 706 01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,380 Yeah. 707 01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:36,509 And I take it she never got those flowers. 708 01:00:36,676 --> 01:00:38,678 So, what, she ever get married or anything? 709 01:00:38,845 --> 01:00:40,263 No. 710 01:00:40,930 --> 01:00:42,015 You know what they say: 711 01:00:42,181 --> 01:00:46,060 It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 712 01:00:46,227 --> 01:00:48,021 Try it. 713 01:00:48,187 --> 01:00:49,689 Kay. 714 01:00:52,984 --> 01:00:55,820 - Take a look at this. - My God, they're all leaving. 715 01:00:55,987 --> 01:01:00,116 We've had 12 jump in the last hour. Redgick was just the first. 716 01:01:00,867 --> 01:01:02,744 What the hell do they know that we don't? 717 01:01:02,910 --> 01:01:04,495 Why does a rat desert a ship? 718 01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:08,750 Give me Lem Sat 4, please, with a proton induction thermoscan. 719 01:01:10,376 --> 01:01:13,171 Thank you. Okay, Lem Sat 18. 720 01:01:14,756 --> 01:01:15,965 All right, 4000. 721 01:01:20,345 --> 01:01:22,055 That's an Arquillian battle cruiser. 722 01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:25,350 And we've got a dead Arquillian prince. 723 01:01:26,726 --> 01:01:28,811 Speak of the devil. 724 01:01:28,978 --> 01:01:31,647 - They sound pissed. - Boys, translate that. Step on it. 725 01:01:31,856 --> 01:01:33,691 Get down to Rosenberg's jewelry store... 726 01:01:33,858 --> 01:01:36,277 ...and see what you can turn up. 727 01:01:38,446 --> 01:01:39,989 Kay. 728 01:01:41,699 --> 01:01:43,785 Give the kid a weapon. 729 01:01:52,627 --> 01:01:55,922 - Series 4 De-atomizer. - Now, that's what I'm talking about. 730 01:01:56,089 --> 01:01:58,007 Noisy Cricket. 731 01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:01,969 Hey, Kay, no, no. Come on, man. 732 01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:06,974 You get a Series 4 De-atomizer, I get a little midget Cricket? 733 01:02:10,686 --> 01:02:12,647 Feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing. 734 01:02:57,108 --> 01:02:59,444 Hey, this is my truck. 735 01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:03,906 Yeah, make sure you tell them that down at the impound. 736 01:03:11,038 --> 01:03:13,416 Please. 737 01:03:22,300 --> 01:03:24,969 Who breaks into a jewelry store and leaves all the jewels? 738 01:03:25,136 --> 01:03:27,472 Somebody not looking for jewelry. 739 01:03:29,474 --> 01:03:31,893 This guy had a serious crush on his cat. 740 01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:36,606 Kay, get down. 741 01:03:40,735 --> 01:03:41,777 Man. 742 01:03:43,613 --> 01:03:47,158 That's him. That's the bug in the Edgar suit. 743 01:04:08,930 --> 01:04:11,599 We do not discharge our weapons in view of the public. 744 01:04:11,766 --> 01:04:13,935 We ain't got time for this cover-up bullshit. 745 01:04:14,101 --> 01:04:16,562 There's a alien battle cruiser about to-- 746 01:04:16,729 --> 01:04:19,607 There's always an alien battle cruiser or a death ray... 747 01:04:19,774 --> 01:04:22,902 ...or an intergalactic plague about to wipe out life on this planet. 748 01:04:23,069 --> 01:04:25,821 The only way these people get on with their happy lives... 749 01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:29,325 ...is they do not know about it. 750 01:04:33,496 --> 01:04:35,581 And don't worry about the bug. 751 01:04:35,748 --> 01:04:38,668 He's not leaving town. We got his ship. 752 01:04:43,422 --> 01:04:45,758 Excuse me. