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Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard
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Fuck Wolverine.
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First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
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Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
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What a dick.
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Well, guess what, Wolvie?
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I'm dying in this one, too.
8
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To understand
why I took a cat-nap
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on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
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I need to take you back
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to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
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I'd gone international,
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taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
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unspeakable monsters.
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People nobody would touch.
Except me.
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I'm gonna touch them all over.
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Hey, it's Gail calling.
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Love the shiny suit.
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Really brings out
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the sex trafficker
in your eyes.
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I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
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Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
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But I did take
8th grade Spanish, so...
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Which literally
translates to...
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I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
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Uno, dos, tres, cuatro...
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I'll take
a cranberry-grapefruit vodka.
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I know
it's called a Sea Breeze.
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Don't make me say it.
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Hit it, Dolly.
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Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
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Whoo! Do not go in there!
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Oh, God! Oh, God, time out!
Time out!
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Cut. Got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
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Oh, that's so gross.
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Fuck.
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Scoutmaster Kevin?
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Too exotic?
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My world tour
brought me home
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to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
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00:04:59,359 --> 00:05:00,791
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
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00:05:00,793 --> 00:05:02,093
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
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00:05:02,095 --> 00:05:05,329
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
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00:05:05,331 --> 00:05:06,731
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
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00:05:06,733 --> 00:05:09,734
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
46
00:05:09,736 --> 00:05:14,205
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
47
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True story.
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And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
49
00:05:19,245 --> 00:05:22,113
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
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Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
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That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
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Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
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But this guy?
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He was
one of the worst of 'em.
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Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
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and let's kill
this motherfucker!
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Ugh. So gross.
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A panic room? Really?
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Can you come out?
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I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
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00:06:03,923 --> 00:06:05,423
Over and over,
I hear people say,
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00:06:05,425 --> 00:06:06,924
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
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00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:09,060
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
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It's something you create.
65
00:06:10,595 --> 00:06:12,696
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
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00:06:12,698 --> 00:06:14,498
A sense of confidence
is nothing
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00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,933
but a sense of power
within yourself...
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00:06:15,935 --> 00:06:17,935
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
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00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:19,869
Start the car!
Start the fucking car!
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Dopinder!
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Start the fucking car!
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- Whoo!
- Oh, I shit my pants.
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00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,784
Actually, that may
have been me.
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Oh, mission accomplished?
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00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:36,954
Well, in a George W.
sort of way.
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Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
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Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
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It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
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and who'da thought?
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Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus.
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00:06:46,499 --> 00:06:48,432
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
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At least domestically.
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We beat them overseas,
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where there's no such thing
as religion.
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I do want to live the dreams,
Pool Boy.
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00:06:55,108 --> 00:06:57,607
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
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- I want to fill my...
- Pockets?
88
00:06:59,278 --> 00:07:02,580
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
89
00:07:02,582 --> 00:07:04,014
Can't maintain an erection
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00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:05,682
without buying shoes online?
91
00:07:05,684 --> 00:07:07,684
I've never experienced
that last one.
92
00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:08,986
Talk to me, Goose.
93
00:07:08,988 --> 00:07:11,789
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
94
00:07:11,791 --> 00:07:15,192
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
95
00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:16,794
- Dopinder...
- Hmm?
96
00:07:16,796 --> 00:07:18,864
You never cease
to surprise me.
97
00:07:20,066 --> 00:07:23,000
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
98
00:07:23,002 --> 00:07:24,768
We all need
a sense of belonging.
99
00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,636
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
100
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A place in this world.
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I want to become
a contract killer.
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I'm sorry.
What did you say?
103
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Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
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and threatened him
with great violence?
105
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You kind of killed him.
106
00:07:35,781 --> 00:07:37,748
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
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Don't want to.
108
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When Tom Cruise fed
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10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
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for the first time...
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00:07:43,089 --> 00:07:45,623
and she looked up
at his smooth,
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handsome face and said...
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"I want some more."
114
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Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
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I'll never not picture that.
116
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But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
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as soon as possible.
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We're here.
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You're my Tom Cruise!
120
00:08:07,213 --> 00:08:09,180
And you're
my Kristen Dunst!
121
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Kristen? Kirsten?
122
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Sorry I'm late.
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00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:18,822
There was a bunch of
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handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
125
00:08:20,927 --> 00:08:22,393
- and I had to, uh...
- Uh-uh.
126
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You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
127
00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,998
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
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No.
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Traffic?
130
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Hmm?
131
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Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
132
00:08:34,507 --> 00:08:35,808
Well, come here.
133
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I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
134
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Don't you want
your surprise?
135
00:08:51,057 --> 00:08:53,125
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
136
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I got one for you, too.
137
00:08:56,295 --> 00:08:57,728
Happy anniversary, baby.
138
00:08:57,730 --> 00:08:59,398
Open, open, open.
139
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,234
Skee-Ball token.
140
00:09:03,236 --> 00:09:04,568
Our first date.
141
00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:05,903
Yup.
142
00:09:05,905 --> 00:09:09,008
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
143
00:09:11,712 --> 00:09:14,211
I'll keep it forever.
144
00:09:14,213 --> 00:09:15,748
Thank you, baby.
145
00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,985
- Open yours.
- All right, all right.
146
00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,153
Oh...
147
00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:24,388
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
148
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:25,789
I don't know what this is.
149
00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:27,625
My IUD.
150
00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:28,826
A bomb?
151
00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:31,929
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
152
00:09:31,931 --> 00:09:32,997
What, you mean that your...
153
00:09:32,999 --> 00:09:34,864
Baby factory's open
for business.
154
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,133
Oh, my God!
155
00:09:36,135 --> 00:09:39,403
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
156
00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:42,473
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
157
00:09:42,475 --> 00:09:45,544
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
158
00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:49,246
Like Cher or Todd.
159
00:09:49,248 --> 00:09:51,215
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
160
00:09:51,217 --> 00:09:52,283
Yes, I do.
161
00:09:52,285 --> 00:09:54,251
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
162
00:09:54,253 --> 00:09:55,254
Let's do that.
163
00:10:04,765 --> 00:10:07,166
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
164
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May.
165
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:15,341
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
166
00:10:17,876 --> 00:10:20,244
So weird.
167
00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:22,982
Family was always
an F-word to me.
168
00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:28,585
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
169
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,988
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
170
00:10:30,990 --> 00:10:33,292
to draw off of for Todd.
171
00:10:34,327 --> 00:10:37,029
Hey. Look at me.
172
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:40,299
You are not your father.
173
00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,133
Besides...
174
00:10:43,135 --> 00:10:48,207
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
175
00:10:49,008 --> 00:10:50,074
But here's the thing,
176
00:10:50,076 --> 00:10:51,477
isn't that how
it always works?
177
00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:53,444
Like in Star Wars,
178
00:10:53,446 --> 00:10:56,246
men are destined
to become their father...
179
00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:59,350
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
180
00:10:59,352 --> 00:11:02,852
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
181
00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:05,122
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
182
00:11:05,124 --> 00:11:07,391
Baby, that's Empire.
183
00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:10,062
The point is, kids...
184
00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:14,166
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
185
00:11:14,835 --> 00:11:17,601
Better than we used to be.
186
00:11:17,603 --> 00:11:20,106
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
187
00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:22,774
I'm gonna go make dessert.
188
00:11:22,776 --> 00:11:27,144
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
189
00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:29,615
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
190
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:34,284
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
191
00:11:34,286 --> 00:11:36,353
It's too stripper-y.
192
00:11:36,355 --> 00:11:37,789
Kevin with a "K"!
193
00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:40,059
No, too stripper-y, too.
194
00:11:40,526 --> 00:11:42,292
Uh, Earl!
195
00:11:42,294 --> 00:11:44,796
He's gonna go straight to jail
196
00:11:44,798 --> 00:11:46,997
if we name him Earl.
197
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,101
What about Bruce?
198
00:11:50,102 --> 00:11:51,435
No.
199
00:11:51,437 --> 00:11:52,669
Get down.
200
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,073
What?
201
00:12:22,635 --> 00:12:24,736
Baby? Baby?
202
00:12:27,908 --> 00:12:29,506
I'm okay.
203
00:12:29,508 --> 00:12:32,309
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
204
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:08,314
Please.
205
00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:15,085
Please. Please.
206
00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:18,455
Baby, I'm so sorry.
207
00:13:18,457 --> 00:13:22,328
No!
208
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:31,916
Is it just me, or does
209
00:16:31,918 --> 00:16:34,052
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
210
00:16:34,054 --> 00:16:35,452
sound suspiciously like
211
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:37,654
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
212
00:16:42,561 --> 00:16:44,962
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
213
00:16:44,964 --> 00:16:48,198
Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?
214
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,434
You smell like somebody shit
in a Civil War wound...
215
00:16:50,436 --> 00:16:51,936
after it had become
gangrenous.
216
00:16:51,938 --> 00:16:54,271
They should've just
amputated it. Why shit in it?
217
00:16:54,273 --> 00:16:55,907
Doesn't make any sense.
218
00:16:55,909 --> 00:16:57,507
I love Frozen.
219
00:16:57,509 --> 00:17:01,045
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
220
00:17:01,047 --> 00:17:02,446
An ocean is water.
221
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:07,484
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
222
00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:08,652
George Michael was right.
223
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:11,122
I'm never
gonna dance again. Fuck!
224
00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:12,324
He's dead, too.
225
00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:15,425
At least we still have Bowie.
226
00:17:15,427 --> 00:17:19,498
Yeah. We still have Bowie.
227
00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:21,231
I'm sorry.
228
00:17:21,233 --> 00:17:22,566
Shot after shot,
229
00:17:22,568 --> 00:17:24,568
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
230
00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:25,970
Are you pissing? Are you
urinating right now?
231
00:17:25,972 --> 00:17:29,006
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
232
00:17:29,008 --> 00:17:30,908
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!
233
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,242
There you go, Dopinder.
234
00:17:32,244 --> 00:17:34,212
If you want to be
a contract killer...
235
00:17:34,214 --> 00:17:36,680
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
236
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:37,949
Although I don't
quite understand
237
00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:39,249
how they are at all similar.
238
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,687
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.
239
00:17:42,722 --> 00:17:44,287
Go home, Wade.
240
00:17:44,289 --> 00:17:47,191
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
241
00:17:47,193 --> 00:17:49,694
Fuck! Okay, I'm fine.
242
00:17:49,696 --> 00:17:50,560
I'm fine.
243
00:17:50,562 --> 00:17:52,462
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
244
00:17:52,464 --> 00:17:56,266
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
245
00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:57,669
According to the...
246
00:17:58,938 --> 00:18:00,337
- Kubler-Ross.
- Yeah.
247
00:18:00,339 --> 00:18:02,305
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...
248
00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:05,143
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
249
00:18:05,145 --> 00:18:07,444
Jesus Christ, Buck!
250
00:18:07,446 --> 00:18:09,581
No more speaking lines
for you.
251
00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:47,084
"I'm thinking it over!"
252
00:18:47,086 --> 00:18:48,552
Motherfuck!
253
00:18:48,554 --> 00:18:49,555
Fuck!
254
00:18:52,357 --> 00:18:54,058
The hell you doin' here?
255
00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:55,927
Don't you know
how to knock?
256
00:18:55,929 --> 00:18:57,962
I thought you saw me...
257
00:18:57,964 --> 00:18:59,362
with your ears.
258
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:00,731
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
259
00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:01,665
The wall?
260
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,370
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
261
00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:09,573
I heard the news,
sweetie.
262
00:19:09,575 --> 00:19:11,875
I'm very sorry. I am.
263
00:19:11,877 --> 00:19:13,677
What am I gonna do, Al?
264
00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:15,614
Probably something terrible.
265
00:19:16,749 --> 00:19:18,082
Knowing you.
266
00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:19,719
It was my fault.
267
00:19:20,886 --> 00:19:23,486
I fucking did this.
268
00:19:23,488 --> 00:19:25,555
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
269
00:19:25,557 --> 00:19:27,593
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
270
00:19:29,762 --> 00:19:31,494
She's gone.
271
00:19:31,496 --> 00:19:35,199
Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
272
00:19:35,201 --> 00:19:36,600
It's a little hard to hear you
273
00:19:36,602 --> 00:19:38,069
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
274
00:19:38,071 --> 00:19:41,272
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
275
00:19:41,274 --> 00:19:42,505
Thank you...
276
00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:45,575
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
277
00:19:45,577 --> 00:19:47,677
Listen to the pain.
278
00:19:47,679 --> 00:19:50,513
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
279
00:19:50,515 --> 00:19:54,051
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
280
00:19:54,053 --> 00:19:57,989
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
281
00:19:57,991 --> 00:20:00,960
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
282
00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:04,731
Wade?
283
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,166
- Wade?
- I'm right here, Althea.
284
00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:12,003
And that is
the most beautiful thing
285
00:20:12,005 --> 00:20:13,905
I've ever heard.
286
00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:15,540
You're absolutely right.
287
00:20:19,279 --> 00:20:21,781
I'm about to do
something terrible.
288
00:20:25,484 --> 00:20:27,785
There. All caught up.
289
00:20:27,787 --> 00:20:30,721
You can't really live
until you've died a little.
290
00:20:30,723 --> 00:20:32,691
Let's test that theory,
shall we?
291
00:20:44,971 --> 00:20:47,537
Baby factory's open
for business.
292
00:20:50,977 --> 00:20:53,144
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
293
00:20:53,146 --> 00:20:55,413
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
294
00:20:55,415 --> 00:20:57,181
Skee-Ball token.
295
00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:01,919
Happy International
Women's Day.
296
00:21:01,921 --> 00:21:03,254
Listen,
I've been thinking a lot.
297
00:21:03,256 --> 00:21:04,422
Really?
298
00:21:04,424 --> 00:21:05,488
About why
we're so good together.
299
00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:06,924
I love you,
Wade Wilson.
300
00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:10,797
Ness?
301
00:21:12,198 --> 00:21:13,465
Ness?
302
00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:15,700
Ness.
303
00:21:15,702 --> 00:21:18,570
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
304
00:21:20,006 --> 00:21:22,672
Your heart's not
in the right place.
305
00:21:22,674 --> 00:21:25,409
Wait, hold on. What?
306
00:21:25,411 --> 00:21:27,477
Your heart's not
in the right place.
307
00:21:27,479 --> 00:21:28,713
Wait. What do you mean
308
00:21:28,715 --> 00:21:30,676
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
309
00:21:49,902 --> 00:21:52,602
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
310
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,305
You're broken.
311
00:21:54,307 --> 00:21:57,777
Oh, God.
I know that voice.
312
00:22:01,447 --> 00:22:02,947
"Heart's in the right place."
313
00:22:02,949 --> 00:22:04,547
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
314
00:22:04,549 --> 00:22:06,417
You've been sleep
for three days.
