♪ There'll be no strings to bind your hands ♪ 沒有什麼可以捆綁你的雙手
♪ Not if my love can't bind your heart ♪ 除非我的愛不讓你的心迷失
勞勃.L(指死侍作者 Fabian NiciezaRob和Red Liefeld)
♪ There's no need to take a stand ♪ 本來就沒有必要再反對什麼
一個混蛋主演的電影
♪ For it was I who chose to start ♪ 早先我就不應該開始這一切
主演: 世上最蠢的笨蛋
世上最性感男人
♪ If morning's echoes say we've sinned ♪ 如果清晨預示了我們的罪惡
一個性感的妹子
一個英國惡棍
♪ And if we're victims of the night ♪ 如果我們是暗夜的受害者
一場喜劇大餐
一名壞脾氣的青年
♪ Just call me angel of the morning angel ♪ 叫我一聲晨間天使，天使
一個特效人物
♪ Just call me angel of the morning angel ♪ 叫我一聲晨間天使，天使
一個可有可無的配角
♪ Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby ♪ 在你離去時撫摸一下我的臉頰
♪ Just call me angel of the morning angel ♪ 叫我一聲晨間天使，天使
♪ Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling ♪ 在你離去時撫摸一下我的臉頰
出品人: 傻逼
♪ Just call me angel of the morning angel ♪ 叫我一聲晨間天使，天使
編劇: 真正的英雄
♪ Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling ♪ 在你離去時撫摸一下我的臉頰
導演: 吃白飯的
嗨 我是死侍！
♪ Mera Joota hai Japani Yeh Patloon Inglistani ♪ 我穿的鞋子是日貨 我穿的褲子是英貨
♪ Sar pe lal topi Rusi Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani ♪ 我帶的帽子是俄羅斯的 可我的心卻屬於印度
♪ Mera Joota hai Japani Yeh Patloon Inglistani ♪ 我穿的鞋子是日貨 我穿的褲子是英貨
"驚悚賽格威之旅"
♪ Sar pe lal topi Rusi Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani ♪ 我帶的帽子是俄羅斯的 可我的心卻屬於印度
我在後面坐著有點無聊啊 I'm kinda lonesome back here.
- 搭把手... - 呃...但我得把住方向盤 - Little help... - Just... I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
不好意思! Excuse me!
- 杜皮特 - 我姓死名侍 - Dopinder. - Pool. Dead.
- 不錯啊! - 好聞吧? - Nice! - Smells good, no?
我沒說水仙 我說那女孩 Not the daffodil daydream. The girl.
噢 吉塔 她很可愛 Yes. Gita. She is quite lovely.
我本來能娶她的 但... She would have made me a very agreeable wife. But...
她卻迷上了我表哥 班度 Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin, Bandu.
他雖然無恥 但很有魅力 He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
杜皮特 我覺得冥冥中有什麼原因讓我今天坐你的車 Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
- 是的 先生 你叫的車 記得麼? - 不 我這棕色的瘦猴朋友 愛情... - Yes, sir, you called for it, remember? - No, my slender, brown friend. Love...
...美妙無比 愛情來臨時 整個世界都充滿水仙花的香氣 ... is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream.
所以你要抓住愛情 緊緊抓住! So you gotta hold on to love. Tight!
- 千萬別放手 別像我一樣犯錯 懂了? - 懂了 - And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did, got it? - Yah
否則整個世界都會充滿肥媽做完瑜伽的味道 Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
電視劇《Here Comes Honey Boo Boo》裡的人物
先生 肥媽聞起來什麼味? Sir, what does Ms Mama June taste like?
就兩個流浪漢在裝滿尿的鞋裡互幹的味道 Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
我還能繼續說下去 杜皮特 但重點是味道太噁心了 I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is it's bad.
是挺噁心的 It is bad
為啥要穿著花哨的紅衣服 先生? Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
哦 因為今天耶誕節 杜皮特 而且我要幹掉搗蛋名單上的一個人 Oh, that's because it's Christmas day, Dopinder, and I'm after someone on my naughty list.
為了讓他補償對我所做的事 我已經等了1年3周6天還有14分鐘 I've been waiting, 1 year, 3 weeks, 6 days and- - - 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
- 他對你做了什麼 先生? - 就這個 - And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool? - This shit.
看! Boo!
- 你不會失望的 - 最好不會 - They won't disappoint. - They'd better not!
- 下個月能有多少? - 毛都沒有 - What about next month's shipment? - There won't be one.
要打勝仗的不是只有你一個 You're not the only one with a war to win.
少來這套 That won't do.
我們這交易有點小插曲 See, we've had this small disruption to our supply trade.
我們會感激你的耐心 We'd appreciate your patience.
好吧... Okay...
再下個月全數交貨 We'll deliver in full the following month.
合作愉快 Pleasure doing business with you.
去他媽的變種人! Fucking mutant!
媽的! 我忘帶彈藥袋了! Shit! I forgot my ammo bag!
- 要掉頭麼去拿麼? - 沒時間了 去他媽的 我還有這個 - Shall we turn back? - No time. Fuck it. I got this.
9 10 11 12 發子彈 或者掛掉 停車! 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets. Or bust. Right here!
車費27.5美元 That's $27.50.
我工作時不帶錢包 塞緊身衣裡有損我形象 I never carry a wallet while I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
- 歡快的擊個掌怎麼樣? - 行吧 - But how 'bout a crisp high- five? - Okay.
聖誕快樂! Merry Christmas!
祝你週二和四月都美好 死侍! And a convivial Tuesday and April to you, Pool!
韋德
♪ Hey, yeah, I wanna shoop, baby ♪
♪ Shoop shoop ba-doop ♪
♪ Ummm, you're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back ♪
♪ Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that ♪
♪ Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie? ♪
嗨 我是弗蘭西斯！
♪ You're a shotgun - bang! What's up with that thang? ♪
噢!噢 你好! Oh! Oh, hello!
我懂了 嗯?我得巴結誰才能拍我自己的電影呢? I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?
Whose balls did I have to fondle 我得給誰擼管
我不能告訴你 但和這"京鋼狼"押韻 不得不說... I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with "Pulverine". And lemme tell you...
指Wolverine 金剛狼
他下麵那澳洲蛋蛋還挺帥的! He's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under!
smooth criminals 蛋蛋 ；Down under 在英語裡面通常用來指澳洲 在這裡是雙關 還指“下面
總之 我要去幾個地方 整一整我的臉 還要 噢! Anyway. I got places to be. A face to fix. And, oh!
幹掉幾個壞蛋 Bad guys to kill.
全力以赴了 Maximum effort.
斷子絕孫拳! Cock shot!
豪華科林斯皮革啊! Rich Corinthian leather!
我在找弗蘭西斯! I'm looking for Francis!
你們見過這人麼? Have you seen this man?
爽啊 爽! Yanking, yanking!
暗指吞精
我可沒說過 但別吞 I've never said this, but don't swallow.
媽的 我是不是忘記關爐子了? Shit. Did I leave the stove on?
現在插播突發新聞 Now, breaking news.
今早環城高速發生多車連環相撞伴有槍擊 A multi- car collision turned shots fired on the crosstown expressway this morning.
X戰警學院
警方已封鎖現場 建議民眾呆在家中 Gridlock has kept police from the scene. Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
行兇者據稱持有武器 十分危險 並且身著... The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous, and wearing a...
紅色衣服 死侍 Red suit. Deadpool.
黑後! 來吧 我們有任務了 Negasonic! Come. We have mission.
鋼力士 等下 Colossus, wait up.
每次一有機會我就讓死侍他加入我們 I've given Deadpool every chance to join us.
但他舉止就像個孩子似的 全副武裝的孩子 But he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child.
什麼時候他才能成熟 能意識到加入X戰警的好處 When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X- Man?
什麼好處? 彈力緊身衣? 還是隔幾年就炸飛一次的房子? Which benefits, the matching unitards? The house that blows up every few years?
拜託 炸房子是為了塑造角色 Please. House blowing up builds character.
你吃早飯了吧 嗯?早餐是一天最重要的一頓飯 You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day.
給 蛋白棒 對骨頭好 Here. Protein bar. Good for bones.
死侍可能會打斷你的骨頭 Deadpool may try to break yours.
嘿! Hey!
等下! 你們可能好奇為啥是紅色緊身衣 Wait! You may be wondering why the red suit.
這樣壞人就看不到我流血了 Well that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
這哥們知道是怎麼回事 他穿的棕色褲子 This guy's got the right idea. He wore the brown pants.
暗指就不怕別人看到他拉在褲子裡了
好吧!我只有12發子彈 你們得分享下! Fine! I only have 12 bullets, so you're gonna have to share!
開始倒數! Let's count 'em down!
我操 日了狗! Shit, motherfucker!
10! 操 Ten! Shit.
九!麻痹! 八! 艸你麻痹! Nine! Fuck. Eight. Shit- fuck!
水貨死侍 Bad Deadpool.
七 牛逼死侍 Seven. Good Deadpool!
有人沒數啊 Someone's not counting.
六! Six!
四... Four...
打到你啦! Gotcha!
正中要害! Right up main street!
三 二! 傻逼! 值了 Three, two! Stupid! Worth it.
今晚一定要擼一發 I'm touching myself tonight.
弗蘭西斯!弗蘭西斯! Francis! Francis!
什麼JB玩意!你在哪 法蘭西斯? What the shitbiscuit! Where you at, Francis?
你不是弗蘭西斯! You're not Francis!
你他媽在逗我?挽袖子? Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
你可能在想"我男朋友說這是超級英雄電影 You're probably thinking, "my boyfriend said this was a superhero movie
但這紅衣男怎麼串人肉串?" but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking cabob"
呃 我也許算是超級 但肯定不是英雄 Well, I may be super. But I'm no hero.
好吧 嚴格來說這就是謀殺 但有些美妙的愛情故事就是從謀殺開始的 Anyhow, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder.
碰巧這就是個:愛情故事 要聽故事麼? And that's exactly what this is: a love story. And to tell it right,
那得從我把自己塞進這紅色緊身衣之前說起 I gotta take you back to long before I squeeze this ass into red spandex.
2 年前 …
聽著 我說慢點有用麼?我沒定披薩 Look, would it help if I slow it down for you? I didn't order the pizza.
這是紅礁路7348號麼? Is this 7348 Redledge Drive?
- 你是莫錢特先生麼? - 我是那個沒定披薩的莫錢特先生! - Are you Mr. Merchant? - The Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
- 那誰打的電話? - 我打的! - Who placed the call? - I did!
鳳梨和橄欖? 又甜又鹹! Pineapple and olive? Sweet and salty!
怎麼是你?你他媽的在我家幹啥? The fuck are you? The fuck are you doing in my crib?
- 那是面包皮? 別動! - 天啊 希望不是 - Is that bread crust? Don't move! - God, I hope not.
聽著 這是因為那次打牌麼?我告訴過浩伊... Look, is this about that poker game? I told Howie I told him...
這樣吧... ... Just ...
- 給你隨便拿 - 謝了! - Just take whatever you want. - Thanks!
先生 你處理他之前介意先給我點美麗的小費麼? Sir, before you do anything to him, do you mind if I get a big tip?
傑瑞米 對麼? 我是韋德•威爾遜 Jeremy, is it? Wade Wilson.
你想多了 傑瑞米 That is a no go on the tip- aroo, Jer.
我來這不是為了他 是來找你的 I'm not here for him. I'm here for you.
- 看來我躲過了一劫! - 別高興太早啊 I dodged a big- time bullet on that one! - Not, out of the woods yet.