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. 753 01:04:45,925 --> 01:04:48,427 Zed, we need a containment crew on Macdougal Street... 754 01:04:48,594 --> 01:04:50,471 ...south of Houston. 755 01:04:50,638 --> 01:04:52,723 Containment may be a moot point, old friend. 756 01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:54,183 The exodus continues. 757 01:04:54,350 --> 01:04:55,685 It's like the party's over... 758 01:04:55,851 --> 01:04:58,479 ...and the last one to leave gets stuck with the check. 759 01:04:58,646 --> 01:05:02,024 You sorry little ingrates. 760 01:05:08,990 --> 01:05:10,992 What about the Arquillians? 761 01:05:11,158 --> 01:05:13,452 We've only translated part of the message so far: 762 01:05:13,619 --> 01:05:14,662 "Deliver the Galaxy." 763 01:05:14,829 --> 01:05:18,040 - They don't want much, do they? - Oh, it gets better. 764 01:05:18,207 --> 01:05:19,667 They're holding us responsible. 765 01:05:28,676 --> 01:05:33,055 - Where do you keep your dead? - I don't have any dead. 766 01:05:33,222 --> 01:05:36,350 - Where? - I don't know. 767 01:05:36,517 --> 01:05:38,894 The city morgue? 768 01:05:48,404 --> 01:05:51,198 That's three for a dollar, sir. 769 01:05:51,365 --> 01:05:54,285 It was some light, some light that refracted off of Venus... 770 01:05:54,452 --> 01:05:57,913 ...into some swamp gas, and that's what made the.... 771 01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,584 - All right, kid. - Excuse me. What's up? 772 01:06:01,751 --> 01:06:04,629 The Arquillians want the Galaxy, whatever the hell that means. 773 01:06:04,795 --> 01:06:06,297 We need help, a professional... 774 01:06:06,464 --> 01:06:10,009 ...somebody with years of experience in intergalactic politics. 775 01:06:10,176 --> 01:06:12,136 I just hope the prick hasn't skipped town. 776 01:06:12,303 --> 01:06:15,222 Can I have your attention, please? Thank you. 777 01:06:15,389 --> 01:06:17,224 If you will gather over here.... 778 01:06:17,391 --> 01:06:20,895 That's right, move in closer. That's good. Thanks. 779 01:06:21,062 --> 01:06:23,397 If you'll look right here, I'd appreciate it. 780 01:06:23,564 --> 01:06:24,565 Thank you. 781 01:06:37,578 --> 01:06:40,706 Now, that's the worst disguise ever. That guy's definitely an alien. 782 01:06:40,873 --> 01:06:43,417 You don't like it, you can kiss my furry little butt. 783 01:06:44,460 --> 01:06:46,545 - You busy, Frank? - Sorry, can't talk now. 784 01:06:46,712 --> 01:06:47,797 My flight's leaving in-- 785 01:06:47,963 --> 01:06:50,758 - Get your paws off me. - Call the pound. We got a stray. 786 01:06:50,925 --> 01:06:52,301 The dog owes my friend money. 787 01:06:52,468 --> 01:06:54,261 Arquillians and bugs, what do you know? 788 01:06:54,428 --> 01:06:57,098 - I know nothing. - Not a thing, huh? Okay. 789 01:06:58,933 --> 01:07:01,394 Stop, stop, stop it. Okay, okay. 790 01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,771 Rosenberg wasn't some two-bit Arquillian. 791 01:07:03,938 --> 01:07:07,233 He was the guardian of the Galaxy. They thought he'd be safe on Earth. 792 01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:08,693 And the bug had other plans. 793 01:07:08,859 --> 01:07:11,946 The Galaxy is the best source for subatomic energy in the universe. 794 01:07:12,113 --> 01:07:15,616 If the bugs get their slimy claws on it, kiss the Arquillians goodbye. 