315
00:22:06,419 --> 00:22:08,285
I took the liberty
of dressing you.
316
00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:09,552
No shit.
317
00:22:09,554 --> 00:22:11,521
Why can't I fucking die?
318
00:22:11,523 --> 00:22:13,157
Take your mask off, Wade.
319
00:22:13,159 --> 00:22:14,725
We must talk.
320
00:22:14,727 --> 00:22:17,261
You need fresh start.
321
00:22:17,263 --> 00:22:19,662
With training,
you can be X-Man.
322
00:22:19,664 --> 00:22:21,799
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
323
00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:23,267
I'm not X-Man material.
324
00:22:23,269 --> 00:22:24,937
Understatement of the year.
325
00:22:25,304 --> 00:22:26,305
Wade, Yukio.
326
00:22:26,872 --> 00:22:28,638
Yukio, Wade.
327
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,874
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
328
00:22:30,876 --> 00:22:33,511
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
329
00:22:33,513 --> 00:22:35,479
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
330
00:22:35,481 --> 00:22:37,481
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
331
00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:40,217
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
332
00:22:40,219 --> 00:22:42,119
I like this guy.
333
00:22:42,121 --> 00:22:44,021
Give him a chance.
334
00:22:44,023 --> 00:22:45,322
It's great seeing you
like this.
335
00:22:45,324 --> 00:22:47,659
Yeah.
336
00:22:48,027 --> 00:22:49,126
Bye, Wade!
337
00:22:49,128 --> 00:22:51,729
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
338
00:22:51,731 --> 00:22:54,597
"Rule number one.
No killing...
339
00:22:54,599 --> 00:22:57,968
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
340
00:22:57,970 --> 00:23:00,905
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
341
00:23:00,907 --> 00:23:01,908
Wade?
342
00:23:02,809 --> 00:23:03,974
Wade?
343
00:23:03,976 --> 00:23:05,142
Wade!
344
00:23:05,144 --> 00:23:06,777
Don't try to chase me.
345
00:23:06,779 --> 00:23:09,146
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
346
00:23:09,148 --> 00:23:11,482
All these elderly white men
on the walls...
347
00:23:11,484 --> 00:23:13,317
Should have brought
my rape whistle.
348
00:23:13,319 --> 00:23:14,584
Hi.
349
00:23:14,586 --> 00:23:17,254
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
350
00:23:17,256 --> 00:23:19,190
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
351
00:23:19,192 --> 00:23:21,591
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
352
00:23:21,593 --> 00:23:24,395
And how would I
do that exactly?
353
00:23:24,397 --> 00:23:27,164
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
354
00:23:27,166 --> 00:23:28,165
It's always just you
355
00:23:28,167 --> 00:23:29,599
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
356
00:23:29,601 --> 00:23:30,867
Enough!
357
00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:32,905
I said no touching!
358
00:23:34,507 --> 00:23:37,775
What the fuck?
359
00:23:37,777 --> 00:23:40,144
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
360
00:23:40,146 --> 00:23:42,645
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
361
00:23:42,647 --> 00:23:44,782
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
362
00:23:44,784 --> 00:23:45,950
What do those do anyway, huh?
363
00:23:45,952 --> 00:23:47,485
Carry him
three feet off the ground
364
00:23:47,487 --> 00:23:49,553
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
365
00:23:49,555 --> 00:23:51,722
No, no, no!
366
00:23:51,724 --> 00:23:54,692
I am not X-Man material
at all.
367
00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:57,094
First off...
368
00:23:57,096 --> 00:23:59,365
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
369
00:24:01,501 --> 00:24:02,600
I should have left you
370
00:24:02,602 --> 00:24:04,468
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
371
00:24:04,470 --> 00:24:07,505
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
372
00:24:07,507 --> 00:24:09,540
Not when convenient or easy.
373
00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:13,877
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
374
00:24:13,879 --> 00:24:16,313
You are unwell.
375
00:24:16,315 --> 00:24:18,616
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
376
00:24:18,618 --> 00:24:20,484
Wait.
One of the assholes
377
00:24:20,486 --> 00:24:22,088
who killed Vanessa got away.
378
00:24:24,557 --> 00:24:26,924
Oh, Jesus Christ!
379
00:24:26,926 --> 00:24:29,093
Wade, whoever they are...
380
00:24:29,095 --> 00:24:32,131
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
381
00:24:32,465 --> 00:24:33,933
It was me.
382
00:24:36,802 --> 00:24:39,370
I'm the asshole who got away.
383
00:24:39,372 --> 00:24:42,573
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
384
00:24:42,575 --> 00:24:44,343
Couldn't kill me.
385
00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:49,782
We were gonna start a family.
386
00:24:51,417 --> 00:24:53,417
We were, uh...
387
00:24:54,587 --> 00:24:57,188
We were gonna be a family.
388
00:24:57,190 --> 00:24:58,122
Wade...
389
00:24:58,124 --> 00:25:01,127
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
390
00:25:02,595 --> 00:25:04,894
This may not be
family you want...
391
00:25:04,896 --> 00:25:07,464
but it's family you need.
392
00:25:07,466 --> 00:25:08,732
You have a good heart.
393
00:25:08,734 --> 00:25:10,369
It belongs here
where it can grow.
394
00:25:12,205 --> 00:25:13,239
What did you say?
395
00:25:15,241 --> 00:25:16,709
About my heart?
396
00:25:21,914 --> 00:25:24,116
I think
I'm in the right place.
397
00:26:38,491 --> 00:26:39,492
Wade.
398
00:26:40,092 --> 00:26:41,492
Wade!
399
00:26:41,494 --> 00:26:44,628
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here...
400
00:26:44,630 --> 00:26:46,430
looking deep into the future.
401
00:26:46,432 --> 00:26:47,732
Phew. This thing...
402
00:26:47,734 --> 00:26:49,633
- That's not how Cerebro works.
- That's not how Cerebro works.
403
00:26:49,635 --> 00:26:51,635
Yes. Yes, it is.
404
00:26:51,637 --> 00:26:53,404
- We have mission.
- We have mission.
405
00:26:53,406 --> 00:26:55,372
We do. You do.
406
00:26:55,374 --> 00:26:56,473
You guys be safe out there.
407
00:26:56,475 --> 00:26:59,445
- No, I want you to join.
- No, you want me to join.
408
00:27:00,946 --> 00:27:02,379
I'm sorry, what?
409
00:27:02,381 --> 00:27:03,847
You are ready.
410
00:27:03,849 --> 00:27:05,382
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
411
00:27:05,384 --> 00:27:07,651
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.
412
00:27:07,653 --> 00:27:08,787
It's on my head
413
00:27:08,789 --> 00:27:10,887
and smells
like Patrick Stewart.
414
00:27:10,889 --> 00:27:12,791
Be at the X-Jet in five.
415
00:27:15,762 --> 00:27:18,295
Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
416
00:27:18,297 --> 00:27:20,264
Live here
at a breaking news situation
417
00:27:20,266 --> 00:27:23,067
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
418
00:27:23,069 --> 00:27:25,035
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
419
00:27:25,037 --> 00:27:26,403
some sort of an incident...
420
00:27:26,405 --> 00:27:28,172
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!
421
00:27:28,174 --> 00:27:30,709
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
422
00:27:30,711 --> 00:27:32,076
- There are open fires.
- Fuck off! Stay back!
423
00:27:32,078 --> 00:27:33,344
A scene of
absolute chaos here.
424
00:27:33,346 --> 00:27:34,244
Calm down.
425
00:27:34,246 --> 00:27:37,216
I'll burn you!
You stay back!
426
00:27:37,784 --> 00:27:39,450
Get away from me!
427
00:27:39,452 --> 00:27:42,221
You wanna fucking die?
428
00:27:56,969 --> 00:28:00,371
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
429
00:28:00,373 --> 00:28:01,840
Scatter!
430
00:28:01,842 --> 00:28:03,674
...with what appears
to be a trainee.
431
00:28:03,676 --> 00:28:06,910
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
432
00:28:06,912 --> 00:28:08,178
We're the X-Men!
433
00:28:08,180 --> 00:28:10,749
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
434
00:28:10,751 --> 00:28:12,651
So, respect.
435
00:28:13,419 --> 00:28:14,620
At ease, Officer.
436
00:28:16,088 --> 00:28:17,923
What are you doing?
437
00:28:18,290 --> 00:28:19,356
My job!
438
00:28:19,358 --> 00:28:20,924
You're the one who said
I was ready,
439
00:28:20,926 --> 00:28:22,359
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
440
00:28:22,361 --> 00:28:24,928
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
441
00:28:24,930 --> 00:28:27,466
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
442
00:28:28,134 --> 00:28:29,633
"Please, stop cheating on me."
443
00:28:29,635 --> 00:28:30,769
Hey!
444
00:28:30,771 --> 00:28:32,102
This is the fifth incident.
445
00:28:32,104 --> 00:28:34,505
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
446
00:28:34,507 --> 00:28:36,140
Russell belongs
in our care.
447
00:28:36,142 --> 00:28:37,941
Not in prison.
I assure you...
448
00:28:37,943 --> 00:28:39,076
we have everything
under control.
449
00:28:39,078 --> 00:28:40,377
Stay back!
I'll burn you!
450
00:28:40,379 --> 00:28:41,412
Not getting a real
451
00:28:41,414 --> 00:28:43,680
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
452
00:28:43,682 --> 00:28:45,549
- It is Glen, isn't it?
- Daniel.
453
00:28:45,551 --> 00:28:48,085
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.
454
00:28:48,087 --> 00:28:52,425
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
455
00:28:54,493 --> 00:28:55,626
You wanna die?
456
00:28:55,628 --> 00:28:56,560
This kid's adorable.
457
00:28:56,562 --> 00:28:57,829
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
458
00:28:57,831 --> 00:28:59,229
I'll burn your balls off!
459
00:28:59,231 --> 00:29:02,734
First day.
I'm so nervous!
460
00:29:02,736 --> 00:29:04,535
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
461
00:29:04,537 --> 00:29:05,737
Yeah, probably should've
462
00:29:05,739 --> 00:29:07,973
brought a Super Soaker.
463
00:29:08,474 --> 00:29:09,475
Hi, there!
464
00:29:10,676 --> 00:29:13,110
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
465
00:29:13,112 --> 00:29:16,682
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
466
00:29:17,950 --> 00:29:19,784
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
467
00:29:19,786 --> 00:29:22,886
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
468
00:29:22,888 --> 00:29:24,488
Okay? Let's just talk!
469
00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:26,056
It's Russell, right?
470
00:29:26,058 --> 00:29:28,292
- Firefist.
- Firefist.
471
00:29:28,294 --> 00:29:30,527
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
472
00:29:30,529 --> 00:29:32,330
Just the fist, or all the
way up to the elbow?
473
00:29:37,236 --> 00:29:39,870
Definitely
all the way up to the elbow.
474
00:29:39,872 --> 00:29:42,539
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
475
00:29:42,541 --> 00:29:45,609
- You stole that from Robocop!
- That's from Robocop!
476
00:29:45,611 --> 00:29:47,144
Just stand down!
477
00:29:47,146 --> 00:29:49,446
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...
478
00:29:50,516 --> 00:29:53,317
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
479
00:29:57,724 --> 00:30:01,759
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
480
00:30:01,761 --> 00:30:03,093
Put your hands
behind your knees
481
00:30:03,095 --> 00:30:04,796
and get down
on your head! Now!
482
00:30:04,798 --> 00:30:06,997
Wade! What was first rule?
483
00:30:06,999 --> 00:30:08,800
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
484
00:30:08,802 --> 00:30:11,568
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!
485
00:30:11,570 --> 00:30:13,136
That's the exact opposite
486
00:30:13,138 --> 00:30:14,640
of what they're meant for!
487
00:30:15,574 --> 00:30:17,374
Fuck! Fine!
488
00:30:17,376 --> 00:30:19,109
I'll start
from the beginning.
489
00:30:19,111 --> 00:30:21,678
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
490
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:23,616
- Trainee!
- Shut it!
491
00:30:24,550 --> 00:30:26,786
Look, I get it.
492
00:30:27,921 --> 00:30:29,622
All right, you're scared.
493
00:30:30,256 --> 00:30:31,154
Alone.
494
00:30:31,156 --> 00:30:32,256
You got no family.
495
00:30:32,258 --> 00:30:33,323
I didn't have
a family, either.
496
00:30:33,325 --> 00:30:35,125
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
497
00:30:35,127 --> 00:30:37,628
I used to live
in a shithole just like it.
498
00:30:37,630 --> 00:30:40,364
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
499
00:30:40,366 --> 00:30:42,232
it's a confusing time
in your life right now.
500
00:30:42,234 --> 00:30:45,970
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
501
00:30:45,972 --> 00:30:47,939
Too far?
I went too far, didn't I?
502
00:30:55,114 --> 00:30:57,147
That was effervescent.
503
00:30:57,149 --> 00:30:59,583
Stay in school, kid.
504
00:30:59,585 --> 00:31:01,385
Or don't. I didn't.
505
00:31:01,387 --> 00:31:03,287
And I'm an X-Man.
506
00:31:03,289 --> 00:31:04,421
Trainee.
507
00:31:04,423 --> 00:31:05,656
Fuck it!
508
00:31:05,658 --> 00:31:07,459
Superhero landing coming up!
509
00:31:11,096 --> 00:31:12,764
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
510
00:31:12,766 --> 00:31:14,799
That is so not practical.
511
00:31:35,387 --> 00:31:37,387
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
512
00:31:37,389 --> 00:31:38,689
Trainee!
513
00:31:38,691 --> 00:31:39,656
Trainee!
514
00:31:39,658 --> 00:31:41,592
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
515
00:31:41,594 --> 00:31:44,863
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
516
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,265
What's that do?
517
00:31:48,267 --> 00:31:49,901
Power-dampening collar.
518
00:31:49,903 --> 00:31:51,201
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
519
00:31:51,203 --> 00:31:53,838
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
520
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,140
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
521
00:31:57,142 --> 00:31:58,510
Thank you!
522
00:32:00,112 --> 00:32:02,613
That was
absolutely thrilling.
523
00:32:02,615 --> 00:32:04,749
True heroism in action.
524
00:32:04,751 --> 00:32:06,485
We are in your debt.
525
00:32:07,119 --> 00:32:08,920
We can take it from here.
526
00:32:08,922 --> 00:32:11,121
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
527
00:32:11,123 --> 00:32:12,389
Anywhere's better than here.
528
00:32:12,391 --> 00:32:13,557
Believe me, son,
529
00:32:13,559 --> 00:32:15,225
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
530
00:32:15,227 --> 00:32:17,260
Let's get you inside,
young man.
531
00:32:17,262 --> 00:32:19,262
No, wait, wait. Wait.
532
00:32:19,264 --> 00:32:20,866
You guys stay there.