你真該歇會了 那是牛仔褲 不是吊燈 You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier.
另外 你的錢包我收下了 畢竟你主動給我的 P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kind of give it to me.
- 但 哥們 我能拿回我的... - 我要打死你那該死的貓 - Just look, man, can I have my... - I will shoot your fucking cat.
你在說什麼 我沒有貓 I don't really know what that means, I don't have a cat.
那我剛剛拉在誰的貓砂上了? Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
隨便了... Anywho...
告訴我 什麼情況下披薩起不了作用? Tell me something. What situation isn't improved by pizza?
你認識梅根奧夫斯基麼?想起來沒?奧夫斯基? Do you happen to know a Megan Orflosky? Get that right? Orflovsky?
- 奧洛夫斯基? - 認識 - Orlovsky? - Yeah
很好 Good
她認識你 傑瑞米... 'Cause she knows you. Jeremy...
我們這夥人拿點小錢就可以出力打人 I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down.
小梅根沒出錢 但幸運的是 我心軟 And little Megan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her, I got a soft spot.
- 我是... - 跟蹤狂 - I'm..... - A stalker.
不是嚇唬你 傑瑞米 我會鋸了你 Threats hurt, Jer. Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel.
- 所以 離梅根遠點 聽見沒? - 是 先生 - So keep away from Megan. Cool? - Yes, sir.
- 那就這樣 - 等下 就這樣了? - And we're done. - Wait, we are?
對 就這樣 你真該看看你自己的表情! Totally done. You should've seen your face!
- 我不知道該做啥 我太怕... - 我心軟 記得不? - I didn't know what to do, I was so scared... - Soft spot, remember?
就算你朝著她的方向看一眼 Even look in her general direction again
我都會讓你見識一下我的硬氣 and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots, too.
不該這麼說 That came out wrong.
見識一下? Or did it?
梅根 Megan.
聽說傑瑞米的消息了麼 他跟你道歉 You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry.
不可能吧 No friggin' way.
我真該把我旱冰鞋帶來 讓這些孩子看看應該怎麼滑 Should've brought my roller blades. Show these kids how it's done.
我們就是為了這個 但多數情況還是為了錢 And that's why we do it. But mostly the money.
嘿 你覺得能幹翻我繼父麼? Hey. Think you can fuck up my step dad?
我要讓誰狗吃屎只能是因為他罪有應得 If I can give the guy a pavement facial, it's 'cause he's earned it.
嘿 等一下 Hey, wait.
- 你真是我的英雄 - 不不不不不 我可不是 - You're my hero. - No, no, no, no, no. That, I ain't.
不是 絕不會是 - 操你 韋德 Nope. Never will be. - Fuck you, Wade.
我只是個拿錢幹翻混蛋的壞人 I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.
歡迎來姐妹瑪格麗特的酒吧 這就像個雇傭軍的人才市場 Welcome to Sister Margaret's. It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
我們真就像那幫混帳牙仙 只是我們打掉人家的牙還有錢拿 Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.
你最好祈禱別讓自己金榜有名 You'd best hope we never see your name on a gold card.
巴克! 李飛德 Buck! Liefeld.
- 嘿 韋德 - 韋德•威爾遜 可憐的聖徒 - Hey, Wade! - Wade Wilson. Patron Saint of the Pitiful.
- 來點什麼? - 來點口活 - What can I do for you? - I'd love a blowjob.
- 哦天啊 我也想 - 我說的是吹管之樂雞尾酒.但首先... - Oh, God, me too. - The drink. With snuggle. But first...
- 嘿 我可不賺當保姆的錢 記得把錢還給... - 奧洛夫斯基? - Hey, I ain't taking any babysitting money, make sure that gets back to Miss... - Orlovsky?
- 你確定? - 嗯 - You sure? - Hmm.
你還真一點都不冷血 你肯定也沒太為難那孩子 You know for a merc, you're pretty warm- blooded. Bet you let the kid off easy, too.
他不壞就是有點跟蹤狂 He's not a bad kid. Just a little light stalking.
我像他那年紀我可瘋狂多了 還去過別的國家... I was way worse when I was his age, travelling to exotic places...
巴格達 摩加迪休 傑克遜維爾 結識些有意思的人 然後... Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville, meeting new and exciting people. And then..
殺了他們 對 我看過你的ins 那特種部隊在傑克遜維爾做了什麼? Killing them. Yeah, I've seen your instagram. So what were special forces doing in Jacksonville?
那是機密 他們有個超級棒的星期五餐廳! That's classified. They have wonderful TGIFridays!
好啦 甘露奶油百利 Alright, kahlua, baileys and whipped cream.
給你 吹管之樂雞尾酒 我... I give you, a blowjob. I'm- - -
- 為什麼要點這個? - 凱麗 凱麗 凱麗 凱麗... - Why do you make me make that? - Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
把這拿給巴克 告訴他是布斯送的 一點前戲 Take that over there to Buck, please and tell him it's from Booth. Little foreplay.
- 你這什麼意思? - 沒啥 就玩玩他們 - Remind me what good will come of this? - I don't take the shits, I just disturb them.
你他媽想幹啥? What you want?
- 乾杯 為你的健康 - 去你媽的 - Cheers. To your health. - Fuck you.
那凳子是我新買的 That's a new stool.
你他媽給我老實呆這吧 Stay the fuck down.
行了 靠邊 靠邊 Alright, move, move, move, move.
巴克 一邊去 Buck, go rest.
沒事 他還喘氣呢 Yap, He's still breathing.
今天沒人贏 幹得好 韋德 Nobody wins today. Nice try, Wade.
好吧 我今天賭的布斯會死 你賭的誰? You got me. I picked Booth in the dead pool. Who did you pick?
- 呃 韋德 這個... - 不 你不是賭的我死吧 - You know, Wade, about that.... - No. You did not bet on me to die.
威爾森 韋德
戴夫
考斯比.B
傑克
希恩. C
維斯爾
韋斯特. K
你還真賭我死啊 哇 你麻痹 你這朋友做的真次 You bet on me to die. Wow. Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend.
你肯定輸了 我要活到102歲 然後才死在底特律的街頭 Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102. And then die. At the city of Detroit.
對不起 我只是想贏點錢 我什麼都沒贏過 Sorry. I wanted to win money. I never win anything.
- 隨便吧 - 雇傭兵們 這輪我請! - 耶! - Whatever. Soldiers of fortune, drink's on me! - Yeah!
只限國產酒!進口的不算 Domestic! Nothing imported.
哇哇哇 寶貝 Woah, woah, woah. Baby...
有"你要都射出來麼?"的意思
你要把錢都花了麼? Are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
對 Tight.
有"硬了"的意思
- 溫妮薩 - 韋德 - Vanessa. - Wade.
你這麼個大美女在這幹嘛? What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
我拍的 I'd hit that.
巴克 你最好道歉否則我... 呃 這個... Buck, you'd best apologize before... yeah. That.
- 念咒語吧 肥道夫 - 對不起 - Say the magic words, fat Gandalf. - I'm sorry.
- 深呼吸 - 我說話不經過大... - Breathe through the nose. - I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
好了 嘿 老天保佑蛋蛋 他已經道歉了! Okay, hey. Hakuna his tatas, he's sorry!
- 滾吧 念咒去吧 - 嘿 把手從貨上拿開 - Get outta here. Go cast a spell. - Hey, hands off the merchandise.
貨 哈~ 所以你... Merchandise, huh. So you...
- 有錢才有樂子哈? - 對 - Fun fuzzies for money? - Yup.
- 悲慘的童年? - 比你的慘 我還沒出生我爸就死了 - Rough childhood? - Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
我媽懷我之前我爸就跑了 Daddy left before I was conceived.
- 在身上燙過煙花? - 要不然還能在哪? - Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin? - Where else do you put one out?
- 我被性騷擾過 - 我也有過 被我叔叔 - I was molested. - Me, too. Uncle.
叔叔們 輪奸 Uncles. They took turns.
我被所在櫥櫃裡透過鎖眼看我自己的生日聚會 而那櫥櫃正好是... I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet which also happens to be my...
你的臥室 挺好了 我睡在洗碗機裡 Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你還有個洗碗機 我都沒睡過覺 You had a dishwasher. I didn't even know sleep.
我全天候戴球嘴枷 被雞奸 做小丑色情表演 It was pretty much 24/7 ball kegs, brownie mix and clown porn.
誰會這麼幹? Who would do such a thing?
希望能是你 晚上見? Hopefully, you. Later tonight?
275刀和優酪乳優惠卡能換什麼? What can I get for 275 dollars and a yogurt rewards card?
寶貝 48分鐘你想幹什麼就幹什麼 Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
再加上低脂甜點 And a low- fat dessert.
她不是把禮品卡塞你嘴巴裡吧？ Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
到了把蛋蛋放到洞洞的時候了 It's time to put balls in holes.
- 你之前說了我想要什麼都可 - 我知道 - You said whatever I want. - I get it.
比起看卡戴珊的那兩個球 你還是更喜歡看籃球是吧 You love ski ball. Apparently more than you love vagina.
這兩個都不錯 That's a tough call.
我只是想瞭解真實的你 I just wanna get to know the real you.
而不是好萊塢式的一夜情 Not the short- shorted 2- dimensional sex object peddled by Hollywood.
把球扔到洞裡去 Balls in holes.
- 輸了別喊爹啊 - 我就呵呵了 - Prepare to lose tragically. - Bring it, big man.
一份限定版的戰神金剛 防禦者指環 謝謝 A limited edition Voltron: Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
稍等一下 Okay. Here you go.
我他媽早就想要這個東西了 I had this sucker for a while.
- 給我個橡皮擦就好了 - 沒問題 - And I will take the pencil eraser. - Okay.
現在你就是阿魯斯星球的保護者 而你可以擦掉任何鉛筆寫下的東西 You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus. And you, can erase stuff. Written in pencil.
- 女士 - 我很不願意告訴你這個消息 但是你已經裝逼48分鐘了 - My lady. - I hate to break it to you, but your 48 minutes are up.
我還能裝逼多久? How many more minutes could I get for this?
順便說一下 5個迷你戰神金剛可以合成一個超大金剛 FYI, 5 mini lion bots come together to form 1 superbot
5個? 迷你金剛? 再給你三分鐘 - 成交 那剩下的2分37秒我們做什麼? - 5 mini lion bots? 3 minutes. - Deal. What do we do with the remaining 2:37?
抱抱? Cuddle?
- 我們這樣可以多久? - 一整年? - How long can we keep this up? - All year?
情人節快樂 Happy Valentines' Day.
- 農曆新年快樂 - 狗年大吉 - Happy Chinese New Year. - Year of the Dog.
緩一緩 然後三八婦女節快樂 Relax... and happy International Women's Day.
不 不 不 NO NO NO
大齋節快樂 Happy Lenten.
大齋節 基督教節欲禁食的節日 所以沒有啪啪啪
- 韋德！- 對不起 萬聖節快樂! - Wade! - Sorry. Happy Halloween!
感恩節快樂 Happy Thanksgiving.
我愛你 I love you.
如果你的左腿是感恩節 那麼你的右腿就是耶誕節... If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas...
我想看一下你兩腿之間是什麼節日? Can I visit you between the holidays?
這件衣服真難看! That sweater is terrible!
但是紅色適合你 But red looks good on you.
你穿的那件叫紅色 我的就像你充血眼睛裡的顏色 Red's your color. Mine's like the bloodshot in your eyes.