795 01:07:15,783 --> 01:07:16,826 Ask him about the belt. 796 01:07:16,992 --> 01:07:18,994 Rosenberg said something about Orion's belt. 797 01:07:19,161 --> 01:07:20,955 - What's he talking about? - Beats me. 798 01:07:21,789 --> 01:07:23,791 No, no, no, not around. 799 01:07:26,919 --> 01:07:28,754 They're rehearsing a ventriloquist act. 800 01:07:28,921 --> 01:07:31,382 The Galaxy is here. 801 01:07:31,549 --> 01:07:34,635 - What do you mean, here? - Galaxy's millions of stars and planets. 802 01:07:34,802 --> 01:07:36,053 - How's it here? - You humans. 803 01:07:36,220 --> 01:07:38,472 When are you gonna learn that size doesn't matter? 804 01:07:38,639 --> 01:07:41,976 Just because something's important, doesn't mean it's not very small. 805 01:07:42,143 --> 01:07:45,187 - How small? - Tiny. The size of a marble or a jewel. 806 01:07:45,730 --> 01:07:48,816 Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta be walked before my flight. 807 01:07:48,983 --> 01:07:50,901 All right, get out of here. 808 01:07:52,069 --> 01:07:55,823 If the Galaxy's here, it's not on Orion's belt. 809 01:08:07,877 --> 01:08:09,420 Kay. 810 01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:18,179 Boy, when you want attention.... 811 01:08:19,388 --> 01:08:22,475 Orion. That's a pretty name. 812 01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:24,518 What's this? 813 01:09:16,779 --> 01:09:20,741 Okay. Yes, good, thank you. 814 01:09:20,908 --> 01:09:24,578 Thank you for making sure that the bell works. 815 01:09:26,747 --> 01:09:28,916 What's up, Farmer John? 816 01:09:30,084 --> 01:09:34,004 A man came in here earlier. A dead man. 817 01:09:34,171 --> 01:09:36,173 And that means what to me? 818 01:09:38,300 --> 01:09:41,679 It was a very dear friend of mine. 819 01:09:41,846 --> 01:09:44,056 I believe he had an animal with him. 820 01:09:44,223 --> 01:09:46,600 It was a gift I gave him, a pet cat. 821 01:09:46,767 --> 01:09:50,688 It means worlds to me. I'd like to have it back. 822 01:09:50,855 --> 01:09:54,358 Okay, I'm gonna need a picture ID, written proof of ownership of the cat... 823 01:09:54,525 --> 01:09:58,946 ...notarized proof of kinship with the deceased. 824 01:09:59,113 --> 01:10:00,447 Don't do that. 825 01:10:02,241 --> 01:10:05,953 - Do what? - Don't do it. 826 01:10:08,581 --> 01:10:10,207 Oh, man. 827 01:10:25,514 --> 01:10:27,766 Look, Kay, why don't you let me handle this one? 828 01:10:27,933 --> 01:10:29,685 All we gotta do is go in and get a cat. 829 01:10:29,852 --> 01:10:32,271 It's not really that hard, but if you go in there... 830 01:10:32,438 --> 01:10:35,316 ...you're gonna start flashing your brain ray all in her face. 831 01:10:35,482 --> 01:10:37,985 She gonna wind up with leukemia. The woman's a doctor. 832 01:10:38,152 --> 01:10:40,821 She don't need you flashing away her med-school classes. 833 01:10:40,988 --> 01:10:43,365 - Five minutes. - Two minutes. 834 01:10:45,367 --> 01:10:48,203 - Where's the animal? - I told you, I don't know. 835 01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:50,664 Well, let's see if we can find it. 836 01:10:56,045 --> 01:10:57,171 Hello? 837 01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,591 Hello? 838 01:11:06,513 --> 01:11:08,349 Hello? 839 01:11:12,061 --> 01:11:13,687 - How you doing? - Hello. 840 01:11:13,854 --> 01:11:16,649 I'm Sergeant Friday from the 26th Precinct. 841 01:11:16,815 --> 01:11:19,568 A cat came in with a corpse the other day. 842 01:11:19,735 --> 01:11:21,904 - "Orion" on the nametag? - Yes, that's right. 