533
00:32:30,876 --> 00:32:32,578
Those guys hurt you?
534
00:32:33,913 --> 00:32:35,147
Who?
535
00:32:36,983 --> 00:32:39,719
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
536
00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:42,688
Both of 'em?
537
00:32:46,793 --> 00:32:48,059
Oh, fuck it.
538
00:32:48,061 --> 00:32:49,727
Four or five moments!
539
00:32:49,729 --> 00:32:50,795
I'm sorry?
540
00:32:50,797 --> 00:32:54,166
Four or five moments!
541
00:32:55,167 --> 00:32:58,170
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
542
00:32:59,005 --> 00:33:01,271
People think
you wake up a hero...
543
00:33:01,273 --> 00:33:03,440
brush your teeth a hero...
544
00:33:03,442 --> 00:33:06,610
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
545
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,684
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
546
00:33:12,952 --> 00:33:14,584
A few moments...
547
00:33:14,586 --> 00:33:17,487
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
548
00:33:20,827 --> 00:33:21,928
No!
549
00:33:24,463 --> 00:33:25,963
Stand down!
Hold your fire!
550
00:33:25,965 --> 00:33:28,198
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!
551
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,633
That kid was abused!
You can tell.
552
00:33:29,635 --> 00:33:31,334
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!
553
00:33:31,336 --> 00:33:34,204
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
554
00:33:34,206 --> 00:33:37,207
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
555
00:33:37,209 --> 00:33:38,810
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
556
00:33:38,812 --> 00:33:42,347
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
557
00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:47,517
Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
558
00:33:47,519 --> 00:33:50,121
Take them to the Ice Box.
559
00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:11,745
Hey, baby!
560
00:34:12,611 --> 00:34:15,046
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
561
00:34:15,048 --> 00:34:16,446
Yeah!
562
00:34:16,448 --> 00:34:18,851
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.
563
00:34:20,754 --> 00:34:21,755
Go!
564
00:34:24,924 --> 00:34:26,325
Hard left, douchebag.
565
00:34:30,462 --> 00:34:32,697
Please, after you.
566
00:34:32,699 --> 00:34:35,099
Another disgusting mutant
off the streets.
567
00:34:35,101 --> 00:34:36,234
God bless America.
568
00:34:36,236 --> 00:34:37,501
Let's get a taco.
569
00:34:41,107 --> 00:34:43,777
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
570
00:35:15,809 --> 00:35:19,076
I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
571
00:35:19,078 --> 00:35:20,745
Toilet paper.
572
00:35:20,747 --> 00:35:24,148
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.
573
00:35:24,150 --> 00:35:26,349
But, then...
574
00:35:26,351 --> 00:35:28,920
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
575
00:35:28,922 --> 00:35:30,320
That's your main course.
576
00:35:30,322 --> 00:35:33,958
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
577
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,261
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
578
00:35:37,263 --> 00:35:38,862
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
579
00:35:38,864 --> 00:35:40,564
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
580
00:35:40,566 --> 00:35:41,833
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
581
00:35:41,835 --> 00:35:44,503
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.
582
00:35:48,074 --> 00:35:49,075
The fuck?
583
00:35:50,276 --> 00:35:51,510
Year?
584
00:35:52,312 --> 00:35:53,512
What?
585
00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:56,280
What year is it?
586
00:35:56,282 --> 00:35:58,348
What kind of dumbass
question is that to ask?
587
00:36:17,569 --> 00:36:20,071
You're a long way
from your superpowers.
588
00:36:20,073 --> 00:36:21,239
Yeah.
589
00:36:24,911 --> 00:36:26,043
Fuck!
590
00:36:26,045 --> 00:36:27,812
I wanted to be a superhero.
591
00:36:27,814 --> 00:36:30,081
Always wanted
a real super suit.
592
00:36:30,083 --> 00:36:31,749
What happened?
593
00:36:31,751 --> 00:36:33,871
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
594
00:36:34,386 --> 00:36:36,020
Never.
595
00:36:36,022 --> 00:36:38,421
The industry discriminates.
596
00:36:38,423 --> 00:36:40,159
Fuck superheroes.
597
00:36:40,827 --> 00:36:42,026
Fuck everyone.
598
00:36:42,028 --> 00:36:45,129
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
599
00:36:45,131 --> 00:36:47,198
burn the headmaster alive...
600
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,701
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
601
00:36:50,703 --> 00:36:52,970
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
602
00:36:52,972 --> 00:36:54,774
Fucker hates mutants.
603
00:36:55,574 --> 00:36:57,141
Blessed are the wicked
604
00:36:57,143 --> 00:36:59,411
who are healed by my hand.
605
00:36:59,846 --> 00:37:01,080
Your abilities.
606
00:37:02,481 --> 00:37:04,881
I know
how seductive they are.
607
00:37:07,086 --> 00:37:08,418
Now, please don't cry.
608
00:37:15,128 --> 00:37:19,032
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
609
00:37:19,631 --> 00:37:20,965
and we'll make him our...
610
00:37:24,737 --> 00:37:26,237
What was that?
611
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,739
That is the biggest guy
in here.
612
00:37:28,741 --> 00:37:31,042
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
613
00:37:31,044 --> 00:37:32,743
though no one's ever seen it,
614
00:37:32,745 --> 00:37:35,146
they keep a monster
in the basement.
615
00:37:35,148 --> 00:37:36,781
Right next to a huge,
616
00:37:36,783 --> 00:37:38,617
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
617
00:37:39,118 --> 00:37:40,119
Look.
618
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,354
I can't protect you.
619
00:37:43,356 --> 00:37:44,521
With this collar on,
620
00:37:44,523 --> 00:37:47,657
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
621
00:37:47,659 --> 00:37:51,262
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
622
00:37:51,264 --> 00:37:53,364
Now, if you'll excuse me...
623
00:37:53,366 --> 00:37:56,633
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
624
00:37:56,635 --> 00:37:58,936
I'll start by making us
a shank.
625
00:37:58,938 --> 00:38:00,938
- Good listening.
- I stole that guard's pen...
626
00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:03,207
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
627
00:38:03,209 --> 00:38:05,242
if you know what I'm saying.
628
00:38:05,244 --> 00:38:07,745
Prison wallet?
629
00:38:07,747 --> 00:38:10,183
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
630
00:38:12,418 --> 00:38:15,319
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
631
00:38:19,691 --> 00:38:21,225
And to update you
632
00:38:21,227 --> 00:38:22,625
on the story reported earlier,
633
00:38:22,627 --> 00:38:24,061
after a lengthy standoff
634
00:38:24,063 --> 00:38:26,863
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
635
00:38:26,865 --> 00:38:28,366
two mutants were arrested
636
00:38:28,368 --> 00:38:30,001
and transported
to the Ice Box...
637
00:38:30,003 --> 00:38:31,704
Entering repair mode.
638
00:38:35,874 --> 00:38:37,208
...several
police cars were destroyed
639
00:38:37,210 --> 00:38:39,611
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
640
00:39:00,565 --> 00:39:02,599
Cells seven and nine
641
00:39:02,601 --> 00:39:06,137
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
642
00:39:06,139 --> 00:39:07,570
Cells seven and nine
643
00:39:07,572 --> 00:39:10,209
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
644
00:39:12,178 --> 00:39:13,678
Psst!
645
00:39:16,049 --> 00:39:18,015
Don't do that.
646
00:39:18,017 --> 00:39:21,185
What? Why are you
winking at me?
647
00:39:25,058 --> 00:39:26,357
I got your back.
648
00:39:26,359 --> 00:39:27,557
Oh, my God.
649
00:39:27,559 --> 00:39:29,060
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
650
00:39:29,062 --> 00:39:31,164
Just leave me alone, kid.
651
00:39:32,165 --> 00:39:33,232
Oh, great.
652
00:39:34,901 --> 00:39:37,567
Well, hello there,
new fish.
653
00:39:37,569 --> 00:39:40,637
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
654
00:39:40,639 --> 00:39:42,872
I've done some
light catalog work...
655
00:39:42,874 --> 00:39:45,509
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
656
00:39:45,511 --> 00:39:48,179
- I was talking to him.
- Oh.
657
00:39:48,181 --> 00:39:51,715
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
658
00:39:51,717 --> 00:39:54,285
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.
659
00:39:54,287 --> 00:39:57,822
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
660
00:39:57,824 --> 00:40:00,558
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
661
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:02,960
You don't look like much
to me.
662
00:40:02,962 --> 00:40:05,662
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
663
00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:07,664
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
664
00:40:11,603 --> 00:40:13,804
Second biggest guy.
665
00:40:13,806 --> 00:40:16,107
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
666
00:40:16,109 --> 00:40:19,676
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
667
00:40:19,678 --> 00:40:21,678
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
668
00:40:22,849 --> 00:40:25,049
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
669
00:40:25,051 --> 00:40:27,650
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
670
00:40:27,652 --> 00:40:29,956
Zip it. We're not friends.
671
00:40:31,524 --> 00:40:32,804
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
672
00:40:45,171 --> 00:40:47,071
I had so much fun!
You were like...
673
00:40:47,073 --> 00:40:49,306
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
674
00:40:49,308 --> 00:40:50,941
Just let me die in peace.
675
00:40:50,943 --> 00:40:53,177
We make a great team!
676
00:40:53,179 --> 00:40:55,813
Oh, God! We're not a team.
677
00:40:55,815 --> 00:40:59,984
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
678
00:40:59,986 --> 00:41:02,822
We're not partners
or friends.
679
00:41:03,956 --> 00:41:06,157
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
680
00:41:06,159 --> 00:41:08,325
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
681
00:41:08,327 --> 00:41:12,363
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
682
00:41:13,699 --> 00:41:15,466
There's only one person
in this world
683
00:41:15,468 --> 00:41:17,236
that I care about,
and she's gone.
684
00:41:18,870 --> 00:41:22,039
You wanna survive?
685
00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:25,409
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
686
00:41:25,411 --> 00:41:27,413
and make friends with them.
687
00:41:28,648 --> 00:41:30,316
Make friends with someone.
688
00:41:31,284 --> 00:41:33,452
Anyone but me.
689
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,789
Maybe even Black Tim.
690
00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,023
Black Evan, I don't know.
691
00:41:39,025 --> 00:41:41,827
All I remember is
he was African-American.
692
00:42:26,973 --> 00:42:29,273
System malfunctioning.
693
00:42:29,275 --> 00:42:32,309
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
694
00:42:32,311 --> 00:42:34,912
Back in your cells, you filthy mutants!
Get in there!
695
00:42:34,914 --> 00:42:38,284
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
696
00:42:39,252 --> 00:42:40,953
Searching.
697
00:42:42,321 --> 00:42:44,924
Cell 04 located.
698
00:42:46,192 --> 00:42:48,125
Door won't open!
699
00:42:48,127 --> 00:42:50,029
On your fucking knees!
700
00:43:26,767 --> 00:43:28,534
That was our cell.
701
00:43:30,436 --> 00:43:32,869
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
702
00:43:32,871 --> 00:43:34,206
with a Winter Soldier arm?
703
00:43:43,784 --> 00:43:45,384
Get away from me, kid!
704
00:43:52,759 --> 00:43:54,226
Listen to me! Go!
705
00:43:59,465 --> 00:44:01,067
Hello, Russell.
706
00:45:24,583 --> 00:45:26,051
Hello, superpowers.
707
00:45:43,969 --> 00:45:45,171
Who are you?
708
00:45:45,906 --> 00:45:47,273
I'm Batman.
709
00:45:58,551 --> 00:45:59,552
Ooh!
710
00:46:04,190 --> 00:46:07,293
Oh. That's got some zip.
711
00:46:15,234 --> 00:46:18,803
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
712
00:46:18,805 --> 00:46:20,270
Talk!
713
00:46:20,272 --> 00:46:22,139
What kind of
spineless shit stick
714
00:46:22,141 --> 00:46:23,976
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
715
00:46:24,877 --> 00:46:26,210
You might
wanna start talking!
716
00:46:26,212 --> 00:46:29,081
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
717
00:46:30,149 --> 00:46:32,149
The name's Cable.
718
00:46:32,151 --> 00:46:35,619
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
719
00:46:35,621 --> 00:46:36,921
Oh!
720
00:46:36,923 --> 00:46:38,923
So, you're from the future.
721
00:46:38,925 --> 00:46:40,925
I have
three questions then.
722
00:46:40,927 --> 00:46:44,428
One, is dubstep still a thing?
723
00:46:44,430 --> 00:46:47,464
Two, which Sharknado
are we on?
724
00:46:47,466 --> 00:46:50,434
And three, at what point
do audiences say...
725
00:46:50,436 --> 00:46:51,771
"Enough with
the robotic arms"?
726
00:47:35,114 --> 00:47:37,180
Dubstep's for pussies.
727
00:47:37,182 --> 00:47:38,448
You're so dark!
728
00:47:38,450 --> 00:47:40,619
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
729
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:43,021
I love dubstep!
730
00:48:09,049 --> 00:48:10,480
Is that a fanny pack?
731
00:48:10,482 --> 00:48:14,151
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
732
00:48:14,153 --> 00:48:16,286
Something to remember you by.
733
00:48:16,288 --> 00:48:20,123
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
734
00:48:20,125 --> 00:48:22,628
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
735
00:48:32,171 --> 00:48:34,504
Why are you protecting
the kid?
736
00:48:35,507 --> 00:48:37,976
I don't give a fuck
about him...
737
00:48:37,978 --> 00:48:40,512
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
738
00:48:42,983 --> 00:48:44,383
What's this one do?
739
00:48:58,130 --> 00:48:59,663
In every film,
there's a moment
740
00:48:59,665 --> 00:49:02,199
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
741
00:49:02,201 --> 00:49:04,201
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
742
00:49:04,203 --> 00:49:05,903
prized bobsled broke.
743
00:49:05,905 --> 00:49:09,172
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
744
00:49:09,174 --> 00:49:10,975
signed on to be in that movie.
745
00:49:10,977 --> 00:49:13,011
But in this film, well...
746
00:49:13,013 --> 00:49:14,344
you're looking at it.
747
00:49:14,346 --> 00:49:16,348
On your fucking knees, mutant.
748
00:49:19,019 --> 00:49:20,219
Rock...
749
00:49:24,057 --> 00:49:25,658
meet bottom.
750
00:49:36,136 --> 00:49:37,534
I love you, Wade Wilson.
751
00:49:37,536 --> 00:49:38,738
Ness?
752
00:49:39,739 --> 00:49:41,306
Hey, Ness!
753
00:49:42,008 --> 00:49:43,841
Ness, can you let me in?
754
00:49:43,843 --> 00:49:46,178
Please! Please.
755
00:49:48,014 --> 00:49:49,147
Jesus.
756
00:49:52,052 --> 00:49:53,884
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
757
00:49:53,886 --> 00:49:55,787
I'm at the end of my rope.