- 等一下 我正在考慮 - 真的? - Listen. I've been thinking. - Really?
- 關於我們為什麼那麼的合拍 - 為什麼呢? - 'Bout why we're so good together. - Why is that?
瘋狂配瘋狂 牛了個逼了 Your crazy matches my crazy. Bigtime.
我們就好像兩塊拼圖 那種奇怪的凹凸邊緣. And we're like 2 jigsaw pieces. Weird curvy edges?
- 然後你把這兩塊拼起來 你就能看到整幅畫面 - 是滴 - You put them together and you can see the picture on top. - Right.
韋德...有件事情我一直計畫著想問你 Wade... There's something I've been meaning to ask you.
不過只是因為你一直沒打算問我 But only because you haven't gotten around to asking me.
你會....? Will you....
- 把那個東西插到... - ...和我結婚? - Stick it up my- - - - ...Marry me?
額 烏鴉嘴 Uh... Jinx?
- 你把這個藏在哪裡了? - 哪兒都沒有藏 - Where were you hiding that? - Nowhere.
- 他們說要一個月的工錢 所以...- 你是說? - They said 1- month salary, so ... - You mean...
- 我願意 - 這是我的臺詞 - I do. - That's my line.
- 我愛你 韋德 威爾森 - 其實你是說... 所以那個... - I love you, Wade Wilson. - You're supposed to... So that's a...
- 哈哈是的 - Yes! - Woo!
太好了 Yes
我感覺我就像一個小女生一樣! I feel just like a little girl!
- 要是我就這樣抱著 不放手 - 就像猶達騎在盧克的背上一樣? - What if I just held on and never let go? - Just ride the bitch's back like Yoda on Luke.
1977年的《星球大戰》和《帝國大反擊》還不是同一部電影 這個是常見的誤會
- 星球大戰的玩笑! - 帝國大反擊啦! - Star Wars jokes! - Empire!
我勒個去 你就好像是我在電腦裡面造出來的一樣 Jesus Christ, it's like I made you in a computer!
完美 Perfect
小解一下 把它搖一下 對就這樣 Pee break. Shake it, yeah.
事情是這樣的: Here's the thing
生活就好比是一部無盡的災難片 Life is an endless series of train wrecks
幸福就好像其中插播的商業廣告一般短暫 with only brief commercial- like breaks of happiness.
然而現在已經到了最後的廣告插播時間 This had been the ultimate commercial break.
這意味著 我們要開始說我們真正的故事了 Which meant it was time to return, to our regularly scheduled programme.
- 什麼鬼...- 我的天啊 韋德! - What the fu..... - Oh my God, Wade!-
你正在賣萌 你到底是不是在賣萌 我感覺到了你在賣萌 You're clowning. You're not clowning. I sense clowns.
人們對於癌症晚期消息的反應一般都不太一樣. People react to news of late- stage cancer differently.
當然我們還是有一些能做的事情 新藥物的研發一直在進行當中 There are certainly options we can look into. New drugs are being developed every day.
我們現在該怎麼做? 我們一定可以做一些什麼 So what do we do? Surely, there is something we can do.
我的叔叔伊凡被診斷出甲狀腺癌 My Uncle Ivan was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer
然後有一大堆德國進口的實驗藥物用來治療他... and there were all these experimental drugs from Germany...
溫妮薩已經開始著手進行全方面的計畫了 Vanessa's already working on plan A, B, all the way through Z.
我? 我就在回憶她臉部的細節 就好像我們第一次見面一樣 Me? I'm memorizing the details of her face. Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
- 或許是最後一次... - 威爾森先生 - Or the last... - Mr. Wilson
威爾森先生? -Mr. Wilson?
花點時間去消化一下 現在一定靜下心來 確保不要做魯莽行事 Take your time to process this.
現在一定靜下心來 確保不要做魯莽行事 It's important not to do anything rash.
如果現在我是一個名叫弗蘭西斯200磅重的混蛋 我會藏在哪裡? Now, if I were a 200 pound sack of assholes named Francis, where would I hide?
"當來自薩斯喀徹爾里賈納的新秀韋德•威爾遜的出現 "A hush falls over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson out of Regina,
現場鴉雀無聲 準備他的最後一擊" Saskatchewan, lines up the shot."
"他看起來狀態很不錯." "His form looks good."
里賈納和陰帝發音類似
"這就是為什麼里賈納的梗那麼搞笑" "And that's why Regina rhymes with fun."
"女士們先生們 你們現在看到是甜蜜踢蛋蛋復仇!" "Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing is sweet, dick- kicking revenge!"
"看他做的怎麼樣! 哇又來一下!" "Giving him the business! Incoming!"
"這把違反體育道德的行為提高到了一個新的境界!" "This is taking unsportsman- like conduct to a whole new level!"
看起來不錯啊 弗蘭西斯 休息的也挺好 Looking good, Francis. Well- rested.
就像你一直在投球而不是接球啊 Like you've been pitching, not catching.
記起來什麼了嗎? 沒? Ringing any bells? No?
現在呢? How 'bout now?
他媽的韋德威爾森 Wade fucking Wilson.
- 你好 美人 - 是啊 我看起來就像被帶輻射的沙皮狗咬過一樣 - Well, hello, gorgeous. - Yeah, like I got bit by a radioactive Shar Pei.
這是蜘蛛俠被輻射蜘蛛咬過的梗
這是誰的過錯 那麼弗蘭西斯? And whose fault is that, huh, Francis?
是時候消除你對這個白玉的臉頰所做過的事情了 Time to undo what you did to this butter face.
你應該謝謝我才對 我讓你變成不死之身 話說我還挺羡慕你的 You should thank me. Apparently, I've made you immortal. I'm actually quite jealous.
道理是對的 但是這張臉值得活下去嗎? 是不是? 現在... Yeah, but this ain't a life worth living, is it? Now...
我現在要對你做的就好像軟餅乾樂隊對90世紀的音樂做的那樣 I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90's.
老爹? Dad?
我認為我們都同意這個觀點 - 嚇人總得把別人嚇尿才行 I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways in the most colossal way.
也許還有更讓我尿炸的事情 Well, maybe not the most.
這個是我最有價值的寶貝 This, is my most prized possession.
- 威猛? - 不 不 不 不 是威猛~~~~ - Wham? - No, no, no, no. WHAM!
Make it Big 是喬治和安迪的成名唱片 Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
我是不是就是面帶微笑然後在門外像你拜拜手? So, am I supposed to just smile and wave you out the door?
你就把它想像成迎新除舊 就好像把死亡除個舊一樣 Think of it like spring cleaning. Only if spring was death.
要是我每次我想著伯納黛特打飛機時都能得五美分我就發達了 God, if I had a nickel for everytime I spanked at the Bernadette Peters.
看起來你是有這麼做過 伯納黛特哪裡也不去 Sounds like you have. Bernadette is not going...
...因為你也不會去任何地方 ...anywhere, because you're not going anywhere.
- 乾杯 - 你說的沒錯 - Drink. - You're right.
癌細胞只是在我肝 肺 前列腺 大腦 Cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate and brain.
沒有這些我貌似也能活下來 All things I can live without.
你屬於這個家 這個有戰神金剛 你的伯納黛特 和我的這個家 You belong here at home. Surrounded by your Voltron, and your Bernadette and your me.
聽著 我們都知道癌症看上去很糟糕 Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit show.
就像雅科夫·斯米諾夫在愛荷華州博覽會上 Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spindoctors
給音樂會做的開場演出那種 渣秀! at the Iowa State Fair. Shit show!
所以無論如何我都不會帶你去 And under no circumstances will I take you...
看那場秀 to that show.
我想讓你記住的是我 而不是聖誕夜的一念之情 I want you to remember me, not the Ghost of Christmas Me
- 我想要記住"我們" - 我發誓 - Well, I wanna remember 'us'. - I swear to God,
下輩子我會在你的窗前播放 I'll find you in the next life and I'm gonna boombox
《無心快語》這首歌 哇奧! 'Careless Whisper' outside your window Wham!
好啦! 別說什麼放音樂的鬼話了 No one is boomboxing shit! OK?
我們一定能共度難關的 We can fight this.
況且 我意識到 Besides,I just realize something.
你好了 你的生活就正式比我屌多了 You win,your life is officially way more fuck up than my.
我愛你 I love you.
- 嗨 維斯 - 看起來你需要來個吹簫加沐浴放鬆一下 - Hello, Weas' - Looks like you need a blowjob and a shower
禮貌一點應該先沐浴 對吧 Courtesy calls for the latter, first.
來3杯雞尾酒怎麼樣 或者... How about 3 shots of Patron. - Or...
來份冰草屬小麥營養植物如何 對免疫系統有好處 how 'bout 'triticum aestivum', wheat grass. Excellent for the immune system.
媽蛋 你怎麼和溫妮莎一樣煩 Jesus Christ, you sound like Vanessa!
看吧 她找了一大把五顏六色的診所宣傳冊 Check it out, she sent away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
我確定這些都是美國藥監局批准的 I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
有車臣共和國的 去那不是沒病找病嗎 In Chechniya, isn't that where you go to 'get' cancer?
還有中國的 墨西哥中部的 You got China and central Mexico.
- 你知道「癌症」用西班牙語怎麼說嗎? - 不知道 You know how they say 'cancer' in Spanish? - No.
- El癌症 - 噢 我居然猜不到 - 'El cancer'. - Oh, I could'a guessed that.
看看你當初多幸福啊 我保留這個你不介意吧 Look at how happy you look here. You mind if I keep this,
我要把它裝訂起來才能記得 你活力四射的時候 put it up, so I can remember? When you looked alive.
至少我就快要贏了 At least now I'm gonna win the deadpool.
而你卻要悲劇地死於癌症 Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
別說了維斯 謝謝 I got it Weas', thanks.
噢... Oh...
還有 坐在那的傢伙來這找你 and that guy, over there, came in looking for you.
像個鐮刀死神的傢伙 Real Grim Reaper type.
我不知道 也許能推動劇情吧 I dunno, might further the plot.
- 布斯 - 韋德 - Boothe. - Wade.
- 威爾森先生 - 你找我幹什麼? - Mr. Wilson. - How can I help you?
只要不是拐賣兒童就行 Besides luring children into a panel van.
我知道你最近被診斷為癌症晚期 I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
- 追蹤警告 - 這是我的工作 我也是給別人打工的 - Stalker alert. - It's my job. Recruitment.
我很抱歉你有如此艱難的經歷 I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
但你是個戰士 But, you're a fighter.
特種部隊: 41次完成目標 Special forces: 41 confirmed kills.
每7周1次 像我這樣平頭的傢伙都差不多啊 One every seven weeks. Same rate most folks get a haircut.
嗯 這杯不錯 Mm, this'll wash the taste down.
如此深刻難以忘記 It's tough to forget being so impressive.
而現在你和這些普通人瞎混 And now you spend your days sticking up for the little people.
是的 人們變了 你想要什麼? Yeah, people change. What do you want?
我代表一個可能對你有説明的組織 I represent an organization that may be able to help.
如果我說我們能治好你的癌症呢? What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
另外 賦予你多數人夢寐以求的能力 And, what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of.
我覺得聽起來像是電視廣告 然而 I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but,
聽起來挺一般 感覺就是那種握力器 最多就是負重舉啞鈴 Not a good one, like Slapchop, more Shakeweighty.
這個世界需要一個不同尋常的戰士 我們不只是會把你變得更好那麼簡單 The world needs extraordinary soldiers. We won't just make you better.