843 01:11:22,738 --> 01:11:26,408 Well, this cat is a.... A witness in a murder case. 844 01:11:26,575 --> 01:11:28,702 I need to take him with me, ask him questions. 845 01:11:28,869 --> 01:11:31,747 - Well, I don't know where the cat is. - Oh, you don't? 846 01:11:32,373 --> 01:11:35,042 No, but maybe you could take me with you instead. 847 01:11:37,086 --> 01:11:39,338 Damn, you do start fast, don't you? 848 01:11:39,505 --> 01:11:44,134 I'd really like to go with you. Now. 849 01:11:44,301 --> 01:11:46,720 And exactly why is that? 850 01:11:53,978 --> 01:11:56,855 There's something I need to show you. 851 01:11:57,022 --> 01:11:59,900 Slow down, girl, you ain't gotta hit the gas like that. 852 01:12:00,067 --> 01:12:03,570 No, you don't understand. You really need to see this. 853 01:12:03,737 --> 01:12:05,406 Oh, I will, I will. 854 01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:08,993 One thing: I gotta drive. You know, it's not some macho trip. 855 01:12:09,159 --> 01:12:11,662 I'm saying, that's just the way I get down. 856 01:12:22,131 --> 01:12:24,091 Look, stud, you're really not getting this. 857 01:12:24,258 --> 01:12:28,387 There's something I need you to help me with. 858 01:12:39,106 --> 01:12:41,442 - Freeze it, bug. - Christ, you are thick. 859 01:12:41,608 --> 01:12:44,278 - Look, how was I supposed to know? - Do I have to sing it? 860 01:12:44,445 --> 01:12:46,530 If you weren't coming on like some prom date-- 861 01:12:46,697 --> 01:12:47,740 That is so typical. 862 01:12:47,906 --> 01:12:50,284 Any time a woman shows slight sexual independence-- 863 01:12:50,451 --> 01:12:52,286 - How about we shut up? - Let her go. 864 01:12:52,453 --> 01:12:54,997 Listen, monkey boy, compared to you humans... 865 01:12:55,164 --> 01:12:57,708 ...I'm on the top rung of the evolutionary ladder. 866 01:12:57,875 --> 01:12:59,626 - So can it. - You're breaking my heart. 867 01:12:59,793 --> 01:13:01,962 Show me your face, and I'll cure all your ills. 868 01:13:02,129 --> 01:13:05,507 You ever pull wings off a fly? You care to see the fly get even? 869 01:13:05,674 --> 01:13:07,801 How far are you gonna get without your ship... 870 01:13:07,968 --> 01:13:10,304 ...that piece of trash we got locked in the office? 871 01:13:10,471 --> 01:13:13,182 - Put your weapons down. - Never gonna happen, insect. 872 01:13:13,348 --> 01:13:15,851 - It's okay, Laurel. - How is it okay? 873 01:13:16,018 --> 01:13:20,355 - I'm saying it's gonna be okay. - Don't bet on it, meat sack. 874 01:13:30,157 --> 01:13:32,117 Let me go. 875 01:13:39,666 --> 01:13:41,585 God, what the--? 876 01:13:42,544 --> 01:13:43,837 Come on. 877 01:13:48,258 --> 01:13:50,177 - Take me here. - No way. 878 01:13:52,054 --> 01:13:53,097 Take me. 879 01:13:56,683 --> 01:13:58,352 Hey. Come back! 880 01:14:10,572 --> 01:14:12,116 He's in a cab. 881 01:14:33,887 --> 01:14:36,640 Don't move, don't move. don't move. 882 01:14:36,807 --> 01:14:38,559 Hey, man, what? 883 01:14:49,653 --> 01:14:52,948 He's not leaving the planet in a cab. Let's go. 884 01:14:57,202 --> 01:14:59,955 Come with me. Put up a bio-net all the way around Manhattan. 885 01:15:00,122 --> 01:15:03,083 If it's not human, I don't want it to leave this island. 886 01:15:04,001 --> 01:15:05,544 What do we hear from upstairs? 887 01:15:05,711 --> 01:15:07,921 - "Deliver the Galaxy." - Bug's got the Galaxy. 888 01:15:08,088 --> 01:15:11,258 But we got his ship. He's gotta be looking for a way out. 889 01:15:13,343 --> 01:15:16,638 Warning: Plutonic fusion detection. 