758
00:49:58,124 --> 00:50:00,457
Then I joined the X-Men.
759
00:50:00,459 --> 00:50:02,528
I went to prison. I, uh...
760
00:50:06,598 --> 00:50:08,200
Is it the kid?
761
00:50:09,836 --> 00:50:12,972
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
762
00:50:14,306 --> 00:50:15,507
The kid!
763
00:50:29,022 --> 00:50:30,587
That's exactly
what she meant.
764
00:50:30,589 --> 00:50:32,123
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
765
00:50:32,125 --> 00:50:33,925
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
766
00:50:33,927 --> 00:50:36,728
He's never had anyone, ever.
767
00:50:36,730 --> 00:50:38,029
I need to be selfless.
768
00:50:38,031 --> 00:50:40,031
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
769
00:50:40,033 --> 00:50:43,333
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
770
00:50:43,335 --> 00:50:44,802
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
771
00:50:44,804 --> 00:50:47,905
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
772
00:50:47,907 --> 00:50:50,108
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
773
00:50:50,110 --> 00:50:51,776
I literally don't know
what that means.
774
00:50:51,778 --> 00:50:52,744
Jesus Christ.
775
00:50:52,746 --> 00:50:55,579
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
776
00:50:55,581 --> 00:50:57,681
those muties
are being transferred
777
00:50:57,683 --> 00:50:59,349
to a supermax,
80 miles away.
778
00:50:59,351 --> 00:51:01,251
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
779
00:51:01,253 --> 00:51:03,420
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
780
00:51:03,422 --> 00:51:05,455
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
781
00:51:05,457 --> 00:51:07,657
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
782
00:51:07,659 --> 00:51:10,527
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
783
00:51:10,529 --> 00:51:12,096
You know what we need to do?
784
00:51:12,098 --> 00:51:14,031
We need to build
a fucking team.
785
00:51:14,033 --> 00:51:16,200
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
786
00:51:16,202 --> 00:51:17,501
and young enough
so they can carry
787
00:51:17,503 --> 00:51:18,970
this franchise
10 to 12 years.
788
00:51:18,972 --> 00:51:20,707
My body is an
instrument of death.
789
00:51:21,874 --> 00:51:23,373
Not now, Dopinder.
790
00:51:23,375 --> 00:51:25,442
I could be of great use.
791
00:51:25,444 --> 00:51:27,312
What's your superpower?
792
00:51:28,580 --> 00:51:30,380
- Courage.
- That's adorable.
793
00:51:30,382 --> 00:51:31,983
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
794
00:51:31,985 --> 00:51:34,719
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
795
00:51:34,721 --> 00:51:35,585
Yes, sir.
796
00:51:35,587 --> 00:51:37,054
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
797
00:51:37,056 --> 00:51:39,356
although I'm glad
you heard it.
798
00:51:39,358 --> 00:51:41,324
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
799
00:51:41,326 --> 00:51:43,560
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
800
00:51:43,562 --> 00:51:45,799
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
801
00:52:23,635 --> 00:52:27,171
Transport
will begin at 0800 hours...
802
00:52:27,173 --> 00:52:28,272
Oi.
803
00:52:28,274 --> 00:52:29,673
What the fuck
do you want?
804
00:52:29,675 --> 00:52:31,641
That's my fucking pudding.
805
00:52:31,643 --> 00:52:33,543
- Fuck your pudding!
- You like pudding?
806
00:52:54,934 --> 00:52:55,935
Hello?
807
00:52:58,171 --> 00:53:00,639
I know you're in there.
808
00:53:16,122 --> 00:53:18,725
Must be hard being the
biggest guy in here.
809
00:53:19,625 --> 00:53:22,093
Lonely at the top, eh?
810
00:53:22,095 --> 00:53:24,063
They're moving us tomorrow.
811
00:53:26,431 --> 00:53:29,432
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
812
00:53:29,434 --> 00:53:32,772
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
813
00:53:34,439 --> 00:53:36,441
We need a secret code.
814
00:53:39,312 --> 00:53:42,115
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
815
00:53:49,188 --> 00:53:50,654
We're a team.
816
00:53:50,656 --> 00:53:52,656
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
817
00:53:52,658 --> 00:53:56,626
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
818
00:53:56,628 --> 00:53:59,063
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
819
00:53:59,065 --> 00:53:59,931
I like that.
820
00:53:59,933 --> 00:54:01,799
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
821
00:54:01,801 --> 00:54:03,433
Meet Bedlam.
822
00:54:03,435 --> 00:54:05,903
Cool name! Superpowers?
823
00:54:05,905 --> 00:54:06,938
I can distort
824
00:54:06,940 --> 00:54:08,471
electrical fields.
825
00:54:08,473 --> 00:54:10,674
Including the one
inside your brain...
826
00:54:10,676 --> 00:54:13,377
causing anxiety,
confusion...
827
00:54:13,379 --> 00:54:14,680
pain.
828
00:54:15,514 --> 00:54:17,647
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
829
00:54:17,649 --> 00:54:18,952
We can use him.
830
00:54:20,552 --> 00:54:22,320
I'm Zeitgeist.
831
00:54:22,322 --> 00:54:23,586
Cool. I like it.
832
00:54:23,588 --> 00:54:24,854
So you have the power
833
00:54:24,856 --> 00:54:27,492
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
834
00:54:28,328 --> 00:54:29,492
No.
835
00:54:29,494 --> 00:54:31,195
No, I spit acidic vomit.
836
00:54:31,197 --> 00:54:32,330
- Oh.
- Do you want me
837
00:54:32,332 --> 00:54:33,663
- to demonstrate?
- No!
838
00:54:33,665 --> 00:54:35,032
We'll take
your word for it.
839
00:54:35,034 --> 00:54:37,274
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?
840
00:54:37,437 --> 00:54:40,139
And this is the Vanisher.
841
00:54:43,409 --> 00:54:44,609
But...
842
00:54:45,544 --> 00:54:47,178
Vanisher!
843
00:54:49,548 --> 00:54:51,483
Nice!
Right?
844
00:54:52,517 --> 00:54:53,650
He's not here, is he?
845
00:54:53,652 --> 00:54:55,487
He may be running late.
846
00:54:56,655 --> 00:54:59,556
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
847
00:54:59,558 --> 00:55:00,857
That's good, yeah.
848
00:55:00,859 --> 00:55:02,927
- "Rusty" is terrible.
- Toughie.
849
00:55:02,929 --> 00:55:05,830
- So, uh, where are you from?
- The planet Mojo World.
850
00:55:05,832 --> 00:55:08,065
- So you're an alien, I guess.
- Bad name.
851
00:55:08,067 --> 00:55:09,632
How does that, uh, help us?
852
00:55:09,634 --> 00:55:12,602
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
853
00:55:12,604 --> 00:55:14,405
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
854
00:55:14,407 --> 00:55:15,906
that are worse than me
at everything.
855
00:55:15,908 --> 00:55:18,109
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
856
00:55:18,111 --> 00:55:20,344
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
857
00:55:20,346 --> 00:55:21,412
Isn't that Canada?
858
00:55:21,414 --> 00:55:23,950
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
859
00:55:25,284 --> 00:55:26,717
- Meet...
- Domino.
860
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:28,953
- What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.
861
00:55:28,955 --> 00:55:31,088
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?
862
00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:32,289
I don't know yet.
863
00:55:32,291 --> 00:55:33,424
What's that supposed to mean?
864
00:55:33,426 --> 00:55:34,891
It means
that I don't know yet.
865
00:55:34,893 --> 00:55:36,494
But there's a reason
why I'm here,
866
00:55:36,496 --> 00:55:37,627
and I'll know when I know.
867
00:55:37,629 --> 00:55:39,263
Everything usually
works out for me.
868
00:55:39,265 --> 00:55:40,965
Luck isn't a superpower.
869
00:55:40,967 --> 00:55:42,500
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
870
00:55:42,502 --> 00:55:43,768
- Yes, it is.
- No, ma'am.
871
00:55:43,770 --> 00:55:45,202
Mmm-hmm.
- Mario No-pez.
872
00:55:45,204 --> 00:55:46,337
- Yeah.
- Nacho cheese.
873
00:55:46,339 --> 00:55:47,438
No, it definitely is.
I really...
874
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:48,506
There's no way that it...
875
00:55:48,508 --> 00:55:50,041
Sorry, I was
interrupting you.
876
00:55:50,043 --> 00:55:51,574
- Sorry. No, I interrupted you.
- No, no, no. You can go first.
877
00:55:51,576 --> 00:55:53,044
Oh, I was just gonna say,
"No, it isn't."
878
00:55:53,046 --> 00:55:55,813
I was gonna just bring it back
to that yes, it is.
879
00:55:55,815 --> 00:55:57,580
Let's meet in the middle
and say, "No, it isn't."
880
00:55:57,582 --> 00:56:00,718
- But it is.
- Okay.
881
00:56:00,720 --> 00:56:02,453
- You're hired!
- You're hired.
882
00:56:02,455 --> 00:56:03,788
Oh, lucky me.
883
00:56:03,790 --> 00:56:04,991
She's great.
884
00:56:06,259 --> 00:56:07,825
And last, but not least...
885
00:56:07,827 --> 00:56:08,928
Peter.
886
00:56:09,962 --> 00:56:12,629
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
887
00:56:12,631 --> 00:56:14,465
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
888
00:56:14,467 --> 00:56:16,300
No.
889
00:56:16,302 --> 00:56:17,902
I don't have one.
890
00:56:17,904 --> 00:56:21,174
Um, I just saw the ad
and thought it looked fun.
891
00:56:22,108 --> 00:56:23,274
You're in.
892
00:56:23,276 --> 00:56:24,944
- Yeah.
- Fuck!
893
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:29,215
It's fulfilling work.
894
00:56:33,553 --> 00:56:34,987
Let's go!
895
00:56:48,201 --> 00:56:51,302
This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
896
00:56:51,304 --> 00:56:52,805
We are en route.
897
00:57:00,079 --> 00:57:02,782
Peacetime makes people soft.
898
00:57:04,250 --> 00:57:06,085
I was born into war.
899
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:08,854
Bred into it.
900
00:57:09,589 --> 00:57:10,687
Okay.
901
00:57:10,689 --> 00:57:12,391
People think
they understand pain.
902
00:57:13,593 --> 00:57:15,962
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
903
00:57:17,930 --> 00:57:19,196
These restraints
are pretty...
904
00:57:19,198 --> 00:57:20,199
I've got a list.
905
00:57:21,534 --> 00:57:23,703
We're gonna work down it.
906
00:57:24,270 --> 00:57:25,271
Together.
907
00:57:26,405 --> 00:57:29,473
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
908
00:57:29,475 --> 00:57:31,775
Something that was not
meant to bend.
909
00:57:31,777 --> 00:57:32,876
I'm gonna stop you
right there
910
00:57:32,878 --> 00:57:34,245
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
911
00:57:34,247 --> 00:57:35,579
I won't even make it
to one.
912
00:57:35,581 --> 00:57:37,014
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
913
00:57:37,016 --> 00:57:39,817
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
914
00:57:39,819 --> 00:57:42,419
I cried when
they canceled Felicity.
915
00:57:42,421 --> 00:57:43,921
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
916
00:57:43,923 --> 00:57:45,523
I have one right now.
917
00:57:45,525 --> 00:57:47,324
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
918
00:57:47,326 --> 00:57:48,225
I don't want you to hurt me,
919
00:57:48,227 --> 00:57:50,796
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
920
00:57:51,564 --> 00:57:53,863
Except for where they are.
921
00:57:53,865 --> 00:57:55,266
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
922
00:57:55,268 --> 00:57:56,400
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
923
00:57:56,402 --> 00:57:58,135
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
924
00:57:58,137 --> 00:57:59,503
You all know the plan.
925
00:57:59,505 --> 00:58:01,138
Intercept the convoy,
926
00:58:01,140 --> 00:58:03,440
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
927
00:58:03,442 --> 00:58:04,575
You know what,
928
00:58:04,577 --> 00:58:05,843
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
929
00:58:05,845 --> 00:58:08,279
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
930
00:58:08,281 --> 00:58:10,981
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
931
00:58:10,983 --> 00:58:13,683
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
932
00:58:13,685 --> 00:58:16,921
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
933
00:58:16,923 --> 00:58:19,957
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
934
00:58:19,959 --> 00:58:22,039
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
935
00:58:22,861 --> 00:58:24,830
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
936
00:58:35,775 --> 00:58:37,443
A little turbulent up here.
937
00:58:44,817 --> 00:58:46,717
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
938
00:58:46,719 --> 00:58:47,985
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
939
00:58:47,987 --> 00:58:49,989
as many people
as melanoma has.
940
00:58:51,290 --> 00:58:52,656
We're getting close!
941
00:58:52,658 --> 00:58:54,425
As a former X-Man...
942
00:58:54,427 --> 00:58:56,260
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.
943
00:58:56,262 --> 00:58:58,729
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
944
00:58:58,731 --> 00:59:00,431
in the group's name.
945
00:59:00,433 --> 00:59:02,299
X-Men! Men!
946
00:59:02,301 --> 00:59:05,536
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
947
00:59:05,538 --> 00:59:06,904
Gender neutral.
948
00:59:06,906 --> 00:59:09,242
From now on,
we'll be known as...
949
00:59:11,477 --> 00:59:12,910
X-Force.
950
00:59:12,912 --> 00:59:14,645
Isn't that
a little derivative?
951
00:59:14,647 --> 00:59:17,183
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
952
00:59:18,351 --> 00:59:19,919
That wasn't me.
953
00:59:26,759 --> 00:59:29,126
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
954
00:59:29,128 --> 00:59:30,961
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
955
00:59:30,963 --> 00:59:32,129
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
956
00:59:32,131 --> 00:59:34,131
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
957
00:59:34,133 --> 00:59:35,199
Yeah!
958
00:59:35,201 --> 00:59:37,134
I can't wait to kill!
959
00:59:37,136 --> 00:59:39,770
Hey! Hey! Hey!
960
00:59:39,772 --> 00:59:42,539
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
961
00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:45,276
You know,
you guys look amazing!
962
00:59:45,278 --> 00:59:48,412
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
963
00:59:48,414 --> 00:59:49,313
This is the family
964
00:59:49,315 --> 00:59:51,083
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
965
00:59:52,118 --> 00:59:53,217
Ah, shit.
966
00:59:54,654 --> 00:59:56,220
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.
967
00:59:56,222 --> 00:59:58,322
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
968
00:59:58,324 --> 00:59:59,657
about the high winds?
969
00:59:59,659 --> 01:00:01,025
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.
970
01:00:01,027 --> 01:00:02,926
I realize that you're new
to this, but relax.
971
01:00:02,928 --> 01:00:04,495
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
972
01:00:04,497 --> 01:00:06,964
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.