我們會讓你變得遠比好來得更好 We will make you better than better.
變成一個超級英雄 A superhero.
聽著 史密斯探員 我過去嘗試過做個英雄 但是被揍得很慘 Look, Agent Smith, I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
但是如果我真到的豁出命的時候 我會來找你 But if I ever hit fuck - it, I'll look you up.
糟了 Oh. Shit.
我們在500碼內有學校的地方 所以你懂得... We're within 500 yards of the school. So you may wanna, you know...
他的酒錢他自己搞定 His drink's on him.
他說什麼? What'd he say?
嗨 怎麼了? Hey, what's going on?
不好意思 我做了個噩夢 連姆尼森壞爸爸的那種 Hey, sorry. I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
我夢到我綁架了他女兒 他從來沒有給過父愛的女兒 I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it.
那個系列他們拍了三集 They made 3 of those movies.
有時候你會想 他到底是不是一個壞爸爸 At some point, you'd have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
癌症最壞的部分不是它會對你身體多有害 The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you.
而是它會對你所愛的人傷害 But what it does to the people you love.
誰知道那傢伙會不會拯救我的命? Who knew if this guy could save my life?
但我知道這是唯一能救她的方法了 But I knew there's only one way that I could save hers.
難道這不是超級英雄該做的事情嗎? Isn't that what superheroes do?
好吧 來說說做超級英雄的好壞吧 Okay. Let's pro con this superhero thing.
好處: 打炮不要錢 乾洗店打折 永遠看不完的電影折扣券 Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals,
包括那些小製作和好萊塢大片 both origin stories and larger, ensemble team movies.
壞處: 他們永遠是受掌控的小貓咪! Con: they're all lame- ass teacher's pets!
- 你知道我能夠聽見你 - 不是和你說話 我是和他們在說話 - You know I can hear you. - Wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
呆在那兒別動 你之前被警告過 死侍 Stay right here. You've been warned before, Deadpool.
這是及羞恥又魯莽的行為來運用你的能力 你們兩個都跟著我走 This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.
聽著鋼力士 我現在沒有時間和自命清高的人說話 你是？ Look Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two- shoes bullshit right now. And you are?
黑後布裡安娜·希爾德布蘭 Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
布裡安娜·希爾德布蘭- - - 這什麼鬼?! Negasonic Teenage- - - What the shit?!
這名字碉堡了! That's the coolest name ever!
- 所以你是他的那種夥伴嗎? 不 見習生而已 - So what, you're like his sidekick? - No. Trainee.
- 讓我猜猜 X 戰警留下了些什麼 屎一樣的資訊? - 那把你變成什麼了? - Let me guess, X- Men left you behind on what, shit detail? - What does that make you?
假設你不在這裡布裡安娜·希爾德布蘭 我們可以交換一下名字嗎? Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Can we trade names?
- 我們可以走了嗎? - "聽著我還是一個姑娘!" - Can we go? - "Look! I'm a teenage girl!"
"我才不想待在這個地方 我只是想要一個長長的帶有陰鬱的寧靜 "I'd rather be anywhere than here. I'm all about long, sullen silences,
帶著一些尖酸刻薄的評論 再是一個更長的寧靜" followed by mean comments, followed by more silences."
所以怎麼樣? 長長的 帶有猶豫的寧靜? 還是尖酸的評論? 請開始吧 So what's it gonna be? Long, sullen silence? Or mean comment? Go on.
- 你就當把我當成一個不會說話的箱子吧 - 我們不允許這樣做 死侍 悄悄地走吧 - You got me in a box here. - We can't allow this, Deadpool. Please, come quietly.
- 你這個大雞巴黑鐵人! - 你好不友好啊! - You big, chrome cockgobbler! - That's not nice.
你真的想搞砸這一切嗎? 相信我... You really got to fuck this up for me? Trust me...
這都是那個喘氣的胸屌男搞來的!他賊你媽邪惡! That wheezing bag of dick- tits has it coming! He's pure evil!
再說了 又沒人受傷 Besides, nobody's getting hurt.
這傢伙在我來之前已經在那兒了 That guy was already up there when I got here.
韋德 你可以做的比這個更好 加入我們 好好用你的能力 Wade, you are better than this. Join us, use your powers for good.
當心 Heads up!
- 做一個真正的超級英雄 - Be a superhero.
- 聽著! 到了那天我決定變成邪惡打擊粉碎者並且 - Listen! The day I decide to be a crime- fighting shit- swizzler,
房間裡充滿著那些訴求者 而我住的荷蘭大廈有著 who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners, at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy,
一個變態老禿頂的人時候 old, bald, heaven's gate looking motherfucker,
我會送一份閃閃發光的好友申請 ! on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.
但是在那之前我會做我來之前就想做的事情 But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do.
- 要不 扇那婊子一耳光! - 韋德... - Either that, or slap the bitch out of you! - Wade...
- 喂喂喂 傻帽侍! - 閉嘴 罪惡頭! - Hey. Hey, Douchepool! - Zip it, Sinead!
我希望你正在... And I hope you're watching...
非常不走運 Quite unfortunate.
都你們害的! That does it!
為了祖國!加拿大! Canada!
- 這可不妙 射你一臉! - 韋德 拜託 - That's not good. Cock shot! - Wade, please.
擦 你那倒楣的妻子! Oh, your poor wife!
你真該停下來 You really should stop.
所有的恐龍都懼怕霸王龍 All the dinosaurs fear the T- Rex.
- 這一擊絕不會再錯過了 大傢伙! - 丟人啊 - I promise this gets worse for you, big boy! - This is embarassing.
請太平點 Please. Stay down.
你有聽說過只要功夫深 鐵杵磨成針? Did you ever hear of the one- legged man in the ass- kicking contest?
- 你他媽有關閉模式嗎? - 有的 就在雞巴旁邊 或者那是勃起模式? - Do you have 'off' switch? - Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the 'on' switch?
夠了! Enough!
讓我們和教授談談 Let us go talk to the Professor.
邁卡威還是斯圖爾特? 我時間線已經亂了... McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are so confusing...
老的X教授演員名字叫邁卡威 而年輕版的演員叫斯圖爾特
- 不管死活 你都和我走! - 你會恢復的 你總是會的! - Dead or alive, you're coming with me! - You will recover, Wade. You always do.
驚恐127小時中 主角登山時卡住了手 最後不得不自斷腕
你看過"驚恐127小時"嗎? 嚴重劇透! Did you ever see "127 Hours"? Spoiler alert!
我的天 真噁心 Oh my God. Nasty.
顏射親愛的 上帝 你在嗎? 是我 瑪格麗特 Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
人生 跌落穀底 Rock, meet bottom.
當你的生命接近於窒息般爛的時候 When life ends up breathtakingly fucked,
一般你都能追溯回一個巨大的糟糕的決定 you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
這個把你送回屎堡盡頭路的決定 The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburg.
這個? 這個就是我的那個決定 This, well, this was mine.
威爾森先生 沒有比能改變一個人更能夠撫慰我心情的事情了 Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's.
你終於下定覺醒了 You've finally hit fuck- it.
- 答應我請善待我 這樣以後我也可以善待別人 - 當然 - Just promise you'll do right by me. So I can do right by someone else. - Of course.
別把我的戰服做成綠色的 也不要那麼動漫化 And please don't make the super- suit green. Or animated!
調侃綠光俠
這地方看上去消過毒了 我的一個要求是不要用冰冷的手碰我 This place seems sanitary. My first request is warmer hands.
我擦這床是暖的 And Jesus! A warmer table.
你真應該說一些讓我說舒心的話 朋友 比如豬肉和豆子什麼的 You should really come up with a safe word, fellas. I'm thinking 'pork and beans'.
輕一點! Easy!
你作為女性是不是有點過於強壯了? Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
我正在呼喚我的雞巴 I'm calling Wang.
口欲滯留還是史泰龍粉? What's up with the matches? Oral fixation? Or just a big Stallone fan?
因為“天使”咬著火柴，而龍哥經常在大銀幕上咬著一根雞尾酒棍
- 耐心點 天使 一切都很好 - 你是來這裡做夜間陪聊服務的還是什麼? - Patience, Angel. All in good time. - Are you here for the turn down service or what?
我們這又來了一個愛說話的 We have another talker.
我只是對於來到超級英雄營地的第一天有點興奮而已 I'm just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
把他媽嘴閉上 Shut the fuck up.
威爾森先生 我的名字是阿賈克斯 我來負責這間工作室 Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax. I manage this workshop.
所有我的歡迎詞過去一般都是用來委婉的表達 All of my welcome speeches used to be filled with euphemisms like,
“可能會有點痛” 可能會讓你不是很舒服“. "this may hurt a little," or "this might cause you some discomfort."
但是我今天就直接說了 這件工作室不是政府專案 But I'm going blunt. This workshop is not a government- led program.
這是一個私人研究所來再利用一些像你這樣的人轉變成 It's a private institution that turns reclamation projects like yourself into men of....
特殊能力 Extraordinary abilities.
但是如果你認為超人能力是無痛得到的...錯! But if you think superhuman powers are acquired painlessly... Wrong.
我將注射一管血漿用來啟動任何潛伏在DNA下面的變異基音 I'm injecting you with a serum that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
為了是這個起作用 我們必須強制讓你進入極度焦慮狀態 For it to work, we need to subject you to extreme stress.
你一定聽說這句名言"不把蛋打碎 哪得煎蛋餅" 所以我希望你 You've heard the whole, "make an omelet, break some eggs" bit, I hope.
我馬上要弄疼你了 韋德 我之前在這裡也是一個病人 你知道 I'm about to hurt you, Wade. I was a patient here once myself, you know.
這個療效對每個人都不一樣 這讓天使變得非人般強壯 The treatment affects everyone differently. It made Angel inhumanly strong.
而我 它增強了我的反射神經 同時也燒了我的感觸神經我感覺不到疼痛了 In my case, it enhanced my reflexes, also scorched my nerve endings so I no longer feel pain.
其實我什麼都感覺不到 And in fact, I no longer feel anything.
謝謝! 你有一些東西塞在你牙縫裡了 Thank- - thank you! You have something in your teeth.
就在中間 一塊羅馬尼亞生菜什麼的 Right in the middle there, just... Nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
這讓我不是很舒服很久了 It's been bothering me for a long time.
你還是看了 話說 阿賈克斯是你的真名嗎? 因為聽上去像是編出來的 Made you look. Hey, is Ajax your actual name, because it sounds suspiciously made up.
你的真名叫什麼? 凱文? 布魯斯? 斯考特? 米契? 還是巴斯爾菲力? What is it really? Kevin? Bruce? Scott? Mitch? Rickster? Is it Basil Faulty?
你就繼續吧 沒有人能帶著幽默活著走出去的 Joke away. One thing that never survives this place is your sense of humor.
- 那我們走著瞧 - 沒問題 - We'll see about that. - I suppose we will.
他就交給你了 He's all yours.
憋這樣 你就忍心讓我和這個沒什麼性格的羅茜·奧唐納共處一室? C'mon. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell?
羅茜·奧唐納 美國著名同性女主持人 常在節目裡黑人不眨眼 這裡諷刺隔壁的那個妹子
接下來是這樣的 This is how it's going to work.
因為在變異的過程中需要腎上腺素作為血清的催化劑 Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum
所以我們需要讓你吃點苦頭 so we're gonna have to make you suffer.