890 01:15:16,805 --> 01:15:19,766 Warning: Plutonic fusion detection. 891 01:15:23,812 --> 01:15:26,940 - What are they shooting at us for? - Arquillian battle rules, kid. 892 01:15:27,107 --> 01:15:29,067 We get an ultimatum, then a warning shot... 893 01:15:29,234 --> 01:15:31,403 ...then a galactic standard week to respond. 894 01:15:31,570 --> 01:15:34,114 A galactic standard week? How the hell long is that? 895 01:15:34,281 --> 01:15:35,741 One hour. 896 01:15:35,908 --> 01:15:39,161 One hour? Then what? 897 01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,000 That's bullshit. 898 01:15:45,167 --> 01:15:47,294 Look, kid, to keep the bugs from getting it... 899 01:15:47,461 --> 01:15:49,463 ...the Arquillians will destroy that galaxy. 900 01:15:49,630 --> 01:15:52,382 And whatever planet it's on. 901 01:15:53,133 --> 01:15:56,887 - You're talking about us. - Sucks, huh? 902 01:15:58,931 --> 01:16:01,642 I'm pulling up the location of every interstellar vehicle. 903 01:16:01,808 --> 01:16:03,936 Already did it. Frank took the last ship. 904 01:16:04,102 --> 01:16:06,521 - Sneden's Landing and Throg's Neck. - They're gone. 905 01:16:06,688 --> 01:16:08,649 - We have Atlantic City. - Gone. 906 01:16:08,815 --> 01:16:10,192 - All right, Bayonne? - Gone. 907 01:16:10,359 --> 01:16:12,527 - All right, there's Three Mile Island. - Gone. 908 01:16:12,694 --> 01:16:13,904 - Yo. - Staten Island. 909 01:16:14,071 --> 01:16:15,155 Gone, thank God. 910 01:16:15,322 --> 01:16:16,990 - Fellas. - We're running out of time. 911 01:16:17,157 --> 01:16:19,326 If that bug gets off the planet, we're bug food. 912 01:16:19,493 --> 01:16:20,911 Hey, old guys. 913 01:16:25,999 --> 01:16:28,168 Do those still work? 914 01:16:43,141 --> 01:16:45,185 - You're coming with me. - What? 915 01:16:45,769 --> 01:16:49,022 It's a long trip. I'll need a snack. 916 01:16:54,361 --> 01:16:55,529 You're taking the tunnel? 917 01:16:55,696 --> 01:16:58,699 - You know a better way to Queens? - That thing's gonna be packed. 918 01:17:11,962 --> 01:17:14,089 - You remember the little red button? - Yeah. 919 01:17:14,256 --> 01:17:15,716 Push the little red button. 920 01:17:16,967 --> 01:17:18,927 And you might wanna put on a seat belt. 921 01:17:19,094 --> 01:17:21,638 Kay! 922 01:17:30,230 --> 01:17:32,357 You know, you're much too tense. You're young. 923 01:17:32,524 --> 01:17:35,068 You need to relax. Learn to take some joy in your work. 924 01:17:35,235 --> 01:17:36,486 Do you like music? 925 01:17:40,574 --> 01:17:42,617 That's better. 926 01:17:59,926 --> 01:18:02,137 All right, now. 927 01:18:06,600 --> 01:18:08,143 Kay. Kay! 928 01:18:13,315 --> 01:18:14,983 You do know Elvis is dead, right? 929 01:18:15,150 --> 01:18:17,944 No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home. 930 01:18:33,126 --> 01:18:36,171 You don't wanna eat me. I'm an important person on my planet. 931 01:18:36,338 --> 01:18:37,631 Like a queen. 932 01:18:37,798 --> 01:18:40,759 A goddess, even. There are those who worship me. 933 01:18:40,926 --> 01:18:42,803 I'm not telling you to try to impress you. 934 01:18:42,969 --> 01:18:45,138 I'm just letting you know it could start a war. 935 01:18:45,305 --> 01:18:47,849 Good, war. That means more food for my family. 936 01:18:48,016 --> 01:18:51,311 All 78 million of them. That's a lot of mouths to feed. 937 01:18:51,478 --> 01:18:54,147 You're a wonderful dad, but I'm staying here. 938 01:19:15,877 --> 01:19:18,463 Now, that's what I'm talking about. 