973
01:00:06,966 --> 01:00:08,733
- I'd like to go home.
- And I'd like...
974
01:00:08,735 --> 01:00:11,101
the McRib to be available
year round,
975
01:00:11,103 --> 01:00:13,070
but sometimes
dreams don't come true.
976
01:00:13,072 --> 01:00:15,172
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
977
01:00:15,174 --> 01:00:16,507
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
978
01:00:16,509 --> 01:00:17,941
because of a light breeze?
979
01:00:17,943 --> 01:00:20,577
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
980
01:00:20,579 --> 01:00:22,781
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
981
01:00:22,783 --> 01:00:25,316
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
982
01:00:25,318 --> 01:00:27,484
Leonard, hit it!
983
01:00:36,195 --> 01:00:38,230
Go! Go! Go!
984
01:01:13,767 --> 01:01:15,332
Let's get some!
985
01:01:15,334 --> 01:01:16,500
Whoo!
986
01:01:16,502 --> 01:01:17,736
Oh, yeah!
987
01:01:17,738 --> 01:01:20,606
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
988
01:01:21,574 --> 01:01:23,240
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
989
01:01:23,242 --> 01:01:24,377
Whoa!
990
01:01:29,582 --> 01:01:31,517
Little off course here.
991
01:01:33,754 --> 01:01:36,255
Holy mommy fucking shit!
992
01:01:37,423 --> 01:01:38,555
Ah, there they are.
993
01:01:38,557 --> 01:01:42,226
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.
994
01:01:42,228 --> 01:01:44,363
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
995
01:01:49,235 --> 01:01:53,705
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
996
01:01:53,707 --> 01:01:56,575
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
997
01:01:57,510 --> 01:01:58,609
Left!
998
01:01:58,611 --> 01:01:59,943
Left!
999
01:01:59,945 --> 01:02:02,314
No, stage left, you idiot!
1000
01:02:06,018 --> 01:02:07,684
Well, I guess
we found something
1001
01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:08,954
you're not better at.
1002
01:02:10,791 --> 01:02:12,222
Vanisher.
1003
01:02:12,224 --> 01:02:14,226
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1004
01:02:17,329 --> 01:02:18,529
Oh! Really?
1005
01:02:18,531 --> 01:02:21,031
All right,
we could do this with four.
1006
01:02:21,033 --> 01:02:24,067
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1007
01:02:24,069 --> 01:02:26,372
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1008
01:02:27,339 --> 01:02:29,707
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1009
01:02:29,709 --> 01:02:31,442
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1010
01:02:31,444 --> 01:02:32,609
We did it!
1011
01:02:32,611 --> 01:02:34,344
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1012
01:02:34,346 --> 01:02:35,381
X-Force!
1013
01:02:35,849 --> 01:02:37,049
X-Force.
1014
01:02:41,420 --> 01:02:43,322
Oh!
1015
01:02:46,859 --> 01:02:47,991
Peter.
1016
01:02:47,993 --> 01:02:49,259
I got you, buddy!
1017
01:02:49,261 --> 01:02:50,394
- You're gonna be fine!
- This is not good, man!
1018
01:02:50,396 --> 01:02:52,863
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1019
01:02:52,865 --> 01:02:54,331
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1020
01:02:54,333 --> 01:02:56,635
- Yeah, we're X-Force.
- We're X-Force.
1021
01:03:00,606 --> 01:03:02,473
Oh, my God! What the fuck?
1022
01:03:02,475 --> 01:03:04,041
Fucking acidic vomit!
1023
01:03:06,178 --> 01:03:08,979
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1024
01:03:12,051 --> 01:03:14,384
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1025
01:03:14,386 --> 01:03:16,455
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1026
01:03:17,122 --> 01:03:18,889
Good news and bad news.
1027
01:03:18,891 --> 01:03:22,092
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1028
01:03:22,094 --> 01:03:23,327
The good news is,
1029
01:03:23,329 --> 01:03:25,262
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1030
01:03:25,264 --> 01:03:28,665
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1031
01:03:28,667 --> 01:03:29,734
Peter!
1032
01:03:29,736 --> 01:03:31,134
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1033
01:03:31,136 --> 01:03:32,269
But there is a slight chance
1034
01:03:32,271 --> 01:03:33,705
Vanisher could make it.
1035
01:03:33,707 --> 01:03:36,540
- -Nope, no chance.
He's dead.
1036
01:03:36,542 --> 01:03:37,508
The whole team?
1037
01:03:37,510 --> 01:03:39,744
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1038
01:03:39,746 --> 01:03:41,044
Fuck, you are dumb.
1039
01:03:41,046 --> 01:03:43,447
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1040
01:03:43,449 --> 01:03:45,582
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?
1041
01:03:45,584 --> 01:03:48,285
Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!
1042
01:03:48,287 --> 01:03:50,089
And everyone
not on the helicopter!
1043
01:03:59,164 --> 01:04:01,267
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1044
01:04:02,067 --> 01:04:03,467
I'm that kid's only hope,
1045
01:04:03,469 --> 01:04:05,571
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1046
01:04:06,171 --> 01:04:07,271
Whatever.
1047
01:04:07,273 --> 01:04:08,572
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1048
01:04:08,574 --> 01:04:11,408
Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1049
01:04:11,410 --> 01:04:14,077
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1050
01:04:14,079 --> 01:04:17,180
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1051
01:04:20,219 --> 01:04:22,787
Seriously,
I don't get it!
1052
01:04:22,789 --> 01:04:25,558
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1053
01:04:27,493 --> 01:04:29,393
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1054
01:04:29,395 --> 01:04:31,698
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1055
01:04:34,233 --> 01:04:35,967
I mean, luck?
1056
01:04:35,969 --> 01:04:38,435
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1057
01:04:38,437 --> 01:04:39,971
freakshow comic book artist...
1058
01:04:39,973 --> 01:04:41,572
came up
with that little chestnut?
1059
01:04:41,574 --> 01:04:44,143
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1060
01:04:54,788 --> 01:04:58,255
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1061
01:04:58,257 --> 01:04:59,456
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1062
01:04:59,458 --> 01:05:00,725
- Wander the Earth...
- I'm in.
1063
01:05:00,727 --> 01:05:02,426
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1064
01:05:02,428 --> 01:05:03,293
I'm in.
1065
01:05:03,295 --> 01:05:05,397
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1066
01:05:05,765 --> 01:05:07,631
Oh, shit.
1067
01:05:07,633 --> 01:05:08,865
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1068
01:05:08,867 --> 01:05:09,968
Okay.
1069
01:05:09,970 --> 01:05:12,369
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1070
01:05:12,371 --> 01:05:15,205
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1071
01:05:15,207 --> 01:05:17,109
I'm coming up on your six.
1072
01:05:25,150 --> 01:05:27,184
That gun is amazing!
1073
01:05:36,228 --> 01:05:38,295
Hey! Asshole!
1074
01:05:38,297 --> 01:05:40,031
Where is he?
I can't see him.
1075
01:05:40,033 --> 01:05:41,634
He's on top of you.
1076
01:05:43,602 --> 01:05:45,770
He's going in
through the back!
1077
01:05:45,772 --> 01:05:46,971
Oh, God, he's inside!
1078
01:05:46,973 --> 01:05:48,238
You hear yourself, right?
1079
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:49,873
Accidental double entendres!
1080
01:05:49,875 --> 01:05:52,209
Russell! Russell Collins!
1081
01:05:52,211 --> 01:05:54,346
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1082
01:05:59,652 --> 01:06:00,853
No, no, no!
1083
01:06:04,623 --> 01:06:05,725
Shit!
1084
01:06:27,446 --> 01:06:29,581
Two can play that game!
1085
01:06:31,684 --> 01:06:33,552
Got it! No, I don't.
1086
01:06:34,353 --> 01:06:35,419
Showtime, mama!
1087
01:06:35,421 --> 01:06:37,322
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1088
01:07:14,693 --> 01:07:16,828
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1089
01:07:16,830 --> 01:07:18,930
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1090
01:07:35,347 --> 01:07:36,548
Hang in there, Doms!
1091
01:07:37,817 --> 01:07:39,382
Oh, this is really hard.
1092
01:07:51,497 --> 01:07:53,032
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1093
01:07:56,468 --> 01:07:58,303
- You're doing great.
- X-Force.
1094
01:08:00,073 --> 01:08:02,140
I guess dubstep never dies.
1095
01:08:06,512 --> 01:08:07,546
Whoo!
1096
01:08:14,453 --> 01:08:17,289
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1097
01:08:19,892 --> 01:08:20,994
That's unfortunate.
1098
01:08:24,264 --> 01:08:25,595
We got no brakes!
1099
01:08:25,597 --> 01:08:27,000
Figure it out!
1100
01:08:31,303 --> 01:08:32,939
There's nothing I can't kill.
1101
01:08:35,175 --> 01:08:36,439
Ooh.
1102
01:08:36,441 --> 01:08:39,878
Somebody knows karate.
1103
01:08:42,282 --> 01:08:43,950
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1104
01:08:59,199 --> 01:09:00,399
Ow.
1105
01:09:01,234 --> 01:09:02,434
Here we go.
1106
01:09:03,269 --> 01:09:05,569
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1107
01:09:05,571 --> 01:09:07,871
Here goes nothing.
1108
01:09:38,570 --> 01:09:40,740
Knock, knock.
1109
01:09:47,146 --> 01:09:48,246
That's my boy.
1110
01:09:54,686 --> 01:09:55,886
Holy...
1111
01:10:05,965 --> 01:10:07,698
I'll be first to admit...
1112
01:10:07,700 --> 01:10:10,103
this did not go
according to plan.
1113
01:10:11,470 --> 01:10:12,970
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1114
01:10:12,972 --> 01:10:14,906
that plan was
written in crayon.
1115
01:10:14,908 --> 01:10:18,042
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1116
01:10:18,044 --> 01:10:19,844
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1117
01:10:19,846 --> 01:10:22,980
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1118
01:10:22,982 --> 01:10:26,384
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1119
01:10:26,386 --> 01:10:27,450
A mood that is
1120
01:10:27,452 --> 01:10:29,488
about to get
significantly worse.
1121
01:10:52,912 --> 01:10:55,447
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1122
01:10:58,418 --> 01:10:59,986
Oh.
1123
01:11:01,620 --> 01:11:03,222
Oh, God, that hurt.
1124
01:11:08,493 --> 01:11:09,762
Russell.
1125
01:11:12,332 --> 01:11:13,598
Russell!
1126
01:11:14,100 --> 01:11:16,169
Russ, where are ya?
1127
01:11:19,671 --> 01:11:21,871
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1128
01:11:21,873 --> 01:11:25,443
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1129
01:11:25,445 --> 01:11:26,876
Juggernaut!
1130
01:11:28,014 --> 01:11:29,879
I thought that was you!
1131
01:11:29,881 --> 01:11:32,783
I should've worn
my white pants.
1132
01:11:32,785 --> 01:11:36,653
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1133
01:11:36,655 --> 01:11:40,157
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1134
01:11:40,159 --> 01:11:41,425
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1135
01:11:41,427 --> 01:11:43,593
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1136
01:11:43,595 --> 01:11:45,528
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1137
01:11:45,530 --> 01:11:47,630
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1138
01:11:47,632 --> 01:11:49,499
I don't mean right now.
1139
01:11:49,501 --> 01:11:51,568
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1140
01:11:51,570 --> 01:11:54,372
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1141
01:11:57,810 --> 01:12:02,079
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1142
01:12:02,081 --> 01:12:03,515
I can't feel...
1143
01:12:04,317 --> 01:12:06,384
Oh, no, they're right here.
1144
01:12:06,386 --> 01:12:08,252
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1145
01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:10,123
I have a mission.
1146
01:12:10,723 --> 01:12:12,522
To get my revenge.
1147
01:12:12,524 --> 01:12:14,792
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1148
01:12:14,794 --> 01:12:17,128
You're not
the revenge type.
1149
01:12:17,130 --> 01:12:18,661
Take it from a friend.
1150
01:12:18,663 --> 01:12:22,565
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1151
01:12:22,567 --> 01:12:24,735
You said it yourself.
1152
01:12:24,737 --> 01:12:27,537
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1153
01:12:27,539 --> 01:12:29,106
So I did.
1154
01:12:30,443 --> 01:12:32,609
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1155
01:12:32,611 --> 01:12:36,646
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1156
01:12:36,648 --> 01:12:38,581
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1157
01:12:38,583 --> 01:12:40,951
I care about you, Russell.
1158
01:12:40,953 --> 01:12:43,087
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1159
01:12:43,089 --> 01:12:46,856
Don't you say legs! I know
you're gonna say legs!
1160
01:12:46,858 --> 01:12:49,895
- Legs!
- Still hurts to hear out loud!
1161
01:12:51,831 --> 01:12:54,832
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1162
01:12:54,834 --> 01:12:57,236
You get back here, young man!
1163
01:12:58,271 --> 01:12:59,669
Doms!
1164
01:12:59,671 --> 01:13:01,871
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1165
01:13:01,873 --> 01:13:05,011
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1166
01:13:07,180 --> 01:13:08,112
I think we may have found
1167
01:13:08,114 --> 01:13:10,481
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1168
01:13:10,483 --> 01:13:12,383
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1169
01:13:12,385 --> 01:13:13,786
X-Force.
1170
01:13:26,933 --> 01:13:28,799
No child is hopeless.
1171
01:13:28,801 --> 01:13:30,201
Don't give up on the boy.
1172
01:13:30,203 --> 01:13:32,470
How could he just walk away?
1173
01:13:32,472 --> 01:13:35,272
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1174
01:13:35,274 --> 01:13:36,943
You should've heard it.
1175
01:13:38,677 --> 01:13:41,080
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1176
01:13:41,814 --> 01:13:44,014
Rub my legs, Mama.
1177
01:13:44,016 --> 01:13:45,583
Why would I rub
your legs?
1178
01:13:45,585 --> 01:13:48,552
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1179
01:13:51,623 --> 01:13:53,390
What in the...
1180
01:13:53,392 --> 01:13:56,193
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1181
01:13:56,195 --> 01:13:57,894
That's not my hand.
1182
01:13:57,896 --> 01:14:00,231
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1183
01:14:00,233 --> 01:14:02,199
That was nice for me.
1184
01:14:02,201 --> 01:14:05,269
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1185
01:14:09,609 --> 01:14:11,875
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1186
01:14:11,877 --> 01:14:14,078
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1187
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:16,080
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1188
01:14:16,082 --> 01:14:18,349
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1189
01:14:18,351 --> 01:14:19,783
toddler-style.
1190
01:14:19,785 --> 01:14:21,719
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1191
01:14:21,721 --> 01:14:23,754
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1192
01:14:23,756 --> 01:14:25,055
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.
1193
01:14:25,057 --> 01:14:26,724
- It's like, um...