幸運的話 你的突變基因將會順利啟動並且以驚人的方式展現 If you're lucky, your mutant genes will activate and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
反則 我們需要繼續折磨你 If not, well, we'll have to keep on hurting you.
每次的折磨都會不一樣 都比上次更痛苦 In new and different ways, each more painful than the last.
直到你最終變異... Until you finally mutate...
...或者死亡 ... or die.
- 你是說就像願望單一樣? - 沒錯 我他媽的想當個奧運火炬手 - You mean like a bucket list? - Like a fuck it list, I'd like to light a spiff off the Olympic torch.
那記得把火炬傳給我 Acid to me, right after.
別忘了這個：和WNBA的薩克拉門托君主隊的員們手把手裸體跳傘 Let's not forget: naked tandem base- jumping with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
WNBA 是 美國國家女子職業籃球隊
我的願望清單的事都是要求裸體完成的 Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
dutch oven 指兩個人在一張床上 你放屁後用被子捂住另一個人 逼他聞屁
最後 希望送梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特一個荷蘭烤箱 Finally, giving Meredith Baxter Birney a dutch oven.
不 是梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送我一個荷蘭烤箱 No, receiving a dutch oven from Meredith Baxter Birney.
這樣就可以為我的孩子們... 做香蕉煎餅... Making banana pancakes... For my kids...
溫妮薩... Vanessa...
我想見見溫妮薩 I wanna see Vanessa.
哦 親愛的 雖然我不認識她 但是我還是很感動 Oh, lovely. I don't know about anyone else but, I'm touched.
- 我們開個玩笑而已 - 別緊張 我鼓勵娛樂精神 - We're just joking. - No, no. It's okay. I encourage distractions.
我不希望你們對我們失去信心嘛 是吧? Wouldn't want you giving up on us now, would we?
嘿 坎甯安 別信他放屁 一個叫弗蘭西斯的人... Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham. How tough can he be...
- 能有多大能耐... ? - 弗蘭西斯? - ... with a name like Francis? - Francis?
這是他的真名 阿賈克斯是他在洗潔精上抄過來的 It's his legal name. He got Ajax from a dish soap.
弗- 蘭- 西- 斯 - - - 我去! F- R- A- N- C- I- - - oops!
從你實驗室服上扯下來的乾洗標籤 Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat.
順帶說一下 也許我能幫你弄個超級英雄折扣喲 FYI, I can probably get you a superhero discount.
- 你還真他媽的喋喋不休啊 - 謝謝 你是第一個這樣"誇"我的 - You are so relentlessly annoying. - Thanks. Never heard that before.
你能不能給我閉上你的狗嘴 是要我幫你縫上是吧 Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up? Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
哦 如果我是你的話我就不會這樣做了 Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
看吧 這就是被你沒日沒夜折磨的後果 See, here's the problem with round- the- clock torture
那就是你沒有更狠的招了 it's that you can't really step it up from there.
你是這樣想的? Is that what you think?
如果這樣都沒辦法啟動你的變異基因 那真沒有辦法了 If this doesn't unlock your mutation, then, well, nothing will.
現在我們要做的是把你的艙內氧氣濃度降低 What we're gonna do is lower the oxygen concentration in the air
給你帶來窒息感 to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating.
如果你的腦電波活動減緩或者你快要昏迷了 我們才給你通氧 If your brain wave's slowing and you're about to pass out, then we'll turn up the O2.
如果你的心率放緩 你急切的想呼吸的話 我們才給你供氧 If your heart rate slows meaning you're able to catch your breath, we'll turn it back down.
而我們就會在這裡靜靜的看著你 And that's where we'll leave you. Right there.
- 我之前還以為你們就是群屌人呢... - 你知道最有趣的是什麼? - I thought you guys were dicks before... - You know the funniest part of this?
就是你仍然單純的想我們會把你變成超級英雄 You still think we're making you a superhero.
就憑你? 我看你就是一坨屎吧 You? A dishonorable discharge? Hip deep in hookers?
你毛都不是 再告訴你個小秘密 韋德... You're nothing. A little secret, Wade...
這裡不製造超級英雄 這裡製造超級奴隸 This workshop doesn't make superheroes, we make superslaves.
我們將會給你帶上監控項圈 然後把你賣給出價最高的人 We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder.
他們會讓你做什麼呢? 做恐怖分子? 讓你當傀儡戰士? And that's what they'll have you doing. Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters.
也許只是想讓你去幫他們剪草坪而已 Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
你他媽腦子有洞啊? What the fuck is wrong with you?
你永遠回不了家了 現在你所剩的就是一張勇敢的臉 You're never going home after this. Now there's a brave face.
等等 等等 等等... Wait, wait, wait...
說真的 你牙上真的粘了東西 Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.
- 週末愉快 - 週末? 你確定要等到週末嗎? - Enjoy your weekend. - Weekend? Back up, weekend?
我有說過這是愛情片嗎? 這其實是恐怖片 Did I say this was a love story? No. It's a horror movie.
我去! 看起來真是慘不忍睹啊 Fucking hell! Looks like someone lost a shot at homecoming king.
你對我做了什麼? What have you done to me?
我讓你體驗了頻臨死亡的感覺並且刺激了你的細胞 I've mainly raised your stress levels high enough to trigger a mutation.
- 你這個該死的虐待狂 - 我治好了你 韋德 - You sadistic fuck! - I've cured you, Wade.
現在你有一種可以自愈的細胞 可以把你的癌細胞迅速清除 Now your mutated cells can heal anything. Striking your cancer as fast as it can form.
我以前見過這種副作用... 我能治好你的臉 Yeah, I've seen some other side effects before... I could cure them.
但是你知道有趣的是什麼嗎? But where's the fun in that?
現在我可以再折磨你 韋德 Now I'm gonna shut you in again, Wade.
不是因為我必須折磨你 Not because I need to.
單純是我願意折磨你 Because I want to.
再見 開始吧 Farewell. Go ahead.
你聞起來跟屎一樣 You already smell like shit.
- 我操你媽... - 別這樣 冷靜... - Motherfucker... - That's alright, it's alright...
我想我們已經賺到了不少錢了 出去吧 去走走 I think we have earned that one. You take off. Go on, off you go.
小問題: Quick question:
我叫什麼名字? What's my name?
就知道你會不說話 Didn't think so.
抱歉了 弗蘭西斯 我現在說不了話 Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
你不會殺我的 我是你臉的唯一救星 You don't wanna kill me. I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug!
我叫什麼名字? What's my name?
韋德... Wade...
我在這裡不但止治好了我的癌症... 我還得到了無限自愈的功能 I didn't just get the cure to el cancer... I got the cure to el everything.
但是只有一件事情我很在意 But there was only one thing that really mattered.
不行 我這麼醜 我不能和她在一起了 No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
- 別這樣 韋德 不會那麼糟的 - 放屁 我現在就他媽是個怪物 - Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad. - Bullshit! I'm a monster inside now.
- 我就該生活在那個該死的馬戲團裡 - 韋德 溫妮薩愛著你 - I belong in a fucking circus. - Wade, Vanessa loves you.
- 她不會在乎你那 天啊 - 你喜歡這臉? - She doesn't care what you- - - Oh! - Do you like what you see?
不 你看起來就像在一個牛油果在操一個更老更噁心的牛油果 No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
一點也不溫柔 強操灰飛湮滅 Not gently. He was hate- fucking.
這性宣洩雖然怎麼看怎麼不和諧 There was something wrong with the relationship
但是這貌似是唯一不用暴力宣洩的結果 and that was their only catharsis without violence.
然而那個能復原我帥帥的臉 幫我變異的那個英國佬 And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory.
噗的一聲就不見了人! And he's gone- - - Poof!
你得想想別的辦法吧 就現在來說 這個英國佬是你的唯一出路 You gotta do something to remedy this. 'Cause as of now, you only have one course of action:
- 真他媽的對 要找到弗蘭西斯 - 去拍個恐怖片 - Damn straight. Find Francis. - Star in horror fims.
- 什麼鬼? - 自己主演個恐怖片啊 - What? - Star in your own horror films.
因為你看起來就像弗萊迪在和猶他州地圖顏交過的樣子 'Cause you look like Freddy Krueger face- fucked a topographical map of Utah.
弗萊迪是能在人們睡夢中殺人的惡魔 是美國恐怖電影《猛鬼街》的大反派
我準備這麼做: Here's what I'm actually gonna do:
我要通過他的馬仔找到弗蘭西斯 I'm gonna work thru his crew until somebody gives up Francis
逼他治好我的臉 然後在他頭上開個洞 讓我雞巴進去看看 force him to fix this, put a bullet in his skull, and fuck the brainhole.
我可不想看到或者自己腦補了那樣的畫面 I don't wanna see that, or think of it again. But,
- 但是那個混蛋以為你死了不是嗎? - 沒錯 - the douchebag does think you're dead, right? - Yeah.
- 那太好了 你應該隱於人海當中 - 怎麼做 比如 帶個面具? - That's good. You should keep it that way. - What, like, wear a mask?
沒錯 要非常厚的那種 一直帶著 抱歉 只是你太嚇人了 Yes, a very thick mask. All the time. I'm sorry, you're haunting.
- 你的臉會讓人家做噩夢的 - 就像是張了牙的蛋蛋 - Your face is the stuff of nightmares. - Like a testicle with teeth.
你會孤獨的死去 我是說 如果你能死的話 這樣你好我好大家好 You will die alone. I mean if you could die. Ideally. For others' sake.
- 我會的 - 你還需要一套衣服和一個昵稱 譬如俏皮者韋德... - That'll do. - What you need now is a suit and a nickname, like Wade the Wisecracker...
漫威諷刺漫畫刊 Not Brand Echh 裡超膽俠Daredevil 變成了”小膽俠”Scaredevil
- ... 或者小膽俠 不死先生 哦 該死 - 怎麼了? - ... or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie. Oh, shit. - What?
- 我發現我把所有的錢都壓在你身上 卻永遠不會贏了 - 死侍... - I put all my money on you, and now I just realized I'm never gonna win the.... - Deadpool...
韋德的好友玩的是 Dead pool 這種打賭是賭誰先死 才對就可以贏得賭資
這裡是模仿美國隊長起名
死侍隊長 Captain Deadpool.
不了 就叫死侍就好了 No. Just- just Deadpool. Yeah.
敬你 死侍先生 這名字聽起來真他媽的賣座 To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fuckin' franchise.
♪ Deadpool ♪
這個傢伙估計要瘋了! This shit's gonna have nuts in it!
♪ They call me Deadpool, I'm hella fast ♪
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Where's Francis?
♪ Came to merc the bad guys, and get some ass ♪
♪ Got blades for days, got guns galore ♪
♪ Got combo moves, evades and more ♪
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Where is Francis?
♪ Run away, you know that I'll chase ♪
♪ Every bad guy, put them right in their place ♪
♪ Revenge, im gonna give you a taste ♪
♪ I'm sexy as hell, but I cover my face ♪
蘇打水和檸檬汁能去血漬 要不直接穿一身紅 蠢貨 Seltzer water and lemon for blood. Or wear red. Dumbass!
♪ Captain Deadpool ( Nah, just Deadpool ) ♪
♪ Merc with a mouth, I can't die ♪
♪ One foot in the grave but I'm still alive ♪
♪ Try to kill me, I'll just revive ♪
♪ Then I'll put another bullet right between your eyes ♪
我不想問第二次 Don't make me ask twice.
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Where is Francis?
他非得讓我問第二次 是不是我的面具擋住了我的聲音? He made me ask twice. Is the mask muffling my voice?