939 01:19:19,297 --> 01:19:21,716 Roaches check in. 940 01:19:23,176 --> 01:19:24,344 They don't check out. 941 01:19:29,224 --> 01:19:33,228 Warning: Eight minutes to the destruction of Earth. 942 01:19:34,896 --> 01:19:38,358 Eight minutes to destruction. 943 01:20:22,986 --> 01:20:25,906 We'll use pulsar level five with a subsonic implosion factor. 944 01:20:26,072 --> 01:20:27,449 What? 945 01:20:27,616 --> 01:20:32,287 Just shoot the damn thing on the count of three. One, two, three. 946 01:21:32,639 --> 01:21:35,183 You idiots. 947 01:21:35,350 --> 01:21:38,311 You don't get it. I've won. 948 01:21:39,145 --> 01:21:41,189 It's over. 949 01:21:41,356 --> 01:21:45,735 You're milk-suckers. You don't matter. 950 01:21:45,902 --> 01:21:48,405 In fact, in a few seconds, you won't even be matter. 951 01:21:48,572 --> 01:21:51,658 You're under arrest for violating Section 4153 of the Tycho Treaty. 952 01:21:51,825 --> 01:21:54,369 So hand over whatever galaxy you might be carrying... 953 01:21:54,536 --> 01:21:58,665 ...step away from your busted vehicle, and put your hands on your head. 954 01:22:02,210 --> 01:22:04,254 I'll put my hands... 955 01:22:06,673 --> 01:22:07,882 ...on my head. 956 01:22:12,304 --> 01:22:13,346 Like this? 957 01:22:42,626 --> 01:22:44,586 That did not go at all the way I planned. 958 01:22:44,753 --> 01:22:47,088 Whatever happens, don't let him on the second ship. 959 01:22:47,255 --> 01:22:49,883 - What are you talking about? - Keep him on this planet. 960 01:22:50,050 --> 01:22:52,052 Kay-- Kay, where are you going? 961 01:22:52,719 --> 01:22:54,804 I'm gonna get my gun back. 962 01:22:56,556 --> 01:22:58,850 Hey. Hey, bug. Wait a minute, I'm talking to you. 963 01:22:59,017 --> 01:23:01,645 You know how many of your kind I've swatted with a paper? 964 01:23:01,811 --> 01:23:04,064 You're nothing but a smear on the sports page... 965 01:23:04,230 --> 01:23:07,233 ...you slimy, gut-sucking intestinal parasite. 966 01:23:07,776 --> 01:23:10,737 Eat me. Eat me. 967 01:23:14,741 --> 01:23:17,285 Kay. Kay! 968 01:23:24,751 --> 01:23:26,753 Hey! 969 01:23:29,130 --> 01:23:30,423 What's up? 970 01:23:30,590 --> 01:23:33,802 You're just gonna eat and run, huh? What about dessert? 971 01:23:39,766 --> 01:23:41,393 That's it? 972 01:23:41,559 --> 01:23:45,605 Where are you going? This party's just getting started. 973 01:23:45,772 --> 01:23:47,941 Where you going? 974 01:23:48,108 --> 01:23:50,276 Where you going? 975 01:23:50,944 --> 01:23:52,112 Let me tell you something. 976 01:23:52,278 --> 01:23:56,324 There's only one way off of this planet, baby, and that's through me. 977 01:24:36,614 --> 01:24:38,158 Hey. 978 01:24:39,325 --> 01:24:41,161 Where you going? 979 01:24:41,536 --> 01:24:45,749 Why you running, huh? I'm still standing. 980 01:24:45,915 --> 01:24:47,917 Come on, bring it. Come on, bring it. 981 01:25:07,687 --> 01:25:10,231 I'm sorry. Was that your auntie? 982 01:25:12,525 --> 01:25:15,487 Then that must mean that that's your uncle, then, huh? 983 01:25:17,322 --> 01:25:20,074 You know y'all look alike. 984 01:25:27,040 --> 01:25:28,875 Well, well. 985 01:25:29,042 --> 01:25:32,545 Big bad bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh? 986 01:25:35,590 --> 01:25:38,301 See, what I can't understand... 987 01:25:38,468 --> 01:25:41,387 ...is why you gotta come down here, bringing all this ruckus... 988 01:25:41,554 --> 01:25:43,973 ...snatching up galaxies and everything. 989 01:25:44,140 --> 01:25:47,393 My attitude is, don't start nothing... 