- Here we go.
1194
01:14:26,726 --> 01:14:27,958
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1195
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:29,627
but they quit
halfway through.
1196
01:14:29,629 --> 01:14:30,761
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1197
01:14:30,763 --> 01:14:32,129
"You know what, I'm done."
1198
01:14:32,131 --> 01:14:33,130
Happy?
1199
01:14:33,132 --> 01:14:34,398
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1200
01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:35,733
But this time, you can see
1201
01:14:35,735 --> 01:14:37,134
the Muppet's dick.
1202
01:14:37,136 --> 01:14:38,536
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1203
01:14:38,538 --> 01:14:39,869
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1204
01:14:39,871 --> 01:14:41,807
I've had three tickets
already.
1205
01:14:43,042 --> 01:14:45,875
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1206
01:14:45,877 --> 01:14:48,412
This has happened before?
1207
01:14:48,414 --> 01:14:50,014
- -Jesus!
Either vomit or don't.
1208
01:14:50,016 --> 01:14:51,515
The indecision
is killing me.
1209
01:14:51,517 --> 01:14:53,419
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1210
01:14:55,087 --> 01:14:57,087
Oh. Wow!
1211
01:14:57,089 --> 01:14:58,855
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1212
01:14:58,857 --> 01:15:00,857
I'm talking about your face.
1213
01:15:00,859 --> 01:15:02,793
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1214
01:15:02,795 --> 01:15:04,995
- Jesus Christ!
- Looks like an avocado.
1215
01:15:04,997 --> 01:15:06,964
Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1216
01:15:06,966 --> 01:15:09,001
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1217
01:15:10,469 --> 01:15:11,969
I'm glad
everybody dropped by.
1218
01:15:11,971 --> 01:15:14,871
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1219
01:15:14,873 --> 01:15:16,607
I'll tell you
why I'm here.
1220
01:15:16,609 --> 01:15:18,976
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...
1221
01:15:18,978 --> 01:15:20,311
beat me within
an inch of my life.
1222
01:15:20,313 --> 01:15:21,445
He was torturing me!
1223
01:15:21,447 --> 01:15:24,582
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1224
01:15:24,584 --> 01:15:27,151
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1225
01:15:27,153 --> 01:15:28,485
So we can go after him
without me.
1226
01:15:28,487 --> 01:15:29,820
No!
1227
01:15:29,822 --> 01:15:31,422
I'm doing this alone.
1228
01:15:31,424 --> 01:15:32,489
The Juggernaut
1229
01:15:32,491 --> 01:15:33,824
- will kill you all.
- Fair enough.
1230
01:15:33,826 --> 01:15:35,793
I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1231
01:15:35,795 --> 01:15:36,927
- under me.
- What will you do?
1232
01:15:36,929 --> 01:15:38,495
I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1233
01:15:38,497 --> 01:15:39,730
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1234
01:15:39,732 --> 01:15:41,098
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1235
01:15:41,100 --> 01:15:43,100
It's really just a sip
of tea at this point.
1236
01:15:43,102 --> 01:15:44,935
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1237
01:15:44,937 --> 01:15:46,003
The first order
of business is
1238
01:15:46,005 --> 01:15:47,304
to get me
in front of Cable...
1239
01:15:47,306 --> 01:15:48,973
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1240
01:15:48,975 --> 01:15:51,442
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1241
01:15:51,444 --> 01:15:53,110
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1242
01:15:53,112 --> 01:15:56,382
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1243
01:15:57,850 --> 01:15:59,518
He's standing
right behind you, isn't he?
1244
01:16:08,261 --> 01:16:10,094
What in the ass?
1245
01:16:10,096 --> 01:16:13,397
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1246
01:16:13,399 --> 01:16:15,801
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1247
01:16:16,669 --> 01:16:19,305
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1248
01:16:21,507 --> 01:16:24,408
No. It's his "Basic Instinct."
1249
01:16:24,410 --> 01:16:25,976
What can we help you with?
1250
01:16:25,978 --> 01:16:27,879
I'm here to proposition you.
1251
01:16:29,282 --> 01:16:30,214
Oh, boy!
1252
01:16:30,216 --> 01:16:31,548
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1253
01:16:31,550 --> 01:16:33,450
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1254
01:16:33,452 --> 01:16:35,119
I think we should all
do it at the same time.
1255
01:16:35,121 --> 01:16:36,020
Good call.
1256
01:16:36,022 --> 01:16:37,488
For $45,
you get sucky-suck.
1257
01:16:37,490 --> 01:16:39,089
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1258
01:16:39,091 --> 01:16:40,024
Fuck!
1259
01:16:40,026 --> 01:16:41,325
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1260
01:16:41,327 --> 01:16:42,359
Guy Pearce performance.
1261
01:16:42,361 --> 01:16:44,261
Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1262
01:16:44,263 --> 01:16:46,964
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!
1263
01:16:46,966 --> 01:16:49,266
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1264
01:16:49,268 --> 01:16:52,603
but you unleashed the
Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1265
01:16:52,605 --> 01:16:54,938
I can't
bring him down alone.
1266
01:16:54,940 --> 01:16:56,575
So here we are.
1267
01:16:57,843 --> 01:16:59,711
We're no longer
accepting applications
1268
01:16:59,713 --> 01:17:01,278
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1269
01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:02,479
Even if we were...
1270
01:17:02,481 --> 01:17:04,248
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1271
01:17:04,250 --> 01:17:05,449
We don't have
a lot of time.
1272
01:17:05,451 --> 01:17:07,418
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1273
01:17:07,420 --> 01:17:08,986
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1274
01:17:08,988 --> 01:17:11,922
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1275
01:17:11,924 --> 01:17:12,990
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1276
01:17:12,992 --> 01:17:14,058
kill baby Hitler.
1277
01:17:14,060 --> 01:17:16,093
I use a device
to slide through time.
1278
01:17:16,095 --> 01:17:18,861
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1279
01:17:18,863 --> 01:17:21,598
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1280
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:22,767
one to get me home.
1281
01:17:22,769 --> 01:17:23,934
Well.
1282
01:17:23,936 --> 01:17:25,903
That's just lazy writing.
1283
01:17:25,905 --> 01:17:27,137
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1284
01:17:27,139 --> 01:17:28,839
of the orphanage tonight.
1285
01:17:28,841 --> 01:17:30,974
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1286
01:17:30,976 --> 01:17:33,812
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1287
01:17:33,814 --> 01:17:35,780
So he keeps killing...
1288
01:17:35,782 --> 01:17:37,214
and killing, and killing,
1289
01:17:37,216 --> 01:17:38,649
and killing.
1290
01:17:38,651 --> 01:17:42,221
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1291
01:17:44,690 --> 01:17:46,192
My people.
1292
01:17:50,096 --> 01:17:51,095
Relax.
1293
01:17:51,097 --> 01:17:53,698
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1294
01:17:53,700 --> 01:17:56,200
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1295
01:17:56,202 --> 01:17:58,902
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1296
01:17:58,904 --> 01:18:00,639
The difference
is night and day.
1297
01:18:02,508 --> 01:18:04,743
You remind me of my wife.
1298
01:18:04,745 --> 01:18:06,176
I'm sorry.
1299
01:18:06,178 --> 01:18:07,277
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1300
01:18:07,279 --> 01:18:08,579
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1301
01:18:08,581 --> 01:18:11,648
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1302
01:18:11,650 --> 01:18:12,985
She always struggled.
1303
01:18:13,919 --> 01:18:15,352
But she was funny...
1304
01:18:15,354 --> 01:18:18,790
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1305
01:18:18,792 --> 01:18:21,160
Something I could
never master.
1306
01:18:21,893 --> 01:18:24,263
It was my fault she died.
1307
01:18:25,766 --> 01:18:29,333
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1308
01:18:29,335 --> 01:18:31,470
I came close a few times.
1309
01:18:35,441 --> 01:18:37,376
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1310
01:18:38,944 --> 01:18:40,277
He was trying to hurt me...
1311
01:18:40,279 --> 01:18:42,581
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1312
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:48,519
Blessed are the wicked
1313
01:18:48,521 --> 01:18:50,189
who are healed by my hand.
1314
01:18:52,858 --> 01:18:55,259
He came into my home...
1315
01:18:55,261 --> 01:18:58,364
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1316
01:19:02,435 --> 01:19:03,936
Sound familiar?
1317
01:19:04,870 --> 01:19:06,603
- I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.
1318
01:19:06,605 --> 01:19:08,340
No, I'm really sorry.
1319
01:19:10,509 --> 01:19:12,476
But that isn't Russell.
1320
01:19:12,478 --> 01:19:14,645
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...
1321
01:19:14,647 --> 01:19:16,447
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1322
01:19:16,449 --> 01:19:18,115
maybe a small
learning disability...
1323
01:19:18,117 --> 01:19:19,683
splash of diabetes...
1324
01:19:19,685 --> 01:19:20,984
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1325
01:19:20,986 --> 01:19:22,553
If you could go back...
1326
01:19:22,555 --> 01:19:25,622
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1327
01:19:25,624 --> 01:19:27,426
Of course I fucking would!
1328
01:19:28,027 --> 01:19:29,893
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1329
01:19:29,895 --> 01:19:31,428
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1330
01:19:31,430 --> 01:19:32,596
I'll kill the kid.
1331
01:19:32,598 --> 01:19:36,233
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1332
01:19:36,235 --> 01:19:38,535
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1333
01:19:38,537 --> 01:19:40,604
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1334
01:19:40,606 --> 01:19:44,007
would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?
1335
01:19:44,009 --> 01:19:47,211
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1336
01:19:47,213 --> 01:19:49,012
Give me a chance
to save him.
1337
01:19:49,014 --> 01:19:50,414
- What?
- You said...
1338
01:19:50,416 --> 01:19:52,149
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1339
01:19:52,151 --> 01:19:54,685
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1340
01:19:54,687 --> 01:19:56,220
promise you'll give me
a chance
1341
01:19:56,222 --> 01:19:58,121
to put him
on a different path.
1342
01:19:58,123 --> 01:19:59,389
Define "chance."
1343
01:19:59,391 --> 01:20:00,524
I don't know.
How long does it take
1344
01:20:00,526 --> 01:20:02,025
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1345
01:20:02,027 --> 01:20:03,360
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1346
01:20:03,362 --> 01:20:05,562
- What? No!
- Best I can do.
1347
01:20:05,564 --> 01:20:06,999
Take it or leave it.
1348
01:20:17,176 --> 01:20:18,642
He's doing it!
1349
01:20:18,644 --> 01:20:20,310
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1350
01:20:20,312 --> 01:20:22,513
There he goes.
1351
01:20:22,515 --> 01:20:23,982
Jesus Christ!
1352
01:20:23,984 --> 01:20:25,549
Just shirt-cocking it.
1353
01:20:25,551 --> 01:20:27,351
Ugh.
1354
01:20:27,353 --> 01:20:28,788
There you go,
little fella.
1355
01:20:29,588 --> 01:20:31,188
Go on, you're doing it!
1356
01:20:31,190 --> 01:20:34,260
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1357
01:20:36,428 --> 01:20:37,594
Christ!
1358
01:20:37,596 --> 01:20:39,363
That's disturbing.
1359
01:20:39,365 --> 01:20:40,633
30 seconds.
1360
01:20:45,939 --> 01:20:47,540
- Deal.
- Deal.
1361
01:20:50,010 --> 01:20:52,509
I have no idea
what's happening.
1362
01:20:52,511 --> 01:20:55,780
Probably for the best.
1363
01:20:55,782 --> 01:20:59,550
And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.
1364
01:20:59,552 --> 01:21:01,786
It's just common sense.
1365
01:21:01,788 --> 01:21:03,186
Where the hell
are we going?
1366
01:21:03,188 --> 01:21:04,521
You said it yourself.
1367
01:21:04,523 --> 01:21:07,457
Nothing can stop the Juggernaut.
We need backup.
1368
01:21:07,459 --> 01:21:10,460
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1369
01:21:14,734 --> 01:21:16,435
Can you turn off
the music?
1370
01:21:17,236 --> 01:21:19,336
You'll do no such thing.
1371
01:21:19,338 --> 01:21:21,706
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1372
01:21:21,708 --> 01:21:22,673
What the hell are you...?
1373
01:21:22,675 --> 01:21:24,875
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1374
01:21:24,877 --> 01:21:26,476
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1375
01:21:26,478 --> 01:21:28,378
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1376
01:21:28,380 --> 01:21:31,415
Tell that to Black Tom.
He was like a brother to me.
1377
01:21:31,417 --> 01:21:33,183
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1378
01:21:33,185 --> 01:21:34,885
And that's a twist.
1379
01:21:34,887 --> 01:21:36,054
So what exactly do you
1380
01:21:36,056 --> 01:21:37,120
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1381
01:21:37,122 --> 01:21:38,855
Some kind of soldier?
1382
01:21:38,857 --> 01:21:40,557
Yeah, something like that.
1383
01:21:40,559 --> 01:21:42,994
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1384
01:21:42,996 --> 01:21:45,462
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1385
01:21:45,464 --> 01:21:47,564
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1386
01:21:47,566 --> 01:21:50,367
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1387
01:21:50,369 --> 01:21:51,836
Boom!
1388
01:21:51,838 --> 01:21:53,103
Spoiler alert.
1389
01:21:54,607 --> 01:21:55,740
Planets.
1390
01:21:55,742 --> 01:21:57,174
Next time, Uber.
1391
01:21:57,176 --> 01:21:58,677
Here's a spoiler alert.
1392
01:21:59,813 --> 01:22:01,713
You're not a fucking hero.
1393
01:22:01,715 --> 01:22:05,849
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1394
01:22:05,851 --> 01:22:07,051
Well, I got news for you.
1395
01:22:07,053 --> 01:22:08,352
My heart
is in the right place.
1396
01:22:08,354 --> 01:22:09,821
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1397
01:22:09,823 --> 01:22:12,322
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1398
01:22:12,324 --> 01:22:13,758
Because of you,
I'll always know
1399
01:22:13,760 --> 01:22:16,094
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1400
01:22:16,096 --> 01:22:18,528
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1401
01:22:18,530 --> 01:22:19,998
I should've finished college.
1402
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:21,231
Right here!
1403
01:22:39,284 --> 01:22:41,318
I made mistakes!
1404
01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:43,220
I wanna take them back!
1405
01:22:43,222 --> 01:22:46,223
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1406
01:22:46,225 --> 01:22:47,759
and turned it
into a glory hole
1407
01:22:47,761 --> 01:22:49,159
in an airport bathroom.
1408
01:22:49,161 --> 01:22:51,931
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1409
01:22:52,898 --> 01:22:54,231
Colossus!
1410
01:22:54,233 --> 01:22:56,333
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death!
1411
01:22:56,335 --> 01:22:58,402
That kid needs our help!