♪ I'm bout to take you all to school with guns and knives ♪
♪ Deadpool ♪
♪ Telling jokes and breaking the rules, I came for the Taco's ♪
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Where is Francis?
♪ Playing with the ladies and the Family Jewels, but bust a nut ♪
弗蘭西斯他媽在哪裡? Where the fuck is Francis?
♪ Bout to throw down, with all these fools, so come and get some ♪
再不說我就要用磨冰機磨死你咯! You're about to be killed by a Zamboni!
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Where is Francis?
- 求你了 不... - 哦 老天 我很抱歉 - No, please... - Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
你他媽的是蜘"猴"俠! Little spider- monkey!
♪ The crazy ass guards are looking to duel, so click click boom ♪
♪ Deadpool ♪
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Where is Francis?
♪ Taco's and Beers, always keeping it loose ♪
♪ Hang on for a minute while I'm dropping a deuce ♪
我混亂了! 我打算性別歧視你嗎 我沒有打算歧視你吧 我被搞糊塗了! This is confusing! Is it sexist to hit you, is it more sexist to not hit you, the line gets real blurry!
弗蘭西斯在哪裡? Donde esta Francesca?
♪ Sexy motherfucker ♪
快告訴我你那該死的老闆在哪裡! 你還有5分鐘時間 不然我幹死你! Tell me where your fucking boss is! Or you're gonna die! In 5 minutes!
♪ Sexy motherfucker ♪
很高興見到你 傑拉德 我大槍等你等的"饑渴難耐" Nice to see you, Jared. I'll take a foot long. Fully loaded.
- 我之前殺了41個 現在89個了 馬上就90咯 - 你是威爾遜先生? - 41 confirmed kills. Now it's 89, about to be 90. - Mr. Wilson?
- 你看起來可真是生龍活虎啊 - 哈 外表看起來是的 - You're looking very alive. - Hah! Only on the outside.
- 這事還沒完 - 沒錯 我這事跟你還沒完 - This is not going to end- - - - This is not gonna end well for you, no.
- 你老闆在哪裡? - 我能給你他準確的位置 - Where's your boss? - I can tell you exactly where- - -
你遲早會告訴我 但首先觀眾請轉移你們的目光 這頭小豬豬要... You'll tell me. But first, you might wanna look away for this. Now this little piggy went to...
謝謝你 史密斯探員 Thank you, Agent Smith.
的士! Taxi!
上來吧! 今天特別適合兜風 Hop in! Great day for a ride.
我們都知道接下來發生了什麼事情 And we all know how this turned out.
哎呀 不應該讓你們看這個的 Whoops! You weren't meant to see that.
好了 這就對了 There. All caught up.
抱歉 我不小心把血滴在你的垃圾上了 Sorry! About bleeding at all your garbage.
蘇打水和檸檬能去血漬 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
有些情緒是很難控制的 Some kinds of anger can't be managed.
譬如你計畫了很久事 結果遇上了不該出現的人 最後還被截肢了! Like the kind where your year- long plan ends with the wrong guy getting dismembered!
聽說 當你需要療傷時 沒有比家更好的地方了 That said, when it comes time to licking wounds, there's no place like home.
我"家"裡還有一位我剛在洗衣房 And I am sure that "home" is someone you've meet
認識的老女士 老艾 the old blind lady from the lunary, Al
天啊 我真想念我的可卡因! god, I miss cocaine !
就是她! Her !
像是在四面牆裡面打破四面牆 Forth wall break inside of forth wall break.
總共是... 16面牆 That's likes... 16 walls.
她就像是羅賓而我是蝙蝠俠 只是她很老 She is like robin and my batman, expect she is old,
是個黑人 and black,
而且還是瞎子 and blind.
我覺得她已經愛上我了 And I think she is in love with me.
等等 我不太確定羅賓愛的是蝙蝠俠 Wait, pretty sure robin loves batman too?
羅賓和蝙蝠俠都是男的 1997年有一部叫<羅賓與蝙蝠俠>電影
早上好 懶蟲 Morning, sleepyhead.
- 聞著像是老女人的褲子 - 沒錯 我很老 我穿了褲子 - It smells like old lady pants in here. - Yes I'm old, I wear pants.
但是你不是女人 哦 舒服 But you're no lady. Oh, so comfy.
作為盲人 我未見你穿過鱷魚洞洞鞋 Upside of being blind, I've never seen you in crocs.
洞洞鞋有洞 自己想吧
你是說我那雙又大 又軟 的自慰鞋麼? You mean my big, rubber, masturbating shoes?
沒錯 我聽到了 盲人的缺點就是能聽到這間小房子的任何聲音 Yes I know. Downside of being blind, I hear everything in this duplex.
- 我被人幹了 - 雲南白藥? - Sit on a stick. - Bactine?
應該管用 Bactine should do it.
那個庫倫系列的櫥櫃怎麼進來的? 畢竟宜家的貨都不是裝好的 How's that KULLEN coming along? Ikea doesn't assemble itself, you know.
你說呢 我不介意庫倫系列的 它是郝德系列的改良版 You're telling me.I don't mind the Kullen. It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
什麼都比郝德系列強好嗎 Anything's an improvement over the HURDAL.
我寧願買個漢尼斯系列的 或者特呂西爾系列的 也不買郝德... I'd taken an HEMNES or a TRYSIL over the HURDAL.
不 當初我看到庫倫系列的也就沒興奮過 No, I didn't get excited 'till I saw KULLEN.
- 遞一下螺絲刀 謝謝 - 現在? 你開玩笑吧 你都幾十年看不到東西了 - Screw, please. - Here? Now? Just kidding. I know it's been decades.
- 你會驚訝的 - 你就算了吧 - You'd be surprised. - Pretty grossed out.
蹬蹬蹬蹬 Ta- - - - - - da...
看來我需要58同城了 I wish I never heard, of Craigslist.
你是想去登個廣告: "求瞎子室友一枚 要求熟悉"手活" " And I quote, "Looking for roommate, blind, and likes imperfections. Must be good with hands."
還是我來負責安裝傢俱你來付房租? Or would you rather I build the Ikea and you pay rent?
- 你今天怎麼這麼混蛋 - 我們來回顧一下: - Why such a douche this morning? - Let's recap:
今天早上 那個把我變成這樣的那個雞巴從我手裡溜走了 The cock- fizzle that turned me into this freak slipped through my arms today.
溜走了 Arm.
只有抓住了他 我才能回到我那性感女友身旁 Catching him was my only chance to be hot again
而且防止這樣的事情發生在別人身上 get my super - sexy ex back and prevent this from happening to someone else.
所以說 沒錯 今天我像拿了砂紙擼管一樣爽 So yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
#放屁經過 #drive- by.
我知道我們這位紅衣大俠是誰了 Found out who our friend in the red suit is.
他媽的韋德•威爾森 如果我也長那樣 我也要戴個面具 Fucking Wade Wilson. Suppose I'd wear a mask, too, if I had a face like that.
我只希望我能治好他 I only wish I'd heal the same.
但是 我們還得用老方法 讓他嘗嘗苦頭 Still, we'll put him out of our misery. On our terms.
- 好吧 什麼時候治療他 - 沒辦法了 如果當初他沒跑就好了 - Right. And when he heals? - He can't. Not if there's nothing left of him to heal.
你知道嗎 我都他媽的快忘了這個傻逼了 You know, it's funny. I almost missed the fucker.
雖然我喜歡挑戰 但是這對生意不好 趕快找到他 I like a challenge. But he's bad for business. Now let's go find him.
- 來點撲熱息痛? - 你給我噴的雲那白藥還在上面呢 - Tylenol PM? - It sticks back where you stuck the Bactine.
我的腦袋現在還在圍著那他媽的土星轉呢 I raided my stash of wisdom just to take a sec and I am orbiting fucking Saturn right now.
但是感謝你的關心 But I appreciate the gesture.
是我瘋了 還是你的手真的這麼小? Am I crazy? Or is your hand really small?
跟肯德基的勺子一個尺寸 About the size of a KFC spork.
我知道你為什那麼生氣 I get why you're so pissy
但是你不和她說明白發生了什麼事 你的心情就不會好起來 but your mood's never gonna brighten 'till you find this woman and tell her how you feel.
我不告訴她的原因就是因為她不可能接受我的 What do I keep telling you, Mrs. McGoo? She wouldn't have me.
如果你能看見我的樣子 你會懂我的意思的 If you could see me, you'd understand.
- 外表不代表一切啊 ! - 外表就是一切! 你沒聽過貝克漢姆說話嗎? - Looks aren't everything. - Looks are everything! Ever heard David Beckham speak?
他說話就像跟和氦氣口交一樣 It's like he mouth- sexed a can of helium.
你以為他能和瑞恩•雷諾茲走在一起是靠演技的嗎? You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
瑞恩•雷諾茲 飾演 死侍
- 愛會使人盲目 韋德 - 不... - Love is blind, Wade. - No...
你是盲目的 You're blind.
也可以是"你是瞎的"的意思
所以說你就準備賴在這裡繼續唧唧歪歪的咯? So you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
不 我準備等我這只小手度過了它的青春期 No, I'm gonna wait 'till this arm plows through puberty
然後再制定一個全新的耶誕節行動計畫 and then I'll come up with a whole, new Christmas day plan.
與此同時 你也許會想要離開這間房子 In the meantime, you might wanna leave the room.
我猜用我的小手摸你的胸一定感覺很大 I bet it feels huge in this hand.
走 走 快走吧 .. Go, go, go, go, go...
那個醫生說:"壞消息是你活不久了" So the doctor says, the bad news is you don't have that long to live.
所以那個病人就問他還能活多久? So the patient says, how long do I have?
醫生說 五 那人問 五什麼? The doctor says, five. The guys says, five what?
醫生接著說 四 三 二... The doctor says, 4, 3, 2...
女士們 有什麼能幫到你? Can I help you ladies?
哦 當然了 Oh, I do hope so.
聽說你能告訴我我的一個朋友在哪裡 Now, I heard you might be able to point me in the direction of a, a friend of mine.
他叫韋德•威爾森 Name of Wade Wilson.
抱歉 沒聽過這個人 Sorry, I don't know the name.
嘿 你不能進吧台裡面的 Hey, you're not supposed to be behind the bar.
- 我見過這個女的 - 想必這就是溫妮薩 我聽說過很多有關她的事 - I've seen this girl. - This must be Vanessa. I've heard so much about you.
親愛的 你最好看看周圍 這裡不太適合做這樣的事吧 Sweetheart, you might wanna look around. This isn't really the place to do something like that.
放鬆 安琪 放那個小個子下來吧 Easy, Angel. Put the little man down.
- 我們已經找到所有需要的東西了 - 你確定? - We have everything we need now. - You sure?
你不想來件好看點的衣服? You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic?
希望你享受《刀鋒戰士II》的午夜秀 There's a midnight showing of Blade II.
諷刺他穿的大衣
謝謝你們剛才幫我 夥計們 Thanks for having my back, guys.
韋德 我們他媽的有麻煩了 我們指的是你 你有麻煩了 Wade, we have a fucking problem, and by we, I mean you.
我不敢相信要這樣去見她 I can't believe we're doing this.
有沒有什麼詞能形容一半害怕 一半生氣? Is there a word for half- afraid, half- angry?
也許"害氣"可以吧 你準備好見面要和她說什麼了嗎? "Afrangry", I guess. Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
- 我操! - 這樣說不太好吧 - Fuck me! - Maybe not start with that.