990 01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:49,896 ...won't be nothing. 991 01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:58,571 You need to ease up out of my face before something bad happen to you. 992 01:26:00,365 --> 01:26:01,407 Too late. 993 01:26:29,269 --> 01:26:33,565 Zed, call the Arquillians. Tell them we have the Galaxy. 994 01:26:33,731 --> 01:26:35,775 You got it, friend. 995 01:26:37,277 --> 01:26:41,614 - Going to get your gun back, huh? - I like this gun. 996 01:26:41,781 --> 01:26:44,200 Yeah, well, while you was in there playing around... 997 01:26:44,367 --> 01:26:46,160 ...I was down here doing all the work. 998 01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:49,372 You know, first I had to bean him in the head with this big rock. 999 01:26:49,539 --> 01:26:51,457 Then I was gonna hit him with this 2-by-4. 1000 01:26:51,624 --> 01:26:53,293 He kicked me, and, you know, it hurt. 1001 01:26:53,459 --> 01:26:56,462 But then I got to the fire, you know. I was like...with the fire. 1002 01:26:56,629 --> 01:26:59,215 Not bad for your second day of work, is it? 1003 01:26:59,799 --> 01:27:03,136 Well, this definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter. 1004 01:27:03,553 --> 01:27:07,765 You should've been here for the Zeronian migration in 1968. 1005 01:27:09,934 --> 01:27:12,979 I guess you weren't even alive in '68. 1006 01:27:18,192 --> 01:27:20,820 Interesting job you guys have. 1007 01:27:35,376 --> 01:27:38,963 Kay, look, I know we got these rules and everything... 1008 01:27:39,130 --> 01:27:41,549 ...but I was thinking, she did help us bust that bug. 1009 01:27:41,716 --> 01:27:44,719 Maybe we didn't have to flashy-thing her. 1010 01:27:45,887 --> 01:27:49,223 Kay, come on. Who's she gonna tell? She hang out with all dead people. 1011 01:27:49,390 --> 01:27:52,685 It's not for her. It's for me. 1012 01:27:54,479 --> 01:27:55,605 What? 1013 01:27:57,774 --> 01:27:59,901 They're beautiful, aren't they? 1014 01:28:00,735 --> 01:28:02,153 Stars. 1015 01:28:02,320 --> 01:28:06,157 I mean, I never look at them anymore, but they actually are quite... 1016 01:28:08,034 --> 01:28:09,953 ...beautiful. 1017 01:28:14,082 --> 01:28:16,542 Kay, you're frightening your partner. 1018 01:28:16,709 --> 01:28:20,463 I haven't been training a partner. I've been training a replacement. 1019 01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:25,301 Wait a minute, Kay. I cannot do this job by myself. 1020 01:28:25,468 --> 01:28:28,221 Hey, guys, my apartment isn't anywhere near here. 1021 01:28:28,388 --> 01:28:30,348 It's not even on the same island. 1022 01:28:31,933 --> 01:28:35,979 Days...months...years. 1023 01:28:36,145 --> 01:28:38,272 Always face it forward. 1024 01:28:47,365 --> 01:28:49,909 I've been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach. 1025 01:28:50,076 --> 01:28:53,037 That's one of a hundred memories that I don't want. 1026 01:29:09,804 --> 01:29:11,764 See you around, Jay. 1027 01:29:17,603 --> 01:29:21,274 No, you won't. 1028 01:29:54,015 --> 01:29:55,850 Hey, Jay. 1029 01:29:56,642 --> 01:29:58,895 Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxium 9... 1030 01:29:59,062 --> 01:30:01,064 ...wants seats for the Knicks-Bulls game. 1031 01:30:01,230 --> 01:30:05,318 Let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet. 1032 01:30:06,069 --> 01:30:09,489 - Rodman? You're kidding. - Nope. 1033 01:30:09,655 --> 01:30:12,033 Not much of a disguise.