1412
01:22:58,404 --> 01:23:00,570
I know you're listening!
1413
01:23:00,572 --> 01:23:01,973
He's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1414
01:23:01,975 --> 01:23:03,273
The Juggernaut!
1415
01:23:03,275 --> 01:23:04,742
That's like my favorite
Marvel character ever,
1416
01:23:04,744 --> 01:23:06,410
but you should never
meet your heroes...
1417
01:23:06,412 --> 01:23:09,379
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1418
01:23:09,381 --> 01:23:12,016
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock...
1419
01:23:12,018 --> 01:23:13,818
and causes nothing
but problems!
1420
01:23:13,820 --> 01:23:15,552
- Hi, Wade!
- Hi, Yukio!
1421
01:23:15,554 --> 01:23:16,420
Please don't.
1422
01:23:16,422 --> 01:23:17,789
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1423
01:23:17,791 --> 01:23:19,690
Yeah. Where was I?
Oh, yeah!
1424
01:23:19,692 --> 01:23:21,858
Colossus!
Look, I don't deserve
1425
01:23:21,860 --> 01:23:23,995
your friendship or your help.
1426
01:23:23,997 --> 01:23:25,697
But this kid does.
1427
01:23:25,699 --> 01:23:28,667
And I'm not gonna bail on him
like everyone else.
1428
01:23:30,269 --> 01:23:32,438
Oh, come on!
1429
01:23:36,408 --> 01:23:39,509
Any chance Pigeon Wings
is available?
1430
01:23:39,511 --> 01:23:42,080
That's just fine!
That's fine!
1431
01:23:42,082 --> 01:23:43,547
No! You know what?
1432
01:23:43,549 --> 01:23:46,450
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1433
01:23:46,452 --> 01:23:49,721
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1434
01:23:49,723 --> 01:23:53,191
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...
1435
01:23:53,193 --> 01:23:55,494
while we go get our fuck on!
1436
01:23:58,297 --> 01:23:59,799
You're doing great.
1437
01:24:05,270 --> 01:24:06,704
So you wear
that helmet because
1438
01:24:06,706 --> 01:24:08,538
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1439
01:24:08,540 --> 01:24:11,776
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1440
01:24:11,778 --> 01:24:14,377
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1441
01:24:14,379 --> 01:24:16,379
He's not alone.
1442
01:24:16,381 --> 01:24:18,350
Secure the children.
1443
01:24:22,588 --> 01:24:25,455
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1444
01:24:25,457 --> 01:24:29,528
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1445
01:24:32,598 --> 01:24:35,332
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1446
01:24:35,334 --> 01:24:37,771
Amen, brother.
1447
01:24:43,408 --> 01:24:45,143
Time to make the chimichangas.
1448
01:24:45,145 --> 01:24:47,310
30 seconds.
1449
01:24:47,312 --> 01:24:49,947
I finally know
why I'm here.
1450
01:24:49,949 --> 01:24:51,749
I was raised
in this place.
1451
01:24:51,751 --> 01:24:54,185
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1452
01:24:54,187 --> 01:24:57,121
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1453
01:24:57,123 --> 01:24:58,421
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.
1454
01:24:58,423 --> 01:24:59,589
Yeah!
1455
01:24:59,591 --> 01:25:01,225
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1456
01:25:01,227 --> 01:25:04,796
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1457
01:25:04,798 --> 01:25:08,467
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1458
01:25:10,536 --> 01:25:12,469
I have
a gluten sensitivity.
1459
01:25:12,471 --> 01:25:14,138
So one glass of wine,
I just...
1460
01:25:15,574 --> 01:25:16,575
Yeah.
1461
01:25:20,113 --> 01:25:21,279
Wish we could
head back in time,
1462
01:25:21,281 --> 01:25:23,114
and I could take
all that back.
1463
01:25:23,116 --> 01:25:25,016
We should just cue
the music.
1464
01:25:49,508 --> 01:25:52,477
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1465
01:25:53,645 --> 01:25:54,578
Russell!
1466
01:25:54,580 --> 01:25:57,050
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1467
01:25:57,883 --> 01:25:59,649
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1468
01:26:03,923 --> 01:26:04,922
That's why!
1469
01:26:04,924 --> 01:26:06,423
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1470
01:26:06,425 --> 01:26:08,259
Zip it, Thanos! We have
a deal and you fuck...
1471
01:26:08,261 --> 01:26:10,627
Hey!
1472
01:26:10,629 --> 01:26:13,933
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1473
01:26:15,034 --> 01:26:17,301
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1474
01:26:17,303 --> 01:26:18,435
You should probably
head back to the car.
1475
01:26:18,437 --> 01:26:20,405
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1476
01:26:21,341 --> 01:26:24,077
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1477
01:26:27,013 --> 01:26:28,447
That gun is amazing!
1478
01:26:29,514 --> 01:26:30,883
Say it!
1479
01:26:33,019 --> 01:26:36,087
You are an abomination!
1480
01:26:43,096 --> 01:26:46,563
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1481
01:26:46,565 --> 01:26:49,102
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1482
01:26:53,438 --> 01:26:55,273
Gotcha!
1483
01:26:55,275 --> 01:26:56,608
Beat it, midget!
1484
01:26:59,411 --> 01:27:02,512
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1485
01:27:02,514 --> 01:27:03,783
Oh, shit fuck!
1486
01:27:17,496 --> 01:27:19,165
Come here, beautiful.
1487
01:27:21,267 --> 01:27:22,534
Say it!
1488
01:28:21,893 --> 01:28:23,160
You came for me.
1489
01:28:23,162 --> 01:28:24,561
I'm not giving up on you,
1490
01:28:24,563 --> 01:28:26,764
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1491
01:28:26,766 --> 01:28:28,766
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1492
01:28:28,768 --> 01:28:31,302
It's time to fight dirty.
1493
01:28:31,304 --> 01:28:32,703
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1494
01:28:32,705 --> 01:28:35,505
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1495
01:28:35,507 --> 01:28:37,607
That's such
a you thing to say!
1496
01:28:37,609 --> 01:28:39,609
Go get him, tiger!
1497
01:28:39,611 --> 01:28:41,513
Big CGI fight coming up!
1498
01:29:04,536 --> 01:29:06,070
He's doing great.
1499
01:29:06,072 --> 01:29:07,240
Say it!
1500
01:29:11,377 --> 01:29:12,912
- Russell.
- Bingo!
1501
01:29:24,724 --> 01:29:26,892
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1502
01:29:27,626 --> 01:29:28,691
Oh, great!
1503
01:29:28,693 --> 01:29:29,994
There they are!
Those freaks!
1504
01:29:29,996 --> 01:29:32,396
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1505
01:29:32,398 --> 01:29:34,498
Can I have
one of those guns?
1506
01:29:34,500 --> 01:29:36,367
- No.
- That's fine.
1507
01:29:36,369 --> 01:29:38,302
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1508
01:29:38,304 --> 01:29:39,464
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1509
01:29:40,139 --> 01:29:41,238
Maximum effort.
1510
01:29:47,046 --> 01:29:49,048
Who says you can't
go home again?
1511
01:29:57,689 --> 01:29:59,225
Oh!
1512
01:30:06,165 --> 01:30:07,166
Yeah!
1513
01:30:09,335 --> 01:30:10,901
Say it.
1514
01:30:10,903 --> 01:30:14,140
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1515
01:30:14,574 --> 01:30:15,840
Say it!
1516
01:30:15,842 --> 01:30:18,845
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1517
01:30:19,812 --> 01:30:22,113
Blessed are the wicked...
1518
01:30:22,115 --> 01:30:23,282
who are healed...
1519
01:30:23,682 --> 01:30:25,284
by my hand.
1520
01:30:43,336 --> 01:30:45,738
You commie motherfucker!
1521
01:31:11,931 --> 01:31:14,598
Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1522
01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:16,969
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1523
01:31:19,805 --> 01:31:22,439
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1524
01:31:22,441 --> 01:31:23,809
Now we're getting it.
1525
01:31:28,181 --> 01:31:30,581
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1526
01:31:35,988 --> 01:31:37,023
Orphans.
1527
01:31:38,157 --> 01:31:39,325
Oh, geez.
1528
01:31:40,660 --> 01:31:43,260
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1529
01:31:43,262 --> 01:31:46,065
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1530
01:31:54,640 --> 01:31:55,908
Russell! Wait!
1531
01:32:01,781 --> 01:32:03,115
Oh!
1532
01:32:10,189 --> 01:32:12,289
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1533
01:32:12,291 --> 01:32:14,525
- What more do you need to see?
- Don't you fucking dare!
1534
01:32:14,527 --> 01:32:15,726
He's just a kid!
1535
01:32:15,728 --> 01:32:17,830
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1536
01:32:30,176 --> 01:32:33,412
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1537
01:32:53,700 --> 01:32:56,467
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on!
1538
01:32:56,469 --> 01:32:57,770
Listen to me!
1539
01:33:20,926 --> 01:33:22,892
That's how we do it
1540
01:33:22,894 --> 01:33:24,463
in Mother Russia.
1541
01:33:26,299 --> 01:33:29,135
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1542
01:33:30,369 --> 01:33:33,804
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1543
01:33:34,974 --> 01:33:37,908
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1544
01:33:37,910 --> 01:33:39,810
Go home, Wade!
1545
01:33:39,812 --> 01:33:41,880
You're ruining everything!
1546
01:33:46,952 --> 01:33:48,452
I'm getting good
at this shit.
1547
01:33:48,454 --> 01:33:49,488
Go, go, go!
1548
01:33:52,925 --> 01:33:54,925
He dies tonight, Wade.
1549
01:33:54,927 --> 01:33:57,294
You can't stop me!
1550
01:33:57,296 --> 01:33:59,229
He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1551
01:33:59,231 --> 01:34:02,234
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1552
01:34:03,369 --> 01:34:05,002
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1553
01:34:05,004 --> 01:34:07,237
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!
1554
01:34:07,239 --> 01:34:08,639
I got this.
1555
01:34:08,641 --> 01:34:10,873
- Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1556
01:34:10,875 --> 01:34:13,644
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1557
01:34:13,646 --> 01:34:15,212
That piece of shit...
1558
01:34:15,214 --> 01:34:17,014
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1559
01:34:17,016 --> 01:34:20,519
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1560
01:34:21,220 --> 01:34:23,087
But if you kill him,
he wins.
1561
01:34:23,089 --> 01:34:27,024
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1562
01:34:27,026 --> 01:34:29,059
You're just a kid.
1563
01:34:29,061 --> 01:34:30,893
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1564
01:34:30,895 --> 01:34:32,129
How do you know
what I want?
1565
01:34:32,131 --> 01:34:34,033
Because I've been inside you.
1566
01:34:34,567 --> 01:34:36,500
That came out wrong.
1567
01:34:36,502 --> 01:34:38,102
I've been inside your shoes.
1568
01:34:38,104 --> 01:34:40,037
Which is also off-putting.
1569
01:34:40,039 --> 01:34:41,638
It's not a great analogy.
1570
01:34:41,640 --> 01:34:43,540
The point is...
1571
01:34:43,542 --> 01:34:45,142
there are people...
1572
01:34:45,144 --> 01:34:48,212
There are people
in this fucking world...
1573
01:34:48,214 --> 01:34:51,014
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1574
01:34:51,016 --> 01:34:53,919
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1575
01:34:59,125 --> 01:35:01,627
I never should've left
you there.
1576
01:35:03,229 --> 01:35:05,331
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1577
01:35:12,405 --> 01:35:13,639
I can't trust you.
1578
01:35:15,408 --> 01:35:17,910
I can't trust anybody!
1579
01:35:26,886 --> 01:35:28,185
Wonderful kid.
1580
01:35:28,187 --> 01:35:29,987
You can't stop me, Wade!
1581
01:35:32,124 --> 01:35:34,358
I got one more idea.
1582
01:35:34,360 --> 01:35:37,528
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1583
01:35:37,530 --> 01:35:38,529
Wade, what are you doing?
1584
01:35:38,531 --> 01:35:41,031
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1585
01:35:41,033 --> 01:35:43,133
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1586
01:35:43,135 --> 01:35:44,702
Blessed are the wicked...
1587
01:35:44,704 --> 01:35:46,639
...then it's gotta be me.
1588
01:35:47,707 --> 01:35:49,642
...who are healed by my hand!
1589
01:35:52,746 --> 01:35:55,281
Fuck this!
1590
01:36:55,842 --> 01:36:59,011
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1591
01:37:03,984 --> 01:37:05,384
Oh, that's not good.
1592
01:37:06,852 --> 01:37:08,587
No, sir.
1593
01:37:15,895 --> 01:37:19,031
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1594
01:37:19,365 --> 01:37:20,330
Yeah.
1595
01:37:20,332 --> 01:37:22,834
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1596
01:37:24,470 --> 01:37:26,804
I told you
I care about you.
1597
01:37:26,806 --> 01:37:28,607
You're a good kid, Russell.
1598
01:37:30,376 --> 01:37:31,443
Hey.
1599
01:37:32,678 --> 01:37:33,978
The bear.
1600
01:37:33,980 --> 01:37:35,414
It worked.
1601
01:37:41,988 --> 01:37:43,922
Because of you.
1602
01:37:43,924 --> 01:37:46,325
No, Wade, because of you.
1603
01:37:47,027 --> 01:37:49,326
Stop, stop, stop!
1604
01:37:49,328 --> 01:37:50,462
Stop!
1605
01:37:51,397 --> 01:37:54,398
Just let it happen, okay?
1606
01:37:54,400 --> 01:37:58,201
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1607
01:37:58,203 --> 01:38:00,740
That riddle
is so fucked up.
1608
01:38:05,644 --> 01:38:08,178
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1609
01:38:08,180 --> 01:38:09,379
Don't be. Don't be.
1610
01:38:09,381 --> 01:38:11,882
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1611
01:38:11,884 --> 01:38:13,450
Please, just don't leave me.
1612
01:38:13,452 --> 01:38:15,185
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1613
01:38:15,187 --> 01:38:16,754
We are not going anywhere.
1614
01:38:16,756 --> 01:38:19,122
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1615
01:38:19,124 --> 01:38:20,359
Just rest, okay?
1616
01:38:22,028 --> 01:38:23,295
Papa.
1617
01:38:56,830 --> 01:38:58,462
Before I go...
1618
01:38:58,464 --> 01:39:00,432
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1619
01:39:00,899 --> 01:39:02,132
Domino.
1620
01:39:02,134 --> 01:39:07,005
I want you to have
my Adventure Time watch.
1621
01:39:09,174 --> 01:39:12,277
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1622
01:39:12,878 --> 01:39:14,179
Thank you.
1623
01:39:15,247 --> 01:39:18,882
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
1624
01:39:18,884 --> 01:39:21,153
It has been a pleasure.
1625
01:39:22,488 --> 01:39:25,622
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!