嘿 都到舞池邊來 別害羞 都放開了玩吧! Hey, coming on to our stage right now, give it up for Chastity!
要不像我以前一樣打電話找她吧 開個玩笑 Or as I like to call her, Irony.
得快點找到她 以免那個傻逼先下手了 I gotta find her fast, before numb nuts does.
- 你怎麼知道她在這裡? - 這裡有一些她去哪就跟到哪的客人 - How do you know she's in here? - Some customer stalking that fox.
每一次見她 都宛如"初次" Every time I see her, it's like the first time.
特別是從這個角度 Especially from this angle.
雖然錢不能買到愛情 但是可以租個三分鐘 You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes.
你這個弱雞! You weak motherfucker!
振作起來 不為你自己 為了溫妮莎 C'mon. Get it together, this isn't about you, this is about Vanessa.
要上了 Here we go.
最大努力 Maximum effort.
溫妮莎! Vanessa!
有人在後門外找你 關於...一個舊男友的事 Someone out back asking for you. Something about... an old boyfriend?
我就知道是你 因為我們就像契合的拼板 I knew it was you. 'Cause we're weird curvy edges.
能組成一幅拼圖 Like a jigsaw puzzle.
韋德·威爾森 聽到你這話一定會很感激 You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
- 嘿 她去哪了? - 我看見她往後面走了 去找她吧 猛男 - Hey, where did she go? - I saw her head to the back. Go get her, tiger.
Go get her, tiger 蜘蛛俠電影經典臺詞
我去年買了個表! Motherfucker!
- 韋德 韋德... - 登山包 - Wade, Wade, Wade, Wade... - Cunt! Chocolate- - -
- 超耐磨! - 我們商量商量... 算了你直接打吧... - Jiminy- - - - Fuck! Fuck! - We can talk... or you can hit that...
- 喔! 喔! - 放鬆 放鬆一點 好吧... - Whoa! Whoa! - Relax, relax. Okay...
幹他娘的 找到它 不然我發起火來連自己都害怕 I'm gonna rip his motherfucking- - find that, find it, or I'm gonna get angry.
看 是溫妮莎 不 等等 是 弗蘭西斯 Here, this is Vanessa. No, wait, it's Francis.
- 他想讓你去見他 - 那是什麼? - He wants you to come to him. - What is that?
那是屎的表情 一坨有笑臉的便便 That's the shit emoji. It's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes.
我一直以來都以為是巧克力優酪乳來著 I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
- 我需要槍 - 好 哪一把? - I need guns. - Okay, which ones?
- 我要所有的槍! - 好吧 - I need all the guns! - All right, okay.
- 差不多有三千發彈藥 - 你我都知道12發就夠了 - That's about 3000 rounds. - And we all know what I can do with 12.
注：Ronnie Milsap 羅尼·米薩普 美國鄉村音樂的傳奇, 自幼雙目失明
嘿 小心點 音樂大師 我們這試射呢 Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap, we're downrange.
我原本打算花整晚去裝那個茶几的 但是貌似你這裡更有趣 I was gonna spend the night assembling the Borje but this is holding my interest.
- 我告訴過你的 我們要電視櫃 - I told you, we're going with the Urvaj,
不要茶几 聽懂沒有 沒懂就給我滾出去! - 該死 not the Borje, get it thru your head or get outta Fucktown! - Shit.
- 屋裡所有傢伙都在這了 - 等等 別開玩笑 都交出來吧 - That's all the pieces in the house. - No, no, no, come on. Let's go. Cough it up.
- 交出來 - 去你的 - Down, down, down, down. - Fuck you.
是0.25口徑 不錯我喜歡 25 cal. I like it.
韋德... Wade...
我願意和你一起去 但是... 我並不想去 I'd go with you, but... I don't wanna.
哦 聽我說 老艾... Oh, listen, Al...
如果我再也看不到你 我想讓你知道我很愛你 If I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much.
還有 這公寓裡埋了116公斤可卡因 And also, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine buried somewhere in the apartment
專治失明 right next to the cure for blindness.
祝你好運 Good luck.
要不要找找看? You wanna get fucked up?
放她在那裡坐下 Put her down over here.
繼續 Go on, then.
- 謝謝你 木有JJ的人~我說的是你 - 你也是個話嘮 和韋德一樣 - Thanks, dickless. And I mean you. - You're a talker, too. You and Wade.
我說過你們這幫混蛋找錯人了 我前男友已經死了 I've been trying to tell you assholes you got the wrong girl. My old boyfriend, he's dead.
我也以為是這樣 但他總是找回來 就像個蟑螂 只是更醜了 See, I thought that, too. But he keeps on coming back. Like a cockroach, but uglier.
現在我可能感覺不到 但他能 讓我們拭目以待 你命懸一線看他還怎麼打 Now, I may not feel, but he does. Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.
- 你是《異形3》裡的雷普利! - 丟雷樓某 你真老土 - Ripley! From Alien 3! - Fuck, you're old.
注：Silver balls 銀球是電影五十度灰裡一種 形如O- - O- - 的十分正(bian)常(tai)的女士玩具
- 開玩笑! 別虧待自己了! 多搞幾個銀球吧! - 你這是要去吃飯?早餐特惠? - Fake laugh! Hiding real pain! Go get Silver balls. - You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
說的好像下午吃飯或者吃飯打折 有什麼問題一樣 非也 Like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money. No.
你知道嗎? 你們放走的那個壞蛋 他搶走了我女票 You know that bad guy that you let go? He's got my girl.
- 你們必須幫我把她救回來 - 韋德? 是你嗎? - You're gonna help me get her back. - Wade? Is that you?
是我 死侍 我有個不情之請 Yeah, it's me Deadpool, and I got an offer that you can't refuse!
我就在這等了 這大房子! I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house!
搞笑的是我只看見你們倆 就好像製片方沒錢再請一個X戰警一樣 It's funny that I only ever see 2 of you. It s almost like, the studio couldn't afford another X- Man.
我一直覺得電影《魔繭》是純粹的愛情動作文藝片 And that, is why in my opinion, the movie Cocoon, is pure pornography.
- 這個閃閃發亮的人是誰啊? - 閃亮且致命 - Who brought this twinkly man? - Twinkly, but deadly.
坐在後面是我的鐵JJ朋友 他同意幫我變硬 My chrome- penised friend back there, has agreed to do me this solid.
作為交換 我會考慮加入他的男子樂團 In exchange, I said I would consider joining his boy band.
- 這不是什麼男子樂團 - 你開心就好 - It's not boy band. - Sure, it's not.
那麼 有信心贏回吉塔的芳心嗎? - So, any luck winning Gita back?
我試過了 死侍先生 但班度比我狡猾比我帥氣 I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool, but Bandu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
我覺得你比較聰明 Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
- 杜皮特? - 嗯? - Dopinder? - Hmm?
- 什麼情況? - 那是...班度 在後備箱裡 - What was that? - That was........ Bandu, in the trunk?
- 班~誰? - 我的魔幻愛情競爭對手 班度 - Ban- who? - My romantic rival, Bandu.
他被我綁在後備箱裡 如你所言 死侍先生 He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, DP,
我計畫像碳烤魚一樣剖開他 把他扔在吉塔的門前 I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
我沒有那樣說過! 絕對沒有! 我們交流有點障礙 I did not tell him to do that! Absolutely not! We got lost in translation!
杜皮特 這樣可贏不了吉塔的芳心! (我真為你驕傲) Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back! (I'm so proud of you.)
溫柔地把班度安全放下 (殺了他) Drop Bandu off safe and gentle- like. (Kill him.)
然後 以最古老的方式 用你的男孩真情打動她! (綁架她) And then, win Gita back the old- fashioned way, with your boyish charm! (Kidnap her.)
他死定了 He's super dead.
- 是不是要來個5連擊? - 為了你? 10連擊! - I presume a crisp high- five? - For you? Ten!
好吧 夥計們 我們下車大幹一場吧! (你知道該怎麼做了吧) Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference! (You know what to do.)
幹掉他們 帥小夥! Knock 'em dead, pool boy!
好想來個恰米強克捲 Time to make the chimi- fucking- changas.
一般人做不到這樣: 幫你毀容 滅你心智 搶走你的孩子他媽 你有10次倒楣他有8次沾光 Not often a dude ruins your face, skullstomps your sanity, grabs your baby mama and personally sees thru 4 of your 5 shittiest moments.
有點開始像耶誕節了 Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
♪ X gon' give it to ya ♪
♪ Fuck wait for you to get it on your own ♪
♪ X gon' deliver to ya ♪
♪ Knock knock, open up the door, it's real ♪
♪ Wit the non-stop, pop, pop and stainless steel ♪
♪ Go hard getting busy wit it ♪
♪ But I got such a good heart ♪
你的彈藥包呢? Hey, where's your duffel bag?
班度!!! 你還好嗎 Bandu!
日了狗了! 好吧 以最古老的方式 用兩把劍... Goddammit! We'll do this the old- fashioned way. With two swords..
以及最大努力 ... and maximum effort.
音樂繼續 Cue the music.
♪ I'm a wolf in sheep clothing ♪
♪ Only nigga that you know who can chill ♪
♪ Come back and get the streets open ♪
♪ I've been doing this for nineteen years ♪
♪ Niggas wanna fight me? Fight these tears ♪
韋德·威爾森 Wade Wilson!
- 我的名字是? - 唔 要我教他怎麼拼嗎 - What's my name? - Ooh, I'mma fucking spell it out for 'ya.
- 看你發揮了 - 超級英雄登陸 她要登陸了 快看! - Go get some. - Superhero landing. She's gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it!
超級英雄登陸! 請獻出你的膝蓋 真誇張 他們城會玩 Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees. Totally impractical, they all do it.
你是個可愛的女人 但我要跟 弗蘭西斯打 所以他是你的了 You're a lovely lady but I'm saving myself for Francis. That's why I brought him.
我不喜歡打女人 所以請你—— I'd prefer not to hit a woman, so please- - - -
我是說 她是你的了? I mean, that's why I brought her?
不會吧 趕緊寫完微博 對面等我們一下 去吧 分享你的話題 Oh no. Finish your tweet. Just give us a second. Here you go. Hash tag it.
搞定她 猛女 Go get her, tiger.
不知道畢業舞會上哪個倒楣鬼上了她 I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
好吧 開火! Alright then. Fire!
幹死她! Finish fucking her the fuck off!
- 注意措辭! - 吹喇叭! - Language, please. - Suck a cock!
少兒不宜 孩子 看旁邊! Look away, child. Look away!
- 等一下! - 停火! - Wait! Wait! - Cease fire! Cease fire!
小夥子們 嘿 你們替那個蠢蛋幹活 Fellas, hey, you only work for that shit- spackled Muppet fart.
我給你們一個機會 放下你們的武器 So, I'mma give you a chance for y'all to lay down your firearms
作為交換 我們會給你們優先的 溫柔的 in exchange for preferential, bordering on gentle, possibly...
近乎愛一般的治療 ... even lover- like treatment.
好吧 突破! Fine! Commando!
T-bag 指一個男人把他的睾丸放在另外一個男人/女人的嘴裡
嘗嘗我的茶包 T-bag!
- 鮑伯? - 韋德? - Bob? - Wade?
- 天哪 上次見到你還是在星期五餐廳 - 傑克遜維爾市 星期五餐廳 - Oh my God, I haven't seen you since, TGIFridays! - Jacksonville. Fridays.
天哪! 你竟然來這了 What the hell! God! Come here, you.
那些孩子們還好嗎? 蓋爾呢? 她還在整那金槍魚砂鍋嗎? 不錯 但是... How are the kids? Good? And Gail, is she still fixing that tuna casserole? It's so good, but bad for...
- 你的...左邊的...你很漂亮... - 你真體貼! 謝謝! - Your... on the left... You are beautiful... - That is so sweet! Thanks!
地上的人拼成弗蘭西斯字樣
他有沒有給你寫過小紙條? 如此浪漫 Does he write you notes, too? He's such a romantic.
別擔心寶貝 我來了 Don't worry, baby. I'm coming.
開火! Fire!
嘿! 從這上去 Hey! Climb on.
這該死的傢伙應該穿棕色爛褲子 Motherfucker shoulda worn his brown pants.
- 你說的對 美女 紅色是我的顏色 - 韋德? - You were right, beautiful. Red really is my color. - Wade?
別擔心寶貝 我馬上救你出來 Don't worry, baby. I'mma get you outta that shitbox.
不如你爬回來 這是專為你設置的 - 噢 這你都沒丟下 - What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours. - Oh, you never left.
- 但你丟下我了 混蛋 - 深呼吸 親愛的 - But you did, asshole! - Deep breath, darling.
不等了... 聽你們說話真讓人不爽 No wait.... Wrong choice of words.
我希望你的每條末梢神經都感覺不到疼痛 我馬上就來檢查! Well I hope they've blocked pain to your every last nerve. 'Cause I'mma go looking!
我聽說你能長出身體零部件了 韋德 當我完事後 我看剩個什麼能長出你? I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade. When I'm finished, what's left to grow back you?
說的真好... 不錯 說的好聽 Good one.... Yup. That was a good one.
我們來跳個舞吧 跳舞的意思是殺不死你信不信 Let's dance. And by "dance", I mean let's try to kill each other.
- 好拳法 - 你上週六晚上也是這麼說的嗎 - Fine. Fists. - Sounds like your last Saturday night.
♪ You know our love was meant to be ♪
♪ The kind of love to last forever ♪
♪ And I want you here with me ♪
♪ From tonight until the end of time ♪
♪ You should know♪
混蛋! Asshole!
♪everywhere I go ♪
♪ Always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul ♪
♪ Baby, you're the meaning in my life ♪
♪ You're the inspiration ♪
♪ Wanna have you near me ♪
♪ I wanna have you hear me saying ♪
♪ No one needs you more than I need you ♪
♪ needs you more than I... ♪
- 堅持住寶貝 抓到你了 - 韋德! - Hang in there, baby. I got you. - Wade!
我有個計畫 你可能不會喜歡 I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
完了完了 Shit, shit, shit!
別擔心 我很擅於應對這種情況 Don't worry! I'm totally on top of this.
該死! 全力以赴啦! Dammit! Maximum effort!
謝謝 Thanks.
慢點別急 Just take it slow.
天啊! 真是神奇—— Oh, my God! That was so awe- - -
- 我和你 要對這黃油臉做個了斷! - 什麼? - Me and you, are headed to fix this butter face! - What?
你真是個傻逼 You sure are a fucking idiot.
你以為你還有的救嗎? Did you really think there was a cure, for that?
- 什麼? - 你聽到我說的了 - What? - You heard me.
不! No, no!
所以 你是說 搞了半天 你還原不了我的臉啦? So, you mean to say... After all this, you can't fix me?
你說這話的口吻更傻逼 It sounds even stupider when you say it.
傻逼到這種程度: 我留他小命的唯一理由他還主動放棄? Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?
有遺言嗎? Any last words?
- 我的名字是? - 誰他媽關心! - What's my name? - Who fucking cares!
韋德! Wade!
- 四到五刻 - 你說什麼? - Four or five moments. - I'm sorry?
- 總共只有四到五刻 - 來...? - Four or five moments, that's all it takes. - To...?
成為一個英雄 Be a hero.
許多人以為這是個全職工作 一覺醒來就是英雄 Everyone thinks it's a full- time job. Wake up a hero.
刷牙的時候還是英雄 去上班還是英雄 並非如此 Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true.
人的一生當中 只有四到五個真正重要的時刻 Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter.
就是當你面臨抉擇的時刻 Moments when you're offered a choice.
犧牲小我 克服缺點 拯救朋友... To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend...
...寬恕敵人 ... spare an enemy.
此時此刻 世間萬物為之黯然褪色 In these moments, everything else falls away.
世界見證著我們 我們... The way the world sees us. The way we- - -
為什麼? Why?
你說話根本停不下來! You were droning on!
好吧 我確實長的像個義大利烤腸麵包 Sure, I may be stuck with a what like pepperoni flatbread
但醜八怪不會因為你說的好聽就治癒了 but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
我會穿上超級英雄緊身裝 像個深井冰一樣 I could wear Superhero tights and spare a psychopath,
但你以為我想穿啊 but maybe I wasn't meant to wear them
不是每個人都像你一樣 型男 Not everyone modern has a hall like you.
- 答應我 - 好吧好吧 - Just promise. - Yeah yeah,
我會注意另外四個重要時刻 操蛋的人生! I'll be on the lookout for the next 4 moments. Shit!
現在 給我一點私人時間 Now, if you'll excuse me,
作為一個男孩 I'm just a boy,
將要站在女孩面前告訴她... about to stand in front of a girl and tell her...
- 我怎麼跟她解釋? - 你最好快點想 - What the fuck am I gonna tell her? - Well, you better figure it out.
你知道嗎... 打得好... 這也是... 不不不 下麵不行 I can't even tell you... I deserve that... that too.. No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
說啊! Start talking!
對不起 對不起 這一切 我的離開對不起你 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for leaving,
- 對不起我沒有早一點挑戰生死線... 這幾年我過的很艱難 - 艱難? - I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner... It's been a rough couple of years. - Rough?
我住在一個毒品交易所 和一個12人的家庭住在一起... I live in a crackhouse. With a family of 12...
每晚我們抱團取暖 每個人為諾艾爾賣命 她就是最胖的那個 Every night we spoon for warmth, everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest.
沒有什麼不是共用的 地板空間 牙線 甚至避孕套 There is nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
所以你住在房子裡? So you live in a house?
我該早點來找你的 I should've come and found you sooner.
但是這個面具下的一切 和你記憶中的相去甚遠 But everything under this mask, he ain't the same one you remember.
你做了這個面具? You made this mask?
還有一個 防止另一個掉了 And this one. In case the other fell off.
哇奧 像個創可貼一樣 輕... 奧- 迪5000 等等 Like a band- aid. Just... Audi 5000. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
你確定要看嗎? Are you sure?
我確定 I'm sure.
- 哇奧 - 是的 - Wow. - Yeah.
經過簡單調養 再來一紮飲料 After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of drinks..
這張臉... It's a face...
我會很樂意坐上去 I'd be happy to sit on.
這套衣服下面也不一樣了 超級大JJ But I'm not the same underneath this suit either. Super- penis.
咳咳 韋德 注意措辭 還有未成年人在場 Come on, Wade, language. Young one is present.
你們還在這裡幹什麼 去吧 去幹活去 What are you still doing - - - - Get outta here, go make yourself useful.
你 去當真正的大哥大去 告訴野獸們不要在我草坪上拉屎 You, go be a really big brother to someone. Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn.
還有你 雞肉面 《你無可替代》希妮德·奧康娜 1990年發行 抱歉 And you, chicken noodle. Nothing Compares 2 U. Sinead O'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
- 這還差不多 你很酷 - 什麼鬼? - That's all right. You're cool. - What in the ass?
- 剛才不是認真的! 我為你驕傲! - 你正式加入我們X戰警了 韋德 - That was not mean! I'm proud of you! - We will make an X- Man of you yet, Wade.
有那麼一秒鐘 我以為我們3個迷你戰神金剛要合併成一個超大金剛 You know, for a second there, it felt like we were 3 mini lion robots coming together to form one super robot.
- 這種想法蠢透了 - 是的 - This was stupid. - Yeah.
終於等到這一刻了 And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
來吧 Come here.
威猛樂隊! 我承諾過的 WHAM! As promised.
看到沒? 找女朋友不需要變成一個超級英雄 See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl.
遇到對的人會喚起你內心的英雄 The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
現在 看完這段史詩般的廣角 拔腿起身 慢走... 看起來不錯 這不是今晚唯一要拔出的東西 Now, let's finish this epic wide shot, pull out, here we go... Looks nice, not gonna be the only thing that's pulling out tonight.
誰不喜歡圓滿結局 是吧? Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh?
下一次 你的好鄰居死侍在唱... Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood Pool guy singing...
♪ I'm never gonna dance again ♪ 我已經不能再跳舞
♪ The way I dance with you, oh ♪ 以不去重溫與你走過的舞步
♪The way without you♪ 不能與你重溫舞步
♪Tonight the music seems so loud♪ 今晚的音樂看似過於喧囂
♪I wish that we could lose this crowd♪ 但願我們能避開人群
♪Maybe it's better this way♪ 也許這樣會比較好
♪We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say♪ 我們可以用真心話來傷害彼此
♪We could have been so good together♪ 我們本該是令人羡慕的一對
♪We could have lived this dance forever♪ 我們本該讓這曲共舞永無終結
♪But now who's gonna dance with me♪ 但現在也沒人原意與我共舞
♪Please stay♪ 留下來好嗎
♪I'm never gonna dance again♪ 我再也不跳舞了
♪Guilty feet have got no rhythm♪ 充滿罪惡的雙腳抓不住節奏
♪Though it's easy to pretend♪ 雖然偽裝很容易
♪I know you're not a fool♪ 但我知道你也並非傻瓜
♪I should have known better than to cheat a friend♪ 早知不該欺騙朋友
♪And waste a chance that I'd been given♪ 也浪費了被賜予的大好機會
♪So I'm never gonna dance again♪ 所以我不再跳舞了
♪The way I danced with you♪ 不能再如往日一般與你共舞
♪Now that you're gone♪ 如今 你已離我而去
♪I did so wrong So wrong♪ 我犯下的錯真的如此深重嗎
♪that you had to leave me alone♪ 令你離我而去 只留下我孤身一人
你還在 You're still here.
放完了! 回家去吧! It's over! Go home!
哦 你還在期待《死侍2》的預告片 好吧 我們預算不夠啊 Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money.
你在期待誰 薩繆爾·傑克遜亮相? 眼罩? 葷段子? 快走吧 What were you expecting, Sam Jackson'll show up? Eye patch? Saucy leather? Go, go.
薩繆爾·傑克遜 飾演神盾局局長 帶著個眼罩
本片的製作和發行有超過13000位工作者進行了辛勤的付出 總計花費超過數十萬個小時
哦 但是我能告訴你一點小秘密 Oh! But I can tell you one thing and it's a bit of a secret.
電索 死侍的好朋友
續集裡 電索將會登場 In the sequel, we're gonna have Cable.
能力出眾 生化手臂 時光旅行 我們還沒決定誰來演 Amazing character. Bionic arm, time- travel. We have no idea who to cast yet,
只要是個平頭壯漢就行 but it could be anybody. Just take a big guy with a flat top.
可以是梅爾·吉布森 道夫·龍格爾 凱拉·奈特利 她好像有檔期了 誰知道呢 反正 是個迷 Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley. She's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret.
記得不要亂丟垃圾哦 鄙視這種行為 回去吧 And don't leave your garbage rotting around. It's a total dick move. Go.