1626
01:39:27,159 --> 01:39:28,527
And you...
1627
01:39:28,962 --> 01:39:30,795
Chrome Bone.
1628
01:39:30,797 --> 01:39:33,965
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1629
01:39:33,967 --> 01:39:36,299
But you've always been
that to me.
1630
01:39:36,301 --> 01:39:37,737
So thank you.
1631
01:39:39,872 --> 01:39:41,540
Say "fuck" for me.
1632
01:39:42,207 --> 01:39:43,473
Just once. Come on,
1633
01:39:43,475 --> 01:39:45,208
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1634
01:39:45,210 --> 01:39:48,478
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1635
01:39:48,480 --> 01:39:49,413
Fuck.
1636
01:39:49,415 --> 01:39:52,851
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
1637
01:39:54,120 --> 01:39:57,220
And you, Cable.
1638
01:39:57,222 --> 01:40:01,658
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1639
01:40:01,660 --> 01:40:05,395
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1640
01:40:05,397 --> 01:40:06,964
That you'll start
judging people...
1641
01:40:06,966 --> 01:40:08,298
not by the color
of their skin,
1642
01:40:08,300 --> 01:40:10,402
but by the content
of their character.
1643
01:40:11,004 --> 01:40:12,671
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?
1644
01:40:13,840 --> 01:40:16,239
There you are. Hey!
1645
01:40:16,241 --> 01:40:18,243
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1646
01:40:19,645 --> 01:40:20,945
Look.
1647
01:40:20,947 --> 01:40:23,649
Family is not an F-word.
1648
01:40:24,249 --> 01:40:25,549
All right?
1649
01:40:25,551 --> 01:40:28,119
There's one out there for you.
1650
01:40:28,121 --> 01:40:29,888
Just keep looking, okay?
1651
01:40:33,258 --> 01:40:36,261
Guys, for a second there...
1652
01:40:36,930 --> 01:40:39,665
we made a pretty good team.
1653
01:40:54,080 --> 01:40:56,281
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1654
01:40:57,516 --> 01:40:59,986
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1655
01:41:01,054 --> 01:41:02,454
So, so much.
1656
01:41:03,022 --> 01:41:04,354
Mmm.
1657
01:41:04,356 --> 01:41:07,257
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1658
01:41:07,259 --> 01:41:11,195
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1659
01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,397
Yeah.
1660
01:41:14,000 --> 01:41:16,433
Can you see it?
1661
01:41:16,435 --> 01:41:18,772
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1662
01:41:20,140 --> 01:41:21,473
There it is.
1663
01:41:27,479 --> 01:41:28,713
Oh, that's the sun.
1664
01:41:28,715 --> 01:41:30,982
Don't stare
directly into that.
1665
01:41:30,984 --> 01:41:32,315
I just have
a few final words.
1666
01:41:34,653 --> 01:41:35,955
Woodpecker.
1667
01:41:36,790 --> 01:41:38,057
Gingivitis.
1668
01:41:40,093 --> 01:41:41,593
Codswallop.
1669
01:41:45,664 --> 01:41:47,834
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1670
01:43:02,775 --> 01:43:04,108
Sorry I'm late.
1671
01:43:04,110 --> 01:43:05,575
There was a bunch
1672
01:43:05,577 --> 01:43:07,078
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1673
01:43:07,080 --> 01:43:08,447
- No.
- No.
1674
01:43:09,315 --> 01:43:12,415
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.
1675
01:43:12,417 --> 01:43:14,384
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.
1676
01:43:14,386 --> 01:43:15,587
- Ugh.
- I tried to tell him.
1677
01:43:17,856 --> 01:43:19,158
Is this heaven?
1678
01:43:20,059 --> 01:43:21,426
It is now.
1679
01:43:24,797 --> 01:43:26,699
I am so sorry.
1680
01:43:27,367 --> 01:43:29,599
It's okay.
1681
01:43:48,520 --> 01:43:50,622
I missed you so much.
1682
01:43:56,095 --> 01:43:57,830
What is it? What's wrong?
1683
01:43:59,564 --> 01:44:01,631
It's not time.
1684
01:44:01,633 --> 01:44:03,667
What do you mean
it's not time?
1685
01:44:03,669 --> 01:44:05,403
I'm here, I made it.
1686
01:44:05,405 --> 01:44:07,004
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.
1687
01:44:07,006 --> 01:44:09,974
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1688
01:44:09,976 --> 01:44:11,375
It's okay.
1689
01:44:11,377 --> 01:44:14,446
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1690
01:44:15,248 --> 01:44:17,817
- They need you.
- Who?
1691
01:44:19,651 --> 01:44:21,087
Your F-word.
1692
01:44:22,288 --> 01:44:23,620
Why?
1693
01:44:23,622 --> 01:44:25,624
You'll find out.
1694
01:44:26,392 --> 01:44:28,527
It's all right. I'll be here.
1695
01:44:29,561 --> 01:44:30,964
I love you.
1696
01:44:33,366 --> 01:44:35,902
I know. I love you, too.
1697
01:44:36,501 --> 01:44:37,704
Now, go.
1698
01:44:38,738 --> 01:44:40,940
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1699
01:44:41,975 --> 01:44:42,976
Go.
1700
01:44:46,045 --> 01:44:47,046
Hey!
1701
01:44:49,849 --> 01:44:52,185
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
1702
01:44:52,884 --> 01:44:53,987
Well, come here.
1703
01:45:13,306 --> 01:45:14,705
Don't fuck Elvis.
1704
01:45:14,707 --> 01:45:16,875
- Don't fuck Colossus.
- What?
1705
01:45:26,585 --> 01:45:28,019
Time to make the chimichangas.
1706
01:45:28,021 --> 01:45:28,953
30 seconds.
1707
01:45:28,955 --> 01:45:30,388
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
1708
01:45:30,390 --> 01:45:32,823
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1709
01:45:32,825 --> 01:45:34,691
It's my daughter's
teddy bear.
1710
01:45:34,693 --> 01:45:36,127
Her name's Hope.
1711
01:45:36,129 --> 01:45:37,230
Well...
1712
01:45:38,398 --> 01:45:40,331
What are you doing?
1713
01:45:40,333 --> 01:45:42,199
Somebody swiped right.
1714
01:45:54,514 --> 01:45:57,314
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1715
01:46:00,053 --> 01:46:02,186
You sacrificed
yourself for me.
1716
01:46:02,188 --> 01:46:03,790
It would seem I...
1717
01:46:05,825 --> 01:46:07,060
Huh?
1718
01:46:08,161 --> 01:46:10,629
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1719
01:46:12,365 --> 01:46:15,433
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
1720
01:46:15,435 --> 01:46:17,103
You did this for me?
1721
01:46:18,805 --> 01:46:21,906
Wait. You can't go back.
1722
01:46:21,908 --> 01:46:23,374
You used
the last of your fuel.
1723
01:46:23,376 --> 01:46:25,009
What about your girl,
your wife?
1724
01:46:25,011 --> 01:46:28,613
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
1725
01:46:29,782 --> 01:46:32,383
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
1726
01:46:32,385 --> 01:46:33,616
and make sure the world
1727
01:46:33,618 --> 01:46:35,587
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
1728
01:46:36,155 --> 01:46:39,058
No. You did it for me.
1729
01:46:39,658 --> 01:46:41,258
No, I didn't.
1730
01:46:41,260 --> 01:46:42,625
- You did.
- I really didn't.
1731
01:46:42,627 --> 01:46:44,528
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.
1732
01:46:44,530 --> 01:46:46,197
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
1733
01:46:46,199 --> 01:46:48,966
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1734
01:46:48,968 --> 01:46:51,737
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1735
01:46:52,138 --> 01:46:53,003
Say it again.
1736
01:46:53,005 --> 01:46:54,772
- He did it for me.
- Jesus.
1737
01:46:54,774 --> 01:46:56,740
- We must get the collar off.
- Forget it. It's no use.
1738
01:46:56,742 --> 01:46:58,809
These collars
don't just come off.
1739
01:46:58,811 --> 01:46:59,812
Wade.
1740
01:47:00,246 --> 01:47:02,012
I have an idea.
1741
01:47:02,014 --> 01:47:04,148
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
1742
01:47:04,150 --> 01:47:06,717
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
1743
01:47:06,719 --> 01:47:09,987
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
1744
01:47:09,989 --> 01:47:12,356
We need the code.
1745
01:47:12,358 --> 01:47:14,125
Try, uh, seven?
1746
01:47:14,127 --> 01:47:15,826
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
1747
01:47:15,828 --> 01:47:17,428
It's not gonna be one number.
1748
01:47:17,430 --> 01:47:18,697
Oh, God,
that's lazy writing.
1749
01:47:19,499 --> 01:47:20,967
I still got it.
1750
01:47:23,803 --> 01:47:25,972
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
1751
01:47:27,540 --> 01:47:29,473
I don't know
how to thank you.
1752
01:47:29,475 --> 01:47:31,442
But I do know
how to hug you.
1753
01:47:31,444 --> 01:47:32,710
- No.
- Yes.
1754
01:47:32,712 --> 01:47:34,345
Here we go. Bring it in.
1755
01:47:34,347 --> 01:47:35,446
Come on.
1756
01:47:35,448 --> 01:47:36,814
Pelvis to pelvis.
1757
01:47:36,816 --> 01:47:38,149
Let's go tip to tip.
1758
01:47:38,151 --> 01:47:41,085
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
1759
01:47:42,555 --> 01:47:44,088
Is there a knife
in my dick?
1760
01:47:44,090 --> 01:47:45,990
- There's a knife in your dick.
- I'm just gonna back up now.
1761
01:47:45,992 --> 01:47:47,857
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full Yentl.
1762
01:47:47,859 --> 01:47:50,728
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
1763
01:47:50,730 --> 01:47:52,864
Let's go home, Russell.
1764
01:47:56,402 --> 01:47:58,636
All you dirty mutants
1765
01:47:58,638 --> 01:48:00,738
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
1766
01:48:00,740 --> 01:48:03,841
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
1767
01:48:03,843 --> 01:48:05,109
Let's see your soul, perv!
1768
01:48:05,111 --> 01:48:08,212
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
1769
01:48:08,214 --> 01:48:09,246
We're better than him!
1770
01:48:09,248 --> 01:48:11,982
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
1771
01:48:11,984 --> 01:48:13,683
We'll let karma
take care of him.
1772
01:48:13,685 --> 01:48:16,888
The day of reckoning
is here!
1773
01:48:25,965 --> 01:48:28,265
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
1774
01:48:28,267 --> 01:48:29,466
Whoo!
1775
01:48:29,468 --> 01:48:31,202
Courage, motherfuckers!
1776
01:48:31,204 --> 01:48:32,369
And karma, motherfucker.
1777
01:48:32,371 --> 01:48:34,038
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
1778
01:48:34,040 --> 01:48:36,273
I could barely keep
a straight face.
1779
01:48:36,275 --> 01:48:37,975
I want some more.
1780
01:48:37,977 --> 01:48:39,777
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
1781
01:48:39,779 --> 01:48:43,247
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
1782
01:48:43,249 --> 01:48:45,683
Good call. You guys
coming with us?
1783
01:48:45,685 --> 01:48:47,685
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
1784
01:48:47,687 --> 01:48:49,353
Besides, we're X-Men.
1785
01:48:49,355 --> 01:48:51,922
No, you're X-People.
1786
01:48:51,924 --> 01:48:53,190
You're exhausting.
1787
01:48:53,192 --> 01:48:55,793
I see what you did there.
Puns.
1788
01:48:55,795 --> 01:48:58,295
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!
1789
01:49:00,600 --> 01:49:01,700
What do you get
1790
01:49:01,702 --> 01:49:02,833
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
1791
01:49:02,835 --> 01:49:04,001
one pinch of courage...
1792
01:49:04,003 --> 01:49:05,436
a cup of good luck...
1793
01:49:05,438 --> 01:49:06,904
a dab of racism...
1794
01:49:06,906 --> 01:49:08,172
a splash of diabetes...
1795
01:49:08,174 --> 01:49:10,908
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
1796
01:49:10,910 --> 01:49:13,510
Answer: a family.
1797
01:49:13,512 --> 01:49:16,847
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
1798
01:49:16,849 --> 01:49:18,249
If there's anything
you take away today...
1799
01:49:18,251 --> 01:49:21,318
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
1800
01:49:21,320 --> 01:49:24,357
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
1801
01:49:27,050 --> 01:49:32,055
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard
1802
01:51:21,107 --> 01:51:22,973
How something
so small generates
1803
01:51:22,975 --> 01:51:24,975
enough energy
to reverse time is...
1804
01:51:24,977 --> 01:51:27,010
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
1805
01:51:27,012 --> 01:51:29,179
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
1806
01:51:29,181 --> 01:51:30,581
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
1807
01:51:30,583 --> 01:51:31,648
Never heard of him.
1808
01:51:31,650 --> 01:51:33,219
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
1809
01:51:34,253 --> 01:51:36,687
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
1810
01:51:36,689 --> 01:51:38,890
don't I? A good day.
1811
01:51:39,658 --> 01:51:40,659
Bye, Wade!
1812
01:51:41,260 --> 01:51:42,261
Bye, Yukio!
1813
01:51:43,529 --> 01:51:45,963
That was probably a bad idea.
1814
01:51:45,965 --> 01:51:47,897
What have we done?
1815
01:52:05,918 --> 01:52:07,885
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
1816
01:52:18,030 --> 01:52:19,598
I'll be right back!
1817
01:52:21,367 --> 01:52:24,203
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
1818
01:52:24,503 --> 01:52:25,504
Whoo!
1819
01:52:27,373 --> 01:52:28,706
Peter!
1820
01:52:28,708 --> 01:52:30,140
Whoo! X-Force!
1821
01:52:30,142 --> 01:52:32,511
Walk away! Just walk away!
1822
01:52:33,412 --> 01:52:34,511
But we're X-Force!
1823
01:52:34,513 --> 01:52:36,213
Nope! We're not,
there's no X-Force!
1824
01:52:36,215 --> 01:52:39,717
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
1825
01:52:39,719 --> 01:52:42,386
Go home, Sugarbear.
Go home.
1826
01:52:42,388 --> 01:52:45,291
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
1827
01:52:54,500 --> 01:52:56,335
Wade, is that you?
1828
01:52:58,604 --> 01:52:59,938
I guess Stryker finally
1829
01:52:59,940 --> 01:53:01,373
figured out
how to shut you up.
1830
01:53:07,914 --> 01:53:11,048
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
1831
01:53:11,050 --> 01:53:13,484
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
1832
01:53:18,023 --> 01:53:19,425
Love you!
1833
01:53:21,795 --> 01:53:23,229
Welcome to
the big leagues, kid.
1834
01:53:30,636 --> 01:53:32,505
You're welcome, Canada.